An Adventure of Another Sort….The Jim Fenningham Memorial Scholarship

Posted on February 8, 2014 by JanetA

Daniel & Janet
Awards Breakfast

This morning, with the support of my good friend Tammy, we went to the Grossmont and Cuyamaca College Scholarship Awards Breakfast.

You may ask, why was this an adventure? I elected to introduce the recipient of the Jim Fenningham Memorial Scholarship this morning. I know, I am up in front of people all the time when I am “on the tour bus”, but this is way different. I had to speak in front of people in a whole different way and it took courage for me to do this.

I did well. I reminded myself to do what I do all the time and that is relax and speak from the heart. It helped to introduce such a good young man with an abundance of enthusiasm for his chosen career path. Not only have I gotten to know Daniel a little but now I feel like a bit of Jim is with him also. How delightful.

Tammy, Daniel, Janet

It was also very good to have Tammy with me. She was the person who suggested a scholarship in Jim’s honor instead of a memorial service that even Jim would not have wanted to go to. I appreciate her unwavering support any time I ask for it. She loved Jim and I know she loves me. I could have thought of no one better to sit next to me and take the photos while I presented this award. I am grateful for her ongoing friendship.

Over twenty scholarships were awarded this morning. The awards went to all ages and ethnic backgrounds and they honored many different areas of study. I admit, I was not sure that this morning would be interesting, so I was pleasantly surprised to find myself attentive and interested in this breakfast. It gives me such hope to see so many students moving through adversity of all sorts to get to a place where they excel in their fields of study. These students represent all of our future and it is good to know they are there, interested and actively involved in their pursuit of education and learning. Many of their stories were very touching. It was an honor to be there and to support them and to know that this will be an on-going role for me.

I am going to include a copy of the essay that Daniel wrote to win this award. He is seeking a career in acting. The scholarship this semester was awarded in the Theater Arts. Jim acted, danced, juggled and performed. He loved anything to do with the theater. Next semester it will be awarded to a student seeking a degree in the social sciences. It is exciting to be a part of this process.

Enjoy the essay. I did.

My Dream

I am a Mexican-American low-income student living in the United States pursuing
an undergraduate degree. I was raised in Tampico, Tamaulipas Mexico to Mexican
parents, but my mom had the great vision to give birth to me in the U.S so I could have
more opportunities, and so I was born in McAllen Texas. Her decision to have me in the
States was the best decision she could have make because thanks to that I am now
here pursuing my dream of becoming an actor. I lived in Tampico until I was 18 when I
came to San Diego for my senior year. The plan was to come and graduate to here to
have more opportunities and to decide if I wanted to study in the U.S. or go back to
Mexico. After a year here I decided a wanted to stay, but first I had to ask my uncles,
whom I lived with, if I could stay for college. They said yes, and my parents supported
me with whatever decision I made. I stayed and would later payoff because of my
career choice.

I think that by just being in the United States studying is a great personal
achievement. My family is still in Mexico and I just get to see them during summer and
the holidays, and I think that is the biggest sacrifice I have made in my entire life. The
obstacle of being separate from my family is worth it because I am fighting for my
dream. As I already mention, I want to be an actor and I want to pursue a Bachelors
Degree in Theatre or a BFA in acting. I want to transfer to Cal State Long Beach to get
my degree and keep moving forward from there and start building my acting career. I
still have left at least a year at Grossmont, but looking forward to it to see what other
great acting classes I can take.

Besides of having a full-time schedule; I am in Grossmont’s touring show, which
tours around elementary schools around San Diego. We have rehearsals Tuesdays and
Thursdays from 8 to 11 am, and even though it is early I am always excited for every
rehearsal because of the great purpose of the touring show, which is taking theatre to
the children. I am very proud to be involved in this great project and I try to give my best
everyday even in rehearsals and help my fellow actors with whatever they need. I am
excited to be in this play because it’s my first play ever, but I am especially excited to be
in a play so kids with Mexican heritage can know that there is an opportunity in theatre,
and I wish to inspire Mexican-American children to fight for their dreams.

For the last two years attending Grossmont I struggled with commuting because I
didn’t own a car and took me two hours to get to school. I recently got a car but there
are other expenses that this scholarship would help me with. My parents help me with
what they can, but I will find the way to keep studying here to follow and accomplish my
dream. If I am selected for this scholarship it would be a big step forward in achieving
my short term goal, and help me fulfill my dream and motivate me to keep moving
forward.

Janet & Daniel Officials of the college & the district

To support this scholarship, please make checks payable to:
Foundation for Grossmont & Cuyamaca Colleges (FGCC)
Mention that the contribution is for The Jim Fenningham Memorial Scholarship
Mail contributions to:
Selam Gebrekristos
Scholarship Specialist
Financial Aid Office
8800 Grossmont College Dr
El Cajon, CA 92020-1799
Tax Deductible Contributions per section 501 (c) (3) of the IRS Code; EIN 45-2692818

Hanging Ten

Posted on January 27, 2014 by JanetA

Me at the Mavericks festival

OK I’m hooked. I love big wave surfing. Friday was such a great day. I loved camping where I did. I could walk everywhere and I love that. The first thing I saw when I got up in the morning were the different San Francisco news vans getting set up. Well that was kind of cool and exciting. Then I walked over to the Mavericks Festival. There were big screens set up so that those who were not lucky enough to go out on the boat could watch the contest. There were all kinds of food and beer, of course. People just showed up with their beach chairs and positioned themselves for the day. Everyone I met was so nice.

At 10:30 a.m. I stepped onto the boat. Now here is something to remember. When the waves are big out at the break, they are also big when you are going out into them in a small fishing boat. It was a great roller coaster ride. Thank goodness for bonine.

big wave

Mavericks, the break, is about 2 miles out in very rough seas. When we arrived I was so amazed at the number of people and boating equipment that was there. There were kayakers, a sculler, people on surf boards, private yachts, small fishing boats, rafts, paddle boarders and more. The most important boats there, were the coast guard that kept everything in as much order as they could. The coast guard created a loose circle that all the boats had to go in so that everyone had a chance to see the surfers.

catching a wave

I soon realized that taking photos was going to be really tough. I took a few but then befriended Ben who had a cool looking camera and when he downloads them, will share his photos with me. I was pleased with this arrangement as I could then do what I came to do and that was watch. And watch I did. Even though we were close to the break the surfers still looked so small on those big waves. It was cool.

The waves were 30-40 feet high. I have decided as exciting and fascinating that I find this sport, I personally think these guys are a bit nuts. By the time those surfers are surfing down the face of a wave that big they are going up to 35 mph. Whoa.

The immediate kinship everyone on my boat felt with each other was very heartwarming to me. We were all in this together. Everyone shared talk of cameras, even the professionals. There was always room for one more at the rail. If you were trying to walk and were weaving too much someone gave a hand to help that person out. I enjoyed the company as much as I did the event, if not more. I like meeting nice people and giving them the chance to be nice is good too.

After 3 hours and the final was complete the boat surfed us back into harbor. It amazes me that the kayakers and scullers came out through this break. The day was done. I got in my RT and headed south.

My campsite for the night before the competition

Main judges boat & surfers boat for the competition

Driving RT 1 south of Half Moon Bay

I spent 2 days traveling down Rt 1. What an amazing road. The road between Half Moon Bay and Santa Cruz was gorgeous. It looked a lot like Big Sur. I had never been on that stretch of RT 1. I have now decided that I need to travel the northern part of that RT. I like the feel of independence the people who live in these spaces exhibit. There is a part of me that feels that independence within me as well. And for my friend Zoe, you should see the vistas.

Sunset at Cosanoa.

Hiking at Big Basin Redwoods State Park

The last day of this trip was spent meandering down the Big Sur Coast, one more time. I have not been on this coast for several years and in the past year I have traveled this stretch of the Pacific Coast at least 5 times that I can count. I love this coastline. It never ceases to amaze me. Each time I have traveled here it has been different, I have been different. I really like the fact that I feel that even though it is a long ways from home, I can casually meander the coast in the morning and still get to San Diego not too late in the evening.

Big Sur Coast

Each trip I take is different. Every time I venture out I feel different. This trip was so much fun yet I found that the leaving and the driving north was hard for me emotionally. I felt alone and concerned about that state. What if no one spoke to me? What if I didn’t know what to say to strangers? What if I didn’t have a good time? What if, what if, what if. I find that since Jim is no longer with me I have been having to find a new balance in my life. Sometimes it is spot on and I am good. Then there are times like this trip that I struggle to figure out my place as a single woman in my world and in the broader world. It is OK to be this way, I know this, still it can be a struggle. I am glad to be home.

Every time I’ve traveled the Big Sur Coast I think this bird is waiting for me. I see him in the same spot each time.

sea gulls taking their morning bath

Still slowly moving forward and finding strength.

Surfs Up

Posted on January 23, 2014 by JanetA

There are times in my life that I need to suck it up, be brave and have an adventure. This morning at 7 am, with the help of my friend Nancy, I picked up my RT the RV at the dealer (it needed some minor fixes) and headed north. I drove for almost 10 hours to get to Half Moon Bay, just outside of San Francisco. It is a small and pretty area on the California coast. Today and tomorrow it is going to be inundated with people like me that love to watch big wave surfing.

Yep, I drove all this way to get on a boat and watch these men surf 30-40 foot swells. The competition is at a famous wave break called Mavericks. It doesn’t happen every year. They have to wait for the right swells to come in. This year they are here. Whoo Hoo.

They invite 24 of the top big wave surfers in the world to attend the competition and they are given 24 hours to get here. They come from all over the world. This is so cool. Someone just walked by with a surf board. Cool.

Jim was my heart but he hated crowds. Every time I mentioned Mavericks to him he did not want anything to do with it. Last year I put my name on the wait list for this competition and it did not go. This year it is.

I admit it, I am a closet big wave surfer. I love to watch surfing movies and I love to read books about surfing and I have never even been on a board. So this trip is like a dream come true.

Right now I am sitting in the lobby of the Oceano Hotel, so I can access wifi, and all the surfers and photographers are here. I want to go say hi to them but, yes, even me, can get a little shy. I am enjoying the energy of the moment.

Tomorrow I hope to add some of my own photos. Look for another blog. I was a little nervous about doing this but now that I am here I am so looking forward to it. It is good to get out of my comfort zone. Stretch a little bit, grow a little bit and enjoy the ride.

Look for more by the end of the weekend. Surf On!!

I Am Still Here

Posted on January 16, 2014 by JanetA

Janet in The Slot
Ready for desert season

Wow. I just realized how long it has been since I have posted. Where does the time go? Well we all know where it goes. Life is busy and sometimes I procrastinate. there always seems like there is something that needs to be done first. I am back and my journey continues.

I made it through the holidays. I don’t do much celebrating and haven’t for years. I like the holiday lights and the music. Many years ago I gave up giving gifts. It certainly took some of the stress away. I have to admit I am glad that the holidays are behind me.

Oak Creek Canyon, Sedona

Christmas found me traveling with a group to Sedona and the Grand Canyon. I love to drive distance. I find it a great time to be reflective let my imagination run wild. Riding for 13 hours across the California desert with a group of people was a whole different story. Our morning started early and we got to Sedona around 8:30 in the evening. Whew, long day. The saving grace was that we stayed in the same hotel for the whole 4 nights we were there. It was fun to spend Christmas day on the south rim of the Grand Canyon. At the end it was again a long drive back to southern California.

Here is what I learned from this trip. Even though I have enjoyed the last 13 years of travel, I am done. I am done with stressing about these trips. I am done being tired and not sleeping during the trip. I am truly done with people evaluating me. What does this mean…well, I retired from AFC Vacations last Friday. If I make a commitment to do an over-the road trip now it will be because I really love where I will be going with each company that asks me to do a trip. Change continues to be the theme of my life.

I am still working locally as a tour guide. I love doing the close-to-home work. After 6 hours I can go home to my quiet house and yard. Miss Elsie is waiting. I can get a good night sleep. Life is good.

one of my accomplishments, a new berry lattice

For the last few days I have been thinking about the phrase “random acts of kindness”. I love reading about people who give unselfishly, often at a moments notice, frequently without waiting for thanks or acknowledgement. Not only do the recipients feel good and special but so does the giver. I also feel good after hearing of these moments in time. Then I began to wonder about why we can’t give ourselves those special moments. Would it feel the same? Sometimes I feel like I want to thank myself or acknowledge my own job well done. It is good to take the time for each of us to feel good about ourselves by acknowledging ourselves. I know that each time I accomplish something around the house that Jim would have done, I feel so warm and special and happy. Usually there is no one around to say good job well done, so I say it to myself and I allow myself to feel warm, proud and happy. Even months later when I remember that moment it still feels good. It is a little harder, I feel, to figure out how to give myself a random act of kindness. Even as I write this I am not sure how to do that. This will require a little more thought. What a fun thing to think about.

Sharon & David with David Jr, Judith and Taylor. September 2014

For those of you who have been following me I want to end this post by giving you an update on my friends in Southern Utah, Sharon and David. At the first of the year my long time friend, David finished this earthly journey. He had been sick for some time and after a short time on hospice he moved on. It has been a unique and hard experience for all of us who loved him so. He lived a long and good life and was a mentor to many, including myself. I am so glad that I had a good visit with him when I visited in September. I value him in so many ways and he will be missed. Sharon is doing OK. She has a very strong community of friends to support and love her. And her adult children are amazing. I have been honored to know him for more years than I can count. I ask you to wish him well wherever he is now. Soon it will be time for me too load up the Roadtrek and go visit Sharon.

Happy New Year Everyone.

Hiding, Feeling Thankful & Traveling

Posted on December 6, 2013 by JanetA

Janet Hiking with the Nature Conservancy Spring 2013

I Have Been Hiding.

These past few weeks have been emotionally hard for me. People always say it is the holidays, I don’t really think so. Sometimes there is no reason why feelings appear. I don’t really think they need to be defined. Emotions just are. I am not so fond of the ones I have been feeling. I prefer to think I am progressing and creating a next phase of my life. Yet I admit to wallowing in the past couple of weeks. I have been missing companionship. I also am missing having Jim physically in my life. He always thought and felt I was a good person and I miss having someone support me in this manor. I know that in my growth I should be able to support myself, however, having someone love you and see you whole in their eyes is such a marvelous thing. I am missing that at this moment.

Machu Pichu

When Jim first died I was busy and I chose to continue to be busy most of this past year. Now I am not so busy and I feel that this is allowing my emotions to come forward. Sometimes it just takes time. At the same time I am doing OK. I am not curling up behind closed curtains. I am just laying low. I think that is OK.

I have been thinking a lot about what I need from strangers, my friends, my family and myself. Having gone through breast cancer (being the patient) and Jim’s cancer (being the caretaker) I have been asked what others can do for me. This is such a huge question.

What I really think I need and what I intend to do to help others when they are going through anything hard in their lives is to say “I am sorry you have to go through this. What can I do to help?”

Here is one of my lists of things I never need to hear again.

Any story about anyone’s cancer, especially the stories that resulted in death.
Having someone tell me my HMO is terrible. Both Jim and I have had wonderful doctors and really appreciate the loving kindness so many showed us within the system.
Don’t tell me that if Jim had gone to another medical center he might still be alive. Really? (this one came from a woman who was in the midst of the treatment for metastatic cancer)
I don’t need to hear how horrible the treatments are for cancer. The old wives tales can be horrible. No one responds the same to the individualized treatments for cancer.
“He is in such a better place now.” “He is no longer suffering.” How does anyone know this? This does not help.
“God called him home.” This another really? moment. Jim was an agnostic in this case how could God call him home.
Don’t always ask how I am doing. From moment to moment it changes, just like everyone else.
Don’t keep asking me to tell the story of my bout with cancer or Jim’s. It is painful at times and I want to move forward.

Now the list of things that have been helpful to both myself and Jim.

Anyone who took us out of what we were going through. I have not told you about all of Jim’s running buddies (Barbara, Henry & Brian). These three people were so caring & beneficial for Jim and myself. They treated both of us normal when we all knew the situation was anything but normal. Keeping our normal routines alive helped so much.
Ask me how my life is going, not how I am doing? Gossip is great. Let’s admit it, we all do it.
In the midst of misery ask me to go do something normal, play a game of scrabble, go to a movie, take a walk and anything else that is normal.
If anyone is feeling overwhelmed bring them a pot of soup, clean their house, and just love them.
When I was in the hospital with Jim, friends would check in on the cat…that helped me not worry about her.
The most important thing is to pay heed to how I am doing now in my life. Friendships will bring me out of my current sorry state.

Pismo Beach

Janet & Nancy enjoying TG

Lastly, I wanted to tell you what I did over Thanksgiving. My friend, Nancy and I took my cute RT to Pinnacles National Park. First we went to Pismo Beach and had Thanksgiving Dinner at the SeaVenture Resort, right on the Ocean. It was beautiful and filling.

We spent three nights at Pinnacles National Park.I didn’t even know about this park. It is remote and striking in the middle of so much that is urban. It is close to King City & Monterey. We hiked into caves & around the peaks. there was no internet or cell phone reception and it was so great to have time out. I love beautiful country and being remote. I also love my RV when it is 30 degrees out. I am getting used to this kind of hiking.

Pinnacles

A short tunnel

In the Caves

In November, I posted on my facebook page 30 days of what I was thankful for. Sometimes it was hard. It makes me aware that I don’t always take the time to remember thankfulness and feeling grateful. I would like to think that I may be a little more aware now. Right now I feel a need to be vigilant with these feelings and wait for them to incorporate into my every day life so they become a part of it instead of the exception.

Right now, I am thankful, for this blog, for my friends, for my readers and my family. All of you give me strength and for that I am so Thankful.

Pismo Beach

Jim Fenningham Memorial Scholarship

Posted on November 21, 2013 by JanetA

Jim at work

I promised myself I would only do this one time around the first anniversary of Jim’s death. I am not going to be like public radio. In case you want to help though it is a worthy cause.

October marked the one year anniversary of Jim’s death. Where did the time go? It feels in many ways, just like yesterday. I know our lives move on but there are many that will carry the memory of Jim with them for years to come.

Jim had a Masters Degree in Counseling. As an administrator he was dedicated to helping college students achieve academic success. He started his career at Grossmont Community College as the Director of Admissions & Records. He ended his career as the Dean of Counseling & Student Services. Over his years at the college his caring and gentle way garnered respect from all he encountered. He was a good man.

Jim spent 24 years passionately assisting students and staff at Grossmont College. He often commented on how the people he worked with felt like family. I can think of nothing better to honor my husband and friend than to help a student through college.

Shortly after his death I started The Jim Fenningham Memorial Scholarship at Grossmont College. One semester this scholarship is awarded to a student in the Arts & Humanities. The next semester it is awarded to a student in the Social Sciences. I opted to have this scholarship alternate between these two majors because the two areas were a major focus of Jim’s adult life. He had a passion for both.

My goal is to continue the scholarship for many years to come. With the help of the Grossmont College Foundation I would like to make this a perpetual scholarship. I need to raise money to accomplish this. If you would like to help with this cause, all donations would be greatly appreciated

Contributions to the Jim Fenningham Memorial Scholarship Fund are most welcome and can be made as a one-time gift or as an ongoing donation through the Foundation.

Contributions are tax deductible.

Foundation for Grossmont & Cuyamaca Colleges (FGCC)

Mention that the contribution is for The Jim Fenningham Memorial Scholarship

Mail Contributions to:

Selam Gebrekristos

Scholarship Specialist

Financial Aid Office

8800 Grossmont College Dr

El Cajon, CA 92020-1799

Tax Deductible Contributions per section 501 (c) (3) of the IRS Code; EIN 45-2692818

With All my Heart Felt Thanks

Janet

One Year Tomorrow

Posted on November 16, 2013 by JanetA

Aolani

Sunday, November 17th, 2012 eighteen good people took Jim’s ashes to sea. Jim had requested being buried in the Pacific Ocean and so on an incredibly beautiful, sunny day we took him to sea. We sailed on the Aolani, a 58’ Sunchaser American Catamaran with a wonderful crew.

The week prior to this sailing I worried. It was a blustery and cold week here in San Diego and we had rain. They were predicting rain for that Saturday So I fussed and worried. On Saturday morning I got up and the sky was filled with clouds and sun. We were a go. At 10 am The Aolani sailed with all 18 on board. Even my 88 year old mother-in-law, Dotty, went out front and sat on the rigging. As we set sail the clouds disappeared and the sun shone down on a glassy, quiet ocean. It was amazingly beautiful. Sailing out the boat was accompanied by 2 dolphins and it was perfect.

Barbara & Henry who helped make this day happen.

Beth singing Simple Gifts

Reaching past Point Loma the motor shut down and we all improvised a ceremony to say farewell to this kind and wonderful man. Therese read a song in Japanese. Beth sang Simple Gifts. Cynthia handed out carnations which we tossed into the water with the bio-degradable urn that held the ashes. Henry emptied a bottle of Guinness Stout and Dotty tossed a small bell that Jim had been given at his birth. I like to think that the Dolphins now have that small bell. Jim’s best friend, Brian and I floated the ashes out to sea. Everyone that was aboard that day felt the specialness of the occasion. It was a very unique moment in time, fitting for Jim who was a unique being.

Drew, mom, Judy, Janet, Beth & Michael

Therese reading

Mom

After we said farewell we went inside and ate chocolate. This was also fitting for the man who loved good chocolate. For two hours, on one day a bond was formed by everyone who was present on board this catamaran. We shared in a perfect moment in time. Even though it was hard and melancholic it was also perfect. I could not have been with a finer group of people. Their support was and still is so lifting and loving. I am loved by good people and I honor them.

Brian preparing to send Jim out to sea

floating on a calm sea

When we returned to port Dotty and my sister-in-law, Judy started the drive north. They got about one hour north of San Diego and were in the rain for the rest of the trip to Los Angeles. Ah, there was the rain we were expecting. It made me feel like we were surrounded in a bubble of perfection that only could have been here and on that bay for that one day.

I wanted to share with you this event in my life and the lives of the eighteen that rode with me. Everything except the boat ride was unplanned and spontaneous. It became a perfect farewell to a good man. By the end of these two hours at least two people planned to changed their will because this was so beautiful and right. Was everyone there that wanted to be? No. I feel that those who needed to be on board the Aolani that day, were there.

I have been emotionally all over the place this past week. When the anniversary of his death was marked a month ago, it was not hard. I have been experiencing so many different emotions over this past week. I miss Jim. I miss his voice, our conversations, his arms and the fun we had together. I carry him very close at times as I am settling into this new lifestyle. I am allowed to miss him and I am allowed to move on. I can do all this at the same time and it is OK. After I met him I never expected that I would be by myself so soon again. And yet, here I am. And I am doing OK. And I miss him.

Today I am thankful for the perfect moments I have experienced in my life. I am so thankful for my friends and their on-going love and support. I am more fully human right now than I have ever been before in my life. And…so are you. Jim is now swimming with the dolphins. When I go to the Pacific I see him everywhere and that is good. I hope somewhere someone is ringing that small bell.

Traveling, Dancing & More

Posted on November 7, 2013 by JanetA

Big Sur Coast

Getting through these past weeks has been an adventure for me. I did not find that marking the 1 year anniversary of Jim’s death was all that difficult. Then there was my birthday…I guess it hit me that I am alone and although there are many that would celebrate with me, well it just wasn’t Jim. One of the more interesting parts of this dilema is that Jim and I were not big on celebrating our birthdays or anniversary. Well, maybe Jim was big on celebrating his birthday because it meant chocolate and an array of it as well.

best costume at the Market

I have been traveling a little in my cute RT. I took advantage of a Scottish Dance weekend in Pacific Grove to leave a day early and camp on the way up. Then I came home a day late so I could camp on the way home. One of the nice parts of heading for this destination is the Big Sur Coast. I traveled it north and I traveled it south. Halloween night found me near San Luis Obispo and the Thursday night Farmers Market. This is one of the best Farmers Markets and most people were dressed in costume which made it even more fun.

looking up at the redwoods

On the return trip I stayed at Lime Kiln State Park on the beach. Even though the beach was good what I really enjoyed was the hike to the Lime Kilns and to a 100 foot waterfall. It was beautiful and peaceful hiking through old growth redwoods. There is a softness to walking through the forest alone. I love to be in nature by myself. It clears my head, wakes up my heart and spirit and I seem to think more clearly. I like the clarity that the natural world gives me.

Jim & Janet

Jim loved to Scottish Dance. Here in San Diego we have a small and very dedicated group of dancers. They were very supportive to Jim and myself. Today they continue to honor and support me. What a unique and special thing this is. Back in the early 1990’s Jim wanted a kilt. He ordered a Modern Morgan plaid kilt from Scotland. Since neither of us are Scottish, he ordered one that complimented his beautiful blue eyes. He looked real fine in this kilt. It was fun to watch him dance and flip that kilt.

After Jim died I was trying to find a home for this kilt. No one in our branch needed one, so I contacted a long time friend of mine, Ron, in the Bay Area to see if he could help me find a home for this kilt. Ron teaches Scottish Dancing and music on all kinds of instruments. When I contacted him, he let me know that he had just started an non-profit to gather instruments and gear for those just starting out in the Scottish world of dance and music who often could not afford their own gear.I donated Jim ‘s kilt to this cause.

Ron

The kilt was delivered to Ron at the Orange County Christmas dance, 2012. There was this tall, thin young man playing the fiddle in the band. Soon I met Scotland (yep that is his name (Scotland Bonny). Scotland is 19 years old and a very gifted musician and dancer. Scotland now is the proud owner of Jim’s kilt. The night of this dance, at Ron’s request, Scotland wore this beautiful blue kilt to make music for all of us dancers. It was such a touching moment for me to know that Jim’s spirit lives on in this kilt that now will make memories for Scotland.

Janet & Scotland

At the end of January 2013 I drove to Bishops Ranch, in wine country north of San Francisco for a Scottish/English dance weekend. This group of dancers, mostly from the Santa Rosa area welcomed me to their community with open arms. Before we were piped to dinner on Saturday night, Ron introduced me and told the story of Jim and the kilt, while Scotland stood on the stair landing for all to see. Ron played a beautiful air in honor of Jim. With tears in our eyes we walked to dinner. After a waltz at the end of the evening with Scotland, the kilt felt officially passed on to make new memories while carrying the spirit of Jim forward.

There are so many moments I have experienced such as this one, since Jim’s death. This moment with the kilt stands out. My heart was so wide open and there was this whole group of people that I did not know who just took me in and loved me when I needed it most. I will not forget the kindness and generosity of strangers who are now more than that. It reminds me to be open to find kindness in the ordinary of each day and not wait for the special moments.

I have been thinking a lot about this kilt. I am sure that this dance weekend in Pacific Grove had a lot to do with this. There is nothing finer than being a part of a ball with all the men dressed in their kilts and Prince Charlies and the women in their ball gowns, dancing to beautiful music. It is magic. I hope to continue to find this type of magic in my life. Dance On!!!!!

Janet before the ball

Two Birthdays & a Marking of Times Passage

Posted on October 15, 2013 by JanetA

Last Thursday was Jim’s birthday. I miss the chocolate frenzy that often accompanied his day. He was definitely a chocoholic and waited all year for Tammy’s chocolate cake and anything else chocolate that came his way. When I was first with him there was a group of people at Grossmont College that had birthdays in October. They would have a party at one of their homes and everyone brought incredible chocolate desserts. I would eat a little of some but not Jim. He would take a good size piece of each dessert, enjoy that first taste (he often closed his eyes and had a look of supreme happiness on his face) and then return for seconds. This is the man who increased his pants waist size by 1 inch since college. I am so glad I can remember these moments with him.

Tomorrow, Wednesday is my birthday. Thursday Jim will be gone a year. It is amazing to me that it has been that long. It feels like yesterday in many ways. I still look up once in a great while and think he will be coming around the corner. Now I know better, so no-one worry. It just is an odd experience to go through.

I am definitely doing much better. The traveling I did over the summer certainly had a very positive affect on who I am now. Seeing so many people and meeting so many new people who supported me and cared about me over the past several years has helped me move forward through the difficult time following Jim’s death. I am honored to know my friends remain there for me. I hope they know I am there for them too. All we have is each other and I feel strongly that I want to support others as I have been supported.

surfs up, PB

I am not sure what my direction is going to be. I don’t have to know. I believe it will come to me in time. I want to live each day to it’s fullest, whatever that may mean to me at the moment. In the meantime I need to get so much done around home since I arrived back here about 1 month ago. Cleaning, sorting, giving away, selling and more takes time and patience. I have finally discovered the importance of lists.

I am continuing on with my 365 days of thank you notes. I am not always good at doing one each day. I find some days I feel like writing more than one and I do. Some days I find it difficult to figure out who or what I am thankful for. There are times I feel thankfulness through my whole being. I like those moments yet I think sometimes I need to quiet that part of me down so I can deal with “life”. During those times I find if I go inside myself and observe, there is always an inkling of light that is thankfulness within me. It is nice to acknowledge this inkling is there and alive within me.

Have I felt any different since starting this faze of my Journey of Thankfulness? I am not sure. I pay more attention to what others are doing when they are around me. It has made me a little more patient. I wish I could say I have slowed down but I don’t think I have. I finally decided this morning to get back to walking and hiking. I was out this morning, early. It doesn’t take me long to remember how much being outside and in nature makes me content and happy.

I am making an appointment tomorrow to get my solar panels on my RoadTrek. I am ready to do some desert camping in my cute little vehicle. The temperatures are falling and it will be great to sleep easy after a day of hiking and exploring. I am anxious to get back in the RV and go have fun. In the meantime….Happy Birthday to me.

Jim & Janet kayaking, hiking & camping on the Colorado

How Different Home Looks, How Different I Look

Posted on October 2, 2013 by JanetA

Janet at the Zoo

Wow, it is hard to believe that I have been home over a week. It is even harder to be aware that the first leg of my journey is over. I am still smiling when I take a moment to ponder the people whose company I enjoyed and the many places I have seen. I have certainly fallen in love with my RV and am anticipating all the possible trips in the future.

I still have more of this journey to go. I have not been up the west coast or Alaska yet. I have friends that are waiting for me and, I am anxious to see them. So there is certainly more to come. And I have found that many of you enjoy following the adventure so I will continue to blog about my wanderings.

Raquel

I have a roommate. Raquel who helped me fix my screen door on the Roadtrek. She took care of my home and Elsie the cat this summer, and is now officially moved into my spare room. I am finding I enjoy having her presence in my house. We get along well. After living with Jim for 21 years I am not used to being alone. It is good to have good company.

I have had a few epiphanies on my journey this summer.

I am getting my house in Santee ready for sale. I realized somewhere in NY State that I am ready to sell. My friend Barbara, who is also a realtor and I will be meeting in a couple of weeks when we are both in town. I am excited, anxious, scared and feeling happy about it as well. I have learned that all emotions can hit at the same time.
I can no longer deny that I am a lovable and likable person. Many of you may not know but, my self image has been fragile since I was young. I am feeling so good about this revelation. Just saying the words and feeling them has helped me to feel free and content and happy. Along with this I am going to make an effort to stop allowing negativity into my life. I am ready, with baby steps, to go and live a full life every day. This, of course will be a continuing project.

I read three books that impacted me this summer.

Acts of Gratitude has encouraged me to continue on this Journey of Thankfulness. It is a great read. I am going to attempt to write a year of thank you notes. I may take longer than a year but it is the intention that is the most important. October 1 I began this new part of my adventure.

The Four Agreements and The Fifth Agreement also has reminded me to be a self aware and considerate of myself and others. Listed below are the 5 agreements. These are not easy to follow all the time, trust me. I am attempting to incorporate them more directly in my life. I believe it is making a difference, a little bit at a time.

BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama.
ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are tired as opposed to well rested. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
BE SKEPTICAL, BUT LEARN TO LISTEN
Don’t believe yourself or anybody else. Use the power of doubt to question everything you hear: Is it really the truth? Listen to the intent behind the words, and you will understand the real message.

I have been a busy lady since I have returned. On Sunday I am taking a group on tour to northern CA. We are suppose to be visiting Yosemite, Sequoia and Kings Canyon National Parks. Right now they are shut. Sigh. I think this tour is going to be a mystery tour. I hope that my peeps are up for an adventure. I am.

Janet & Beth

Jim and I met Beth our and now my massage therapist in the early 1990’s. We were looking for a good therapist and once we found her, well, we stopped looking. Over the years Beth has become much more than a therapist. Over the past 3 1/2 years she has seen me at my best and my worst. She has never turned away. When I am in her company her arms are always open. She is a loving and caring and fun friend to have. I appreciate her wisdom and knowledge. I also appreciate her vulnerability. I am glad we have become friends over the ensuing years and see our friendship lasting many more years to come. She is a role model for me. I enjoy her positive take on life. Thank you Beth for being my friend and more.

Cathy has been my hair stylist for a number of years. When people talk about their beautician as a counselor, trust me they are not kidding. Cathy has heard many of my joys and sorrows over the years. After I was diagnosed with breast cancer Cathy became my friend. I love catching up with her every 6 weeks. She loves her family and her husband, Joe, We discuss everything. We gossip. We laugh and cry together. She has been a wonderful support to me and I am so very glad she is in my life.

Friends are such an important part of my life. All of you have been so supportive and loving to me. It certainly makes my heart feel very full and happy.

Here is a link to all my photos of this first journey. Enjoy.

https://journeysofthankfulness.shutterfly.com/

Journeys of Thankfulness

Embracing Life, Traveling in my RV, Feeling Grateful

Category Archives: Uncategorized

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Two Birthdays & a Marking of Times Passage

How Different Home Looks, How Different I Look

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