It is hard to get ready to leave home. When I was younger I would leave home and travel and find new places without hesitation. Today I am feeling overwhelmed with the amount of things I need to do, to get myself on-the-road. Sometimes I think that I create projects to make it difficult. This is something to ponder on. I think it will be a relief to actually get in my Roadtrek and drive.
Years ago when I lived in Minnesota I was preparing to go to a weekend workshop that was focused on Native American practices. I was nervous about this. We were going into ceremony and spending all night awake and drumming and communicating with spirit. I knew no-one there. When I left Minneapolis for the drive northwest I found that I couldn’t find my way out of town. I kept getting turned around on the freeways, even though I had lived there for a length of time. At that point I was getting frustrated and angry. I finally stopped at a gas station and asked myself what was going on? When I could acknowledge that I was afraid and not sure about going to this event, well wouldn’t you know I found my way right to the camp. Sometime the hardest part of any experience is starting out. Here I am again preparing for departure and driving into the unknown and feeling all kinds of emotions. This time I will find my way out of town.
Today I taught myself how to use the electric drill to place some added snaps into the RV frame. Jim would have been the one to figure out these projects. Now I need to figure them out. Off I went to Lowes and talked to a person of knowledge and found the right equipment and and I came back and was able to accomplish this feat without difficulty. Observing Jim over the years has taught me is to look at a project first. Think about all possibilities. Create a plan, figure out how to implement it and then follow the plan. Do it safely and take your time. Well darn I did all that and it worked. I am now ready to figure out a screen door for the slider door. When I pick up the drill or use the table saw or use anything else in the garage realm I feel really accomplished. The other thing Jim has taught me is that it is OK to wander around Home Depot or Lowes with a glazed look in my eyes. I used to tease him about this. My God he loved going to these stores. Now I too am walking around with that glazed look.
Congrats – Ralph instilled that work ethic in all three of us!
Thanks for such intimate sharing of the challenges you meet facing your new life “alone,” knowing you have support from your own strength, courage, memories of Jim, and sensitivity to past events. Hooray for you. May your trip bring you simple pleasures and miracles alike.
You go, girl!
Wow, that got me thinking! You and I are living our lives in reverse of each other. I spent the bulk of my adult years (after I left CA and went back to ME) having to do things by myself because I didn’t have a male companion to do the “guy stuff”. It almost became a badge of honor and pride to be independent and accomplish these things alone. It does give you confidence that you can handle anything that comes along! And you do handle it…because you have to. I went a lot of places alone because I always thought, “If I don’t go alone I won’t be going at all and I don’t want to miss out on life!” And so I went alone. And did things alone. And also told myself quite convincingly that I actually PREFERRED it that way. And then along came Dan. For me it has been (and continues to be) a sometimes difficult transition to have him doing things for me/us. It almost feels like learned helplessness. For someone who had become so solely able and independent, it feels like as difficult a transition as yours only in reverse. Don’t get me wrong, I am lucky to have Dan with me on this journey now but there are things I’ve had to give up. Things that took a long time to build alone. And now you are building those things. And they will make you even stronger. And they will make you feel confident. And you will love that feeling!
I love Melissa. Thank you.
It is empowering when you accomplish something and I’m sure boosted your confidence. Good luck with your trip. Will be reading along and traveling vicariously with you.