A Healing Time

On a warm winter morning in Alamos, Mexico I was practicing yoga with a friend. We were talking occasionally as we stretched and meditated and woke our bodies up. I told her that everything that I do helps me heal.

Since Jim, my husband and friend died, on October 17, 2012, I have experienced so many emotions and states of being. It wasn’t until this morning that I put my life, since his death, into words. I am healing. When I feel joy, I am healing. When I feel grief, I am healing. When I experience anger I am healing. Laughing-healing, Crying-healing, Sharing a comfortable time with friends or strangers-healing. This is my life. Healing means growth. I am growing with each moment that passes. I am working my way towards a wholeness that I lost with loss and grief. Little moments in time guide me toward this state of being.

This also is a physical state. I treat my body well-healing, I don’t treat my body well-I am healing, Dancing-healing, Walking-healing, Cycling-healing, and Spending a day resting-healing. Physically, Mentally, Spiritually, and Emotionally I am always healing. Even when I don’t know it I am healing toward wholeness and becoming more.

Healing is a lifelong project. Not only am I healing from grief. I am healing from all those other wounds that I have experienced as a part of growing in years and knowledge. Healing is my responsibility and I can’t expect to heal unless I try to unravel the wounds both consciously and subconsciously.

With this knowledge today I have felt vulnerable, and strong, and…everything. Today I have been resting or taking a Siesta. As this knowledge is being absorbed I needed time to rest so I can absorb it in every aspect.

I will continue to walk with strength, stumble, and pick myself up to continue to move toward a wholeness I have not experienced before. Healing, like grief, is ongoing. As I acknowledge this it frees me up to be more of everything.

Today I am thankful for this moment of awareness. Today I am thankful for healing, myself, others and the world. Today I am thankful.

Aging, Limping and Medicine

Aging is not always fun. My body changes shape. Wrinkles show up. Aches and pains are not as easy to get rid of. Words that I still have to get my brain around – hot flashes, menopause, osteopenia, cancer, arthritis, weight gain and more. My latest one is Bursitis.

I limped into San Diego. Yes limped. By the time I arrived here a month ago I had a sore right hip and knee. The IT band felt like it was on fire. Immediately I started the rounds. Chiropractics and laser helped some. Acupuncture was another good alternative. Myofascial Release and Massage also helped trim the pain. Nothing was getting rid of it.

After this past week, continuously being sore in my hip and leg, I decided it was time to visit the Doctor. Off to Kaiser and a meet up with a very nice doctor. After reassuring me that he did not think this was cancer he did several tests, including kinesiology (how cool is that for a western doctor?). I was diagnosed with Bursitis in my hip.

He recommended a cortisone shot into the bursa in my hip. I was hesitant. We spoke of the side effects and the expected outcome. He told me that he was glad to see I was being a strong advocate for my health care and he would do whatever I would consider best. I left with my first cortisone shot ever.

By the time I went to bed last night the pain was essentially gone. Wow!!! It felt good, really good. I got a good nights sleep and today my world looks a little brighter. I have exercises I need to do, probably for the rest of my life. I am OK with that. Most of them are very yoga like. I really enjoy yoga.

His instructions were to ice it, exercise but if it starts to get sore stop that exercise. My chiropractor tells me not to sit so long behind the wheel of my rig and walk around frequently, both good suggestions. I guess I will be back to setting my alarm so I get out of the RV every hour.

Now that the pain is mostly under control, I will now work with all my practitioners to help to heal my bursa. I am not giving up dancing or hiking or walking or cycling. As long as we all understand that then, as a team, we can work on healing my sweet hip.

I have my Masters in Holistic Health Education. I have always been an advocate of a holistic approach to my health. Holism means that I use the best of all worlds of medicine that are available to me. I also believe that it is important to go from least invasive to most invasive, and that was the path I chose when I returned to San Diego.

It is OK to employ western medicine. I mean there is so much out there to help, why wouldn’t one use it? I went to school with so many people that despised anything to do with doctors and hospitals. As a former nurse, and holistic practitioner I had a hard time grasping the concept that western medicine could be so evil and bad. I saw how much it helped so many. Doctors and hospitals are not the enemy and I for one am thankful that I can include this medicine in my holistic approach to my health care.

As I limp a little less into my day today, I am thankful. I am thankful for Dr Ceccilio who encouraged me to be active in my choices. I am thankful for all my healthcare team who can support me in the choices I make. This morning I am thankful for that little shot of cortisone.

Now it is time to go to the storage unit and go to work. Yep, like I said I am not stopping.

A Quick Update About My Busy June

Ultimate Alaska

Whew, what a whirlwind the early part of June has been. June first I left for a small ship cruise to Alaska’s Inside Passage. it was a great opportunity and an amazing trip.

Upon Returning to Boise I turned around in a day and headed north to the Roadtreking Rally on the east side of Glacier National Park (over 70 Roadtreks from all over the the country). My down time has been minimal. I want some time to recover and adjust to life on the road with Miss Elsie the Cat.

Glacier National Park


Due to some minor mishaps with my Roadtrek I am in Kalispell, MT for the next few days, waiting for a part to arrive, so my Roadtrek can once again look whole and pretty. The nice thing about having to sit still is that I am finally having the time to regroup and figure out what is next. The other nice thing, I get to interact with the local community.

  • Last evening I went to a special event at the Hockaday Museum of Art in Kalispell. Earlier in the week I met Deborah McAllister plein air painting near Many Glaciers Lodge. She informed me of an event that was culminating last evening. Several artists spent last week painting in the park. Last evening was the opening exhibition and sale. I put on my somewhat nicer clothes and went to the opening. there was food and wine and live music. It was a delightful evening.

Plein Aire Painting in the Park-artist Deborah McAllister

  • Today I went to yoga. Tomorrow I think I will return and experience aerial yoga. It is a nice community yoga center.
  • Now I am at the local coffee house waiting to get my nails done. I will almost be civilized.
  • After all this I am off to the visitors center to discover what else is happening in the area.

Where am I going to travel off to next? I am not sure. That is what regrouping is all about. My intention is to continue to head west to the coast. Hopefully over the next week this picture will become clearer.

Stay tuned.




Coming Home to Yoga

Have you ever had these moments in your life where it felt like you were coming home, invisible arms are there to welcome you? It may not be a physical place, it may not be an emotional place but still it feels like you are welcomed in and it is comfortable and real and important. It is your place.

I have been practicing yoga since the 1970’s. Those early classes were quite interesting as the eastern Asian flavor of those classes were strong. I would practice faithfully for a time, sometimes a semester, sometimes for years and then it would be abandoned, although, obviously not forgotten, as I would return to it again.

Jim, my husband who died 5 1/2 years ago, and I practiced yoga for a number of years. We started with a private center that eventually closed and we did not practice much. One day Jim asked me if I wanted to take a yoga class at  Grossmont College. Jim was a dean at this school. He had heard that the teacher, Jennifer, was getting rave reviews. Once again I returned to yoga. We took a several semesters and yes the students were correct. Jennifer is a superb teacher.

We also belonged to they YMCA. One day, at our local class they had a guest instructor, Lisa. I realized I had met another extremely good yoga teacher. I immediately went home and told Jim. We began a regular Sunday morning practice at the McGrath YMCA, where Lisa is a regular teacher. Jim and I practiced yoga routinely until his death. We even did yoga in his hospital room.

Both of these women continue to be dynamic teachers. Even better, they are both my friends. After Jim died, Jennifer invited me to attend classes at the college when I felt up to it. I was always invited. She also took me, as her guest, to Rancho La Puerta. The Ranch is a spa just south of the border, in Mexico. I could practice yoga to my heart’s content and enjoy many other amenities of the spa. I felt loved and taken care of.

Lisa and I have remained in touch, although I no longer belong to the YMCA in San Diego County. I delight in our continued contact and remain inspired by her as a teacher and a friend.

As I have begun to travel more, yoga has gone from a regular practice to an infrequent one. I know I could practice on my own, yet I feel much more inspired when I take a class and practice with others. I have gotten lazy and dealing with depression last winter did not help. I preferred to hole up rather than venture out, even when I know yoga is something I love doing and knew it would help me feel more whole and complete.

Today I attended a yoga class at the Kula Wellness & Yoga Center. As I walked through the front door I felt like I had come home. It was warm and inviting and welcoming. The people and the teacher were glad to see me, even though it has been more than two years since I had been there. I felt like I belonged. The class was a mixed level class and focused more on poses than a flow. We took a short time to meditate and relax before and after class. The breathing exercises cleared my sinuses. There were people of all ages in attendance. My body was happy to stretch and get the kinks out. My spirit is extremely happy at the moment and I am generally very content this afternoon. When I practice yoga, the world looks just a bit brighter, even on a gray and somewhat rainy day.

Why is it that those good things I do for myself often get shoved to the side? Why do I postpone or put them off? Is it the human condition? Who knows. I often have to remind myself that it is OK to stop my day and go to class. There is nothing else that I may be doing, which cannot be put off for an hour or two so I can focus on all levels of my being by taking just one class. Slowing down is OK. Being aware is OK. Taking care of myself is OK and a must.

Today I bought a 5 class pass. Since I am going to be in NJ for a few more weeks, the pass will encourage me to return to Kula for more yoga so I can continue to feel happy and content and stretched out. On these gray days, I choose not to be on my bicycle or hiking when it is only 40 degrees out (brr), yoga is a good and thoughtful alternative for my whole being.

Once again I have returned home. Ahhhh…..