Tag Archives: thankful

Preparing For the End of Winter

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I would like to express my gratitude to all the responses I received from my last post “Struggling Through Winter”. All of your comments were so supportive and helpful. I have read through them more than once. It has eased the feeling of aloneness I felt this winter. It has reminded me, once again, that those of us who struggle with depression and sadness are not alone. I am forever grateful to all of you.

As the daylight hours lengthen I have found I have more energy and interest in the world around me. And, I am beginning to prepare…prepare to move back into my rig and begin the life of a nomad, once again.

I wasn’t sure what direction I was heading when I left the bay and ocean, in San Diego. I kept waiting it out, in hopes that a small “aha moment” would appear and I would have it figured out. I now know my first destination. I am going to driving across the southern United States and then cutting north to Ohio by the second week in March. I leave my rental on February 28th. I will spend a few days at a campground, just to adjust and then I am on my way.

For those who have been following my blog, you may be aware that my one and half year old great nephew, Ward, was diagnosed with a Wilms tumor right before Christmas. After successfully removing the tumor and kidney, he recovered and is now in the process of receiving chemotherapy for several months. His family is adjust to this unexpected time in their lives. This is not an easy adjustment and they certainly can use all the support they can get.

My sister, Grandma to Ward, has been in Ohio  since the tumor was discovered. She is in need of returning home. I am going to be helping my niece and her husband out for a while. I will now have time to meet and get to know my great nephew. I am looking forward to meeting this little one and loving my niece and her husband.

This is what family does for each other. We may not always agree, or get along but when any of us struggle, my family is there to support and love each other. It is my honor to actively support and love this lovely young family.

As February begins to wind down, I am getting busy with my Roadtrek. I am getting it cleaned up and completing  all my little and medium size projects in the rig. I am cleaning, making lists and starting to figure out what I want to take with me and what will return to my storage locker.

Miss Elsie the Cat is making her own checklist. She wants to make sure she has all her creature comforts with her. 

I am looking forward to being on the move. I am looking forward to spending time with my niece and her family. I am looking forward to exploring places I have not been before. I am looking forward to meeting people along the way and visiting with friends. I am looking forward to figuring out my spring and summer. I am looking forward. Looking forward means that depression is lessening and I am entering back into life. Oh I am so glad for this. It has been a long few months.

Next winter I might go to New Zealand so I can experience summer all year around. 🌞

Stay tuned—-Life is picking up.

 

 

 

Sorry No More, well maybe

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 “Dear random women I meet every day: if we go through the same doorway at the same time you don’t need to apologize. If you happen to be going down stairs at the same time I’m going up, don’t be sorry. If you’re looking at something on a store shelf and I pause to look at the same shelf you don’t need to excuse yourself. The next time you’re about to make a valid point in a discussion, don’t start by saying “I’m sorry but.” You deserve to be here. You deserve the air you breathe and the light you absorb. You deserve the space you take up. You deserve to have an opinion without it being diminished by an apology. What is the message when our daughters, sisters, students and any young women see us apologizing for simply being here? For thinking? For taking up space? What are we signaling to men, to anyone, about our sense of our own value and worthiness? Is being sorry the way you want people to see you? How can we possibly fight for gender equity for ourselves and others when we behave as if we don’t belong? Try this for a week: stop apologizing. Apologize ONLY if you have truly caused harm. Then do it for another week. Then keep going. ”                     Patricia James  

 

I am the queen of sorry. Ever since I was small I apologized. I always felt that most things were my fault, even things that did not pertain to me. As I have grown into adulthood, this has continued. I apologize for everything, the weather, the day, not being fast enough, not being slow enough, being in the way, not being in the way. You get the idea. When Jim, my husband entered my life he started to subtly and not so subtly work with me to change this habit. It is hard and yet, with his help I find I have, over the years, apologized less. I can at least recognize my moments of broad and random apologizing.

imagesI am not the only one who has this issue. Many women also work through this frustrating habit. I believe that society teaches women this behavior, as we grow up. If I speak to other women and I once again apologize and then say “I am sorry for saying sorry”, nine times out of ten they get it.

I belong to the Pantsuit Nation Facebook page. Recently the above quote was written on this page.  I had already been thinking of posting about this topic. When I saw Patricia’s quote it struck a very deep and personal chord. Another woman I follow on Facebook posted the below quote from feministvoice on Instagram.

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OK I get it. When the moment is right the messages come. It is time for me to stop apologizing for the world. I don’t often pay attention to New Years resolutions. This coming year I plan to stop saying “I’m sorry”. It is not something that is going to change overnight. Creating positive change takes time and patience.

The first step is awareness. Since Jim’s death (four years ago), I have recognized more and more, my moments of apologizing. I have no one who can lovingly and gently guide me. Now I have to step up and become my own muse.

Hopefully my friends can lovingly support me through this change. If I say I am sorry, I really don’t want anyone to correct me. Maybe a “go Janet” would be better.

I really like the idea of changing the “I’m sorry” to something positive. The title of this blog is Journeys of Thankfulness. As a noun gratitude is the state of being thankful and grateful. As a adjective thankful is showing appreciation or gratitude. I am right on track and ready for this personal challenge. It is long overdue.

Today I am thankful for strong women who, through their voice, assist me in change. Today I am thankful for all who read this post and their quiet or verbal support. Today I am thankful for only apologizing when it is the correct situation. Today I am grateful.

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Bring it on 2017

Acts of Loving Kindness

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imagesThis past week I finally met my new neighbor. Gavin Jay was born about two weeks ago. I had to wait until I was over a cold and my broken ankle casted before I could venture next door to meet this little one. He is such a new baby, all soft and warm and, well, new.

JJ and Athena are developing into such loving parents. While I was visiting, Athena prepared to breast feed. JJ came up behind her and pulled her long hair back to help in the preparation. This was a small moment in time. This one small and rather unremarkable act drew my attention. It was such  loving thing for him to do. In that one small act I witnessed the love they have for each other. It made me think of all those moments that we easily let slide by without acknowledgement.

It doesn’t necessarily have to be a couple doing these touching acts. I believe these acts are given to us every day, sometimes by total strangers. Because they are brief moments in time, frequently they go by unnoticed. I wonder what our individual worlds would be like if we acknowledged each of these acts.

Jim and I had a very strong and loving relationship. As I look back I believe both of us took the time to acknowledge these small daily acts. I feel that this was a part of what made our relationship so strong.

Since I broke my ankle I have begun to take the time to acknowledge the large and small acts that my friends and people I don’t know well are doing for me. I am overwhelmed with gratefulness for these on-going moments. What have they been doing? Here is a sampling.

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  • Janet has been kindly driving me to my orthopedic appointments. We use the driving time to catch up. I hope she finds it as enjoyable as I do. She also borrowed a wheelchair from her church so it was easier for me to get around my home.
  • Nancy came over right after this happened and fixed the netting on the fence in my back yard so Miss Elsie the cat could go outside without leaving the yard. I don’t know if Elsie is thankful for this, I know I am.
  • Yvonne showed up the Monday after my event in the desert with a sampling of foods from Trader Joes and good conversation. She also took over a three day tour I was suppose to do the week after I broke my ankle. I am so thankful for her willingness to take this on at the last minute.
  • Phyllis has been coming over about twice a week. She has been helping me pack boxes and moving them to the shed, so that I can clear the house before the painters come in early April. She also has been schlepping me to doctors appointments. It is another good time for us to catch up. She continues to be a good friend.
  • A New Way to Get Around

    A New Way to Get Around

    Gary, who I had not met until last Monday, offered up his knee scooter so I could get around even easier. I love this scooter. I need to make sure that I am careful on it. It is kind of fun to go fast. Gary and Penny drove down from Orange County. We went out to lunch and the time flew by. I felt like I had known these two for much longer.

  • My neighbors are taking in and out the trash cans. I go to visit Kelly and Jeff and their two toddlers. I am always welcomed with open arms.
  • JJ, my other neighbor (with the baby) has offered to help finish up a couple of projects in my yard, started pre-broken ankle.
  • Tomorrow several people I know from work, yoga (the teacher), and long time friends are coming to help me move things out of the house for the paint job. I have learned that if I ask for what I need, people are more than willing to give of their time to help out. I feel very fortunate.

The above list is just a small demonstration of what others have been doing for me. I am so grateful for each and every act of kindness and caring. It makes my heart feel full and brings emotion forward. I am grateful.

I want to remember to do this for others. If I find it so touching, then others may also. Sometimes I believe that small daily acts of kindness and love are all any of us can do. We are all in this world together and sometimes all we can do is give of ourselves to each other. And I end here with a quote from Ram Dass.

“We’re all just walking each other home.”

Baba Ram Dass

Baba Ram Dass