There have been moments in my life where I have stretched myself, my beliefs and my reality. These moments have not been without question on my part. I have often wondered if I should have ventured out into this part of my life. Often omens or portents make me question what I was doing-for example, the road I was suppose to take is closed, a bridge is washed out. At times like these I find I question whether I was doing the right thing for that moment in time.
These barriers on the journey are really a way to question myself, my beliefs and the reason I am heading in a particular direction. It helps clarify things for me.
- June 14th I returned to Boise, ID from Alaska with a whopping head cold. The first one since Jim died over 5 years ago.
- June 16th I left Boise with plans to meet up with fellow Roadtreker’s and friends, on my way to the RT rally east of Glacier National Park. Not more than a hand full of miles north of Boise I discovered the cover that protects my refrigerator was gone. I turned around and returned to Boise in hopes of finding it along the road. No such luck. I waited until the following morning, visited the Roadtrek RV dealership in town, in hopes of getting a replacement part, to no avail. After conferring with Campskunk, Matthew from Roadtrek (yes I did call them on a Saturday and yes they answered), and Nelson’s RV (they recently repaired a propane leak), I left bright and early the next morning with a hole in the side of my EmmyLou and headed north.
- June 17th I finally am on the road and several hours north of Boise, when I saw something drop out of the engine of my RV. I turned around to return to the scene of the crime, and there it was, a cover and a belt looking thing, laying in the road. I crawled underneath the rig and saw nothing wrong. Up goes the engine hood and yep I am missing a protective cover for one of my headlights. I look at the opposite one to see if I can figure out how to reattach the broken one and this one breaks, right before my very eyes and falls into my hand. What???? Thank goodness for Duct Tape. I reattached both of them and went on my way.
I am, at this time, addressing my, not so, underlying issue. I am nervous about coming to the Roadtrek gathering in Glacier National Park. I can already hear all of you saying, “we are such a nice group of people”. I believe you are. Trust me this is not the issue.
I have not been around such a sizable number of people since before Jim died. No I did not have a celebration of life. The largest group that was involved with ceremony after Jim died was eighteen. This was the group that boarded the catamaran to take Jim to sea.
When Mike asked me to post for Roadtreking: Celebrating the RV Lifestyle, I wasn’t sure about this adventure either. Their were a few points that made me decide to give this a try. I believe that between my own blog and Mike’s blog, if I can make the transition through grief to solo, even a wee bit easier for others, it was something I wanted to take on. I also knew I could and would choose to remain as invisible as possible. If it ever became something I did not want to do, I could stop. I could turn the computer off and walk away.
I have been to one rally, sponsored by RTI in Monterey. I am friends with the organizers. This event was the first one they took on as Vice Presidents of the Southern California Branch. I wanted to support them and see them succeed. They were very good and kept it low key that I was there. It wasn’t until the last morning that someone appeared at my table and let me know they were aware of who I was. They were the only ones who stepped forward and I was glad for that.
It is hard to walk the line between being an extrovert and introvert. I lived with an extreme introvert. Jim had learned how to address this issue over the course of his life. It was important for him to be involved with others. Many times it was a push for him to do this. We often would take two cars to parties so when he was done he had a way out. If I wanted to stay, I had a way to stay. I walk the line between these two personalities. I enjoy the company of others and I so need the time away or alone.
I have worked myself into a bit of a tizzy about these coming four days. My friend, Linda has helped me with this a lot. Sometimes it is good to have a shoulder to lean on, at least a little. I have challenged myself to do this.
The obstacles I mentioned earlier in this post, have given me ample opportunity to turn around and head for the hills. With each one I have questioned myself, my intentions, and the reason I am attending. Each one has continued to point me north.
Today, Monday I will arrive at the Roadtrek Gathering outside of Glacier National Park. If any of you are there and you find my door closed, my bike gone or me gone, just know I am out replenishing myself so I can enjoy everyone’s company again. And….I really do look forward to meeting each one of you, so please don’t hesitate.
Oh no a deer in the road this morning!!! I was able to stop in time.