Monthly Archives: March 2016

Social Media and Surprise Encounters

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Pat & Janet celebrating Easter

Pat & Janet celebrating Easter

Social media, in this instance, Facebook, is either liked or disliked by my friends. Some won’t have anything to do with it and others embrace it. It is a way to communicate and share little bits of our daily lives. I belong to several Facebook groups that are of interest in my life. I enjoy reading the quotes, seeing what everyone is up to and in one of the groups, learning about my RV.

About six months ago I friended Pat on Facebook. We used to work together. Years ago I facilitated a meditation group in my home. Pat and her husband Gene were some of the founding members of this group. Our small group quickly became friends. Besides the meditation group that met weekly, we had fun together. I remember four of us celebrating my birthday in the desert. I admired and respected Pat and Gene. They were unique and different and very much their own person and they liked me.

Janet, Gene, Pat, Kevin in the desert

Janet, Gene, Pat, Kevin in the desert-many years ago celebrating my birthday in the desert

Once I quit working as an RN,  we lost track of each other. Occasionally I would meet Pat while out shopping. We would stop catch up and then be on our way. Early last week I saw her name on my Facebook page. I decided to send her a message. Oh what a delight she answered. I was excited, she was excited.

This past Friday Pat came to my home (remember I am still no weight bearing on my right leg) and we spent approximately six hours catching up. We had more to share than I could wish. Gene, her partner for over forty years died in 2013. The two of us cried and laughed and shared as only someone who has lost their love could do.

I was not planning to do anything for Easter. That changed in a flash and a chance message on Facebook.  I spent a wonderful afternoon and early evening with Pat, her daughter, Mahrya, a friend of hers, Joan and the kids. Here I went from doing nothing to spending an enjoyable afternoon in the backyard of Mahrya’s home, sharing with these wonderful women. Mahrya and Joan’s children rounded out the group. And, you know, it was one of the best Easter’s I can remember. We read our Tarot, and learned about the importance of our numbers and finished it off with a lovely Easter dinner.

Me celebrating Easter with my purple hair wig, it belongs to Gracie

Me celebrating Easter with my purple hair wig, it belongs to Gracie, Mahrya’s daughter

I am so grateful that Facebook helped Pat and I reconnect. My heart is so full of joy. Our bond is new and it is strong. I am glad we are re-establishing our friendship. I think camping is in our future and some traveling as well. Mostly, though, I have someone who I can share grief with. I am finding that many little parts of grief are common to others who have experienced this.

  • Do we care about eating? No.
  • Is it hard to cook for one? Yes.
  • Do I want to cook? No.
  • I am not single, I am not married, I am often just me.
  • Yes we both dislike the word widow.
  • Pat a photographer and musician, and I, a watercolor artist no longer feel an urge to practice our medium.
  • What is next?
  • We both feel we are wading through the unknown and learning as we go.
  • Crying is normal. Crying at unusual times is normal.
  • Enjoying life is normal. Not enjoying life is normal.
  • It is hard to go back to the gym. (of course I can’t right now) The gym was something that Pat and I did with our partners.
  • Pat has a hard time going into the grocery store, Gene did the shopping.

The list could go on, yet I believe you get the gist. I am feeling that I am now at a place where I want to share my grief. I don’t want to share it with anyone. I want to share it with someone who has been there. Enter Pat. Oh thank you.

I do believe I am given lessons as well as gifts in my life. Lessons can be hard. Gifts are often amazing. Pat is truly a gift for me. I am glad I am on Facebook. I am glad I reconnected with Pat. I am excited about renewing our friendship. I am thankful for someone to share grief with on an intimate level. I am thankful for Pat.

 

Acts of Loving Kindness

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imagesThis past week I finally met my new neighbor. Gavin Jay was born about two weeks ago. I had to wait until I was over a cold and my broken ankle casted before I could venture next door to meet this little one. He is such a new baby, all soft and warm and, well, new.

JJ and Athena are developing into such loving parents. While I was visiting, Athena prepared to breast feed. JJ came up behind her and pulled her long hair back to help in the preparation. This was a small moment in time. This one small and rather unremarkable act drew my attention. It was such  loving thing for him to do. In that one small act I witnessed the love they have for each other. It made me think of all those moments that we easily let slide by without acknowledgement.

It doesn’t necessarily have to be a couple doing these touching acts. I believe these acts are given to us every day, sometimes by total strangers. Because they are brief moments in time, frequently they go by unnoticed. I wonder what our individual worlds would be like if we acknowledged each of these acts.

Jim and I had a very strong and loving relationship. As I look back I believe both of us took the time to acknowledge these small daily acts. I feel that this was a part of what made our relationship so strong.

Since I broke my ankle I have begun to take the time to acknowledge the large and small acts that my friends and people I don’t know well are doing for me. I am overwhelmed with gratefulness for these on-going moments. What have they been doing? Here is a sampling.

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  • Janet has been kindly driving me to my orthopedic appointments. We use the driving time to catch up. I hope she finds it as enjoyable as I do. She also borrowed a wheelchair from her church so it was easier for me to get around my home.
  • Nancy came over right after this happened and fixed the netting on the fence in my back yard so Miss Elsie the cat could go outside without leaving the yard. I don’t know if Elsie is thankful for this, I know I am.
  • Yvonne showed up the Monday after my event in the desert with a sampling of foods from Trader Joes and good conversation. She also took over a three day tour I was suppose to do the week after I broke my ankle. I am so thankful for her willingness to take this on at the last minute.
  • Phyllis has been coming over about twice a week. She has been helping me pack boxes and moving them to the shed, so that I can clear the house before the painters come in early April. She also has been schlepping me to doctors appointments. It is another good time for us to catch up. She continues to be a good friend.
  • A New Way to Get Around

    A New Way to Get Around

    Gary, who I had not met until last Monday, offered up his knee scooter so I could get around even easier. I love this scooter. I need to make sure that I am careful on it. It is kind of fun to go fast. Gary and Penny drove down from Orange County. We went out to lunch and the time flew by. I felt like I had known these two for much longer.

  • My neighbors are taking in and out the trash cans. I go to visit Kelly and Jeff and their two toddlers. I am always welcomed with open arms.
  • JJ, my other neighbor (with the baby) has offered to help finish up a couple of projects in my yard, started pre-broken ankle.
  • Tomorrow several people I know from work, yoga (the teacher), and long time friends are coming to help me move things out of the house for the paint job. I have learned that if I ask for what I need, people are more than willing to give of their time to help out. I feel very fortunate.

The above list is just a small demonstration of what others have been doing for me. I am so grateful for each and every act of kindness and caring. It makes my heart feel full and brings emotion forward. I am grateful.

I want to remember to do this for others. If I find it so touching, then others may also. Sometimes I believe that small daily acts of kindness and love are all any of us can do. We are all in this world together and sometimes all we can do is give of ourselves to each other. And I end here with a quote from Ram Dass.

“We’re all just walking each other home.”

Baba Ram Dass

Baba Ram Dass

 

A Break in Time

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4 Desert Divas

This past weekend I met up with a two other Roadtrekers, Mary and Linda,  in the Anza Borrego Desert. There were four of us for part of the weekend as a local friend of mine, Phyllis came out for Friday night. We hiked, we toured, we laughed and had wonderful conversations. The wild flowers were in full bloom. It was a great time for photographers to be out in the desert.

As we were returning from our last hike together, I slipped on some loose scree and fell hard. The results? I fractured my right ankle. As I am lying in the middle of the jeep road, well thank my lucky stars, here comes a jeep. The couple in the jeep lifted me on board and drove me the two miles to the trail head and Linda’s Roadtrek. I crawled on board, laid on the floor, with my foot elevated and iced. Thank goodness for the RV lifestyle.

one break on the outside- one break on the inside

one break on the outside- one break on the inside

After double ace wrapping my ankle I actually was able to drive home. (Maybe not the best idea but the most convenient). Phyllis met me in the driveway and drove me to the Emergency Room. It was orthopedic night. I guess everyone shows up from their adventures over the weekend. Ah the weekend warriors.

Now I sit with my foot elevated, splinted and wrapped until after my appointment today. I am also on no weight bearing. I am getting used to crutches.

I have had my share of injuries over the past six years. Jim was still alive when I injured myself before. Now I am on my own. It is different. When someone is around on a daily basis, there is always help when I need it, someone to prepare meals, drive the infirmed, me, places. Now I have to figure it out on my own. It makes it a bit harder and I have to be a bit more creative.

I am re-discovering again, the fact that I have good friends. Phyllis was supportive and patient during the initial wait in the emergency room. She also helped me clean out my Roadtrek. Yesterday some work friends, Yvonne and Annie,  showed up with food and conversation. Today, another friend, Janet is driving me to my first appointment. Oh my goodness, I am so thankful for friends. All we can do is help and support each other. Every day I am thankful that I am cared about.

I am trying to do as much as I can on my own. I feel a need to challenge myself to do my daily life. My desk chair has become a good friend. It has wheels, I can wheel it around the kitchen to prepare my meals. I also wheel it around the house when I weary of my crutches. I am not immune to crawling. I have found that is a good way to get around too. It is OK to be humble.

The dilemma of a single person is certainly in the forefront of my mind. There are many of us out there, in the world. When you have a partner there is often a false sense of security. I always assumed Jim would help me out. Now that he is not here I have to be creative in figuring out solutions. In the next few days I plan to start investigating services that might be of use to me. Some of the local grocery stores have home delivery. How do I get around? What if I want to go to the library or a coffee house? Unfortunately I live in an area with limited bus service. Uber might come in handy.

What about exercise? I am not one to sit around. I don’t mind having my foot up for a few days but then I want to move. Gary, has offered me his knee scooter and I think that would be a good solution. A scooter is certainly a better solution for me to go a bit further afield, down to the end of the street to get my mail. I can do some yoga poses so I will continue to practice. Maybe I will even adventure to the gym for some upper body work. I hope they will let me in.

I am so glad that the house has not gone on the market yet. I can delay that. Thank goodness. Right now I am set up in the living room in Jim’s and now my favorite big red Lazy Boy chair. I have the computers close by, the phone is my best companion, and I can see the finches at the feeder outside. I also have four library books sitting next to the chair. Now that is what I call a good set up.

Living alone is easy when one is healthy and able to take care of themselves 100%. With on little slip that can change in an instant. So here is what I know.

  • Ask for help. Be as independent as possible but never, ever be too proud to ask for help.
  • It is good to have friends.
  • Get a good rolling chair in your house, seriously, it helps so much.
  • Ask your HMO for services to help you out. I plan to do that this morning.
  • Investigate your resources.
  • If not on a good diet make yourself get on one. Food heals. This is an important one for me. I have not been very good regarding eating as a single person. Now it will become one of my focuses.
  • Drink plenty of water. That helps heal too.
  • Apple TV helps. I can watch a lot of current movies and documentaries.
  • Get some good books to read.
  • Now is the time to catch up on the chores I don’t want to think about, update all the financial stuff, balance the checkbook, pay bills, clean the desk off while sitting in my rolling chair.
  • Have the phone nearby so I can talk to friends and make calls with minimal effort.
  • Keep the spaces clear in the house so I have a good path for said chair and crutches.
  • And don’t mope, it could always be worse. I haven’t done the moping part yet and I don’t plan to.
  • ASK FOR HELP-this is the one I need to remember most of all.

    Linda, Phyllis, and Mary

    Linda, Phyllis, and Mary

I always thought that as I got older personal growth would slow down. I would have reached “it” whatever that is. Instead, every day I am growing as an individual on this planet. This is one more life lesson for me. Why I needed it might not be clear and that is OK. I find I need to accept this latest incident as just another place to discover thankfulness and gratefulness. Even though it has only been a few days, already, I am soooooo…..grateful to so many. Grateful to Yvonne who stepped in at the last minute to take a tour I was suppose to lead this week. Grateful for Nancy who fixed my fence last night so Miss Elsie the cat can still venture into the yard. Grateful to that couple who picked me up and drove me two miles down the hill. Grateful to Linda and Mary for all their assistance. Grateful to Phyllis who is always there when I need her. Grateful to Gary who is going to loan me his knee scooter. Grateful to everyone else who is out there loving and supporting me as I continue to explore the life of the single person. Sigh.

And here is why I was in the desert in the first place.

Desert Sun Flowers

Desert Sun Flowers

Sand Verbena

Sand Verbena

Desert

Desert Primrose

 

Desert Liliy

Desert Lily

House For Sale, Adventure Awaits

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imagesA while ago I mentioned in one of my posts that my goal for 2016 was to fix up the house and get it on the market.

Guess what I am in the middle of? Yes, you guessed it. I am in the middle of completing  some major interior and exterior projects on my house. Last week I had a cracked slab repaired, a new sidewalk with drainage on both sides installed, and a new driveway put in. It looks snazzy.

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Driveway drying

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My new sidewalk.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is more to come. I have to get some drywall work done and then the interior will be painted. I am hoping to complete this by the middle of March and then if all things go according to plan the house will go  on the market.

Here is what I know about this process so far. It is stressful. It can be very stressful, at times. I feel that I have done pretty well dealing with the stress of it all. Oh wait I almost forgot I am getting over a cold but that is not stress related (who am I kidding). Every once in a while my not so favorite friend, anxiety, rears it’s ugly head. I try to remind myself that I am halfway through the repair and fixing up thing. It helps that Barbara, my friend and realtor is willing to listen to me. She asks the right questions too.

Once the house sells I head straight into the unknown. I am not planning to buy or rent another place immediately. I am going to sell most of my belongings, put the rest in storage and Elsie and I will live in my Roadtrek RV for the next year. If I really like it I may stay in it longer. If I don’t like it I may not stay a year. This is my plan at present.

stress-article-2015Moving into my Roadtrek is way more challenging to my stress level than getting the house ready for sale. When I was younger, I would pick up on a whim, pack and move. Sometimes I had no idea where I would end up. I am sure there was stress and anxiety with those moves too. I have found, as I have gotten older, moving has become harder and harder. Now I am want to move out of traditional housing entirely. What????

Since Jim’s death selling the house has always been in the back of my mind. It has nothing to do with our life together in our home. If it did I would stay here forever. This is what occurs when one finds oneself in a good and filling relationship. Creating a fresh start is important to me. I find that if I have to start over, I want to start somewhere fresh and in a place that is mine to create.

My problem with finding a home and space that is just mine is, I don’t where it is. I have been on two long trips and I thought each one would help me define where I want to live. I have learned some important things by traveling, yet where I want to live is still a mystery. Here is what I know:

  • I will not live east of the Rocky Mountains again-unless my family needed me. I love the wide open spaces of the west. I love all the mountains and the broad forever vistas. When I first moved to the Rocky Mountains in the 1970’s I never looked east again.
  • I have ruled out two thirds of the country. That’s good.
  • The Pacific Coast is amazing. I love camping and traveling it. I have found that I have been inexplicably drawn to the Pacific since Jim’s ashes went to sea.
  • I don’t mind some humidity. The humidity back east and in the south is overwhelming.
  • I love the lack of bugs in the west. I will put up with mosquitos and those pesky ants. But I don’t have to clean the front end off my vehicles after I drive them once.
  • There is something amazing to me regarding the fact that on any given day, year round, I can walk out of my house and go exploring. I don’t usually have to wait until the weather clears.
  • My car stays in good shape forever.
  • I have good friends all over the country and beyond. I have very good, loving and supportive friends in San Diego. Their support, caring and love would make it very hard for me to leave. All my friends have gone above the call in helping me during the last 3+ years.

Here is what I don’t know:

  • Where Do I Want to Live??????

Until I know more of what I want,  I don’t think I will buy. I may rent, after the year in my RV. I plan to keep an open mind and let in all possibilities.

Miss Elsie and I are going to become the traveling duo. Where do I travel to first? Maybe the photo below will shed some light on this question.IMG_2569

Yep that is right. I am pondering the Alcan Highway later in the spring, depending on the sale of the house. I have a lovely friend, Cat, who has a fifth wheel who wants to caravan with me. I am feeling the slight undertones of excitement. We would make a good team, me and Miss Elsie, Cat and her two dogs, Dory and Bodhi.

2016 continues to be an interesting year. I promise I will keep you up to date as the mystery of this year unfolds.

And the Adventure Continues.