When Life Gives You Lemons…

Posted on August 5, 2016 by JanetA

My Campsite north of Westport, CA

For the past few weeks I have been traveling the west coast in my Roadtrek. I have literally been traveling the coast following route 1 and 101 north from Los Angeles. I have been enjoying the cool air while so many were suffering through a heat wave.

When I arrived in Crescent City, California a good friend, Cat and her two dogs, joined me for four days. It was fun to have company and see a part of the United States I have never seen before.

janet & Cat getting ready to ride.

Cat and I are getting ready to embark on a journey together. She and her two dogs are bicycling the Pacific Coast Route. Me, Elsie and the Roadtrek are going to be her support team, otherwise known as the “sag wagon”. We will start in Vancouver, BC and finish at the Mexican border. It is a long ride and I have no doubt it will be fun.

We were planning to leave this week past. There has been a delay.

I have not learned yet, how important it is, to stop driving before one gets too tired. On Monday, I was running errands, after spending a lazy day on the beach, walking and photographing. At the end of the day I did one errand too many. I pulled into the Home Depot Parking lot, parked my rig, leaned over to pick up my wallet, and the next thing I knew I was rolling over a curb and a rock. My Roadtrek was obviously not in park. While backing off I pulled my whole front bumper off.

There are many nice things about a small town, one of them is the people. After calling my roadside assistance with Coach-Net a local body repair man, Mike came to my rescue. With the help of a couple other RV’ers and Mike the bumper was temporarily put into place. When I asked Mike how much I owed him, he just waved me off. I gave him a hug instead of money. His kindness was appreciated.

Bumper Bandaids

Bumper Bandaids

The next day I made my way, via a beautiful drive through the redwoods and a few stops to zip tie loose areas of my bumper, to Medford Oregon. Medford is close to Ashland where Cat and I are meeting up to start the journey north. Thanks to the Roadtrek Facebook page, when I whined about my dilemma, I soon had two offers of places to stay in Medford while my front end is secured back into place.

I have been staying with Mary. I first met her last winter in Anza Borrego State Park. A little over a month later she and I and two other women met up in the desert again. This second meeting is when I fell and broke my ankle, while hiking. Sigh. We did form a good start to a friendship, one I hope endures.

Mary has been a perfect hostess and friend. She has helped divert me from obsessing over my stupidity and has been introducing me to Oregon. The first day we toured Lithia Park (designed by John McLaren who designed Golden Gate Park in San Francisco) in the town of Ashland, met up with Cat for lunch and went wine tasting in the afternoon. It was relaxing and fun.

Sometime that afternoon I began to realize that I could just chastise myself over and over again or I could let it go and enjoy my side trip to Medford and Ashland.

Crater Lake National Park

Yesterday Mary and I spent the day hiking and touring at Crater Lake National Park. Here is a one word description of this park “Beautiful”. I don’t believe that a bad photo could be taken of this place. It was amazingly beautiful. The lake within the crater is the most beautiful color of blue. It is said that the water is so pure that you could dip your cup and drink right from the lake. The water comes completely from snow melt and rain. What keeps it so pure is that there is only one place on the lake where you can actually get to the shore and even that is restricted use. It was an amazing day and I am glad that I finally was able to see this spectacular place. it was good to get some hiking in, something I have not done much of lately.

Janet & Mary hike to a waterfall

Today, Friday my Roadtrek made it’s way to the shop. I am hoping that it may be ready to go my next Wednesday.

Recreational Marijuana Shop

I realize that I have several choices on how I choose to act in any given situation. I was not hurt, my RT was a little hurt, Elsie was OK and this is a very temporary set back on a grand summer and fall adventure with a good friend. The lesson here is, there are many times I can make lemonade when I am given temporary lemons. Very few episodes or events are so dire that I cannot, at least attempt, to turn them around and discover something positive about the situation at the time. The past four days have been fun. I have been exploring a new area of the country and having fun with friends. I have visited my first recreational marijuana store (it’s legal here) and I was able to visit Crater Lake National Park which has long been on my list of must sees. Deepening the connection with Mary has certainly been worth while. I have been having fun.

Hopefully I won’t have to make too much lemonade on this trip. It is good to know that I can if I need to. I am looking forward to what fun thing I will do tomorrow. Today I am thankful for lemons and lemonade, good friends and beautiful expansive, preserved wilderness that I am privileged to explore.

Click below for Photos of the trip, so far.

Photos

Redwoods

Afternoon Bath

Friends & Music

Posted on July 28, 2016 by JanetA

Mountain Dulcimer

Do you know what a mountain dulcimer is? I didn’t know what one was, until the day I walked into a gift shop and the owner was playing one. I fell in love with it. He told me that if I bought it and could not learn to play one tune, I could bring it back and my money would be returned. I took it home, learned to play Twinkle Little Star, and I kept this beautiful instrument.

Little did I know that chance encounter would change the direction of my world. I was in my 20’s, just graduated from nursing school and was looking for adventure. Every two to three years I would move to a new area of the country, get a job and explore the place I temporarily called home. I took that dulcimer with me every time I moved.

I lived in Durango Colorado for almost two years. Fort Lewis College, the four year school in town, offered a semester in, yep you guessed it, the Appalachian Mountain Dulcimer. I took the semester and learned to play reasonably well. Our teacher had the class perform at different events. It was fun. I made new friends and was introduced to folk music and dancing of all kinds.

During this semester we had a guest teacher come for a few days and help us improve on our skills. I was rather shy about playing in front of someone who could play so well. I would sit off to the side and play very quietly. Every time Neal, the teacher would come close I would stop playing. I don’t remember exactly what happened but he gave me a 6 string dulcimer to “try out”. What I remembered later is that the six string instrument was louder and he no longer needed to come too close when I played.

Enter the second dulcimer in my life. I now have a three string traditional dulcimer, made by Clifford Glen in Boone, North Carolina and I have a six string made by Blue Lion from California.
Even more important than the instruments, Neal Hellman, the dulcimer teacher became my friend.

Neal and I have been friends since the early 1980’s. We never lived close but we traveled in the same circles. He taught at music festivals and I attended them. The two of us would catch up over dinner or if time was fleeting I always took time to sit behind his sale table, and find out what was the latest happenings with my friend. I always enjoyed our encounters. E-mail also helped us stay in touch.

Neal and I are not too much alike. I think that may be what makes me like him. He is the only person I know who is able to make a full time business out of music. He plays, he records, he produces for other musicians and he sells a wonderful selection of music. He is the owner of Gourd Music. (click on the link to see his web site). He is funny and smart and fun to be around. He is a kind soul.

When he is on stage or teaching he is gregarious and entertaining. He makes everyone feel like they are the best musician in the room.

Over the years we stopped communicating. There is no reason for this, it is what sometimes happens with friends. Our lives move in different directions. Yet even though that happens, when friends get together again it is like we just saw each other yesterday.

Neal & janet

Neal lives in Santa Cruz. Three days ago I reconnected with Neal. We visited, rode our bikes to Wilder Beach State Park, had dinner and watched the DNC that evening. I camped in his driveway. It was a great moment on this trip. I love seeing my friends. I especially loved seeing Neal after all these years. I have no idea why friendships happen and it really is not important to know, but I am certainly glad that he and I became friends. I am glad we remain friends still.

Friends support each other. I think they can bring out the best in each other. We can laugh together, share sorrow together and grow together and just have fun together. A lot has happened in both of our lives and I am glad we have had time to catch up. I am glad he is my friend.

Neal sitting on his deck in the Redwoods.

And…You should see his yard. He has three redwoods in the yard. I am kind of enthralled by these trees.

Since this post I have been meandering up Route 1. When everything east of here is pretty darn hot I don’t mind being along the coast, in the redwoods and it maybe is 70 degrees. I am now camping near Crescent City, CA. It is near the Oregon border. Tonight I am meeting up with another good friend. No more solo camping for me, for a while. A new adventure is about to unfold.

Today I am thankful for friends, new and familiar. I am so glad Neal and I connected once again.

On the Move

Posted on July 23, 2016 by JanetA

Last Tuesday I started driving Miss Elsie and myself northward. I did not get far. I received an invitation from other Roadtrekers to visit them in their beautiful home in Camarillo, west of Los Angeles. I could not have had nicer hosts and now friends.

I did not stay in my RT. Miss El and I had a very nice suite within their home. Elsie really liked the door than opened to the back yard. She thought that was pretty cool and was always ready to get hooked up to her leash so she could explore. Of course, she could only do that when I was around as coyotes and hawks live in the neighborhood.

In the three days I was there I had an opportunity to explore, on my bike and with Jeff and MJ. Since I have lived in southern CA, it has never ceased to amaze me that I can find wild open spaces in a land lived by so many people. I biked one morning into Hill Canyon, a beautiful reserve between Camarillo and Thousand Oaks. What a delightful way to spend a morning.

Jeff and MJ also took me to the beach one evening. We sat in their Roadtrek and enjoyed a delightful dinner while watching the sunset and the birds play in the surf.

Life is certainly changing for me. It takes some getting used to and that will take time. It is OK for me to give myself the time to adjust. In the meantime it is good to explore what is out there in the world.

Here is a list of things I need to remember in my new chose lifestyle.

I do not need to be a tourist 100% of the time.
Remember to pay the bills.
Remember to check my e-mail.
It is OK to stay in one place for more than a day, in fact it may be preferable, especially on a summer weekend.
Do not think you can just drive to the Big Sur Coast and get a campsite on a weekend in the summer. It is not going to happen!
Pay attention to the news, at least a little. There is still a wildfire burning in the rugged hills east of the drive up the coast. There had been talk of closing Route 1. It might be good to know this information.
Always make sure Elsie is taken care of first. After all, she is the princess. On a more serious note, I want her to be comfortable so she doesn’t overheat.
It is OK to sit down with a good book and relax.

I feel so honored each time I am invited into someone’s home and life. I have discover delightful people with many varied stories to tell. I find it so interesting to share our life stories. Sometime I find I have more in common than I know and other times, I find I am just fascinated by the stories they have to tell. Life is an adventure.

I am in Monterey now. I finally found a campsite at Laguna Seca. And I am staying here until Sunday when everyone heads back into the city. It is an interesting place. Down the hill to one side is a gun shooting range. Over the hill on the other side is Mazda Raceway Laguna Seca. This morning I hear gun shots on one side and cars racing on the other. I am definitely going to take a walk over to the raceway and check it out. This area sits in the hills east of Monterey. It is so nice a quiet at night and busy during the day.

After a few more posts I may be dropping the link to Facebook and LinkedIn. If you want to continue to follow my blog there is an easy way to do that. If you go to my blog https://journeysofthankfulness.com and click on “Follow my Blog” it will ask you for your e-mail address. Each time I post, you will receive an e-mail. I am considering this option for several reasons. One of the major factors is security. I will alert you before I take this step.

There are some interesting things on the left side of the page.

Check out the Go Fund Me link. This shares information about The James Fenningham Scholarship.
There is a Book Recommendations link. I added that after so people came up with their favorite book suggestions. Some of the books are my recommendation and others are from people, like you, who submitted them in one post.
The Favorite Website link, with one click on the website and it will take you to the appropriate web site. keep an eye on these as I will be updating this at intervals.
Click on Photos and it will take you to my Shutterfly and you can see the latest photos.

Well it is time to adventure on. I need to check out the car noises. Off to explore.

Making a Difference

Posted on July 17, 2016 by JanetA

After my garage sale was over, I posted a few remaining items, for free, on Craigslist. The first response I got was from Barbara. She was interested in a set of shop lights I had advertised. In her e-mail she said that she was looking for as many items as she could find. In the fall the VFW in Lakeside, CA is having a rummage sale and Barbara is in charge. The VFW hall is in need of handicapped bathroom facility and the money from the rummage sale is going to this cause.

I immediately e-mailed her back and told her she might have struck the “Mother Load”. I told her I had many things left over from the garage sale and They were her’s for the taking. Later that day we met in the driveway of my home. When I opened the garage door, her eyes lit up. Barbara told me that they had been having trouble getting people to donate and she couldn’t thank me enough for the donation. Three loads later they were done.

I received an e-mail from her shortly after. In this e-mail she told me that when others noticed the generosity of my donation, they started to donate as well. Now they have so many items for this rummage sale, they have rented a storage locker.

I have been thinking often about this small event in my life. Have you ever heard the comment “one person can make a difference”? Whenever I think about the garage sale and Barbara’s comment I remember the above phrase. In that moment maybe, just maybe, my donation did make a difference. It made people sit up and notice that someone had donated a lot of “stuff” to this upcoming rummage sale and maybe it was their turn.

When I mentioned Barbara and this upcoming event to Phyllis, a good friend, she has also decided to donate items to this event. Once again by sharing with others, making a difference spreads. If Phyllis shares this with others, then once again her actions can make a difference to the VFW in Lakeside.

I am glad to think I could have made an impact, no matter how small, for a good event. I hope that I can remember this rummage sale and remember that I can make a difference again, in another time and place. It only takes one person. It is good to reach out and donate, time, money, gifts, items and knowledge. It makes me feel good and I certainly felt a bit lighter after everything was gone.

Barbara and her son came back for one more load of items since that first visit to my house. I feel like we got to know each other and we shared a moment of our lives to a good cause.

I hope the rummage sale is a grand success. If I was in town I would certainly attend it. I told Barbara she should have a plaque with her name on it, in one of the handicap stalls. She has decided she wants a chandelier.😀

As I begin to prepare to travel north, I will try and pay a bit more attention to other opportunities that will make a difference in my life and a difference in others lives. I may never realize the impact on others, yet I can certainly realize the impact on myself and my life. I hope, that carrying this knowledge will help me walk a bit more gently among others, and that I will be a bit kinder toward myself and continue to reach out to others when the opportunity arises.

Feeling Displaced

Posted on July 15, 2016 by JanetA

Ready to Go

I thought, after I sold the house that life would slow down, maybe just a little. I have been busy. I needed to replace latches on my cabinets in my Roadtrek. That required two trips to Home Depot and a new tool. I then hung a new screen door. Another day and another trip to Home Depot. I am nesting.

I know I have brought too many things but gradually everything is finding a home. I just need to remember where I put it.

It has been an interesting week. The first few days were fine. I was relaxing, catching up on some reading and settling in. By the third day I began to feel emotionally lost and sad. I recognized that what I am feeling is a sense of displacement. I am just over the hill from my former home, yet it seems so far away and it is no longer mine. I have lived in San Diego county for close to thirty years and even though I am still here, I am not sure I live here now. Where the heck did these feelings come from?

WAITING

I am waiting. Waiting for Yvonne to come home, well I was waiting to sell my car but now that is not going through, waiting for direction, waiting to get started (although I have already started), and just plain waiting. On any given day so many emotions run through me.

I miss Jim. I really don’t miss the house. I miss the symbolism of it. Just like everything else I have experienced in the past 5 years, I have to wait for this time to play out. While I am waiting for the end result I still have to tackle the emotions daily. I try not to be hard on myself. I don’t have much patience for this behavior in myself.

If I think this is a bit hard, now, I can’t imagine what my original plan of selling the house 3 months after Jim died would have been like. In some ways it may have been easier, I was running on a lot of adrenaline at the time. Selling the house may have been easy but the repercussions, I believe would have been more overwhelming.

Today I know that it was time for me to move out of the house. It was time to kick start things and move myself forward. Change is hard, though. Everything takes time. I have not been very good about reaching out to my friends and family in the past several days. I have been kind of wallowing. And all those stubborn traits come into play. “I am an adult, I can handle this.” “My friends must be tired of me whining.” “It has been over three years, Janet. Deal with it.” “Why would my friends want me around if I am moping?” Argh!!!! I keep forgetting that it is OK to ask for help. It is OK to let others know that I cry (still not real comfortable with this one). It is OK not to be perfect. I don’t believe my friends have ever turned away from me. I have been very fortunate.

Just to make sure you know I am not just sitting and wallowing here are some things I have been doing to keep myself busy and having some fun.

Walking and exploring a new, very lovely neighborhood.
Exploring Harry Griffin Regional Park, about 4 blocks from the house.
Riding my bike, same neighborhood, same park.
Last night I heard a lovely concert at a concert venue, Folky Monkey. All music by Paul Simon.
Tomorrow I help, Nancy hang the kayaks and I am taking my scooter for one last ride.
Watching Le Tour de France, I am a very faithful watcher for a number of years now.
Going to the library. Reading.
Coffeehouses.
Spending time in the wonderful back yard at Yvonne’s House.
Visiting with Gloria, a boarder at Yvonne’s.
Meals with friends.

So I am mucking through change, in all it’s grand and glorious forms. I still have no regrets about selling the house and moving out. It was time and since I can’t quite figure out what is next, well, I think it is time for me and Miss Elsie to go and find out.

I have about a week left here before everything is wrapped up. I am going to try to reach out to my friends a little more while I am here and it would be just fine if my friends reach out to me.

I have fun and unique plans ahead of me. I promise to share more about them as they develop. For now I take it one day at a time and remind myself to go and have a little fun every day, even when I don’t feel like it.

House Sold-Feeling Thankful and Exhausted

Posted on July 9, 2016 by JanetA

Friday, my house closed. I no longer own a “sticks & bricks” home. Now it is Elsie, me and the Roadtrek. It has been a very hectic and emotionally fraught month. And…it is done. The new owners were already there when I dropped my friend, Phyllis at her car.

The closing on Friday went smoothly, but Thursday night, whoa. As I stood, to get ready for bed, I just sat back down and sobbed. It is not something I do often and it is a bit over whelming when it happens. I felt like I was releasing the whole spring, from the moment I injured my ankle and forward. Although I have not been too focused on the fact that this was Jim’s and my home for 21 years, this certainly is signifying a closing of this chapter in my life.

I have been on a very busy and hectic path, first getting the house ready for sale and then working like crazy this past month after it sold, culminating in today, and the closing of the house. And it is done.

Where am I heading? I am not sure. I will be in San Diego until the third week of the month. I am giving myself time to recover and I am waiting to sell my car. I will be heading towards the northwest and from there, well, it will unfold a bit at a time. In other words, I am not sure. I am taking my time to nest into my new tiny home. Elsie the cat is doing the same.

I have amazing and wonderful friends. I know I may have expressed this in past posts but at this moment in time, I want to share with you some of my friendships.

Janet & Phyllis on moving day

Phyllis, has been amazing. This woman has been helping me with the house and the sale since last February. If she wasn’t there on her own, all I had to do was ask, and she was on her way. When I felt a bit directionless, she came over and helped me organize and move ahead. The day I broke my ankle she met me in the driveway and drove me to the hospital, staying with me until they sent me home. With the help of Dee, another good friend we dismantled the house, so work could be done on it, and then the three of us put it back together again.

The best part of my friendship with Phyllis is that we can get really angry at each other and then become friends again. This type of interaction is often seen in families. I have two sisters and I remember moments with them, similar to the one described above. Phyllis is one more sister, not by blood but by kind. I am glad to have such a selfless person as a friend.

The beautiful pine

I am currently residing at Yvonne’s house. We work together, as tour guides in San Diego, and she is a friend. While she is off traveling she offered me a corner of her driveway, full hook-up included, for me to camp in my RV. The best part is the use of her home and the most amazing back yard. It has a huge pine tree which is where I am sitting as I write this. Even better is that Elsie is here with me, enjoying her much needed outdoor time. Even though it is warm, the wind is blowing gently and I am loving every minute of it. Somewhere in the distance mariachi music is playing. This is the perfect place for me to have some recovery time.

When I first broke my ankle, Yvonne came to the house, with food and good company. She used to work for Jim at Grossmont College. Now she and I are friends. I appreciate her generosity and support.

Barbara, well what can I say? She was my realtor and is still my friend. I appreciate her high tolerance level for anxious moments in her clients lives. She was there every single step of the way, starting in February when the work on the house started. Barbara has continued to be there for me in person, by text, phone and e-mail. She made me feel respected and honored. I appreciate that she gave me the illusion of control. Without her, I would have been lost. I feel like our friendship has deepened through the whole experience of selling my house. We made quite a team. Thank you Barbara.

Me & My Kayak

Nancy is storing my kayaks, and motor scooter. We have been friends for as long as I have lived here. When I asked for her help with these items she never flinched, just said yes and there they went. Sometime before I leave, we will create a pulley system in her garage and hang the kayaks. It will be fun, as many adventures with her are. Even though her life is busy we always seem to find time to spend together and I know I have her full support for the adventure ahead of me.

I could continue, yet hopefully you get the idea. It is important to have good and valued friends. I feel fortunate that there are several in my life, close by and at a distance. As I prepare to travel I will be visiting and spending time with some of my more far-away-friends. Having friends scattered to the 4 winds makes my adventure a bit less daunting. Friends make life more manageable when things are tough and more fun when life is running smoothly. Every day I am thankful for my friends. I am especially thankful for those who have so strongly supported me over the past month and the past three and half years since Jim’s death.

Packing & Memories

Posted on June 28, 2016 by JanetA

I am busy. I am really busy. I am really, really, really busy. My house closes in less than two weeks and I am cleaning and packing and throwing away. Every day I get out of bed and before I even move toward the kitchen I stop and organize one thing in my bedroom. After hot tea and a quick bite to eat, I start packing in earnest.

It has been interesting to discover items long forgotten among the stash.

Yesterday I found a stack of letters Jim wrote to me when we first became an “item”. I was living in Albuquerque at the time and he was in San Diego. His letters were so revealing of the deep passion he had for life and for me. Whoa, I have never felt so cared for by someone in my life. No wonder I felt so special and loved around him. As we were together longer the passion became quieter, yet was still there in our every day interactions. It also was noted in the fact that he listened to me and if I mentioned something I was interested in or wanted, sure enough, at some point it would appear. I went horseback riding. I received new ski racks for my car. I flew in a glider plane. I wore diamond earrings. He was responsible for getting me involved in watercolor art, buying me my first 10 lessons and all the supplies to get started. Interested in Photography?, a new camera appeared. Pretty early on in our relationship I realized I had to be careful about voicing what I wished for, I knew it would eventually show up. He was a good man, a good match for me and a delightful human being.

How Jim Felt About Me

As I pack up the house, I miss him very much. I am not shutting the door but I am closing a chapter in my life. I feel it needs to be done so I can venture outward to more new experiences.

I taught English Country Dancing (ECD) for 7 years in San Diego. This dancing is what you see in all the Jane Austen films (Pride & Prejudice, Emma….). I love this dancing. I loved to teach and call. After seven years I gave it up for many personal reasons. The most prevalent reason; I did not feel I was a good fit for this growing community. Personalities flared, not always in a positive way, and I decided to quit. I had hopes for a while I would start my own dance community. I missed the dancing and I missed the calling/teaching. As you may be able to tell, there were a lot of issues around this that I have had to take years to resolved. Yesterday I took all my English dance CD’s, books, teaching notes and more and gave them to the San Diego ECD Community Library.

Then

ECD Now

I met up with Ellen, the woman who was instrumental in creating the resurgence of this dance in San Diego, for lunch. After our 2 hour catch up lunch, we met at her car and I moved the 3 boxes of ECD paraphernalia, 3 ball gowns and 2 slips into Ellen’s car. We spoke for a few minutes and then we were both on our way home.

So Light, I am walking on air.

Sometimes simple acts can be very symbolic. When I moved the last box into her car, I felt light. I felt like I could walk on a cloud. With one simple act I released years of dis-settlement. At one point Ellen asked me if I really wanted to give this personal and loved collection up. I simply said yes and I knew in my soul I meant it. Giving away, selling, throwing away is a release. With release comes growth. And it becomes a positive event.

This morning I woke up continuing to feel much lighter and content with this whole interaction. I am so glad I did this. Look how far I have come. And I still have so far to go. Maybe one day I will return to ECD as a dancer. I am still not in that place with the local community. As I travel though I will be paying attention to all the dance communities in the area where I am. I love to dance and I don’t plan to stop. I need another way to approach it and traveling is giving me that opportunity.

I always thought that as I matured, I would have to confront less and less personal growth issues. They still keep popping up. As a good friend of mine, Sharon, once said to me “Janet, dear when you are 80 you will still be growing and changing”. Not a bad life sentence.

Off to the next drawer and more revelations.

Posted on June 15, 2016 by JanetA

Sold, Sold, Sold! Oh my God, my house is sold!!!! It went on the market late last Monday afternoon. Late Tuesday my house was sold for the asking price. I am stunned and every other emotion as well.

I had no idea this would happen so fast. I am walking around in a bit of a daze. There are moments I find I am happy and excited. Then there are moments where I am scared and wondering “what have I done?”. And then there is the daze. So many emotions and they show up at the oddest of times. I am not sure which one will be there until it presents itself.

I feel a bit overwhelmed with all the prep work that needs to be done. The paper work is huge. Today I received all the paperwork from the escrow company. There are times I wonder, where is Jim? It would be so much easier with him. I will forge ahead alone, though. It is hard to be single and do something so big. I feel so tiny.

I find I am doing the same thing I did, right after Jim died. I make a list of all that has to be done and then I pick two or three items to do a day and then I stop. I try to remember to leave the house and go do something fun. I find fun can be huge or as simple as an afternoon at Santee Lakes, taking photos and laying on the grass. It is good to remember to breath and relax.

An Afternoon at the Lakes

Just after the first of the year I began to work on the inside and outside of my house. It is not that I haven’t been busy, yet in the next month, I feel overwhelmed with the thought, of the amount of work that needs to be done. What do I keep? What do I sell? What do I give away? When is the garage sale?

Where do I go from here? In the middle of this past week, the check engine light in my RV went on. Now I am also in the middle of getting new nox sensors and dealing with Mercedes Benz and Holland Motor Homes. Sometime I get tired of being strong and holding on. But strong and holding on, I do.

On My First Hike

This past weekend I had a last minute opportunity to go camping up in the mountains east of San Diego with a good friend, Pat. It was a good weekend. I did my first hike since my broken ankle, 1 mile. I am still practicing. Pat and I share an unfortunate common experience, the loss of our husbands, way too soon. I am glad she was there because on Saturday afternoon I hit an emotional wall. It has been a long time since I have cried and it felt so good to have a moment of release. I am glad I have friends who create a safe environment for me to feel vulnerable and loved.

When I look at my house, I realize with this sale and moving into my RV, I am closing a chapter of my life. This is one chapter I had always hoped I would not have to close. It has made my vulnerability and emotions ride close to the surface. I will miss the house for a while until new adventures unfold. I know I will always carry Jim close to my heart. Just because the house is gone does not mean he will be forgotten. There is no way I could ever forget the valuable time we shared together. The house is only a symbol and when I can sweep all the emotions aside, I feel good about the sale. I feel good I am moving forward, even if I am not sure where I am going.

Now I am heading for the attic. Marking one more off my list. Yep I am adventuring into the unknown. And what an adventure it is going to be. I hope you continue to come along for the ride.

Change-Big Change is Coming

Posted on June 8, 2016 by JanetA

This past Monday, my realtor and I went “live”. My home is up for sale. I have been working on the house since February getting it ready for this moment. My broken ankle slowed the process down for a few months. Now that I am walking and doing better each day, it is time.

Today, Tuesday, two interested parties came to view the house. When I received the first call, I was nervous and excited and a bit anxious and scared all at the same time. There are so many mixed feelings with this move.

Ever since I was diagnosed with breast cancer I feel as if my life has been tossed up in the air, like a deck of cards. While I was picking up the cards from this incident, Jim was diagnosed with cancer. Up went the cards again. Eight months later he was diagnosed with a metastasis from the original cancer, up the cards went once again. With his death all those cards have been taking their time coming down. I have been slowly picking them up, one at a time. Picking up each one has certainly been taking time. No set schedule here.

I thought I would sell our home 3 months after Jim died. I now understand that was way to soon. Grief needs time and I needed somewhere comfortable and secure and safe to manage the initial stages of grief and loss. There was nowhere better than the home where Jim’s and my relationship flourished.

Janet driving in the alley in Chicago(3)

Me & the Trek

I have been trying to figure out what is next in my life since Jim’s death. I have been waiting for a grand moment of awareness. It has not arrived. I am going looking for it. Miss Elsie the Cat and I are going to make my sweet little Roadtrek into our home for the next year. It may be longer than a year or it may be shorter but I have decided to go traveling. I love to travel. I enjoy learning and meeting new people and exploring this grand country I live in. And to create some expansiveness, I am including Canada in my travels, as well.

Link to Listing

I don’t plan to set out until the house sells, unless it is on the market for a while. If that happens then I will be heading out before it sells. Maybe I will figure out where I want to live. If not it will be one grand adventure. I look forward to seeing friends, friends who I have known forever and newer ones as well.

The nervousness and anxiety comes from the unknown. It is a little overwhelming to put my trust out there in the universe that all will be OK. I have moved several times in my adult life. Each time has been just a wee bit harder than the last one. I am not sure why that happens, but I do think it has to do with age. Maybe as I have gotten more mature I have found myself more settled with each move. I do have friends in so many places and I hope to meet up with as many as I can. It is time to catch up.

I am getting ready to roll. What should I take? What should I leave? Where am I going? Is this crazy?

Then there is the house. It takes a bit of effort to dismantle a house. I have been in the process of doing this for the past few weeks. I still have a ways to go, yet even this is manageable as long as I don’t get too stressed.

Miss Elsie

And then there are the memories. Sigh. Even this is OK. It can even be therapeutic. And the bottom line here, is I need move ahead with my life. I want to create adventure and exciting, happy challenges. I am ready. Miss Elsie, well who knows but she is coming along for the ride.

Getting ready, change is in there air.

Working Through Temporary Disability

Posted on May 15, 2016 by JanetA

Friday was a “red letter day” for me. My right leg is now free. I am out of the cast, out of the boot and learning to be mobile again. Whew, this has certainly been a journey in waiting and patience. Although it is not over yet, I feel I am more than on my way.

It is hard to be disabled in any way. I certainly have much more respect for those that are handicapped full time and contend with obstacles on a daily basis. I have discovered many little things that I had to contend with daily. Here are some of the discoveries I made on this path over the past couple of months.

I wish I could put a big X across this photo.

Those yellow raised squares at the street corners are awful. Maybe they help the visually impaired, and I am sure they do. They were an obstacle for me. It is hard to get over them with a knee scooter or a wheelchair. Not fun.
Signs in restaurants and other places of business, that say they have handicapped accessible bathrooms, have the heaviest darn doors that lead into the restroom. Some of them were almost impossible to open and manipulate my scooter or crutches at the same time. On a good note there was often someone close by to hold the door open for me so I could scoot on into the bathroom. People are kind.
Sinks in the restrooms were a good height when standing up but not always so when in a wheelchair. The sinks were often not near the dryers or towels.
Trying to get out of Starbuck with the scooter, and a drink was next to impossible without help. That was the one place that I actually had to ask someone to help with the door. The people there were so occupied with their computers they did not even see what was going on.
Handicapped spaces are not always near the front door of venues. And…what happens when they are all taken?
Some of my friends were hesitant to park in the handicap spaces until I reminded them that this was not about them, it was about what would make it easier for me.
Elevator Doors, were either good or too quick to close. I am sure there is a mechanism on them that would help the door be a little slower to close.
Even a small step can look giant when on crutches or a scooter.
Home Depot and Lowes have electric scooters you can use in the store. This was so easy and convenient.
Bed Bath and Beyond also had a wheelchair I could use. I got to the point that if I knew where I was going, I would check on line or call ahead and ask if they had a chair or scooter I could use.
The electric scooter was a God send at Zoofari (the Wild Animal Park). I also did not have to wait in line to see the butterfly exhibit. They move the handicapped to the front or near the front of the line. It was a nice perk, although I paid for it with the renting of the wheelchair.
If I had wanted I could have rented a beach wheelchair and gone to the ocean. I did not, yet it was nice to know it was available.
One of the harder parts of having a broken right ankle was my inability to drive. I discovered Lyft (similar to Uber). It did not matter if I was going a few miles or a distance, all I had to do was make an appointment on my cell phone app. The drivers were never more than 10 minutes away. I met drivers from all over the world. I loved sitting up front and asking them about their lives. Lyft was a life saver for me. I did not have to get bored and rammy at home.
I have good neighbors. Kelly would bring her 2 year old boys over and I would have a chance to visit and play. My neighbors on the other side offered to help when they could. I am blessed.
I really appreciated all the people who took notice and were willing to offer me help. Just bringing my tea to my seat at the local coffee house meant so much.
And here is the biggest one for me to remember, IF YOU NEED HELP, ASK!!!!!!

I know that from now on I will try to gently remind myself to not be too quick to judge why a person is parking in a handicap space. Not all disabilities can be seen. Yes, I will take the time to hold doors open or close doors if someone needs help and maybe even if they don’t. I would like to believe that this is one more reminder to myself to be kind. Sometimes it is about all one can do. Be Kind.

I am slowly beginning to walk. I will be calling physical therapy on Monday to set up appointments. I am ready to progress and move on in my adventure called life. My bike is anxiously awaiting for me to climb on board. And, yes, I am ready to do some hiking. My sweet little Roadtrek is calling to me as well. As I have been learning over the past 3 years, I am taking it slow. Baby steps, one at a time. Patience, patience, patience.

Journeys of Thankfulness

Embracing Life, Traveling in my RV, Feeling Grateful

When Life Gives You Lemons…

Friends & Music

On the Move

Making a Difference

Feeling Displaced

House Sold-Feeling Thankful and Exhausted

Packing & Memories

Change-Big Change is Coming

Working Through Temporary Disability

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