Tag Archives: healing

Catching Up

Posted on by
2

Happy New Year Friends!

Oooh, I know it has been too long since my last post when friends started to email or phone me to find out how I am doing. It makes me feel like I have not been faithful to updates and adventures.

I am still in San Diego. I am camped by Mission Bay and enjoying my mornings outside or inside my Roadtrek, EmmyLou. I also bike and kayak a little and visit friends. Each year, I arrive in November to have my medical and dental done, visit friends, and enjoy the days as it becomes colder and snowier in other parts of the United States.

First Update: So far, all my medical is looking good, and I am ready for another year. I am almost complete for another year. I am still waiting on the dental part of this picture. I have become very good at helping my dentist and others in his office enjoy their lifestyle. Come February, I will know if I have the all-clear with the dental part of this. Sigh.

Second Update: I have a favorite saying, first found on Ram Dass’s website; “We’re just walking each other home.” This year I have decided to remain in San Diego longer than usual. A friend of mine’s husband died in early December. She has very good friends and support within the local community. She has turned to me for support and companionship. I have something that many have not yet experienced: the loss of my heart, my husband Jim, who died over eleven years ago.

I consciously decided to stay around for a while to see her get back on her feet and face the world in this weird new role she has found herself in. Grief and loss is hard. Some days, it slaps one in the face, and others are softer and gentler.

But loss does not stop the world. I had so much to do that first year after Jim’s death. Lawyers, accountants, Social Security, Financial institutions, work, finding homes for his “stuff” and treasures, and more. I wish I had had someone to help me navigate all of this. My sister and a friend, Helen, arrived shortly after Jim’s death, which was very helpful. Once they left, I was on my own.

Diversion is helpful, and I think I am providing my friend with some helpful diversion and a shoulder to lean on. We talk, drink wine, and find things to do locally. Sometimes, crying is involved; other times, we laugh and talk. We share a love of books. Grief is not always about being sad. It encompasses the whole gambit of emotions. I am still learning to embrace all of them. 

This is what friendship is about. I also think that I am healing myself in this choice I have made.

Third Update: Christmas was quiet this year. I house-sat for my good friends, with whom I spent the first COVID year. They were out of town, and I had a real house. They have the best couch. It is one of my favorite pieces of furniture in the house. It sucks you right in and is so comfortable.

My good friend Pat and her family had me over for Christmas Day. It was a day of relaxation and the joy of being included. Sometimes I get tired of my own company, then it is good to have friends come to the rescue.

Pat, Tessa & Elepjhants

Fourth Update: A good friend from San Juan Island in Washington arrived a week ago in Long Beach, California. We decided to connect as it has been over a year since we have seen each other. For two wonderful days, we camped north of Laguna Beach in one of my favorite State Parks in southern California, Crystal Cove State Park. We walked the beach at an extremely low tide and talked. It was a good getaway, and catching up was so much fun. She owns a Roadtrek too.

Darn She Found Us Again!

Fifth Update: I am back at the park by the bay after caring for two kitties for a few days. I wish I could say that the kitties were fun and that they hung out with me, but I spent my two days lying on the floor, talking to them while they hid from me and giving them skritches when they would allow it. CATS!!!!!

People ask me what I am doing next. Honestly, I don’t know! Plans formulate slowly for me. I have a hard time planning most of my life. I am such a procrastinator. I know I will be heading for the desert soon, at least for a few days. Friends are arriving, and I must go visit. And the desert is so beautiful at this time of the year.

Until then, I am biking and kayaking, enjoying the bay and my friends. Today, I discovered that on Fridays, a group of people gather in the recreation hall and play music. Today there are at least fifteen. And…it is my kind of music. I could contradance to it. Sweet.

Today I am thankful for friendship and growth. Today I am thankful for Procrastination. Today I am Thankful.

A Healing Time

Posted on by
4

On a warm winter morning in Alamos, Mexico I was practicing yoga with a friend. We were talking occasionally as we stretched and meditated and woke our bodies up. I told her that everything that I do helps me heal.

Since Jim, my husband and friend died, on October 17, 2012, I have experienced so many emotions and states of being. It wasn’t until this morning that I put my life, since his death, into words. I am healing. When I feel joy, I am healing. When I feel grief, I am healing. When I experience anger I am healing. Laughing-healing, Crying-healing, Sharing a comfortable time with friends or strangers-healing. This is my life. Healing means growth. I am growing with each moment that passes. I am working my way towards a wholeness that I lost with loss and grief. Little moments in time guide me toward this state of being.

This also is a physical state. I treat my body well-healing, I don’t treat my body well-I am healing, Dancing-healing, Walking-healing, Cycling-healing, and Spending a day resting-healing. Physically, Mentally, Spiritually, and Emotionally I am always healing. Even when I don’t know it I am healing toward wholeness and becoming more.

Healing is a lifelong project. Not only am I healing from grief. I am healing from all those other wounds that I have experienced as a part of growing in years and knowledge. Healing is my responsibility and I can’t expect to heal unless I try to unravel the wounds both consciously and subconsciously.

With this knowledge today I have felt vulnerable, and strong, and…everything. Today I have been resting or taking a Siesta. As this knowledge is being absorbed I needed time to rest so I can absorb it in every aspect.

I will continue to walk with strength, stumble, and pick myself up to continue to move toward a wholeness I have not experienced before. Healing, like grief, is ongoing. As I acknowledge this it frees me up to be more of everything.

Today I am thankful for this moment of awareness. Today I am thankful for healing, myself, others and the world. Today I am thankful.

Impatiently Recovering

Posted on by
6

Walking the Beach-Helps in Healing

It has been a week since I had the other half of my thyroid removed. I am recovering well. I tend to overdo it a bit, then I have to rest up for a day and try again. Sitting still or lounging around has never been me. I like to hike. I like to bike. I like to walk on the beaches. I like to be busy.

Today I went over to my storage unit, yes I do have one of those, and by the time I got there, I did not feel so well. I sat inside my storage unit and pondered why I felt so awful. Oh right, I had major surgery a week ago. Oh right, I have not been drinking enough liquids. Catching a ride with Lyft, I found my way back to the RV park I am staying in and have been lounging the afternoon away and drinking lots of fluids.

The really, really, really good news is that I am cancer-free. The biopsy came in at the end of the week with no trace of cancer. Yes!!! I immediately felt a bit lighter on all levels of my being. The decisions are not done as I have to decide whether I will do the radioactive iodine treatment. I will see both doctors over the next few weeks and will listen to their advice, yet this is a decision I will need to make for myself.

One of the phrases that has been a part of my life since I was diagnosed with breast cancer is “Get all the input you can, make your decisions and then don’t look back”. With that in mind, I am researching radioactive iodine.

Elsie and I moved back into our home on wheels on Tuesday. I am hidden at the back of the campground at Santee Lakes. Although the water is a distance away, I am enjoying the low visitor impact in the back. Each night I hear the coyotes, so you know that Miss Elsie is in before dark.

I am feeling very grateful for my friends, Cynthia, and Ward (who took care of me) and Nancy (who took care of El). Because of their caring and support, I believe that everything went much smoother. My recovery would be flawless if I had remained at my friend’s home. I may not have found myself pushing too far too quickly. That is a lesson that I continue to need to learn.

My friends have been calling and reaching out. I am glad to be remembered. It reminds me, that even at my lowest moments, I am loved and supported by many. I am remaining grateful and thankful for such good friends.

I am so thankful for a No Cancer Moment.