A New Month-Moving Forward

December third will mark a month since Elsie took off. There have been sightings. I have answered every one. I have met some very nice people and seen some sweet kitties, yet all of them are not my cat. Sigh. I have become intimately familiar with the shelters in the county and the numerous web sites that help people find their animals. Cats and dogs go missing and so do parakeets, bunnies, geese, and pigs.

I know you all wish me well. I know that all those good thoughts and prayers are being sent out to support her return and to support me. I want you to continue to do this, yet what I need now is to not dwell on it so much. The longer she is gone the less is the likely-hood of her return. I need to get my life organized as a truly solo person. Could I ask you to continue to pray for her and me without letting me know with each blog post or a facebook post? Each time I see that someone is praying for her safe return or to support me, it puts me into a sad place and I need to go there less. I need to look ahead while hoping for her safe return.

I am staying in San Diego for another month at least. I still have doctors and dentists appointments to contend with. Most of them are complete and I still have some major decisions ahead. Yep, that is correct, the rest of my life is moving forward, just minus my little kitty.

Janet & Pat

Just before the Thanksgiving holiday, I was given a surprise visit by a fellow Roadtreking friend. Pat lives on the San Juan Islands off of Washington State. She is on a several month drive-about of the west visiting family and friends. Knowing that she would be close, she decided to come and give me a pick-me-up and a diversion. It was delightful to see her and her two pups. We talked and caught up and broke bread together. I am glad she thought enough of me to rescue me from a serious case of the doldrums. It was a good couple of days.

I successfully made it through Thanksgiving. I had some interesting offers come in for my plea not to be alone for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I had to say no to some, as they were not local and I have made a commitment to myself and Elsie to give her two months.

I actually had three Thanksgiving dinners. Santee Lakes, where I am camped, had a potluck on Wednesday night.

On Thursday I went to dinner at my friend and one of the best yoga instructors around, Lisa’s home. Along with 19 others, I celebrated in an intimate delightful setting. We feasted well. The food and the company were warm and receptive. I am glad I stretched myself a bit and enjoyed this holiday with others. Thank you, Lisa.

Yesterday saw my third helping of turkey served at a good friend’s house here in San Diego. Cynthia and Ward had a full dinner with all the fixings. Dinner was followed by a movie and pumpkin pie. Their home is always welcoming and open to me. I am glad Cynthia and Ward are friends.

Christmas is next. I am going to remember to breath my way through this holiday. I gave up giving presents many years ago. That took a lot of stress off my plate right away. No more late-night trips to the stores so I could go shopping when there was not a hoard of people around. No more calling my family to ask what they wanted for Christmas and then buying them gift cards. All of this has allowed me to breath more and stress less.

It is so much more joyful for me, during this month, to take time to enjoy people’s company. Going on a hike or walk, strolling along the waterfront, enjoying a good meal and conversation is a gift I can really enjoy. Would you care to join me? It would be delightful to catch up with close friends, fellow tour guides and acquaintances. Let’s take a walk or get a cup of coffee. I am open to unique suggestions as well.

And for all of you who are further away, I will carry you in my mind and heart. That is sometimes the closest that one can get. I look forward to future visits to those far away places.

Today I am thankful. This month I am thankful for friends and family, for those, I have met and for those, I will meet. Always, I am thankful to breath.

 

 

 

Learning to be Alone

It has been over two weeks since Miss Elsie the Cat took a walk. I try to remain hopeful. It is hard to do.

Since before Jim died over seven years ago, Elsie was a part of our life. She arrived as a wee kitty that could fit into the palm of one hand. She snuck her way into our hearts. She liked me and adored Jim. After Jim died, Elsie waited for five months before she decided that I was up to be part of the primary team.

Elsie was a remaining connection to Jim and my life together. The first week after she disappeared, I felt like I dove deep into grief again, similar to after Jim initially died. Grief for the loss of Miss Elsie. Grief for the loss of Jim. Grief for the loss of our life together. This kind of grief is not a good place to stay. I have been using my resources, friends and more to get me back out of that spot. It is OK to visit. It is not OK to stay long.

I am learning how to be alone. When Jim died, Elsie the cat was still with me and I could rely on her for good purry company. I love her companionship. I love how she would talk to me and look at me with those adoring eyes. Now that she is on an adventure, wherever that may-be, I need to learn to be alone. After having some type of companionship for close to thirty years, it is not an easy lesson to learn. I thought it would be easy, yet I find it difficult. I have been talking to her and Jim in absentia a lot lately.

How do I learn to be comfortable being alone? That is a loaded question and the answers are not clear as they seem to change by the minute, hour and day. It is hard to figure out the alone part when I dive into moments of sadness. I come back out and things look a little brighter and then, poof, there is another one that pops up. Sigh.

I am not looking forward to Thanksgiving or Christmas. They are holidays of celebration, joy, and fun. Being single and alone is not always fun. I decided this past week to stretch myself and ask for help. Well, actually it is asking to be included. Today I decided to ask my San Diego friends to think about including me in their holiday fun. I sent out an email to a few close friends asking them to consider including me, if not for the event, maybe for a walk or a few hours of their time. Now I want to extend that to the broader San Diego Community. I promise not to be maudlin or sad. If anything I think I will be joyous, just to be around others and enjoying the companionship and fun.

I know I could volunteer, yet this year it feels like I want to be included with those I love or those who love me or both. All you local San Diegans, if I did not email you and you want to respond to my plea of inclusion, it would be welcomed with open arms and an open heart.

I am grateful for my friends and family today. I am grateful for all those people out there in the cyberworld who are helping me look for a lost kitty. I am thankful for my time with Miss Elsie the Cat.

I remain optimistically hopeful.

 

 

An Elsie Update

Elsie is still missing. Where oh where did this sweet kitty go?

I have been busy. I continue to walk the park and surrounding areas once a day. Food goes out every day. The litter box is outside, dirty clothes are outside, flyers are up in the neighborhoods and still nothing to report.

I miss her like crazy. Other cats go walk-about and then come home. Not Miss Elsie. She has a web presence and now her own email page as well. Did you know?: there is a Pet Amber Alert, a Pet FBI page out there?  She is on both. She is on all the local pages as well. The San Diego Union-Tribune add is in the local paper. And the list goes on.

I try very hard to mix hope with realism, yet when the heart is involved it is, at times hard, to do.

Elsie was Jim’s cat. She attached herself to him when she was a tiny kitty that we could fit in the palm of our hand. When Jim would go out in the yard, she would go out and when he came in so did she. She liked me and adored him. After Jim died she kept an eye out for him for almost five months. Then one day, she switched allegiances and became my kitty. I guess she finally realized he was not returning to the fold.

When I first started to travel in my RV part-time, Elsie remained at home, with cat sitters and friends. Initially, traveling in my small RV was my healing. I visited friends and family who were waiting for me, to love me and enjoy each other company. Three years after I bought the Roadtrek, I sold the house went full time, and Elsie and I took off for adventures near and far.

Elsie has developed quite a following. I know many of you are waiting for word on this mightly little cat. I am too. Currently, the status is unknown. I frequent the shelters and it takes a bit of my day to review all the sites that she is currently on. Each day that goes by makes me a little less hopeful. I have developed a relationship with a few women from the Nextdoor website. They have been so helpful and kind. And still, I wait.

This morning someone on one of the East County Pets Facebook page said they saw a dead cat near here. I went to see if I could see who it was but it was gone. I finally broke down, had a good cry (thank you, Nancy, for enfolding me) and still I wait.

I talk to her as if she is here. I tell her when I leave the park and when I return. I know energetically that she can understand this or at least I believe she can. There are so many people rooting for her return to me. The support has been overwhelming and appreciated. It makes me feel just a little less alone knowing that everyone is pushing for her return.

For those of you who have been asking, thank you. For those of you who have been searching the web sites and more, thank you. For those of you who continue to love and support Elsie and me, thank you.

I promise when there are any updates I will post them and lastly, Elsie Come Back to Me.

 

Elsie Has Gone On Walkabout-Elsie is Missing

On Monday, November third around ten at night, Miss Elsie slipped out of the door of the RV and went on walk-about. That might have been OK but she has not returned.

She has always been a curious kitty with a strong sense of adventure. I believe that she decided the opportunity was there and it was time to create even more adventure in her life.  The opportunity was a slip of an open door I was unaware of.

We are staying at Santee Lakes Reserve and Campground in Santee, California, east of San Diego. It is coyote country out here and I understand she needs to be a wily kitty to avoid them. I think she has it in her to do that. This campground is huge (300) sites. I have walked the park end to end numerous times.

I have a new routine. I set the alarm for five in the morning and walk the park until it is light and many people with their dogs are around. Then I return back to my site and check the numerous sites and pages that I have put her lost poster on, check the San Diego Humane Society, check my emails and facebook. I wait during the full daylight hours at my rig just in case she comes back. Around dusk I walk the campground again, come back eat dinner and rest. Then at eleven p.m., I walk the campground again. I walk with food, her bells from her collar and more.

Just this morning I was told about a possible sighting in one of the lower loops. I now make sure to include that on my own Elsie walk-about, three times a day.

We have traveled so much and seen so much. She has impacted so many people’s lives. I hope she continues to be that ambassador for many years to come.

I am slowly adjusting to life without my buddy. It is hard to do. I feel so guilty about having that door open. I am trying hard not to personalize this. It wasn’t that she was unhappy, she is just a curious cat and grabbed the opportunity when it presented itself. Ever since I started this lifestyle I have acknowledged fully that something like this could happen. She is a cat and has those wild instincts. That seems all good on paper, but my heart is involved here and I miss her.

The good news is that RV’ers are a good sort of people and most are on the lookout for her. I am thankful for that. My friends are doing the best they know how to support and love me. I am so thankful for that. I don’t want to leave the rig closed, so friends have offered to come and spend a little time at my home on wheels when I need to go to an appointment.

Meanwhile, I am letting my emotions be what they are. I try not to berate myself too much. These things happen. Right now between my walks, I try to get enough rest, because I imagine this body is still recovering from surgery. I am remembering to breathe. I have to grieve, I have to let my heart do its thing and then I too will pick up and move on, in whichever direction I need to.

Currently, I would like to ask all of you to pray, send energy, and whatever else to get Miss Elsie back to me, if at all possible. She deserves it and so do I.

My Summer Vacation by Elsie the Cat

After a long, long summer break I am back in my home on wheels and heading into the sunset. As usual, I am riding shot gun while Janet drives. I am not sure where we are heading, and it doesn’t matter, as long as I am going along for the ride. Janet and I, we are a team.

Three months ago, that is what Janet says, she left me and my tiny home at her sister’s in Northern New Jersey. I really don’t know where she went but I was left in this cushy home and gradually as I became braver I was able to explore the whole house. This house is a lot bigger than my tiny home on wheels. There was so much to explore.

At first I was timid and would come down the stairs and peer into the living area. There is a rug in that room that smells like catnip. It was the first thing that pulled me further into the living space. I loved rolling on that rug. If someone paid too much attention to me, I would run back upstairs to the safety of my room. I know it was my room because my toys, litter pan, food and water was there. Every kitty needs a safe place, a place to call home.

My Summer Home

After a few weeks I discovered that Ginny and Frank were really nice people and they welcomed me into their lives. I would sit on Ginny’s lap sometimes. It was warm and fuzzy place to sleep. When Frank would take naps I laid on his side or next to him. They often had the heating blanket on and it became a favorite place for me to nap.  I soon found that the blanket at the end of their bed was another great place to snooze. Us kitty’s nap often.

Ginny served me my food on blue depression glass plates. I felt very special. She gave them to Janet to take with us. I get served my meals in elegance and style, wherever I go.

They have a kitty, Kitty Lepore, who ignored me most of the time. As I got braver I would run up to her and we would both hiss and then I would run away. I don’t think she ever really liked me a whole lot. I am not sure I liked her either, but life with her was bearable. I have had some other encounters with kitties that were not so pleasant as Kitty L’s and mine. I will take her over other cats, any day.

When Janet and her friend, Phyllis (she has shoes and purses that I love to rub on) returned, the balance in the house changed. I had to get used to Janet being back in my life. She says she was gone for two months. For a little cat like me it felt like an eternity. I was just beginning to think that this house was going to be a forever home when Janet returned. As soon as I saw my little home on wheels, I was ready to get on board and travel once more.

Mid-September, Janet and I stepped into our RV and began to head west. I am back to being an adventuresome kitty. We stopped in Ohio to visit with more family. They have a kitty, Callie, we have never formally met, just stared at each other from across the room. Then we went to Chicago to visit good friends of Janet. While we were there I introduced Charlie and Thuey (more cats) to rabbit pate. It was a big hit.

Me and Percy

A few days ago we left Helen, Dave, Percy (I don’t want to even go there), and Oreo (another kitty) behind and are now heading west. They live in Lincoln, NE. I love visiting with Helen and Dave. When I arrive there is my very own personal guest basket. It has treats and toys to play with. I feel very welcomed there. I am so glad Janet has such good and kind friends. It makes life a bit easier for this little cat.

Now we are going to Flagstaff. More good friends live there and I think we might spend a few days there before departing for San Diego. Janet says I have been to this friend’s home before. I am not sure, I will have to wait and see. Having friends is a good thing.

Well the hour is getting late for this little kitty. I need to give myself a bath  before going to sleep again. You can never get enough of a good thing.

I will wake in the morning to new adventures. Bring them on.

 

 

Driving West, The Cancer Word, Moving On

Sunset over Lake Erie

In mid-September I left New Jersey and my sister’s home and began heading west. Elsie the cat and I moved back into our little home on wheels and took off. I have been slowly making my way west, exploring Pennsylvania, stopping to visit family in Ohio and taking time to bird watch along the south shore of Lake Erie.

I spent three lovely days visiting good friends, Helen and Norb, in Chicago before once again heading west. I am now in Lincoln, NE visiting with good friends, waiting out a cold front that is coming through before once again heading west.

For all of my friends that are experiencing very cold conditions at night, I am afraid I am going to bypass you this time. Why? 10 degrees F. is just a bit too cold for my rig. I am going to be driving south and then west so I don’t have to winterize my little home on wheels.

I will arrive in San Diego on October 20. I am scheduled for surgery to remove the other half of my thyroid on October 25. With the support of my doctors I put off this surgery until after my grand summer vacation in Africa. Now I have to move ahead. I guess the vacation is over.

I have been contemplating, otherwise known as thinking, about my life coming up. I am nervous about this surgery. I am apprehensive about the outcome. A few days ago I woke in the morning with the realization that I am experiencing the “C” word for the second time in my life and I am feeling a bit overwhelmed, a bit nervous, and a bit scared, and a bit emotional. Ah life continues to hand out the surprises.

There is another feeling I have been experiencing this time with cancer and that is the sense of feeling very alone in this big wide world. When I had breast cancer, Jim was alive and was my major every day support. This time I am having to create my support team. And, honestly?, I am missing Jim.

After seeing Jim go through head and neck cancer I swore that was the one type of cancer I did not want to tackle. Now here I am. I am trying very hard to separate the two experiences yet that is hard to do. I know they are different kinds of cancer but seriously who cares? Cancer is cancer and it is a hard thing to handle.

I know I have heard all the words; “I have a friend (aunt, sister…) who had thyroid cancer and they had their thyroid removed and are fine”, “If you are going to have cancer, this is the a good cancer to have” (that is a horrible thing to say to someone, there is no good cancer to have), “you will be just fine” (how do you know?), “God never gives you more than you can handle” (bull on this one-don’t ever, ever, ever say this to anyone-ever), “It is a simple surgery” (What? there is not simple surgery). And the words go on.

On the positive side of this is that my friends are stepping forward.

  • During the weekend of surgery, Nancy is taking care of Miss Elsie.
  • Cynthia and Ward are taking me into their home to love me pre and post op.
  • Phyllis, I know, will be waiting in the wings to help however I will let her.
  • Helen and Dave, my friends in Lincoln told me to let them know if I need them and they will get into their tiny home on wheels and head west. (this was enough to bring tears to my eyes)
  • My friend Sharon, in southern Utah wants to be contacted post surgery so she can, from a distance love and support me.
  • My immediate family are too far away to physically help out, but I know they will be supporting me from a distance.

I am more than a bit overwhelmed by my friends near and far who will be loving me as I face this newest challenge in my life.

And in the midst of all this “C” stuff well here I am, once again in another October. Today would have been Jim’s birthday. Yesterday he went into the hospital for the last time. Six days from now I have a birthday. The day after my birthday Jim died. Now I have surgery on the 25th. Well isn’t that an actioned packed month. October seems to be more and more a month I struggle to get through. I appreciated when November 1 comes around.

Isn’t this an uplifting post? I have always tried to be honest with who I am in the moment and what I am going through. From the moment I posted my first post I told myself to write from the heart and I hope that I have succeeded in doing this.

Today this is who I am and tomorrow, well, I may be different. Tomorrow I will be moving south and west. Just like the other snowbirds I am heading to the sun and warmth. To my friends in San Diego, I will see you in about ten days and I look forward to reuniting with you.

In the meantime I will drive and explore and be amazed at the places I see. I will remember to breath, deeply and long and relax. And yes the camera will be coming out and join me for the ride. Miss Elsie is as always is my sidekick. I am looking west toward the rest of my life.

Miss Elsie the Cat’s Summer Vacation

Hi everyone. Here I am sitting in a house on a lake in Northern New Jersey. I am not sure I know where that is. I do know it different than where I have spent most of my life. First it is really, really green here. I mean, big trees, green grass, big flowers and more. I am very thankful that I can still find dirt to roll in. As many of you know that is one of my favorite things to do.

Janet tells me I am going to spend my summer here. Hmmm….I wonder what summer means…..hmmm…I wonder what spending my summer here means. I think I am OK with this.

You should see my room. Well I am assuming it is my room. This room is huge compared to my little home on wheels. Janet brought in my toys and blankets. This is so I am more comfortable here. I like it because there are four windows that I can sit in and watch birds and chipmunks. It is a good way to pass the day when I am not resting. Us cats need our beauty sleep. All my essentials are here. That makes me happy.

A very large water bowl

At least once a day Janet hooks me to my leash and takes me outside. This outside is very different. There is a huge water bowl when I go outside. Janet calls it a lake but I think it looks like a giant water bowl. I am a bit nervous about all that water. One night Janet had me sitting with her and she started throwing bread into the water. What the heck? All of sudden there were these pops and bumps at the top of the water and the bread disappeared. Ginny, Janet’s sister says that they are fish. Wow someone lives under the water. Imagine that? I wonder how they breath.

Kitty Lepore

There is another kitty that lives here. Her name is Kitty Lepore. She is big and round and soft. And, she has a limp. I am not sure what to make of her. She doesn’t seem to be bothered by me. I am nervous around her. I have had a few bad encounters with other kitties so I am cautious around Kitty L. I hiss at her and growl and then I run away. I am not always as brave as I appear. Kitty L just sits there and looks at me.

Ginny and Frank are Kitty L’s caretakers. They seem to be really nice people. Janet tells me that they will be taking care of me for the summer. They seem nice and let me get to know them on my terms. I like that. I get nervous when people try to approach me too quickly.

There is this rug in the living room that smells of catnip. Mmmm…I love catnip. When I am brave enough to venture down the stairs I go to that rug and roll and play with the toy that is there. The rug is my safe spot when I am brave enough to make my way downstairs. Each day I get a little braver. I am careful because I don’t want to lose any of my nine lives exploring this new place.

Janet has been telling me she is going away for a while and I am staying here. I am not sure what that means. She tells me she will be back. I sure hope so because we are a team. In the mean time I will make myself comfy and try to make the best of my summer on the lake.