Category Archives: Choosing Where and How to Live as I Age

Finding Care Options After Foot Surgery

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Thursday, today I am having surgery on my left foot. I have a condition called Haglund’s Deformity. It showed up in 2020 although I am sure that it was there for a long time before that. It involves a bone spur at the insertion point of the Achilles tendon.

In March of 2020 I stopped Scottish dancing. Sigh. My heels were swollen and sore to walk on. It was the first time in almost fifty years that I have not danced. I have not danced since. Sigh.

I tried several healing modalities. Chiropractics, Myofascial Release, ART, Massage Therapy and more. I had a hand held ultrasound machine that helped the most. All these techniques gave me temporary relief. The spur on my left Achilles tendon and the tendon itself are getting worse. I have grown weary of the pain and so I gave up and am having surgery.

What do I have to anticipate? A full month of no weight bearing. Physical therapy starts a month later and then I slowly progress back to walking and hopefully less and less pain.

What I really wanted to share with you is the process of figuring out how to make this happen. My RV is too small for a long recovery. My birth family lives in Ohio and New Jersey. They are too far away to rely on. What does a solo person in this world do when a situation like this presents itself. Where is Jim when I need him? Sigh.

In the fall of 2025 I began to look at living options.

  • VRBO and other vacation rentals were expensive. I would still be on my own. What if I needed support?
  • I researched Furnished Finder. Again I would be alone without assistance if I needed it.
  • The third choice I explored was respite care in Continuing Care Facilities. I interviewed and toured three of them. The first one would have been great. However, they had nowhere to park an oversized vehicle. The second interview was at a facility that focused on memory care. It was expensive and did not feel right for what I needed. The third facility was perfect. I would have had my own room. Meals would have been covered along with any activities I wanted to participate in. I would have chosen this except a fourth presented itself.
  • And the final and winning choice…After my week exploring the Continuing Care places I had lunch with Drew. Drew is the husband of a good friend of mine. Therese died almost four years ago. When I am in town I have a meal with Drew to catch up. When I told him of my week of exploring facilities he said; “Why don’t you stay here?” A woman from his church stayed while she was recovering from foot surgery. Other people have stay at this lovely home on a canyon in San Diego. I have house sat for them while they traveled. I decided on this option. He said that if Therese were still here, they would also be inviting me to stay.

Tonight I am settled into my home for the next few months. I have my own bed and bath. I have company. Drew even wants to cook for me. My friends are ready to help out if needed. And…I am not alone.

it is interesting to sort through this whole phase of my life. I like most people that are in relationships figure we will have the other to help us out. If only that were true. As I age I will be faced with this dilemma again. So many of us are young minds in aging bodies. I saw my father go through this. He often couldn’t figure out why he couldn’t walk as far, be as active as he once was. It is hard to create a scenario where our body and mind are at the same age.

This event in my life helps me to understand why people choose to move into 55 and up communities. Some opt for Continuing Care facilities. Others consider a Co-housing situation. When you move into this scenario there is someone to help out. There is someone who will knock on the door and make sure you are OK. Meals will arrive on schedule. You are not alone. It will be interesting to see when I will truly start to look at alternative living situations.

I am a bit anxious but doing OK. Last year it was Hawaii this year surgery. What a difference a year makes. Wish me the best and….

Today I am thankful.

I am thankful for my feet that have carried me this far. I am thankful for a good surgeon so my feet can carry me further. And I am so thankful for Drew who opened his door to this wandering woman.

Exploring Community Living as an Older Adult

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Since the third week in April EmmyLou and I have been driving north for the late spring and summer. Where am I going? I am back in the land of ferries. The Pacific Northwest and Vancouver Island. 

What is pulling me back to this area again? First stop is Sooke River Campground and a meet-up with Roadtrek (my rig) owners. These Rallies are fun. It is a good way to meet like minded people and enjoy a long weekend together. 

I have a cat sitting gig for two weeks in Qualicum Beach. This community is about halfway up the east side of the island. Much of my summer is unknown, and I am good with that. There is so much to explore in western Canada. I am not sure where my summer will lead me. 

Since my seventieth birthday I have been on a mission. What to do with the rest of my life. I never felt a lot of the common age markers, (30, 40, 50) really affected me. But my seventieth rolled in strong. 

I have been getting my papers in order. As a solo older woman I have begun to think of living alternatives. How do I want to live? Do I want to live in a community? What does that all look and feel like for me. 

Community has an appeal to me as I have discovered in my current lifestyle I get lonely. I miss a stable sense of community. This will certainly will be one issue that will pull me off the road, full time.

I have visited a few 55 and up communities over the past years. I went mainly because I have friends that live in these communities. They enjoy them and are involved while living independently in their own homes. Classes, trips, groups, travel are often included in this life style choice. 

I have been to one Continuing Care facility in Washington, a year ago. It was interesting but not a place that I think I would be interested in, at least not now.

One community, Enso Village was on my way north in Healdsburg, California. I have followed this community since its early planning stages. I decided to arrange an appointment to see it as I moved north. It was quite an interesting place and not inexpensive. It initially was introduced by the Zen Center in San Francisco. It is now affiliated with the Kendal Corporation and is the first Kendal community on the west coast.

“Kendal began in the late 1960s. A committee of the Philadelphia Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers) sought “a better way in retirement.” Their search was based on Quaker values. The first community opened in 1973.

The Kendal Corporation began in 1989 and is an aging services leader providing support and skills to the Kendal System. Since then, new Affiliates have either been developed from the ground up or have chosen to become a Kendal Affiliate. The Kendal Corporation supports a System that is structured on what is called a federal model.  Each Affiliate is locally owned and managed with its own independent board of directors, as each Affiliate is independently operated. The Kendal Corporation and the System afford access to tools and practices that empower and support.

The Kendal System stays true to its roots. It continually evolves to meet the needs of residents, staff and wider society. This combination of tradition and innovation creates an environment that fosters learning, community and integrity. 

Kendal communities are designed to meet different needs and tastes. They range from park-like campuses in small college towns to apartment living near metropolitan areas. No matter the site, all share a commitment to lifelong learning, community service and wellness. They offer optional financial plans to meet individual needs. They also supply higher levels of care as residents’ circumstances change.

Several communities offer a continuum choice of moving directly into higher levels of care if needed. Others specialize in higher levels of care. One offers primarily an independent living option and another is a life plan at home model.”

Is this model of living for me? At the moment I am not sure. When the last units are full I will put myself on the wait list. It is an interesting choice not to be ruled out. Most people move into these places and love them. Some move in and leave again but that appears to be the minority.

I am also interested in another community model known as Co-Housing. These are more multi-generational housing with a community model in mind. Some of these are very specific so it is important to investigate these communities well before committing to one. The ideal way for me to try out these communities would be to rent a unit. Rentals are hard to find.

Before i can commit to the community models I feel like I need to envision the rest of my life. Not the small things, but how do I see myself living. What is important to me? I want to see how I would feel living in these environments.

I have tended to see some of these communities as a place where I will live and die. The dying part is macabre. Especially with the progressive care model my emotional mind sees it as a place where I wait to die. Now I know that is not what people that live there do. I need to encourage change in this scenario in my mind, to a place to live. So far I have not been one hundred percent successful in changing this. I am nevertheless willing to see these places as an optional lifestyle.

Another choice is to stay living independently in my own home, condo, flat, etc. Some people do live this way. They are quite comfortable being on their own. They have help come into their homes when they need it. I am not sure this is the best choice for me. I believe that socializing with other people will become more important for my mental health as I age.

I am exploring what I want to do with this next chapter of my life. I am also thinking and sorting through my options. I did not expect these life choices before Jim, my husband died. We had each other. Now I want to investigate my options so I can make informed choices, both mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

My life adventure continues. There is no need to make a decision today or tomorrow. But, I do see myself making a choice in the not too distant future. It is time to change it up once again.

Today I am thankful for confusion that will eventually lead to clarity. Today I am thankful for the choices I have to consider. Today I am thankful for my little RV that offers me a home on my current path.

Today I am thankful.