Category Archives: Humaness

Embracing Clutter: Finding Joy in Memories

Posted on by
1

As we Boomers approach our sell-by date, I’m seeing numerous books, articles, and videos exhorting us to “de-clutter”. Why? I LIKE my clutter—papers and artifacts from my elementary school and summer camp days through high school, college, first job, relationships, and up to the present day. “Efficiency” is one reason given, but I enjoy moving items A and B to find item C, and along the way discovering a few more items that evoke wonderful memories, both poignant and happy.

Another reason is relieving our family and heirs from the burden of dispersing our stuff. That’s nonsense. In a letter accompanying my will, I’ve authorized my friends, family, and colleagues to pick through my things after I’ve checked out and to take what they want from my homes (how ‘bout that cool green and white lanyard I made In summer camp arts and crafts when I was 10!!). My executor then need only make one single phone call to a “trash-out” company or junk hauler and the job is done. ALL my “clutter” gives me joy at one time or another— discoveries are like Christmas every day.

A pox on the tidiness gurus!!
Gene Murrow

I returned to San Diego at the end of October. I was suppose to have surgery on one of my heels. It was delayed and here I am. Always a change of plans. I am surprised that I pulled off my Hawaii adventure last January. Some things work out and some, well, they change.

When I return to San Diego each fall I set aside time to visit my storage unit in East County. I leave in the morning and often I am there for a greater part of the day. I weed through my stuff, figure out what I may want to sell or re-home and then I visit.

My storage unit has gotten smaller over time. When I first rented one, it contained two sixteen foot kayaks. It also had a 150 cc motor scooter and several pieces of furniture. Over the years, I sold off most of the big items. I finally managed to downsize to a much more affordable unit.

I have been asked many times whether I am going to get rid of my storage unit. I also have received comments about how I like to go out and visit my “stuff”. Here is the truth of the matter. I am not going to sell or dispose of everything in my storage unit. I live in a very small space, EmmyLou. I have very little room for things that I have collected or fallen in love with.

I do like visiting my things and tell them to hang on. The day is coming when I will no longer be traveling. My things can come out and enjoy the light of day again. And I can treasure them in the light of day, once again.

What type of goodies are in the storage unit?

One of my favorite paintings done by Me
  • Paintings, lots of watercolor paintings by me and others. I love my paintings. I take them out and admire them. Pictures get taken and then they are lovingly stored back in their packaging.

  • I studied with Native American Medicine People and Spirit People for twenty years. I was gifted often with treasures I will not give up any time too soon. Not only are they memories but they were gifts. Many hold an energy within them that I treasure.
  • Two Appalachian Mountain Dulcimers. The traditional one was made by Clifford Glen from the hills near Boone, North Carolina. The other one is a six string dulcimer that has such a lovely sound. When I lived in southern Colorado I took a class at Fort Lewis College, Playing the Appalachian Dulcimer. One weekend Neal Hellman of Gourd Music, a teacher from the west coast came to teach a special workshop. I was shy in my playing. Our teacher Anne told him to leave me alone because I got too nervous around the teachers. He just so happened to have this lovely Koa wood six string dulcimer with him. He loaned it to me. I was unaware that his motive was self serving. He could hear me play while he stood on the other side of the room. Long story short, I bought the dulcimer from him. It is now snuggled into its current home. It is waiting for the day when it will come out to play again. Neal and I have retained a friendship ever since then. My one and only college music credit was from Appalachian State University.
  • Small things stored in boxes, that are loving memorials of Jim’s and my life together. Often, when I remove them, it makes me smile. This includes photo albums of our adventures before iPhones, and our wedding pics. I don’t look at them too often. I have to be in the right frame of mind. They are there waiting for me when I am ready.
  • A beautiful old lamp that belonged to my father’s family. It is one of the only pieces I have left of my family heritage. Such a pretty thing.
  • The last largish pieces left from those early days are two trunks. They hold weaving’s, some of them mine, rugs from around the world, blankets and throws.
  • Photographs that were gifted to me. My favorite is a photo of Bluebirds given to me as a gift.
BlueBird of Happiness by Becca Wood

The list goes on but I believe you get the idea. My storage unit is a mix of necessity and treasures, a lot of treasures. It is also a good place to store paperwork that is necessary to keep. I don’t have to carry all of this with me in my small living space. And when I have surgery it will be a good place to store my road and mountain bike. Things move in and out as needed.

I understand the downsizing trend. I have read those books. They have helped me to clear things out. I have kept what I still treasure. I am too emotionally attached to some things at the moment. And it is OK to enjoy my “stuff”.

So for those waiting for the announcement that my storage locker is empty, I apologize. You will have to wait forever to hear that this has happened.

For those who don’t understand the joy I experience visiting my storage locker, I suggest you take a look around. Visiting my stuff brings me joy. What do you treasure in your home, RV or what ever lifestyle you have chosen?

Today I am thankful for my storage unit that holds all my “stuff”. I am thankful that I can find such heartfelt joy in my belongings. I am thankful for my humanity in all its organized and messy forms.

Today I am Thankful.

Grief Revisited

Posted on by
4

As some of you may know, I chose to extend my stay in San Diego this winter to help a friend through the initial stages of grief after the loss of her husband and love in early December.

From childhood to adulthood, we are taught about life. We go to school to learn how to succeed and become fully functioning adults in what is sometimes a crazy yet wonderful world. I was taught by parents, peers, teachers, the church, animals, and more. And succeed, I did.

This world does not teach us about fear, loss, and change. It doesn’t teach us about grief and its impact on the individual. When it appears in our lives, we must learn on the fly, struggling to stay upright and functioning while dealing with emotional blow after blow.

It doesn’t necessarily have to be death. It can appear in many guises: divorce, loss of a job, or a move to another area of the country away from family, friends, and support. Try the diagnosis of cancer. I have been there twice. It can be something catastrophic like 9/11 or a tornado, hurricane, or any other natural disaster. No one event, small or large, defines grief.

Losing a partner is grief like no other. Everything I expected for the rest of my life came to a halt. Where was Jim? He was supposed to be next to me until we got old. What was I supposed to do with my life now? How could I recreate myself again while I was dealing with such profound loss? And….where was Jim, someone who made me feel unique, worthy, beautiful, and so much more?

If we survive long enough, we all will meet up with grief and loss and the emotional storm it creates in each one of us.

Everyone handles grief differently, every single person. Grief is a personal journey. Some will tackle it by planning and proceeding like nothing has happened. Others need time to cry, feel sad, and separate from the rest of the world. Others will retreat inside, feeling safe in the memories and loss. And many of us are somewhere in the above mix.

Grief has been the most potent teacher I have ever had. It has woken me up and shut me down. How can that happen at the same time? I don’t know. It has allowed me to be in the moment, not see the future or the past. Being present in the moment is something I tried to achieve in my every day life, yet I never truly discovered it until the last days of Jim’s life and his death. All of it made me feel more alive than I have ever felt. How could that be when I was watching my Jim move through the last moments of his life? How could that be when I was going through some of the worst times of my life? I honestly don’t know.

How does one go about supporting others through grief? It is hard to tackle when we know little about the heart’s workings. We see our friends or family members struggling, which is sometimes hard to understand. Why doesn’t she want to go out with her friends? Why is she still crying? Why is she not able to get on with life? It has been three months, a year, or more. Why isn’t she back to “normal.” Why, why, why? There is no timeline, and there is no “normal.”

I struggle to figure out what normal is now. I am eleven years out from the loss of Jim, and mostly, I am doing fine, yet every once in a while, something triggers my grief, and it might as well have happened yesterday. Go figure.

I have read a lot about grief. I have listened to podcasts about grief. I can suggest this podcast, All There Is, by Anderson Cooper. I have written about grief. I am still learning about grief. This will continue until the day I decide to step on over.

Being here for my friend has been a good teacher for me. I believe all any of us can do is support each other in this wild world. How can we support someone grieving, especially in the first year?

  • Be patient and be kind.
  • Don’t expect the person grieving to reach out to you to thank you for cards or plan to get together. Grief is so overwhelming that it is hard to plan.
  • Know that the person in grief may tire easily. There is so much to do physically in those first months. Lawyers, banks, insurance, and all that business stuff. Each task, no matter how small, can be overwhelming. I found I had little to no emotional reserves. One or two tasks would wear me out, and I would return home to watch mindless television, nap, or stare at the wall.
  • Call and let the person dealing with grief talk. Who cares if you hear the same stories more than once. Your ears are helping the other person to heal and not feel alone.
  • Everyone is on board for the first few months and tries their best to stay in touch, and then it peters off. Four months, six months, or a year out, a person dealing with loss can feel overwhelmingly alone. So stay in touch. I put send a card or call a person reminders on my calendar. It reminds me to think of others. And I love to send cards. It also gives me moments to think of my friends and ensure I continue reaching out. After all, all we have is each other.
  • Even if they say no, invite them to events and things you would usually invite them to. Knowing that the real world is waiting for them to rejoin it is a good reminder in the midst of grieving.. Don’t be offended or take it personally if they say no.
  • Sometimes, one-on-one time is better than a group, no matter how small. I still prefer small groups to large crowds. I have trained myself to enter larger groups now that I have been alone for so long.
  • Don’t expect the person to “talk about loss.” Sometimes, a person needs to go out for coffee or a walk on the beach and talk about the rest of the world. I enjoyed my friend Therese coming over with a Scrabble game and food and enjoying an afternoon on the back deck.
  • Know when enough is enough and take them home so they can nap.
  • Don’t be offended if your invitation is turned down. Know that that moment was not the right one. Internally, they appreciate your effort. And try again and again.
    • Continue to ask them what you can do for them and follow through. Always follow through.

This list could be longer, but I think you get the idea. The more you love someone in distress, the more you are inviting them to remember to come back out into the world when they are ready. Most importantly, it reminds them they are loved, worthy, and not alone.

Today, I am thankful. I am thankful for the opportunity my friend has given me to learn, grow, and become more human. Today, I am thankful she doesn’t have to be alone in these first months. Today, I am thankful for growing a friendship that I hope will continue for a long time to come. Today, I am thankful that grief has been a teacher of mine, even if I don’t want it to be present in my life.

Today, I am thankful.

The River-A Cell Phones Nemesis

Posted on by
6

In 2015 I stepped into the smartphone world. Since I already had other Apple products, it seemed like a natural progression to continue with another product. I purchased an iPhone 6 and began my education in Smartphone technology.

I love adventure. I like to explore parts of my world that are sometimes hard to get to. I love the Southwest. I really like Zion National Park. I am so fortunate to have good friends that live outside the park. There is a section of the park called the Subway. From the top down one needs ropes and knowledge that there is rappeling into cold river water, more than once.

The Subway from the Bottom Up

One can also hike the Subway from the bottom up. This trail also presents its own set of challenges. There really is no trail, it is a set of social trails that progresses down a steep slope to the river. Then you follow the river for three miles to arrive at the beginning of the subway. It is not an easy hike. It is a great visual hike.

In 2017 I hiked the Subway from the bottom up. I just arrived at the Subway part of the hike, when I fell off a log into the river along with my day pack that held my iPhone 6. Oh no, what was I to do. The phone was wet and I was a long way from help. I dried the phone off the best I could and continued with my hike. Nine hours later I returned to my friends exhausted and happy. I took my phone apart, yep you could do that, and dried it out. The next day it worked although it had developed a dark side. The right upper side of the phone was black, it worked and so I kept it for a few more years until the dark side began to cover more of the screen. I decided to upgrade to an iPhone 8.

I was happily using my new phone with no issues until…..I met another River. 2021-I was kayaking on the Provo River near Utah Lake in the state of Utah. It is a very silty river and a beautiful place to kayak. I stopped to fix something on my kayak and before I could stop it my phone in its waterproof container disappeared into the river. That river is definitely deeper than it looked. I tried for over an hour to rescue my iPhone 8 without success. Each time I tried to reach it with my kayak paddle the silt would stir up and I would lose sight of it. Other kayakers tried their hand at rescuing it, without success. I had to admit defeat and off I went to the Verizon Store to ask for help. I also called a good friend, Melissa, to mourn my loss. It is good to have friends.

First Photo from my iPhone 12

My iPhone 12 stayed with me until two weeks ago when I met another river up close and personal. On my current trip to the east coast of the United States, I spent three weeks with friends in Florida. We camped and biked and kayaked on the rivers and springs of northern Florida. The last river was the Juniper River. It was a quick, shallow river through a beautiful area. There were alligators, one giant one, and one rapid.

As you may know, I am a photographer. After I am safely on the water I often take my cell phone out of its waterproof case so I can take photos. After successfully managing the rapid, I got caught in an eddy. As I tried to push off the kayak tipped and there went cell phone number three. I got wet, it got wet and the kayak had its first experience of flipping. I worried about my cell phone. My friend Missy was concerned about my camera that was safely inside a dry bag. I kept thinking about that giant alligator up the river. Needless to say, I got out of that river in record time.

Initially, the phone worked fine and I thought all was good. The next morning the phone would not wake up. Oh sigh. Once again the river won. I am now an owner of an iPhone 14.

First Photo on the iPhone 14

When one does not lead a dull life these things happen. When one leads any kind of life these things happen. I feel personally responsible for my phone so I have mourned the passing of each one. I have to talk myself out of deciding I am a bad phone owner and recognize that these things happen not just to me but to many others as well. I am sure we all have phone stories to tell.

In three weeks I am flying to the Amazon in Brazil for two weeks. Oh no, another river! A mighty river. Hopefully, I will be able to keep hold of my new phone so the river does not take it away. No matter what me and my phone will venture south to enjoy an adventure on the Amazon.

Today I am grateful for coming clean and admitting to my cell phone debacle. I have always wanted to be truthful in these blog posts. I want to show my humanity. Today I am grateful for truth and for revealing my humanness.

Today I am grateful.