A Travel Log of Korčula: From Old Town to National Parks

One more Croatian Island to go. After leaving Hvar, we moved on to Korčula, another unique Croatian town and Island. I felt like I had walked into the movie set for The Lord of the Rings. True towers, a drawbridge, battles from the ramparts, pirates, and more.

Compared to Hvar and several other places I visited, Korcula was quiet. There were tourists there, but not in the numbers I had seen in many of the other parts of Croatia.

Korčula has been inhabited since prehistoric times, as evidenced by Stone Age finds from Vela Spila near Vela Luka, now part of the Vela Luka Culture Center’s collection. In the 4th century BC, the Greeks founded a colony on Korčula and called it Korkyra Melaina or Black Korčula. Under their rule, the island was called Korkyra Nigra. The attribute “Melaina” or “Nigra” this beautiful island owes precisely to the lush Mediterranean vegetation, primarily forests of holm oak and pine.

The island of Korčula is almost completely connected to Pelješac by the Pelješac canal. The town of Korčula is among the most beautiful and best preserved medieval towns on the Croatian coast and in all of the Mediterranean, and is justly referred to as “Little Dubrovnik.” It still has the appearance it had at the turn of the 16th century – the same stone towers, walls, and the same fishbone structure of the streets.

Korčula’s town planners took into consideration both functionality and perfect harmony with nature – the streets are lined so that the refreshing wind from the west can pass, while the cold winter winds from the northeast (called bura) are blocked.

We started our exploration of Korcula with a walking tour of the “Old Town”. Old town, of course, means within the fortress walls. Our guide was very informative. The creation of this town was planned well.

The steps are a later creation. There used to be a drawbridge where the steps are today. If the enemy came, they drew up the bridge. If you enlarge the photo by clicking on it, you can see the holes in the tower where the ropes were for the drawbridge.

The streets of Korčula’s Old Town are designed in a brilliant geometric herringbone pattern. Built in the Middle Ages by the Venetians, this layout acts like natural air conditioning, controlling the wind and the sun to keep the town comfortable.

How the Herringbone Design Works

  • Central Spine: A single main street divides the old town, running straight along the top of the island’s ridge.
  • Western Streets: The streets on the town’s western side are laid out in straight lines. This lets the refreshing summer breeze, called the maestral, blow straight through the town and cool the houses. 
  • Eastern Streets: The streets on the eastern side are slightly curved. This curve blocks the fierce, cold winter winds, known as the bura, from rushing through the city and freezing the homes. 

Other unique features of this town are included below.

Hidden Plumbing: The houses are built in long, parallel blocks. The fronts of the houses face the streets, while the backyards and wastewater canals were cleverly hidden in the middle of the blocks.

Narrow and Shaded: The side alleys are incredibly narrow. This provides deep shade during the hot summer months, ensuring the sun never hits the ground directly. 

Stepped Alleys: Because the town sits on a small hill, almost all the side streets use steps to help you climb up and down easily. 

Arches Across the Alleys: You owned a small home. If you wanted to expand and acquired the home across the street, an arch was built to connect the kitchens.

The Kitchens & Bathrooms: To prevent fires, the kitchens were on the top floor. The bathrooms were on the first floor.

The Street of Thoughts: There is one notable street running along the southeastern wall, without any steps. Local history says it was called the “Street of Thoughts” because walkers did not have to stare at their feet to watch for stairs.

Korcula Old Town, Within the Walls

Unique in its design, the system still had some flaws. The town was once home to close to 1,000 residents. They lived there for protection and community. Today, approximately 300 live within the city walls. Why? Look how narrow the streets are. No cars can come into these streets. That means you have to carry everything in and out of the walled city. There are steps everywhere; only one street has no steps.

While we were exploring the old city, we climbed the bell tower at the Korcula Cathedral. The stairs were not for the weak of heart. The view from the top was breathtaking. I hoped the bells did not ring while I was up there.

Climbing the Cathedral Tower.

One evening we went to the west side of the walled city to have dinner and see the sunset. People seem to do that a lot here. It was not disappointing.

Sunset View

On the second full day, we took the ferry, a 35-minute ride, to the island of Mljet. One of Croatia’s National Parks is on the island. With a bit of trepidation, along with Mary, I rented an E-bike to bike the park. After a few practice runs up and down the main street, I was ready to go.

Mljet National Park is a large area that borders two saltwater lakes. The Lakes stretch for about 4 kilometers. Right in the middle of the Large Lake, there is a small island/islet, Melita (Sveta Marija), with a large building of the former Benedictine monastery, erected there in the 12th century. The monastery’s building is now a café/restaurant. The small island is connected by boats that sail there from both sides of the Lake.

Miljet National Park.

The Benedictine Monastery is now a restaurant. You flag them from the mainland, and they send a boat over to pick you up. It was early, so we pushed on.

There was a small steep bridge we needed to cross with our bikes. Up, Up. Down, Down. Have I told you how heavy E-bikes are? Our very own angels showed up. They easily lifted the bikes up and down while Zee and I followed behind.

The bridge is fairly new. At one point, Tito moved to the island with the Monastery. He tore down the original bridge to gain full access to the ocean and bring in supplies. After he left, the new bridge was built.

The National Park was cool, quiet, and unhurried. It took us about 3 hours to bike the park. I enjoyed stopping and looking at all the Butterflies on the thistle and lavender.

Upon our return to the ferry port, we found a cool place in the shade, met this lovely woman from Switzerland, and chatted until the ferry returned us to Korcula.

Today we say farewell to the islands and return to the mainland. Back to the big city, Dubrovnik. Well, not quite the big city, as Dubrovnik has approximately 40,000 residents. I am not quite done exploring yet. We have two full days to explore before returning to Istanbul and the flight stateside. Oh, what a trip it has been.

From Injury to Healing: A Step-by-Step Recovery Journey

In 2020 I was diagnosed with Haglund’s Deformity. It is a bony growth at the insertion point of the Achilles tendon. I limped along with it for five years before giving up and having surgery performed on my left heel.

On January 22nd I had surgery on my left heel. I was in a cast for ten days and then moved to a boot with heel wedges in place. Each week I got to remove one wedge. And…..finally…..a week ago I became boot free. Hallelujah!

Doesn’t that boot look like something from Star Wars? I looked like a Storm Trooper from the knee down.

What have I been doing with my time

  • My rig EmmyLou has been having repairs done. I fixed the refrigerator door and its lock system. I have taken things apart and put them back together again. I have made new covers for the area under the captains chairs. She is getting spiffed up. Anything I can do sitting down is getting done.
  • I have a background in Holistic Health and Healing. I have a Masters in it. I believe that healing involves all modalities. Kaiser offered free rides to.appointments. I have had Acupuncture, Chiropractic and Active Release Technique done once a week. I got to visit with the drivers and see the world.
  • My Crochet Hooks have been busy. I love the creative process. I am very good at taking things out and trying again.
  • In situations like this all the streaming services on the TV helped pass the time. I caught up on Bridgerton, Surfing videos and more.
  • My friends came to visit and enjoy the healing atmosphere of my friend Drew’s home. They also took me out to breakfast and lunch.
  • There has been a jigsaw puzzle going since I have arrived here just before surgery.
  • When Drew wasn’t watching I got out in the yard and did some weeding.

Physical Therapy has begun. I have exercises to do each day. Up on the toes and down again. Lean forward and the come back to standing. Balance on one foot then try the other. Do some Yoga and go to the gym. I am busy.

I like going to Kaiser for my appointments. It gives me something new and different to do. And I have finally discovered what is on the sixth floor. I am driving so I am back in EmmyLou and driving myself to appointments.

I am walking some each day. When my heel becomes mildly swollen, I stop for the day. I put my foot up and allow myself some time off. And then its back to “feet on the ground” and ready to take the next step forward.

Time does go by no matter whether I am active or not. It has made me grateful that I am now back on both feet. It has made me thankful for the lack of pain in my left heel and calf. Whew I put up with that for five years. I could have been dancing. What was I thinking?!?

Now it is time for me to remember to take one step at a time. Just like many I will need to remind myself to take it easy and stop when needed. I guess I won’t be climbing any mountains or biking the distance any time soon.

It feels like it has been forever since this all started but in reality in has been six weeks. For someone who likes being on the move it has felt much longer. I keep reminding myself that I chose to have this done and I can do this.

I will continue to move forward, One Step at a Time.

Today I am thankful for two feet on the ground.

Monks Walking for Peace: A Journey of Mindfulness

I have been struggling with so many unsettling things occurring in my country and around the world. I worry and feel anger. I feel sad. I don’t understand the anger and negativity that has become so prevalent. My heart feels broken. There needs to be a kinder, gentler and more humane way of working with people. No one deserves to be treated as less than human.

In late October, I began to follow the Monks Walking for Peace and Mindfulness. It was a 120-day, 2300-mile journey by 19 Buddhist monks.They were accompanied by their loyal dog, Aloka, walking from Fort Worth, Texas, to Washington D. C. to raise awareness of inner peace and mindfulness across America and the world.

I began to walk with them in my heart, mind and spirit. I have learned, I have grown and my heart has begun to open again. The anger is softer now. Being in the present moment is an experience I treasure and not one that I experience enough.

The Huong Dao Vipassana Bhavana Center is the home temple. They started the Walk in Texas and returned here today. I am blessed to be there in spirit with all the people and monks.

When they started walking the roads were mostly empty except for nineteen walking monks and their support team. As it progressed east and north, people started showing up. They came to the roadsides to watch these monks walk for us and for all beings of the world. A few moments, a few kind word, prayers, blessings and lives are changed forever.

This walk was not without difficulty. Early on in the trip two of the monks were injured in a freak accident with a truck. One lost his leg. And still they kept walking. It snowed, it was cold. And still they kept on walking. Aloka, had to have veterinary surgery and left the walk for a short time. And still they kept walking.

They walked barefoot, in socks, in sneakers and sandals. They walked for me. They walked for you. They walked for the world.

And Still They Walked.

As I watched them walk, I felt like people who came to watch were waking up. They were remembering what is good in the world and what is good in themselves.They were remembering what is good in other people. Just a moment in time can change so much. And the numbers grew. And I remembered.

People started walking with them. They showed up for dharma talks, for meditation, for presence. By the time they reached Washington DC. thousands were walking with them. Thousands were listening, truly listening to their words. They woke up a presence in themselves.

Each day of the Walk, would start in my home with me checking their official Facebook page. I followed along. I attended some of the talks. I certainly attended the meditations. And Today just as it started I attended the returning ceremonies until everyone retired for lunch.

How does this experience make me feel. I feel a softness in my heart, the softness of letting my guard down and letting universal love in. I feel a measure of relief that there is good to be had out there in the world. I have cried with others and I have cried alone. It is not a cry of despair. It feels more like relief and love filtering in. My world and the world shines a bit brighter because nineteen monks walked for Peace and Love and Awareness.

Now I must remember and carry all these messages forward into my world, your world and the world of all sentient beings.

Today is Our Peaceful Day. Today is My Peaceful Day.

Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu.

Learning to Navigate My World One Foot at a Time

One week ago I had surgery on my left heel. I am non-weight bearing for three more weeks. I have a good friends and a knee scooter to aid me in moving around on one leg.

I am learning that as I age events like surgery, are more difficult than when I was younger. What the heck, my good leg is complaining about the increased usage. My right hip is asking me what is going on. And my right foot is developing plantar fasciitis. Arrrgh!!!

Then my shoulders speak up and complain that they are sore. I am trying to use good body mechanics. It is not always easy to do when I are temporarily minus a leg.

What are the good parts of this healing journey?

  • I am staying with a friend, Drew in his beautiful home on a canyon. It is a very healing environment. It has a pool in the backyard and a gazebo that overlooks a canyon.
  • I have met some of the local Song Sparrows. Yes, those Birdy Boys keep showing up. I have also seen Crows, hawks, and Humming Birds
  • Drew has been kind giving me access to his home. When he is home he cooks for me. Usually we enjoy a meal a day together. Boy that is something I am not used to.
  • I have discovered more about my Health Care Plan. Did you know that Kaiser offers free ride service to doctors appointments? Well I sure did not know that. I do now.
  • My sisters have been good about calling and checking in. It helps me not feel too alone.
  • I am being forced to sit still. Something else I am not used to.
  • I love my audio-books from the library. I can sit in the back of the house and enjoy the beauty of nature and listen to great stories.
  • And…there are birds in the canyon. I now move around the house with my binoculars and camera. Yesterday I saw a hawk with a giant snake it it’s talons.
  • It is OK to take a nap.
  • When my friend, Phyllis drives me to my appointments I take her out to lunch. We are finding some unique places to eat. Today they even sat us in the private dining room as there was limited access to the restaurant. We were treated royally.
  • During this Healing Holiday i am planning a trip to Turkey and Croatia. It is good to have dreams.

Next Monday I have my first follow-up with my surgeon. The leg will be unwrapped and hopefully I will progress to a boot. Still no weight bearing for 2 more weeks. Sigh. January and February are going by slooooowwwwwly.

As a whole everything is going well. I have not sat this still in a long time. It is good to know it is doable. I am learning how to entertain myself in a whole new way.

Today I am thankful for my Healing World. I have quite the support team, friends, doctors, chiropractors, massage therapists, acupuncturist, myofascial release therapists.

Today I am Thankful.

EmmyLou Is in the Shop: Finding Support in Tough Times

I almost made it to the end of the year without incident. Well, except for being stuck in the mud on the east side of the Salton Sea. Another story for another time.

On December 30th I was in east county San Diego making my way toward my hair appointment. In the left lane of three lanes of traffic when in the middle of an intersection my rig, EmmyLou, stopped. A horrible grinding noise occurred and I was stuck, in the middle of an intersection of a heavily traveled road. Sigh. My emergency lights came on. For moments my life came to a halt. No going forward, no going backward and angry drivers blowing their horns and zooming around me.

Instant panic ensued. A call went out to my roadside assistance, Coach-net. When they asked if I was in a safe place, I lost my cool and said “NO!” and started to talk as fast as I could. The words poured out.

A car pulled off to the side of the road. Two men came running over. They managed to push me to the slow lane. Then they got in their car and disappeared.

EmmyLou Getting an Assist

The police arrived, the volunteer police joined the menagerie and finally I was no longer alone. I had support around me. This helped me calm down. I figured out steps to get out of this mucky situation. Thanks to Coach-net’s efforts, the tow truck arrived, another angel. EmmyLou is now safely at a Sprinter Van garage. She is waiting for diagnosis and repairs.

All of this took about four hours. One moment it was a little after twelve noon and then it was four o’clock.

I have lovingly been taken in by friends, my Covid Bubble, Cynthia and Ward. I have been given a car to drive and life is good, as much as it can be for now. I get to spend some quality time with people that I love.

I posted a picture on Facebook of EmmyLou being loaded on the back of the tow truck. At that moment, one friend asked if I was OK. What I heard was, “Are you safe? I care about you.” And that one moment and that one friend made me feel I was loved and not alone.

In our lives, long or short, we have all had moments like this. If you have not, I would like to know who you are. Each of these moments plays out a little differently. Those that show up momentarily, like the two men who pushed me out of traffic, are angels disguised as humans. Others, like Cynthia and Ward, stay through the process. They are to be acknowledged and honored for their support through my mess.

I am so thankful for all the angels support and love and caring. Because of these angels in disguise, I handled my stress better. I recognized I wasn’t alone when I felt the most alone. I have people to talk with. I have time to breathe. I have time to de-stress.

Situations like this remind me to reach out to others to help and support. It reminds me to stop and help those in need, to be a loving presence. I don’t want others to feel alone.

Today I am not so thankful for a broken RV. Today I am thankful for all those around me who helped ease me out of stress. I am thankful for friends who keep loving me, no matter what.

Today I am Thankful.

One of Those Weeks

Have you ever had one of those weeks? I have no doubt that the answer is yes. We all have had those weeks. Some are good, exciting, and excellent. Other weeks make me question what the heck is going on.

A week ago, I had a “what the heck is going on?” kind of week. I woke up on Friday and thought I didn’t feel one hundred percent. I tested myself for COVID-19 and laid low for the day.

The next morning I felt better, and then I did not. Another COVID-19 test was negative, so I masked up and joined friends at a matinee on Saturday afternoon. I, who love dance, nodded twice during the performance. How did that happen? After the performance, I returned home and laid low for the rest of the day.

So far, so good, Right? My right nostril was sore by Sunday afternoon and felt like a developing pimple. I am 71!!!! Years old, Pimple Season is over, Right!?!

Despite warm soaks and over-the-counter painkillers, over the next few days, my nose became sore, swollen, red, and hurt a lot. By mid-week, I decided it was time to go to Urgent Care. The doctor told me it was a good thing I decided to come in. I was diagnosed with a staph infection in my nostril. The next thing I knew, I was on an oral antibiotic, a topical antibiotic, and lidocaine to stop the pain. My nose ballooned up and altered in many shades of red over the next few days.

In the middle of all this, I lost a filling and had to visit the dentist for a new one. Really?

Forward to Friday and a return trip to the Doctor. By the end of that visit, another antibiotic and a weaning dose of prednisone were added to my repertoire of medicines. I am so thankful for the prednisone, which helped relieve the pain and decrease the swelling.

Finally, by Saturday, I was feeling better. My nose was decreasing in size, the pain was receding, and I felt a bit more socially presentable.

On Sunday, I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and head to the Colorado River to meet good friends and get some paddling time.

And, just like that, my odd and weird week was behind me. I finished the antibiotics and the prednisone and am now getting my digestive system back in order.

Here are so many takeaways from last week.

  • And, just like that, life can change direction.
  • Staph infections are a serious business. Years back, when I was still working as a nurse, people were admitted to the hospital for this, and some were very sick. Don’t Mess With Staph!
  • I need to be my own advocate for health care. I am such a strong believer in this. With knowledge comes power. I believe I did a pretty good job.
  • Listen to my body.
  • My body took more of a hit than I realized. It took me a few days to realize I needed to honor a body in recovery. Take naps, eat and drink well, and stay put. Small walks, not big ones.
  • I miss having someone to care for me when I feel unwell. My little girl wanted to be tucked into bed and given comfort foods. Instead, I had to do that myself. Pasta is a great comfort food.
  • I am thankful for having a small, dry, warm home to snuggle into.
  • I felt like a walking petri dish. I kept telling people they needed to wash their hands everywhere I went. The doctors were told. The dentist was told. Wash Your Hands!!!! I know I was preaching to the choir.

I am so thankful for the healthcare system in this country. I am thankful for the doctors who were kind and compassionate to my situation. I am thankful for their knowledge and willingness to share it with me. I am thankful for medications that work. I am thankful they told me more than once that I did not have cancer (always a remote lingering thought in my mind). The dentist had to reaffirm the same thing. Anytime anything above the neck happens, I worry and fuss. Sigh.

I am thankful for my health and body’s innate need to heal. It is a pretty magical thing, this body I inhabit.

Today I am thankful for the healing effects of kayaking on any body of water and visiting with friends.

Whew, Today I am Really Thankful.

Once again I have successfully traversed the lower 48. I arrived in Boise Idaho about a week ago. There were a few mishaps on the way but Elsie the Cat, my rig and I have all made it in one piece.

Field of Dreams

I loved the Field of Dreams Movie site. Have you ever had a movie touch something inside of you? This movie was one of those movies for me. I thought I would spend about an hour there. Instead I signed up for a tour and spent close to three hours there, before I headed west. Truly, it wasn’t hokey. Our tour guide was excellent and he had so much trivia about the filming of the movie. It was a great tour. The only thing missing was the corn. It was barely beginning to grow.

I had always promised myself that if and when I drove cross country again I would head back to northern Nebraska and ride the roads just south of South Dakota. I rode the Bridges to Buttes Highway, the Outlaw Highway and the Lewis & Clark Highway. It was lush and green and so spring. I stayed in state park campgrounds. I have discovered that Nebraska excels in their State Park system. Both parks were beautiful. I rode my bike through one of them, ending with an amazing overlook of the Upper Missouri River. I took some time to ponder the Lewis & Clark expedition and what it must have been like to see this country without roads or bridges. They had no idea what lay ahead. Whew-a powerful moment.

Driving across the middle of this nation.

The Missouri River, Moi with a giant jackalope, Camping at Chadron State Park, NE

After a bit of a traumatic drive across Wyoming I made it to this lovely mid-size town in Idaho and my friends. I have had a wonderful week catching up.

Currently I am sitting in the Seattle airport and am on my way to Sitka, Alaska. My friend Leslie, offered me an opportunity I could not refuse so I am off on another adventure that begins today. The cruise begins on Sunday. Leslie and I will meet up later this afternoon. I have not see Leslie is a few years, at least. Yet we maintain a good friendship and I am so looking forward to catching up.

Boise Sunset

Friendships have been on my mind and close to my heart this morning. Ah a repeat theme. Here is what I know today. I feel so fortunate to have such good friends that want me in their life and want to take adventures with me. I love to travel alone. However, just as I am getting tired of my own company I am close to where a friend lives and I am invited in.

I appreciate the many ways my friends love and care for me.

  • Linda, her husband, Steve and son, Andrew are taking Miss Elsie in so I can travel north in comfort knowing she will be loved and all her cat needs will be met. Linda is also taking my rig in for appointments while I am gone. Now that is friendship.

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    Steve & Linda I Poncho the pooch

  • Leslie has gone above and beyond the call of duty arranging places for us to stay in Sitka and managing the upcoming cruise.
  • Helen and Norb, lovingly took me and El in for four days. We laughed and shared our way through this time together.
  • My sisters are always glad to see me when I show up at their door step.
  • Joy and her sister Diane invited me to be a part of a real family Easter.
  • New friends open their driveways and homes to me.
  • My San Diego community call, email and remembers me. I am very grateful for this.
  • Then there is the larger community in the Universe. I belong to the Roadtrek Facebook Page. These people support me along my solo journey. I know I can always reach out to them, if I have questions or need help.

These are just a few examples of my experiences with people within my immediate friend environment and those beyond who I have not met yet.  It gives me faith in humankind. I believe there is a lot of good out there in the world. Sometimes I need to put my inner critic aside and see people for just who they are. On the whole I think most people in this world are pretty darn amazing.

I want to take time here, to thank everyone, those I remember and those who silently cheer me on, for all of your ongoing love, caring and support. It makes me flow through my day and adventures a bit easier, knowing that so many are silently or verbally cheering me on. Even if I am alone, the truth of it is, is that I am not truly alone. People wait for my photos. People wait for my blogs. People wait for me.

Today I am grateful for humankind.

Big Bend National Park is a People Experience

I have been in Texas for a few weeks. I kept thinking I was going to Big Bend National Park but I kept getting diverted. There is so much to see and do. I now have the time to explore. It is fun to pull into little towns, wildlife refuges and more. I like casually exploring.

Since my last post I have explored a very small section, of a very large state. Texas is 1.26 times as big as France. It is a huge state. Big Bend is a large National Park and it takes up a wee tiny spot in Texas. See the spot of green on the Texas map. It is above the Texas decal on the map. That is Big Bend.

The Indians said that after making the Earth, the Great Spirit simply dumped all the leftover rocks on the Big Bend. This park is a very rugged mountainous area and recieved it’s name from the big bend in the Rio Grand River, which follows it’s southern border. It is certainly a land of dichotomy. As part if the Chihuahuan Desert, it is arid and dry. Everything either pokes, sticks or scrapes. It is an environment that is always defending itself, for food and mostly water. Yet right along the southern border is this marvelous river and a delicious, green riparian zone. It attracts birds and other wildlife that might not be seen in the desert. Like I said a land of dichotomy.

Big Bend National Park

click on the pic to see it full size

When I first arrived here it was hot. I am not a fan of heat. On the third day a front went through and  the temperature changed over 40 degrees from the 90’s to the 40’s. It was hot and then it was cold. What the heck is with that?

I met another solo RV’er while I was on the east side of the park. Peggy is full timing in her small rig. She was fun and willing to give most things a try. We hiked and toured and most of all laughed together. It was fun to be with someone else. We even took the ferry (a rowboat) across the Rio Grand to Mexico for a few hours. Don’t even get me started on the burro episode.

Today we parted ways but are planning on meeting up again before I head west to San Diego.

I met John and Carol on the west side of the park. They invited me for dinner. I miss having company for my meals so this certainly was a delight. Their excitement was when I told them that I had ice cubes. Margaritas taste just that bit nicer when chilled with ice. 🍹

I enjoy the company of others. It gets a bit lonely sometimes out here on-the-road. Most times I do not mind being alone yet it is certainly nice to have the company of others. I find that after being on my own for a time, I have to make sure I give other people a chance to talk. Maybe i should carry a talking stick.

It is fun to share experiences. It is interesting to share our experiences of living in our small homes on wheels.

Now I am on my way north and west. I am not sure exactly where I am going yet. There are more things to see and do out there, and hopefully more fun and interesting people to meet.

Stay Tuned.

Another Year-Reflections

Tomorrow is my birthday.

The day after tomorrow will mark the sixth anniversary of Jim’s death. Time stands still. Time flies. It is amazing that it is six years since I last saw him. It is amazing that it has been six years since I last heard his voice. Well this whole process is pretty amazing and not always much fun.

I grieved when my mom died. I grieved when my dad died. I have grieved over the loss of friends and over the loss of others in tragedy, which we have seen so much of this year. The loss of Jim was different. I lost my life partner, my friend and my companion in mischief and dance. I describe the three and a half years leading to his departure, like a deck of cards thrown in the air. Just as they started to come down and I was picking them up, something else happened and the cards were thrown back up in the air again.

I am still picking up cards from six years ago. I didn’t know there were so many cards. Yet I have accomplished a bit along the way and each day I attempt to live life to its fullest. Some days it is a wee, tiny bit and other days are big a luscious and overflowing with awe and beauty.

I am beginning to realize that I may never have an answer to the question “What’s Next?” At my best I look for the large and small around me and find some marvel in it all. At my worst, I still find I can treasure my current surroundings and who I am.

  • I am not homeless.
  • I have this lovely little Roadtrek to call home.
  • My home is heated, which feels good on these chilly fall nights.
  • Elsie is always my faithful companion, in adventure and silence.
  • I know, oh how I know, I have many out there that support me daily, mostly in thought and prayer. Yet I know you are out there.
  • There are many books to read. On days where I don’t have much energy, I sit and read.
  • When I was younger I went through a short, period where everything was gray. I appreciate that I have never gone back to that place. I still can see and marvel at the loveliness of the places I visit and the people I meet. Color is a wonderful medium.
  • I have a family, sisters and nieces, that though not often heard from love me and support me.
  • And there is always my camera-I love taking pics even at my lowest.

There is always hope. In this coming year I am going to attempt to not be so hard on myself. I really don’t need to make far reaching decisions about anything. I want to focus on what is best for me at this moment in time, in this day and in this year. I want to experience a little more joy, wherever I can find it. And, although I am not sure I may want to settle down. I shall see on that statement.

I now understand a bit more of the statement from others that “you can move forward, while treasuring the moments Jim and you had”. I know that I can do both. And, ever since Jim’s passing he has been very good at helping me find my car keys. I have called on him more than once. This is one of the important reasons to keep him nearby as I adventure forth into life.

If you look on this site you will see a Go Fund Me tag. I have been raising money for the Jim Fenningham Memorial Scholarship for 6 years. I am close to my goal of $25,ooo to make this a perpetual scholarship. I have about $8,000 more to go. I have been constant and steady in trying to raise this amount. If you would like to donate, small or large, some student out there at Grossmont Community College will thank you for your efforts.  I treasure each donation because I know about the thought and caring behind it. If you would prefer to donate directly to the college, here is their information.

Mail your donation to:

Scholarship Specialist
Financial Aid Office
8800 Grossmont College Dr
El Cajon, CA 92020-1799
Contributions are tax deductible

On to another year of discovery. Who knows what it will bring. I will continue to follow my own path, carrying the memories of my time with Jim forward. This year I pray that it will be just a wee bit easier. Each year seems to be getting that way. I am thankful for this.

I am thankful for 21 years of love, caring and relationship. I am thankful for being able to have those memories to help me move forward with my life, no matter what direction it takes.

Today I am thankful.

 

 

 

Year Four-How Are You Doing?

Jim and me on our last travel adventure together, Peru

Jim and me on our last travel adventure together, Peru

October 17th was the fourth year anniversary of Jim’s death. He was and still is (in a way) my husband. He died from metastasis of salivary gland cancer. We had a really good relationship. I miss him still.

Each year at this time I have people call me and ask how I am doing. It always baffles me, a little,when this happens. I don’t miss him more on the day of his death. I miss him every day in little and big ways. Does it mean I think of him all the time? Well no. I might find myself doing something and then think, Jim would have loved this or he would not have. I know my friends are being kind and thoughtful and I appreciate that. I am just not always sure how to answer that question. At the time they ask, I might be doing fine or more than fine. Usually I am busy.

Big Waves

Big Waves

This year I was bicycling from Monterey to Pacific Grove and back, seeing a chiropractor (I slipped on the step to my RV & thought it might be a good idea to get an adjustment) and enjoying the day outside.

While biking, I stopped to watch the waves for a while. You may have guessed by now, I love the ocean and the bigger the waves, the better. I met a woman, Phyllis who was sharing the same bench with me. I am a strong believer that not much happens by accident. Phyllis has been divorced, widowed and now married for a third time.

I have found, since Jim’s death, if I want to ask a question of someone, I just do. If they want to answer, it is greatly appreciated. If not that is OK too. I asked Phyllis about her experience through grief. I really wanted to know someone else’s take on this.  I follow a couple blogs of women who have lost a partner, yet it is not often I get to talk to someone in person about this topic.

Grief is personal, yet I have found that some experiences are common to many. My question to her was about fear. I am not usually a fearful person. Since Jim’s death, fear has become a close ally. When people say to me how brave I am, selling my home and traveling, I marvel at the comment. If only they knew how fear is usually present in everything I do. I don’t get it. I didn’t used to be this way. Phyllis works with hospice as a volunteer. She said that fear appears to be a part of the grieving process for many. It was for her. Whew what a relief, I thought it was just me.

I am curious why fear? There could be a lot of emotions but why is fear mine. I will not claim ownership, yet fear is certainly close, much of time. I don’t have an answer to that question. Fear does not have to be negative. It is a good thing when it stops me from doing something stupid. It can also be good if it increases my awareness of my surroundings. Fear, though can also stop me from trying something new or different or reaching out to others. That is not good.

imagesEach day I walk through fear, to other side and open my eyes to the world as it is right now. I step into my RV, thank Elsie for her presence, have faith that all is well with the day and move on. On the days I stay still, I read and contemplate and enjoy the quietness of the ocean and the forest and for the next few nights a view of Hearst Castle.

I refuse to let fear control me. Since fear seems to remain present in my life, I will consider it an ally. It will teach me and then one day,  I truly believe it will not be present in my daily life. As an ally I can call for fear when I need it, thank it and then put it back in it’s place until I need it again.

Moving on through my life.img_4873