Last week I was once again purging my house. This is an event that started with Jim’s death and continues periodically ever since.
With this purge I found a box containing every card or letter I had ever sent to Jim, over the 22 years that I knew him. It also contained Christmas and Birthday cards from members of his family and my sister, Ginny. I sat and read every single one of them. I enjoyed reading them and following our courtship through the ensuing years. It made me feel good.
These letters and cards also held some surprises for me. I would like to share a few of these with you.
- I can write. I know you might be surprised to hear me say this, being that I have been blogging for 2 1/2 years. I really never thought of myself as a writer. I have always considered myself as more of a story teller.
- I wrote my own poetry to Jim. Some of the poems were not too bad and some were corny and amateurish. They were heart felt.
- Our relationship progressed fast. As I read, I realized how quickly we knew that we were ready to commit for the long run.
- Both of us were emotionally and intellectually honest one hundred percent of the time.
- I was willing to bare my soul to him. I did not seem to have any fear of not being accepted for who I am.
- I can be a mush and a romantic. This is not how I would describe myself to anyone, ever, in my whole life.
- Some of the cards were funny and punny. We shared a similar sense of humor. That certainly came out in the cards. My humor developed over the course of our relationship and even if it is off color, I exhibit that humor more often now than I ever have before.
- Jim brought out a playfulness and joy in me. When I feel safe and loved this trait is released into the world more.
Now I have discarded the letters and cards, except for a handful. Why? I don’t need the physical cards to remember the specialness of the relationship. Every time I speak of him and our relationship, I am expressing the depth of caring and fun we had together. Who I am today is a direct result of being in such a fine relationship for 22 years. And…I am purging.
I also have a box of letters and cards that Jim sent to me. As of right now I have not sat and read all of them. I will hold on to them for a while, yet. These hold a different significance. It helps me to remember what a special person Jim was and how significant and good our relationship was. It also reminds me of how valued and treasured I was by this very good man. When I am feeling sad or a bit down it is good to have a visual reminder of how much I am loved and cared for.
I love the feeling of purging. Everything including myself and the house feels so much lighter. It feels right to do this. I have a long way to go before I can release emotional attachment to my belongings. Each time I purge though, I feel I get a little closer to this goal in my life.
Never fear, I will not purge Elsie the cat. She and I are in for the long haul.
Thank you for sharing this, I commented on your post to cherish all of the cards etc. but I see now what and why. I also have my 54 yrs of wonderful memories to cherish, I just wish I had the option to purge all those cards and love notes instead of it being ruined in our flooded basement but like all things, I have come to acceptance and have him still with me to make more memories to cherish unlike your position without Jim. Amazing the life lessons that turn into gifts! I, too, am purging and it is a slow process. I agree it is a wonderful sense of freedom. You help me to look at some things differently. Thank you!
I wrote a post and it was booted– argh. ❤
L wwwwwww l
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