Category Archives: Janet’s Inner Child

One of Those Weeks

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Have you ever had one of those weeks? I have no doubt that the answer is yes. We all have had those weeks. Some are good, exciting, and excellent. Other weeks make me question what the heck is going on.

A week ago, I had a “what the heck is going on?” kind of week. I woke up on Friday and thought I didn’t feel one hundred percent. I tested myself for COVID-19 and laid low for the day.

The next morning I felt better, and then I did not. Another COVID-19 test was negative, so I masked up and joined friends at a matinee on Saturday afternoon. I, who love dance, nodded twice during the performance. How did that happen? After the performance, I returned home and laid low for the rest of the day.

So far, so good, Right? My right nostril was sore by Sunday afternoon and felt like a developing pimple. I am 71!!!! Years old, Pimple Season is over, Right!?!

Despite warm soaks and over-the-counter painkillers, over the next few days, my nose became sore, swollen, red, and hurt a lot. By mid-week, I decided it was time to go to Urgent Care. The doctor told me it was a good thing I decided to come in. I was diagnosed with a staph infection in my nostril. The next thing I knew, I was on an oral antibiotic, a topical antibiotic, and lidocaine to stop the pain. My nose ballooned up and altered in many shades of red over the next few days.

In the middle of all this, I lost a filling and had to visit the dentist for a new one. Really?

Forward to Friday and a return trip to the Doctor. By the end of that visit, another antibiotic and a weaning dose of prednisone were added to my repertoire of medicines. I am so thankful for the prednisone, which helped relieve the pain and decrease the swelling.

Finally, by Saturday, I was feeling better. My nose was decreasing in size, the pain was receding, and I felt a bit more socially presentable.

On Sunday, I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and head to the Colorado River to meet good friends and get some paddling time.

And, just like that, my odd and weird week was behind me. I finished the antibiotics and the prednisone and am now getting my digestive system back in order.

Here are so many takeaways from last week.

  • And, just like that, life can change direction.
  • Staph infections are a serious business. Years back, when I was still working as a nurse, people were admitted to the hospital for this, and some were very sick. Don’t Mess With Staph!
  • I need to be my own advocate for health care. I am such a strong believer in this. With knowledge comes power. I believe I did a pretty good job.
  • Listen to my body.
  • My body took more of a hit than I realized. It took me a few days to realize I needed to honor a body in recovery. Take naps, eat and drink well, and stay put. Small walks, not big ones.
  • I miss having someone to care for me when I feel unwell. My little girl wanted to be tucked into bed and given comfort foods. Instead, I had to do that myself. Pasta is a great comfort food.
  • I am thankful for having a small, dry, warm home to snuggle into.
  • I felt like a walking petri dish. I kept telling people they needed to wash their hands everywhere I went. The doctors were told. The dentist was told. Wash Your Hands!!!! I know I was preaching to the choir.

I am so thankful for the healthcare system in this country. I am thankful for the doctors who were kind and compassionate to my situation. I am thankful for their knowledge and willingness to share it with me. I am thankful for medications that work. I am thankful they told me more than once that I did not have cancer (always a remote lingering thought in my mind). The dentist had to reaffirm the same thing. Anytime anything above the neck happens, I worry and fuss. Sigh.

I am thankful for my health and body’s innate need to heal. It is a pretty magical thing, this body I inhabit.

Today I am thankful for the healing effects of kayaking on any body of water and visiting with friends.

Whew, Today I am Really Thankful.

Holding My Breath Time of the Year

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“There is nothing more essential to our health and well-being than breathing: take air in, let it out, repeat 25,000 times a day. “

Breathe

To inhale and exhale air: breathe deeply now; to be alive; to whisper: Don’t breathe a word of this to your mother.

To be alive; live: A nicer person has never breathed.

To pause to rest or regain breath: Give me a moment to breathe.

Breathe Easily/Easy/Freely

To be relaxed or relieved, especially after a period of tension.


Every fall, I arrive back in San Diego to visit my friends, enjoy a warm early winter, and get all my medical appointments and dental work done for the year. It is a mix of joy, seeing friends I haven’t seen since last year and getting all my appointments lined up.

This is a Hold My Breath Time of Year.

I have had cancer twice. Twelve years ago, I had breast cancer, a rare (not always a welcome word) form of cancer. After a lumpectomy and treatment with radiation, I was finished treatment. That was followed by a five-year treatment plan, taking a pill every day. Suppression is key. Although I was never told I was cancer-free, I have had “no evidence of disease” now for eleven years.

In 2019, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I had surgery to remove my thyroid and then received treatment with radioactive iodine. Thyroxine is taking over the function of the thyroid in a dose to suppress any thyroid tissue growth.

And then there is the dentist. I don’t have the best teeth and gums in the world. It is somewhat hereditary. If I ever go to the dentist and get good news, I become suspicious that something was overlooked. Sigh.

Every year, when the appointments begin, I metaphorically “hold my breath.” I wait for the tests and the results to come pouring in.

Two weeks ago, I had my thyroid labs done and had a visit with the endocrinologist. Everything looks good. I let out my breath a little.

Today, my annual mammogram was done. A little more breath was released. Now I wait. Each day without a phone call means that my mammogram is normal. Each day, I exhale a bit more and inhale more deeply. The final exhale will arrive when I read the results of the mammogram and am told I am good for another year.

Then there is the dentist. Oh my, the dentist. I am not free and clear here. Surgery is looming this winter. Sigh. After two deep cleanings, I need to wait for a month and a half to see how this treatment worked. I don’t hold my breath for the dentist. I am used to bad news from this quarter. I also know that the treatments are not life-threatening. Bad diagnoses are normal, and when I am given good news, I don’t know that I trust the results. Once the news, bad or good, is given, a little more release of breath occurs.

Finally, I return to breathing normally, whatever that means. I can release and let go for another year. My anxiety settles, and I can resume breathing in and out, fully and deeply.

Breath is to yoga what water is to a fish: essential for movement and life force. Consider this Sanskrit proverb: “For breath is life, and if you breathe well, you will live long on earth.”

Taking five minutes out of my day to practice yogic breathing helps to decrease my stress and anxiety while waiting for appointments and test results. As each year passes, it becomes easier for me to remember to breathe and relax most of the time. The further I get from the C word, the easier it is to find calm in chaos.

Today, I am thankful for being in a country with good medicine and good people working in the medical field. Their warm greetings help allay my free-floating anxiety.

Today, I am thankful for all the years of yogic practice that have given me the simple and valuable tool of breath.

Today, I am thankful for Breathing.

Janet’s Inner Child Goes to the Dentist

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I really dislike the dentist. Let me rephrase this statement, I really dislike going to the dentist. Since I was in fifth grade I have gotten bad news from almost every dentist I have ever had. Often when I visit the dentist I feel like a fifth grader again.

It is not unheard of, in my past, to break into tears as the dentist once again announces that more dental work needs to be done. Impacted teeth must come out. Oh look I need another root canal. Those crowns look old, time to be replaced. There is a cavity underneath that crown, off comes the crown a filling is placed, and on goes a new crown. About five years ago it was announced that two of my back teeth needed to come out, bone buildup needed to be done, and just like that, I had my first implant. Oh sigh.

At close to seventy years old “young Janet” often shows up when she goes to the dentist. If there is one place that my inner child finds free reign to come out and create havoc, just point me towards the dentist. I become a nervous wreck, not sleeping well the night before my appointment, and bracing myself for the “hard news” once again. I encourage myself to be strong and don’t cry. It isn’t that bad. The news feels like the end of the world and the tears come.

I will use several techniques to keep calm and in control. I wish they always worked but at least I have them in my arsenal and often I am amazed to find they do work.

  • Breath Work. I have practiced yoga for many years. I am able to bring forth breath work to help me through this stressful time. Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much.
  • I picture the whole event before it happens. I see myself as calm and in control.
  • I have had talks with my inner child from time to time, remembering to tell her that she is loved and this is a part of life. After the appointment is over I can have a treat. It helps. Really. Today a Donut. (I know, not a healthy choice but sometimes…)
  • I do a lot of research so that I can become my own best advocate. I know it is sometimes hard for the dentist to have to answer all the questions yet it makes me feel better to be a little more in control.
  • I arrive early so I have time to relax and breathe.
  • There was one dentist in my past that had a massage chair. I liked that a lot.
  • And if all else fails after my visit I have a good cry and get over it.

I am in San Diego, camped at Mission Bay and I have two more dental appointments this month. Sigh. It helps that this periodontist is professional and kind and treats me with respect. As I signed the treatment plans today I felt that I was becoming a part of the team. I think this helps me remain a little more the adult Janet.

I still went for that white cream-filled donut on my way back to my rig.