I am a non-dancing Scottish Country Dancer. I gave up dancing in 2020 due to a heel issue, Haglund’s Deformity. After struggling with it for five years, I gave in and had surgery on the heel this past January.

There will always be a part of me that continues to have the heart of a Scottish Country Dancer. I maintain my membership to the San Diego and the International Branch in Scotland. I have helped out at events. This weekend I went to the San Diego Highland Games to support the local Scottish group, to have fun, and help out at the booth.

The Highland Games are traditional Scottish sporting and cultural festivals that feature heavy athletics, piping, drumming, and Highland dancing. Originating centuries ago in the Scottish Highlands, they serve as a vibrant celebration of Celtic identity and are now held globally

I enjoyed being at the booth, speaking with people who came up to ask questions. Once in a while, a face from the past showed up. Sometimes I remembered them, and sometimes I didn’t, yet it is always fun to greet people, reconnect, and hear their stories. One man told us that he Scottish danced years ago until a heavyset dancer stepped on his foot and broke it. Ouch! (Trust me, that is a rare event)

Yesterday, two men, a father and son, showed up at our booth from the Santa Rosa Branch of the RSCDS. Santa Rosa is north of San Francisco. Ethan was competing in the solo Bag Piping event.

In 2013, I wrote a post about Jim’s kilt, a Modern Morgan plaid. I gifted it to an organization created by a good friend, Ron Wallace. Ron is a gifted dancer, musician, and teacher. This organization was created as a non-profit to help young Scottish musicians and dancers be able to outfit themselves. Instruments cost money. Kilts cost money. Often it takes time for young musicians and dancers to outfit themselves. Jim’s kilt is still helping these young men to perform in the correct attire until they can afford their own.

Here is a link to the 2014 post: Traveling, Dancing & More

Today at the Highland Games, I met the “Baily Boys” a father and son, Bill and Ethan, who dance in Ron’s class in Santa Rosa, California. The son is also a piper, learning his art from Ron among other teachers.

I have not been in touch with Ron for quite some time. I took the time to ask the Baily Boys for an update on Ron’s phone number and e-mail. This is when I found out that Ethan had worn Jim’s kilt as he was beginning to perform.

Here is what I feel is odd. Jim has been gone for over thirteen years. My life has certainly taken on a new direction. Knowing that Ethan had worn Jim’s kilt brought me to tears, and my heart felt full. It was such a touching moment to learn that Jim’s kilt, like his memory, are living on.

I was surprised that knowing this one fact opened my heart. It felt like I was seeing Jim and this kilt and all those who might have used it since his death. My heart flooded open, and I felt so grateful to know that this nice young man had benefited from a kilt that I gave to this organization. It was an honor to meet him, to know he had shared a little piece of Jim and then shared it with me.

For a moment, it made me wish I could go back in time and stand next to Jim once again as we went to our next ball. Sigh. I wonder if this will ever go away. i wonder if I want it to.

Grief is such an odd thing. It seems to take so many shapes and forms. Sometimes it involves the feeling of loss. Sometimes I see that time in my life as if it was a moment so long ago and yet still so close. And, sometimes, like today, it fills me with so many emotions all at once. Love, remembrance, sadness, tears, longing, joy, a very full heart, being in the moment, and everything else in between.

And, you know, I am glad I can feel all these things. I am glad I can be brought into the moment, where the past and future and even the present seem to fade away. And for that one moment I can truly experience being here now, being in this one moment. I can once again understand and know at a core level what I had with Jim and feel grateful that I had this experience for twenty-one amazing years.

Thank you to Ethan who helped bring this moment forward. Thanks to a Modern Morgan plaid kilt that keeps on giving to me and others. There is magic in that material. Thanks to Ron who helped that kilt find a good home. And…thank you to Jim who keeps on giving my heart a tug, over time. I love him still.

Today I am thankful. I am thankful for a full heartfelt moment. I am thankful for memories that make my heart and spirit so full.

Today I am so……Thankful.