Into the Desert and Back Again

As the new year unfolded I departed San Diego to drive east to the desert, and the small town of Borrego Springs. I spent a great part of last winter in this community and liked it enough to return for another year. It is close to San Diego so I can return for appointments when needed.

Another attraction for me is seeing my friends Peggy and Roger again. They winter here and so do I. When they leave, they are going on a cruise, I will certainly venture a little further out into the rest of this very large state park.

I love the desert. I appreciate the quiet and the slowing down that seems to be required to stay here. It is a process to quiet and slow down. It doesn’t happen automatically.

Phase 1

When I first arrive here I am itchy. I want to hike. I want to bike. I want to go into town and find out all the things that are happening. I want to be busy.

Phase 2

After a few days, I find I am getting slower to start. I like to lay in bed and read and play computer games. Uh oh, I am beginning to relax.

Phase 3

Phase three started last night. I had been out bicycling during the day and did not remember to drink enough water. By evening I was exhausted and tired and recognized the signs of dehydration. Instead of going to my friends I chose to stay in. Read and go to bed early and drink, drink, drink.

Early bedtimes make for early risings. This morning I awoke just before dawn. I started to read. It is a good book. I reminded myself to look out the window to see what the sunrise was like. I immediately sprang from my comfy bed, grabbed the camera and went walking. A beautiful amazing sunrise can wake me instantly.

Ah, I am getting to the desert point of view. The desert is marvelous in the cool and quiet mornings. The animals and the birds are still about. The breeze is soft on my skin and there is still a chill to the air. It is so quiet and peaceful. I feel like I am the only one in the whole world, awake and enjoying this moment in time. I have finally arrived to that desert state of mind.

Next week I have to return to San Diego for an appointment. I can already feel myself dragging my feet. Shoot I just got settled in and now I have to go to the big city where everything is so much busier. Retaining this quiet when I am somewhere bustling and big is still a lesson I need to learn. Yoga helps. Meditation helps. Seeing friends helps. I don’t mind this too much when I know that my return to the desert will be soon, really soon. It will be good to see friends. It will be good to finally get the last phase of the treatment for thyroid cancer in order.

I can make plans and then return to the desert once again.

A Very Early Morning

Yesterday morning I woke at 4:45 A.M. After attempting to return to sleep, I gave up and laid in bed and listened to the quiet. On a Saturday morning it is so quiet that, even though the ocean is about a mile or two away, I could hear the breakers. What a peaceful and relaxing sound.

There are times I really don’t mind waking up in the wee hours. There is a peacefulness to those hours. It is ┬átime to contemplate and maybe, just maybe, be.

I find that these times are when I feel the most relaxed and comfortable in myself. I am not fighting with thoughts or feelings. Most of my aches and pains (from current accidents) are absent and I can rest. Miss Elsie the cat comes and lays on my tummy. Mmmm, such a special moment with her.

I especially love to hear the ocean as it breaks on the shore. The waves sound giant although they are only 3-4 feet this morning. I imagine a big ocean with great swells, even though it is quiet and the break is good. I love the ocean at it’s wildest moments.

When I was in my OB/GYN rotation, in my nursing program – many, many years ago – I followed a woman through the end of her pregnancy and birth. My mother gave birth in the very early hours of the morning. I remember sitting outside the hospital in Providence, RI just before dawn, smoking a cigarette (yes I did do this) and feeling content, happy, exhilarated and pleased with the whole world around me. Pleased with my self, pleased for a happy mom and dad and content. I listened as the city came alive on another normal day that was magical for a few of us.

The early wakeful morning hours are when magic comes alive for me. I am grateful to be here, relatively in tact and know I have time to stretch into my day a little bit at a time. I have time to read, to play games on my tablet and sometimes just lay there and be content. I like the content part most of all.

I can then stretch into my day at leisure. If I am not too lazy I can get up and catch the sunrise. If I am too lazy I can slowly get the day together. Elsie gets her leash on and goes outside. I have time to contemplate what might be on my agenda for the day. And then the day begins.

Today I will try to remember my sleepless nights and be grateful for the gift it gives.