Category Archives: Dancing

Finding Care Options After Foot Surgery

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Thursday, today I am having surgery on my left foot. I have a condition called Haglund’s Deformity. It showed up in 2020 although I am sure that it was there for a long time before that. It involves a bone spur at the insertion point of the Achilles tendon.

In March of 2020 I stopped Scottish dancing. Sigh. My heels were swollen and sore to walk on. It was the first time in almost fifty years that I have not danced. I have not danced since. Sigh.

I tried several healing modalities. Chiropractics, Myofascial Release, ART, Massage Therapy and more. I had a hand held ultrasound machine that helped the most. All these techniques gave me temporary relief. The spur on my left Achilles tendon and the tendon itself are getting worse. I have grown weary of the pain and so I gave up and am having surgery.

What do I have to anticipate? A full month of no weight bearing. Physical therapy starts a month later and then I slowly progress back to walking and hopefully less and less pain.

What I really wanted to share with you is the process of figuring out how to make this happen. My RV is too small for a long recovery. My birth family lives in Ohio and New Jersey. They are too far away to rely on. What does a solo person in this world do when a situation like this presents itself. Where is Jim when I need him? Sigh.

In the fall of 2025 I began to look at living options.

  • VRBO and other vacation rentals were expensive. I would still be on my own. What if I needed support?
  • I researched Furnished Finder. Again I would be alone without assistance if I needed it.
  • The third choice I explored was respite care in Continuing Care Facilities. I interviewed and toured three of them. The first one would have been great. However, they had nowhere to park an oversized vehicle. The second interview was at a facility that focused on memory care. It was expensive and did not feel right for what I needed. The third facility was perfect. I would have had my own room. Meals would have been covered along with any activities I wanted to participate in. I would have chosen this except a fourth presented itself.
  • And the final and winning choice…After my week exploring the Continuing Care places I had lunch with Drew. Drew is the husband of a good friend of mine. Therese died almost four years ago. When I am in town I have a meal with Drew to catch up. When I told him of my week of exploring facilities he said; “Why don’t you stay here?” A woman from his church stayed while she was recovering from foot surgery. Other people have stay at this lovely home on a canyon in San Diego. I have house sat for them while they traveled. I decided on this option. He said that if Therese were still here, they would also be inviting me to stay.

Tonight I am settled into my home for the next few months. I have my own bed and bath. I have company. Drew even wants to cook for me. My friends are ready to help out if needed. And…I am not alone.

it is interesting to sort through this whole phase of my life. I like most people that are in relationships figure we will have the other to help us out. If only that were true. As I age I will be faced with this dilemma again. So many of us are young minds in aging bodies. I saw my father go through this. He often couldn’t figure out why he couldn’t walk as far, be as active as he once was. It is hard to create a scenario where our body and mind are at the same age.

This event in my life helps me to understand why people choose to move into 55 and up communities. Some opt for Continuing Care facilities. Others consider a Co-housing situation. When you move into this scenario there is someone to help out. There is someone who will knock on the door and make sure you are OK. Meals will arrive on schedule. You are not alone. It will be interesting to see when I will truly start to look at alternative living situations.

I am a bit anxious but doing OK. Last year it was Hawaii this year surgery. What a difference a year makes. Wish me the best and….

Today I am thankful.

I am thankful for my feet that have carried me this far. I am thankful for a good surgeon so my feet can carry me further. And I am so thankful for Drew who opened his door to this wandering woman.

Remembering Jim: Love, Loss, and Lifelong Adventures

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“I talk about him because I’m proud.
I talk about him, because he deserves to be remembered.
I talk about him, because even though he’s not physically with me, he’s never far from my mind.
I talk about him because he’s part of me, a part that I could never ignore or disown.
I talk about him because I love him still, and I always will. Forever. Nothing will ever change that.”
I Talk About Him/Scribbles & Crumbs

On October 9, 2012, Jim, my husband entered the hospital for the last time. Neither of us knew that he would not leave and come home. Neither of us thought that the end of his life was around the corner. Neither of us knew.

Thirteen years ago on October seventeenth my husband of 21 years died. He entered the hospital the day before his birthday. Almost two weeks later, he died the day after my birthday. Yes October is a emotionally mixed month for me.

Oh, and wait a minute. October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I know that some people who have had breast cancer are dedicated to this month. I thank them for that. I, though from the beginning of having breast cancer in 2010 have wanted nothing to do with this month. I don’t want pink anything. I want to move forward without the celebration and thinking of myself as a survivor. I want to live.

Welcome to October
Always an action packed emotional month.

It seems strange to think it has been thirteen years since Jim’s death. Sometimes it seems like it has been that long. Other days, it feels like it was yesterday. Sigh.

I spent most of my younger adult life thinking that I was going to be single my whole adult life. I made it to 38 and then Jim showed up and my life changed forever.

Each year I take time to remember Jim in writing, in thought and in love.

Jim & me dancing Contra Dance

Many relationships were made and dismantled on the dance floor of the New England Contra Dance community. If you have never tried this form of folk dance I suggest you try it. It is so much fun and it is certainly a way to meet people and make friends. And, oh the music! One night, this tall blue-eyed man showed up. That ended the idea of being single for the rest of my life.

Scottish Country Dance Ball

Jim followed me to other dance communities. He became a fine Scottish Country Dancer. We ballroom danced and chose to try several other forms of dance in communities around San Diego. It was fun. He did a mean waltz and polka. It was so much fun to have a dance partner.

The connection was strong and within a year we were a couple. I moved from San Diego in the fall of that year. I became a traveling nurse with Albuquerque as my destination. He didn’t want a long distance relationship. I said “How do you know if you don’t try it?”

Four months passed. Jim and I made several trips between Albuquerque, NM and San Diego, CA. I returned to the west coast and Jim. We moved in together and became a life couple. Was he my soul mate? I don’t know. I do know that even if it wasn’t perfect it was pretty darn close. From the moment we started to date we were close.

Everything was shared. Each month I would hike into the mountains to contemplate whether this was still a relationship I wanted. He would roll his eyes and waved me off. I would come back for another month. When I asked him if he had any doubts. He looked me in the eyes and said no. Eventually the monthly journeys move to every six months and then every year. I continued to hike and contemplate this wonderful relationship once a year until his death.

I have always been an explorer and adventure traveler. He joined me.

We took the train to Oregon. We climbed old growth Douglas Firs. and camped in the top of the trees. Did you know that there are no mosquitoes 25 feet above the ground? Since we were camped over 100 feet off the ground we were never bothered by those pesky little creatures.

Tree Climbing & Tree Sleeping

One year we kayaked the Nā Pali  Coast off the coast of Kauai. The only way to see this coast is by helicopter or boat. On one of the short kayaks, we sailed through the air on the backside of a wave. Other travelers kept saying, “this doesn’t look good.” It wasn’t but oh the fun. We survived. When we finally kayaked the 15 miles down the Nā Pali coast, we went into caves. We greeted sea turtles swimming by. We got to see firsthand this amazing and remote coast.

Another Hawaii trip found us inner tubing through the sugar cane fields and kayaking the rivers on Kauai. This and the Big Island were our favorites places to visit in the 50th state.

On Tour of the Galapagos Islands

Other adventures included Ecuador and the Galapagos Islands. We Winter Camped and snowshoe hiked in Yellowstone National Park. We camped and explored Canyon de Chelly in Arizona by horseback. Jim had never been on a horse in his life. When a friend invited us to join her for a long weekend in Alaska. We enjoyed a long weekend of cross country skiing, yoga, and contra dancing. Always dancing. We explored our country, the outback and the cities.

Due to Jim’s love of astronomy we finally saw the total solar eclipse over Angkor Wat in Cambodia. During the summer months, the California desert becomes too hot. He would load all his astronomy equipment in the car and we headed to the desert. We camped in the remote areas of Anza Borrego State Park. There, we would stare at the heavens and talk into the early hours of the morning. The key to summer visits is to arrive after 5 pm. Be ready to leave by nine in the morning. Even in the summer the evenings are cool and pleasant. And…there is no one else out there.

Then there was the Grand Canyon, one of the seven natural wonders of the world. Jim and I hiked it a couple of times. The real life changer happened when we decided to take a river raft adventure. It lasted 15 days with friends from Lee’s Ferry to Diamond Creek.

Looking out at the Mighty Colorado

At first Jim wasn’t sure he wanted to go. It was too long. What would he do if he got bored? I made one phone call to a long time friend, Sharon, who had rafted the canyon several times. After his conversation with her, he hung up and we made reservations. After that trip we always talked about “Before Grand Canyon” and “After Grand Canyon”.

This is a description of some of our travels. There were so many more adventures than listed here. We were always looking for the next new adventure. It was such a great experience to have someone to share the unique and normal with.

Now I carry on alone but not really. I carry remembrance of him and our life with me. I move forward toward the next adventure. And I carry the joy of those 21 years with me as I grow and change and remember. Some people have said that I should let him go and move on. I am not sure what letting him go means. How can I do that? Those 21 years changed my life. They made me grow into the person I am today. I carry my growth with me always.

I continue to adventure by myself. My friend in our soft adventures is gone. I wonder sometimes how different my life would have been if he was still here today. Yes, I have no doubt I would still be with him. I would still be taking the hike into the mountains every year. I would watch as he waved me off. And then another year would unfold.

Today I am thankful for Jim, for our positive and wonderful relationship. I am thankful to move forward and be so much more than before I met him. Today I am thankful for Jim and all those years of adventure and wonder.

Hmmm…Where to next?

Zooming-Making Our World Smaller & Larger

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Since the first year of the Covid pandemic, new ways of communicating have emerged. It has made our world larger and it has made our world smaller.

A new word entered our vocabulary, “Zoom”. People arranged meetings via Zoom since they could not meet in person. There were book clubs, art groups, businesses that resorted to Zoom to conduct business and keep up with group activities. For a short while I even arranged to Zoom with my sisters and nieces. We would meet once a month just to check in and make sure everyone was OK. We were.

The Royal Scottish Country Dancers of San Diego, met every Friday via Zoom. Ward our teacher was incredibly faithful to meeting every Friday. And the dance community responded, showing up most Fridays to catch up. We may not have danced but we could learn some of the quirks and queries of dance and we stayed bonded as a community.

Jean, our other Scottish Dance teacher Zoomed most Mondays and taught dances. People met in their living rooms, garages or other areas of their homes, dancing alone or with other members of the household.

The Royal Scottish Dance Society of Scotland, our mother-ship, met once a month via Zoom with members all over the world. Different teachers from different countries and areas would teach each month. And…we danced in our homes. We stayed connected and involved even though many of us had never met.

Why might I be sharing this with you? Currently I am in Canada. I was in Nova Scotia for a Roadtrek Rally. It was fun. At the same time as the rally, very good friends of mine, Cynthia and Ward from San Diego, were in Halifax at the Scottish Country Dance, Teachers Association of Canada dance week. Ward is involved with the board and both travel to dance. The music is amazing and the dancing fun.

More of the San Diego Scottish Dance members were at the Summer camp for dancing at St Andrews, Scotland. Yes it is fun to travel to dance. It is fun to make friends from all over the world.

St Andrews Dance Camp on the Wall of the Dance Venue in Halifax.

On Tuesday, TAC (Canada) and St Andrews Summer School had a shared dance to celebrate anniversaries. How did they do it? You guessed it. Zoom once again connected us across continents and water. Each group had their own teachers and musicians. They danced the same dance at the same time. A large Zoom video was on the wall of the space they were dancing in. We all waved at each other and for a small wee second in time two communities were united as one. How cool is that?

I was invited to experience it with the dancers even though I am not dancing at this moment in time. For about an hour I slipped in to watch the dancers, enjoy the fine music and surprise a few friends who had no idea I was close by. I also got to experience this event of combining two communites into one. It was a great afternoon.

Dancing with Scotland
Yes it does get warm dancing.

Before 2020, who would have ever guessed that Zoom would become a noun and a verb in our everyday language. It has definitely made our world smaller and larger in that we can see each other and interact with each other in ways we could not have done before this. Zoom was in the right place and the right time. It took off and will be a part of our society until the next interesting and unique communication invention comes along.

Today I am thankful for Zoom and the joy it brought to me and others as we stayed connected in an unusual time for the whole world. Today I am thankful for my dance community of friends. Today I am thankful I am still able to stay involved in dance even if I cannot physically dance.

Today I am Thankful.