I am beginning my third week of volunteering at Washington State Parks, and my last day is Monday.

It has been an interesting two-plus weeks. I have met many people, Americans, Canadians, Belgians, and others from all over the Americas, Europe, and the Asian Continent. I have enjoyed these moments in time and have had many delightful conversations about their visit to the park, their homes, jobs and joy of being out doors.

I am also exhausted physically and maybe a bit emotionally. I feel like I am peopled out. I work about four hours a day, and by the end of the four hours, I return to my rig, stare at the computer screen, and do nothing.

I am a member of the Sisterhood of Widows Facebook page. It is a private group that is for women who have lost their partners. When I chose to help my friend Tina through the loss of her husband, I was introduced to this group. Below is a recent post that made me stop in my tracks. It struck a strong chord of truth for me.

“Trauma survivors often get in the habit of spending a lot of time alone because alone is Safe—relatively anyway. Alone is controllable. We understand alone. We don’t have to stress about alone. 

People are unpredictable. When we are alone, there is less risk to manage.”

Since my husband’s death, I have spent most of my time alone. I travel to the wild outback countries of the United States, Canada, and more by myself. Since my cat Elsie disappeared in 2019, I have traveled alone. I spend much of my days and evenings by myself, and I am comfortable.

I enjoy rich conversations with people, friends, and strangers in small and intimate doses, and then I return to being alone again. Sometimes, I meet up with friends and camp for several days. I love the company and conversation. Even in these group situations, I have time alone to recover the silence that has been such a part of my life since Jim’s death.

Over the past few years, I have recognized that for my mental health, it is time to enter the world of people. Part of the reason I took this volunteer position was to be more involved in the world of people. When this position appeared, knowing it was a limited-time position, I decided this was a good way to try out the world of people again.

I am sure I will learn many things from this three-week volunteer position. I have learned that I need to manage my dose of people. Being around people for four or more hours a day consistently, day after day, is a bit too much for me. It has physically and emotionally worn me out. I think I will decrease the dose of people after the following Monday.

Don’t get me wrong—I love socializing and having intimate small-group contact. However, the daily dose of humans is a bit too much. It takes a lot of energy to be “on” so frequently. I knew this when I worked as a tour manager, yet I think I have forgotten it, or it has faded into the background of my life.

I will continue to reach out more often to others as I continue this life journey. Hopefully, I can manage to find a good balance between being together with others and spending time alone.

Today, I am thankful for the continuing opportunities for personal growth and meeting so many delightful people in these beautiful state parks in Washington State. I am grateful for my family and friends, who have supported me through the interesting times since Jim’s death. I am grateful for their unconditional love and support. That alone helps me to reach out from my comfort zone.

Today, I am thankful.