Monthly Archives: July 2016

Friends & Music

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Mountain Dulcimer

Mountain Dulcimer

Do you know what a mountain dulcimer is? I didn’t know what one was, until the day I walked into a gift shop and the owner was playing one. I fell in love with it. He told me that if I bought it and could not learn to play one tune, I could bring it back and my money would be returned. I took it home, learned to play Twinkle Little Star, and I kept this beautiful instrument.

Little did I know that chance encounter would change the direction of my world. I was in my 20’s, just graduated from nursing school and was looking for adventure. Every two to three years I would move to a new area of the country, get a job and explore the place I temporarily called home. I took that dulcimer with me every time I moved.

I lived in Durango Colorado for almost two years. Fort Lewis College, the four year school in town, offered a semester in, yep you guessed it, the Appalachian Mountain Dulcimer. I took the semester and learned to play reasonably well. Our teacher had the class perform at different events. It was fun. I made new friends and was introduced to folk music and dancing of all kinds.

During this semester we had a guest teacher come for a few days and help us improve on our skills. I was rather shy about playing in front of someone who could play so well. I would sit off to the side and play very quietly. Every time Neal, the teacher would come close I would stop playing. I don’t remember exactly what happened but he gave me a 6 string dulcimer to “try out”. What I remembered later is that the six string instrument was louder and he no longer needed to come too close when I played.

Enter the second dulcimer in my life. I now have a three string traditional dulcimer, made by Clifford Glen in Boone, North Carolina and I have a six string made by Blue Lion from California.
Even more important than the instruments, Neal Hellman, the dulcimer teacher became my friend.

Neal and I have been friends since the early 1980’s. We never lived close but we traveled in the same circles. He taught at music festivals and I attended them. The two of us would catch up over dinner or if time was fleeting I always took time to sit behind his sale table, and find out what was the latest happenings with my friend. I always enjoyed our encounters. E-mail also helped us stay in touch.

Neal and I are not too much alike. I think that may be what makes me like him. He is the only person I know who is able to make a full time business out of music. He plays, he records, he produces for other musicians and he sells a wonderful selection of music. He is the owner of Gourd Music. (click on the link to see his web site). He is funny and smart and fun to be around. He is a kind soul.

When he is on stage or teaching he is gregarious and entertaining. He makes everyone feel like they are the best musician in the room.

Over the years we stopped communicating. There is no reason for this, it is what sometimes happens with friends. Our lives move in different directions. Yet even though that happens, when friends get together again it is like we just saw each other yesterday.

Neal & janet

Neal & janet

Neal lives in Santa Cruz. Three days ago I reconnected with Neal. We visited, rode our bikes to Wilder Beach State Park, had dinner and watched the DNC that evening. I camped in his driveway. It was a great moment on this trip. I love seeing my friends. I especially loved seeing Neal after all these years. I have no idea why friendships happen and it really is not important to know, but I am certainly glad that he and I became friends. I am glad we remain friends still.

Friends support each other. I think they can bring out the best in each other. We can laugh together, share sorrow together and grow together and just have fun together. A lot has happened in both of our lives and I am glad we have had time to catch up. I am glad he is my friend.

Neal sitting on his deck in the Redwoods.

Neal sitting on his deck in the Redwoods.

And…You should see his yard. He has three redwoods in the yard. I am kind of enthralled by these trees.

Since this post I have been meandering up Route 1. When everything east of here is pretty darn hot I don’t mind being along the coast, in the redwoods and it maybe is 70 degrees. I am now camping near Crescent City, CA. It is near the Oregon border. Tonight I am meeting up with another good friend. No more solo camping for me, for a while. A new adventure is about to unfold.

Today I am thankful for friends, new and familiar. I am so glad Neal and I connected once again.

On the Move

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IMG_3342Last Tuesday I started driving Miss Elsie and myself northward. I did not get far. I received an invitation from other Roadtrekers to visit them in their beautiful home in Camarillo, west of Los Angeles. I could not have had nicer hosts and now friends.

I did not stay in my RT. Miss El and I had a very nice suite within their home. Elsie really liked the door than opened to the back yard. She thought that was pretty cool and was always ready to get hooked up to her leash so she could explore. Of course, she could only do that when I was around as coyotes and hawks live in the neighborhood.

IMG_3359In the three days I was there I had an opportunity to explore, on my bike and with Jeff and MJ. Since I have lived in southern CA, it has never ceased to amaze me that I can find wild open spaces in a land lived by so many people. I biked one morning into Hill Canyon, a beautiful reserve between Camarillo and Thousand Oaks. What a delightful way to spend a morning.

Jeff and MJ also took me to the beach one evening. We sat in their Roadtrek and enjoyed a delightful dinner while watching the sunset and the birds play in the surf.

Life is certainly changing for me. It takes some getting used to and that will take time. It is OK for me to give myself the time to adjust. In the meantime it is good to explore what is out there in the world.

Here is a list of things I need to remember in my new chose lifestyle.

  • I do not need to be a tourist 100% of the time.
  • Remember to pay the bills.
  • Remember to check my e-mail.
  • It is OK to stay in one place for more than a day, in fact it may be preferable, especially on a summer weekend.
  • Do not think you can just drive to the Big Sur Coast and get a campsite on a weekend in the summer. It is not going to happen!
  • Pay attention to the news, at least a little. There is still a wildfire burning in the rugged hills east of the drive up the coast. There had been talk of closing Route 1. It might be good to know this information.
  • Always make sure Elsie is taken care of first. After all, she is the princess. On a more serious note, I want her to be comfortable so she doesn’t overheat.
  • It is OK to sit down with a good book and relax.

IMG_1476I feel so honored each time I am invited into someone’s home and life. I have discover delightful people with many varied stories to tell. I find it so interesting to share our life stories. Sometime I find I have more in common than I know and other times, I find I am just fascinated by the stories they have to tell. Life is an adventure.

I am in Monterey now. I finally found a campsite at Laguna Seca. And I am staying here until Sunday when everyone heads back into the city. It is an interesting place. Down the hill to one side is a gun shooting range. Over the hill on the other side is Mazda Raceway Laguna Seca. This morning I hear gun shots on one side and cars racing on the other. I am definitely going to take a walk over to the raceway and check it out. This area sits in the hills east of Monterey. It is so nice a quiet at night and busy during the day.

After a few more posts I may be dropping the link to Facebook and LinkedIn. If you want to continue to follow my blog there is an easy way to do that. If you go to my blog https://journeysofthankfulness.com and click on “Follow my Blog” it will ask you for your e-mail address. Each time I post, you will receive an e-mail. I am considering this option for several reasons. One of the major factors is security. I will alert you before I take this step.

There are some interesting things on the left side of the page.

  • Check out the Go Fund Me link. This shares information about The James Fenningham Scholarship.
  • There is a Book Recommendations link. I added that after so people came up with their favorite book suggestions. Some of the books are my recommendation and others are from people, like you, who submitted them in one post.
  • The Favorite Website link, with one click on the website and it will take you to the appropriate web site. keep an eye on these as I will be updating this at intervals.
  • Click on Photos and it will take you to my Shutterfly and you can see the latest photos.

Well it is time to adventure on. I need to check out the car noises. Off to explore.

 

 

Making a Difference

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After my garage sale was over, I posted a few remaining items, for free, on Craigslist. The first response I got was from Barbara. She was interested in a set of shop lights I had advertised. In her e-mail she said that she was looking for as many items as she could find. In the fall the VFW in Lakeside, CA is having a rummage sale and Barbara is in charge. The VFW hall is in need of handicapped bathroom facility and the money from the rummage sale is going to this cause. Make-a-Difference-Motivational-Poster-10

I immediately e-mailed her back and told her she might have struck the “Mother Load”.  I told her I had many things left over from the garage sale and They were her’s for the taking. Later that day we met in the driveway of my home. When I opened the garage door, her eyes lit up. Barbara told me that they had been having trouble getting people to donate and she couldn’t thank me enough for the donation. Three loads later they were done.

I received an e-mail from her shortly after. In this e-mail she told me that when others noticed the generosity of my donation, they started to donate as well. Now they have so many items for this rummage sale, they have rented a storage locker.

I have been thinking often about this small event in my life. Have you ever heard the comment “one person can make a difference”? Whenever I think about the garage sale and Barbara’s comment I remember the above phrase. In that moment maybe, just maybe, my donation did make a difference. It made people sit up and notice that someone had donated a lot of “stuff” to this upcoming rummage sale and maybe it was their turn.

When I mentioned Barbara and this upcoming event to Phyllis, a good friend, she has also decided to donate items to this event. Once again by sharing with others, making a difference spreads. If Phyllis shares this with others, then once again her actions can make a difference to the VFW in Lakeside.

I am glad to think I could have made an impact, no matter how small, for a good event. I hope that I can remember this rummage sale and remember that I can make a difference again, in another time and place. It only takes one person. It is good to reach out and donate, time, money, gifts, items and knowledge. It makes me feel good and I certainly felt a bit lighter after everything was gone.

Barbara and her son came back for one more load of items since that first visit to my house. I feel like we got to know each other and we shared a moment of our lives to a good cause.

I hope the rummage sale is a grand success. If I was in town I would certainly attend it. I told Barbara she should have a plaque with her name on it, in one of the handicap stalls. She has decided she wants a chandelier.😀

As I begin to prepare to travel north, I will try and pay a bit more attention  to other opportunities that will make a difference in my life and a difference in others lives. I may never realize the impact on others, yet I can certainly realize the impact on myself and my life.  I hope, that carrying this knowledge will help me walk a bit more gently among others, and that I will be a bit kinder toward myself and continue to reach out to others when the opportunity arises.

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Feeling Displaced

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Ready to Go

I thought, after I sold the house that life would slow down, maybe just a little. I have been busy. I needed to replace latches on my cabinets in my Roadtrek. That required two trips to  Home Depot and a new tool. I then hung a new screen door. Another day and another trip to Home Depot. I am nesting.

I know I have brought too many things but gradually everything is finding a home. I just need to remember where I put it.

It has been an interesting week. The first few days were fine. I was relaxing, catching up on some reading and settling in. By the third day I began to feel emotionally lost and sad. I recognized that what I am feeling is a sense of displacement. I am just over the hill from my former home, yet it seems so far away and it is no longer mine. I have lived in San Diego county for close to thirty years and even though I am still here, I am not sure I live here now. Where the heck did these feelings come from?

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WAITING

I am waiting. Waiting for Yvonne to come home, well I was waiting to sell my car but now that is not going through, waiting for direction, waiting to get started (although I have already started), and just plain waiting. On any given day so many emotions run through me.

I miss Jim. I really don’t miss the house. I miss the symbolism of it. Just like everything else I have experienced in the past 5 years, I have to wait for this time to play out. While I am waiting for the end result I still have to tackle the emotions daily. I try not to be hard on myself. I don’t have much patience for this behavior in myself.

If I think this is a bit hard, now, I can’t imagine what my original plan of selling the house 3 months after Jim died would have been like. In some ways it may have been easier, I was running on a lot of adrenaline at the time. Selling the house may have been easy but the repercussions, I believe would have been more overwhelming.

Today I know that it was time for me to move out of the house. It was time to kick start things and move myself forward. Change is hard, though. Everything takes time. I have not been very good about reaching out to my friends and family in the past several days. I have been kind of wallowing. And all those stubborn traits come into play. “I am an adult, I can handle this.” “My friends must be tired of me whining.” “It has been over three years, Janet. Deal with it.” “Why would my friends want me around if I am moping?” Argh!!!! I keep forgetting that it is OK to ask for help. It is OK to let others know that I cry (still not real comfortable with this one). It is OK not to be perfect. I don’t believe my friends have ever turned away from me. I have been very fortunate.

Just to make sure you know I am not just sitting and wallowing here are some things I have been doing to keep myself busy and having some fun.

  • Walking and exploring a new, very lovely neighborhood.
  • Exploring Harry Griffin Regional Park, about 4 blocks from the house.
  • Riding my bike, same neighborhood, same park.
  • Last night I heard a lovely concert at a concert venue, Folky Monkey. All music by Paul Simon.
  • Tomorrow I help, Nancy hang the kayaks and I am taking my scooter for one last ride.
  • Watching Le Tour de France, I am a very faithful watcher for a number of years now.
  • Going to the library. Reading.
  • Coffeehouses.
  • Spending time in the wonderful back yard at Yvonne’s House.
  • Visiting with Gloria, a boarder at Yvonne’s.
  • Meals with friends.

So I am mucking through change, in all it’s grand and glorious forms. I still have no regrets about selling the house and moving out. It was time and since I can’t quite figure out what is next, well, I think it is time for me and Miss Elsie to go and find out.

I have about a week left here before everything is wrapped up. I am going to try to reach out to my friends a little more while I am here and it would be just fine if my friends reach out to me.

I have fun and unique plans ahead of me. I promise to share more about them as they develop. For now I take it one day at a time and remind myself to go and have a little fun every day, even when I don’t feel like it.

House Sold-Feeling Thankful and Exhausted

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imagesFriday, my house closed. I no longer own a “sticks & bricks” home. Now it is Elsie, me and the Roadtrek. It has been a very hectic and emotionally fraught month. And…it is done. The new owners were already there when I dropped my friend, Phyllis at her car.

The closing on Friday went smoothly, but Thursday night, whoa. As I stood, to get ready for bed, I just sat back down and sobbed. It is not something I do often and it is a bit over whelming when it happens. I felt like I was releasing the whole spring, from the moment I injured my ankle and forward. Although I have not been too focused on the fact that this was Jim’s and my home for 21 years, this certainly is signifying a closing of this chapter in my life.

I have been on a very busy and hectic path, first getting the house ready for sale and then working like crazy this past month after it sold, culminating in today, and the closing of the house. And it is done.

Where am I heading? I am not sure. I will be in San Diego until the third week of the month. I am giving myself time to recover and I am waiting to sell my car. I will be heading towards the northwest and from there, well, it will unfold a bit at a time. In other words, I am not sure. I am taking my time to nest into my new tiny home. Elsie the cat is doing the same.Friends-Text-Design-Facebook-Cover-Photo

I have amazing and wonderful friends. I know I may have expressed this in past posts but at this moment in time, I want to share with you some of my friendships.

Janet & Phyllis on moving day

Janet & Phyllis on moving day

Phyllis, has been amazing. This woman has been helping me with the house and the sale since last February. If she wasn’t there on her own, all I had to do was ask, and she was on her way. When I felt a bit directionless, she came over and helped me organize and move ahead. The day I broke my ankle she met me in the driveway and drove me to the hospital, staying with me until they sent me home. With the help of Dee, another good friend we dismantled the house, so work could be done on it, and then the three of us put it back together again.

The best part of my friendship with Phyllis is that we can get really angry at each other and then become friends again. This type of interaction is often seen in families. I have two sisters and I remember moments with them, similar to the one described above. Phyllis is one more sister, not by blood but by kind. I am glad to have such a selfless person as a friend.

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The beautiful pine

I am currently residing at Yvonne’s house. We work together, as tour guides in San Diego, and she is a friend. While she is off traveling she offered me a corner of her driveway, full hook-up included, for me to camp in my RV. The best part is the use of her home and the most amazing back yard. It has a huge pine tree which is where I am sitting as I write this. Even better is that Elsie is here with me, enjoying her much needed outdoor time. Even though it is warm, the wind is blowing gently and I am loving every minute of it. Somewhere in the distance mariachi music is playing. This is the perfect place for me to have some recovery time.

When I first broke my ankle, Yvonne came to the house, with food and good company. She used to work for Jim at Grossmont College. Now she and I are friends. I appreciate her generosity and support.

UnknownBarbara, well what can I say?  She was my realtor and is still my friend. I appreciate her high tolerance level for anxious moments in her clients lives. She was there every single step of the way, starting in February when the work on the house started. Barbara has continued to be there for me in person, by text, phone and e-mail. She made me feel respected and honored. I appreciate that she gave me the illusion of control. Without her, I would have been lost. I feel like our friendship has deepened through the whole experience of selling my house. We made quite a team. Thank you Barbara.

Me & My Kayak

Me & My Kayak

Nancy is storing my kayaks, and motor scooter. We have been friends for as long as I have lived here. When I asked for her help with these items she never flinched, just said yes and there they went. Sometime before I leave, we will create a pulley system in her garage and hang the kayaks. It will be fun, as many adventures with her are. Even though her life is busy we always seem to find time to spend together and I know I have her full support for the adventure ahead of me.

I could continue, yet hopefully you get the idea. It is important to have good and valued friends. I feel fortunate that there are several in my life, close by and at a distance. As I prepare to travel I will be visiting and spending time with some of my more far-away-friends. Having friends scattered to the 4 winds makes my adventure a bit less daunting. Friends make life more manageable when things are tough and more fun when life is running smoothly. Every day I am thankful for my friends. I am especially thankful for those who have so strongly supported me over the past month and the past three and half years since Jim’s death.