I have been on the Olympic Peninsula for the past several days. At the most Cat and I are moving south in increments of 25-35 miles per day. It is strange to be moving so slowly and it is still something I am getting used to.
Sometimes it feels like time is almost standing still. I feel like I am moving slowly through my day. I have a lot of time to ponder, big issues, small issues, issues in general. More specifically I have time to address my issues. Sigh.
Selling my home was a big step for me. It is one I do not regret. I knew I needed to move from there and it was time. I feel a bit lost. I am certainly hoping for some sort of “Ah-Ha” moment on this trip. I don’t care if it is big or small.
Shortly after Jim’s death, I met a man, who’s partner died over 12 years ago. He had been moving about since that time. He had traveled all over the world, never once returning to the home they shared. It was shut up and waiting. Shortly before I met him, he had returned to their home for the first time. He was honest with me and told me that he had been running from grief, responsibility and more. He had been having fun, experiencing many things in his distant travels. He had been running from his grief.
When I sold my house I wanted to be sure that I was not running from my grief. I wanted to be responsible for my life. Since Jim’s death I wanted to make sure that I was not running from all that had happened in my life. Yet, here I am, wondering if I too, am not running from my grief and my responsibility to figure out what is next. Is it OK to be running from grief? Well maybe a little. Maybe the important part of this whole topic, right now, is to acknowledge and be aware that this is happening. Probably the most important thing is not to be too hard on myself. It is OK to be human and fallible.
Cat and I are getting along well, mostly. I feel we are still negotiating on becoming a team. We work well together. As I have been traveling with her, old issues have surfaced for me. Long standing issues. Long, long standing issues (self worth). It may be why I feel a bit sad and out of sorts today. I am still figuring out life. And some days, well, it kind of sucks. I know better than to wallow for long though and in an hour or so or by tomorrow morning I will pick myself up and feel better and move on.
I am enjoying seeing this part of the world. it is beautiful and different than other places I have been. I love the misty ocean in the mornings and the beautiful clear lakes. The rain forest has been amazing, although not very wet since we have been here. The Big Leaf Maples are often shrouded in moss. Everything speaks of moisture even when not present.
Well, enough wallowing time. I am sitting in a beautiful lodge on Lake Quinault. Tomorrow I think we will leave the Olympic National Park and head south on the 101. it is a long day for Cat, 40 plus miles. Elsie and I will travel with ease early in the day and then set up camp. I will have time, then to explore.
What would help me is to have my family and friends remember me. I am only and e-mail or phone call away. It is because of my huge base of support that I am able to be out there in the world.
Today I am thankful for every single person that I know. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.
Janet, I look forward to your post and am glad I came across your story on Yahoo. When I first began to read your blog my life was very different. I feel as your life has changed, so has mine. I now have a 3 month old baby girl. Change can be scary and exciting at the same time. I feel I have seen so much progress in your life and I give you props. I feel like I know you. This week we are on vacation in Long Beach Island,NJ. You would love it here. Then back to Long Island and back to reality. If you are ever up this way I would love to meet you! Be well and keep strong even when you think you can!
*when you think you can’t
Thank you for sharing your incredible journey. I am so looking forward to your next post.
Love the photos.
I miss you and our conversations! You are right though, you are only an email away! I love your posts….not only do I get an idea of where you are at(both physically and emotionally), your thoughts help me search myself out and “see where I’m at”. Your honesty is a gift to me. I say enjoy your explorations, always be thankful you have the time, health and resources to journey on and in time, you will see and understand what you are suppose to learn. Be gentle with yourself.
I miss you Janet. I was reading through your notes on Boston and it makes me smile. Don’t be hard on yourself. Breathe and let yourself have some fun.
You will always be my dear friend.
Take care – and enjoy the journey. All of us – no matter where we are in our journey – have doubts, questions and wonder if this is the right path. Trust yourself and your decisions, and if at any point you really think – this isn’t the path for me – change it. You are capable of so much than you think you are – just breath and enjoy each day, with or without all the decisions being made today. Life seems to take care of itself and us along with it. Change is difficult at any age or time in our lives – but embrace the possibilities and your health and ability to travel. And if you miss family or friends, drive to visit them.
I enjoy reading your posts. You are really brave to be out traveling on your own. Nice to have met Cat, and happy adventures if you continue on as a team. I am a 23 year breast cancer survivor. I mostly lurk on the Meeting Place, thus I saw your post. (Tomorrow I will be 83 years old.)
I live in the eastern part of the state of Washington. People seldom realize that were are the desert part of the state. We do have hot summers but much milder winters. We love it. We are right on the Columbia river, actually where the Yakima and Snake rivers converge. Lewis and Clarke came this far before they headed to the Ocean.
We are originally from Montana but have lived here since 1960.
I have slowed down a bit this summer as I tore a tendon in my foot and had to have surgery on it. I am just now walking. Not a fun summer.
If you journey this way, would love to meet you. (My husband and I) You could even stop over for a day or so. Oh yes, I live in Richland, WA. Hope to hear from you.