Today I sold my bed. Now that is usually not a big deal. You decide that you want to sell it and you put it up for sale and then it is sold. I wish it was that easy.
Here is my reality. I put the bed up for sale on Craigslist. I have received three e-mails in the past week. Today a very nice woman came to look at it and decided to buy it. I instantly went into a panic. Did I want to sell it? Did I want to keep it? The anxiety is so real.
The ad has been on CL for months. When you advertise something on Craigslist it has to be renewed once a week. I always have the chance to not repost it or to take it down. I chose to leave it up.
So where is all the anxiety coming from? I have always known that I wanted to sell my home after Jim died. I still do. I don’t have a time line. It feels as if something is holding me back and I think it is fear of the unknown. Familiar is comfortable. Unfamiliar makes me ask myself many questions: What do I do next? Do I want to stay in San Diego or do I move somewhere else? Where is my life taking me? Where am I taking my life? Arrrgh, the same old questions over and over. Maybe the only way to figure it out is to take the leap.
The bed is the first big item that I am selling. It symbolizes so much. Jim, of course-something to sleep in-the leap into the abyss. Even though I have been anxious about this I decided to move forward with the sale of the bed.
Into the Abyss
Now where do I sleep? Well I do have the tempurpedic mattress so I am reverting to college days and sleeping on the floor. I also have an air mattress that I can use. I am really fine. I hope the anxiety goes away once the bed is removed to it’s new home.
I read and believe in many of the tenants of Buddhism. Letting go of emotional attachment has been on my mind the last few days. This bed is just an object. If I look at this issue of selling my bed, I really find I don’t feel much emotional significance connected to this bed. With it’s disappearance I am saying goodby to the familiar and those many questions, mentioned previously, come a bit closer to the surface.
And…would you like to know the outcome of all this. This woman contacted me last night and told she is not taking it? Now, though I feel more ready and maybe the next offer won’t be so traumatic.
Anyone want a bed?
Journeys of Thankfulness 
You sold a bed and I bought one! We needed a second bed for the cabin! I bought it from a virtual sale website. It was a great deal and I love the bed. You will find a new place to rest your head. I am glad you can make it for the baby showers! We’ll have fun!
If you read to the bottom of the post you will see I did not sell the bed. Now I am ready.
It will get easier letting go. Take your time deciding if you want to move.
Craigslist is such a pain that way. I’ve sold a bunch of things on it but field a lot of e-mails that go nowhere too. People change their minds a lot. It’s hard to get rid of things that have so many memories attached to them, but I read somewhere, years ago, that you should own your house, it should not own you. I suppose it applies to all your possessions.