This past Monday, my realtor and I went “live”. My home is up for sale. I have been working on the house since February getting it ready for this moment. My broken ankle slowed the process down for a few months. Now that I am walking and doing better each day, it is time.
Today, Tuesday, two interested parties came to view the house. When I received the first call, I was nervous and excited and a bit anxious and scared all at the same time. There are so many mixed feelings with this move.
Ever since I was diagnosed with breast cancer I feel as if my life has been tossed up in the air, like a deck of cards. While I was picking up the cards from this incident, Jim was diagnosed with cancer. Up went the cards again. Eight months later he was diagnosed with a metastasis from the original cancer, up the cards went once again. With his death all those cards have been taking their time coming down. I have been slowly picking them up, one at a time. Picking up each one has certainly been taking time. No set schedule here.
I thought I would sell our home 3 months after Jim died. I now understand that was way to soon. Grief needs time and I needed somewhere comfortable and secure and safe to manage the initial stages of grief and loss. There was nowhere better than the home where Jim’s and my relationship flourished.
Me & the Trek
I have been trying to figure out what is next in my life since Jim’s death. I have been waiting for a grand moment of awareness. It has not arrived. I am going looking for it. Miss Elsie the Cat and I are going to make my sweet little Roadtrek into our home for the next year. It may be longer than a year or it may be shorter but I have decided to go traveling. I love to travel. I enjoy learning and meeting new people and exploring this grand country I live in. And to create some expansiveness, I am including Canada in my travels, as well.
I don’t plan to set out until the house sells, unless it is on the market for a while. If that happens then I will be heading out before it sells. Maybe I will figure out where I want to live. If not it will be one grand adventure. I look forward to seeing friends, friends who I have known forever and newer ones as well.
The nervousness and anxiety comes from the unknown. It is a little overwhelming to put my trust out there in the universe that all will be OK. I have moved several times in my adult life. Each time has been just a wee bit harder than the last one. I am not sure why that happens, but I do think it has to do with age. Maybe as I have gotten more mature I have found myself more settled with each move. I do have friends in so many places and I hope to meet up with as many as I can. It is time to catch up.
I am getting ready to roll. What should I take? What should I leave? Where am I going? Is this crazy?
Then there is the house. It takes a bit of effort to dismantle a house. I have been in the process of doing this for the past few weeks. I still have a ways to go, yet even this is manageable as long as I don’t get too stressed.
Miss Elsie
And then there are the memories. Sigh. Even this is OK. It can even be therapeutic. And the bottom line here, is I need move ahead with my life. I want to create adventure and exciting, happy challenges. I am ready. Miss Elsie, well who knows but she is coming along for the ride.
Getting ready, change is in there air.
Journeys of Thankfulness 
Wishing you all life’s best and safe travels wherever you go! Jim will follow along with a smile at your “living life as you choose”! Good Luck with the house sale too. If, by any chance you head towards Rochester area or Brennan Beach in Pulaski, we would be thrilled to see you again. I will look forward to your journey! Have fun, Elsie! Hugs! Pauline
Your spirit and writing is aglow, Janet. Jim would be very proud of you.
Oh, Janet, I can so relate to this! I am also working through trying to get my house cleaned out and fixed up to sell. Sometimes the memories of “things” almost make it impossible. Time is healing but sometimes something small just hits me and I have to just walk away from the process. I know what and where the end result will be, just taking my time getting there! Look forward to hearing how your journey goes!
Hi Janet. As always, your personal journey is inspiring. I am getting my house in Minneapolis ready to sell. I thought I knew where I wanted to move in the greater metro area, but I have changed my mind multiple times. Now I think I will sell, move in with a friend, and keep putting my desires for the perfect location out to the Universe to answer when it is time. It IS hard to do that, and my head keeps wanting to “figure it out.” That’s the part of your current story that is inspiring — that you are willing to get in the Road Trek and go until you land in the right next spot for you. Oh, if only I had a RT (and were ready to retire)….thanks again for sharing. I hope you swing through my neck of the woods again, and if you can give me advance notice, I can try to be here. (Last year when you came through, I was just departing for Europe).Perhaps I could even meet you up north and camp with you a couple of days. Or if you have any desire to go to Churchill Manitoba to see the polar bears and beluga whales, let me know. That’s been on my list for a few years. HAVE FUN and keep putting out your highest and clearest desire to the Universe — you are and will be supported.
Kat Ingerson