Category Archives: freindship

Remembering Jim: Love, Loss, and Lifelong Adventures

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“I talk about him because I’m proud.
I talk about him, because he deserves to be remembered.
I talk about him, because even though he’s not physically with me, he’s never far from my mind.
I talk about him because he’s part of me, a part that I could never ignore or disown.
I talk about him because I love him still, and I always will. Forever. Nothing will ever change that.”
I Talk About Him/Scribbles & Crumbs

On October 9, 2012, Jim, my husband entered the hospital for the last time. Neither of us knew that he would not leave and come home. Neither of us thought that the end of his life was around the corner. Neither of us knew.

Thirteen years ago on October seventeenth my husband of 21 years died. He entered the hospital the day before his birthday. Almost two weeks later, he died the day after my birthday. Yes October is a emotionally mixed month for me.

Oh, and wait a minute. October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I know that some people who have had breast cancer are dedicated to this month. I thank them for that. I, though from the beginning of having breast cancer in 2010 have wanted nothing to do with this month. I don’t want pink anything. I want to move forward without the celebration and thinking of myself as a survivor. I want to live.

Welcome to October
Always an action packed emotional month.

It seems strange to think it has been thirteen years since Jim’s death. Sometimes it seems like it has been that long. Other days, it feels like it was yesterday. Sigh.

I spent most of my younger adult life thinking that I was going to be single my whole adult life. I made it to 38 and then Jim showed up and my life changed forever.

Each year I take time to remember Jim in writing, in thought and in love.

Jim & me dancing Contra Dance

Many relationships were made and dismantled on the dance floor of the New England Contra Dance community. If you have never tried this form of folk dance I suggest you try it. It is so much fun and it is certainly a way to meet people and make friends. And, oh the music! One night, this tall blue-eyed man showed up. That ended the idea of being single for the rest of my life.

Scottish Country Dance Ball

Jim followed me to other dance communities. He became a fine Scottish Country Dancer. We ballroom danced and chose to try several other forms of dance in communities around San Diego. It was fun. He did a mean waltz and polka. It was so much fun to have a dance partner.

The connection was strong and within a year we were a couple. I moved from San Diego in the fall of that year. I became a traveling nurse with Albuquerque as my destination. He didn’t want a long distance relationship. I said “How do you know if you don’t try it?”

Four months passed. Jim and I made several trips between Albuquerque, NM and San Diego, CA. I returned to the west coast and Jim. We moved in together and became a life couple. Was he my soul mate? I don’t know. I do know that even if it wasn’t perfect it was pretty darn close. From the moment we started to date we were close.

Everything was shared. Each month I would hike into the mountains to contemplate whether this was still a relationship I wanted. He would roll his eyes and waved me off. I would come back for another month. When I asked him if he had any doubts. He looked me in the eyes and said no. Eventually the monthly journeys move to every six months and then every year. I continued to hike and contemplate this wonderful relationship once a year until his death.

I have always been an explorer and adventure traveler. He joined me.

We took the train to Oregon. We climbed old growth Douglas Firs. and camped in the top of the trees. Did you know that there are no mosquitoes 25 feet above the ground? Since we were camped over 100 feet off the ground we were never bothered by those pesky little creatures.

Tree Climbing & Tree Sleeping

One year we kayaked the Nā Pali  Coast off the coast of Kauai. The only way to see this coast is by helicopter or boat. On one of the short kayaks, we sailed through the air on the backside of a wave. Other travelers kept saying, “this doesn’t look good.” It wasn’t but oh the fun. We survived. When we finally kayaked the 15 miles down the Nā Pali coast, we went into caves. We greeted sea turtles swimming by. We got to see firsthand this amazing and remote coast.

Another Hawaii trip found us inner tubing through the sugar cane fields and kayaking the rivers on Kauai. This and the Big Island were our favorites places to visit in the 50th state.

On Tour of the Galapagos Islands

Other adventures included Ecuador and the Galapagos Islands. We Winter Camped and snowshoe hiked in Yellowstone National Park. We camped and explored Canyon de Chelly in Arizona by horseback. Jim had never been on a horse in his life. When a friend invited us to join her for a long weekend in Alaska. We enjoyed a long weekend of cross country skiing, yoga, and contra dancing. Always dancing. We explored our country, the outback and the cities.

Due to Jim’s love of astronomy we finally saw the total solar eclipse over Angkor Wat in Cambodia. During the summer months, the California desert becomes too hot. He would load all his astronomy equipment in the car and we headed to the desert. We camped in the remote areas of Anza Borrego State Park. There, we would stare at the heavens and talk into the early hours of the morning. The key to summer visits is to arrive after 5 pm. Be ready to leave by nine in the morning. Even in the summer the evenings are cool and pleasant. And…there is no one else out there.

Then there was the Grand Canyon, one of the seven natural wonders of the world. Jim and I hiked it a couple of times. The real life changer happened when we decided to take a river raft adventure. It lasted 15 days with friends from Lee’s Ferry to Diamond Creek.

Looking out at the Mighty Colorado

At first Jim wasn’t sure he wanted to go. It was too long. What would he do if he got bored? I made one phone call to a long time friend, Sharon, who had rafted the canyon several times. After his conversation with her, he hung up and we made reservations. After that trip we always talked about “Before Grand Canyon” and “After Grand Canyon”.

This is a description of some of our travels. There were so many more adventures than listed here. We were always looking for the next new adventure. It was such a great experience to have someone to share the unique and normal with.

Now I carry on alone but not really. I carry remembrance of him and our life with me. I move forward toward the next adventure. And I carry the joy of those 21 years with me as I grow and change and remember. Some people have said that I should let him go and move on. I am not sure what letting him go means. How can I do that? Those 21 years changed my life. They made me grow into the person I am today. I carry my growth with me always.

I continue to adventure by myself. My friend in our soft adventures is gone. I wonder sometimes how different my life would have been if he was still here today. Yes, I have no doubt I would still be with him. I would still be taking the hike into the mountains every year. I would watch as he waved me off. And then another year would unfold.

Today I am thankful for Jim, for our positive and wonderful relationship. I am thankful to move forward and be so much more than before I met him. Today I am thankful for Jim and all those years of adventure and wonder.

Hmmm…Where to next?

Road Trip Chronicles: RV Life and Challenges

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My writing has been scattered lately and my posts show it. So…An Update.

I have been in San Diego for two weeks. The first week I was cat sitting for two pretty Tuxedo Kitties, Avril and Pete. They were very different personalities. Pete slept with me while Avril remained aloof. The best part of this sit besides the kitties…A Swimming Pool! On these warm summer days that pool was so refreshing.

I do not usually return to San Diego until November. By that time, the weather has cooled and being in San Diego is good. This year,….It Is HOT!!! Through the Labor Day weekend it is suppose to stay rather warm, even at the beach. Currently I am in Santee which is inland San Diego. It is close to 100 degrees. And, it has been humid. I am not used to this and I long to be back in the Pacific Northwest. Ah, alas, here I am.

I am in San Diego because I have a year long relationship with my dentist. I am having an implant put in and it takes almost a year to finish the process. Bone implant – Heal. Three months later in goes the screw which is really the implant – Heal. Three months later the crown goes on and I am done. This time I had the screw put in. That means in December I get crown on and I am done. Yay!!

Maintenance of my Rig, EmmyLou is important. Without her I have nowhere to live or sleep. On my drive south I met up with my friend Zee, who lives in southern Oregon. We planned a mini-trip to Mt Lassen National Park. On the third day of our camping trip, I tried to start my engine. It made a weird screeching noise, and then it stopped working. My roadside assistance, Coachnet, helped me get her where she needed to go. . She was safely taken to Weed, California. There, she got a new starter.

I was very thankful to have a friend with me. I stress out about Roadtrek issues when I am alone. I am always sure that I am to blame and my life comes to a screeching halt. Zee kept me from chastising myself too much. And I had somewhere to stay while the rig was fixed.

While she got a new starter Zee and I went back to her home. It is so good to have friends who open their homes to me. I am grateful each time this happens. Two days later I picked my rig up and returned to Medford, Oregon so Mercedes could check her out. A day later she was ready to go and I headed south.

Baby Needs New Shoes

Yesterday I spent the afternoon in the Tire Center at Costco because Baby needs new shoes. Michelins are on sale and EmmyLou has been traveling hard. She has 186,000 miles on her and her tires were looking worn. I knew it would take at least two hours. I brought my camp chair in from the rig. Now I am sitting in the air-conditioned tire shop, entertaining myself. It is great people watching.

My Campsite View

It is so common for me to be busy when I arrive in San Diego. I thought it would be a bit slower this time. I don’t even dive into my medical or dental appointments until I arrive in November. I have been busy. Now with Labor Day weekend arriving I am hoping to slow down for the weekend. Maybe I can get the kayak on the water. Maybe I can take a bike ride. Maybe, Maybe, Maybe.

Practicing Yoga free,in Donnelly, Idaho at the top of the Ski lift

There you have it an update. Since May I have been to the Pacific Northwest, Vancouver Island, British Columbia and back to the Pacific NW again. On the way south, I traveled east to Donnelly, Idaho. Where better to attend a free yoga class at the top of the ski lift? After spending a long weekend with good friends I returned to the west coast.

In mid-September, I travel north to Salinas, California (near Monterey). I will house sit for Woody the cat and Rocky the dog for a month. I will also kayak the Elkhorn Slough and bike around Monterey and enjoy my friend, Mandy’s lovely home.

Today I am thankful for my rig. It is good to keep her tuned up and in good working condition. I am truly thankful for air conditioning. I am thankful for good friends who open their homes and hearts to me.

Today I am Thankful.

Unique Stays on the Big Island: Memorable Experiences

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My computer is back up and running. Yes!

When you last heard from me, I arrived on the Big Island with my friend and fellow bird-watcher, Zee. Being on the Big Island was a great way to end two short months visiting the 50th state.

First I want to tell you about the places we stayed. When I planned this trip, I knew I did not want to stay in Condos on the beach. It just is not my style. So, I searched for three interesting and unique places to stay on the Big Island.

Our first stop was Hilo. Thanks to VRBO, we ended up in the Rain Forest Apartment, a one-bedroom apartment with a futon in the living room. The owners are artists, one specializing in art in the garden, which was rich, lush, and green. At night, tiny lights sparkled like ferries in the trees and bushes.

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The other artist painted the apartments with the beautiful, lush colors of the tropics. Sea turtles were painted on the ceiling, floor, and walls. The hot water heater was covered with a decorative cloth, and a sun was painted on the ceiling. Her paintings hung on the walls. It was a welcome place of refuge after a day of touring.

We then moved to Captain Cook, on the island’s southwest side. Here, we found our way to a Balinese-style home. It was so interesting, amazing, and private, and I believe it was my favorite place I stayed on the whole trip. It was open to the outdoors continuously with screens on the windows. The master bedroom was behind an open-style kitchen and dining room.

The bathroom was across the walkway, and a shower was next to it. My room was up a flight of steps, with a Balinese bed built up high. I could see the treetops and the ocean. I have always liked being on the second floor and hidden from the world.

Up another flight of steps was yet another room for contemplation and writing. Other areas of the property contained a screened-in bathtub and daybed.

Everything was surrounded by nature. Geckos wandered freely through the lush gardens. One morning, the owner, Linda, gave us access to her home to take photos of the Java Sparrows at her feeder. They are the prettiest little birds.

Linda is also an artist and a delightful human being. Before we left, she had made us one-of-a-kind key chains and had let us each choose a stone heart to carry with us. OB, her kitty, greeted us each time she visited our home. He knew where the treats were. I would definitely return here again and again.

Finally, we stayed in a tiny home on a Coffee Farm near Kona, thanks to Glamping Hub. While Zee remained in the Master Bedroom on the first floor, I climbed up and down the ladder to the bedroom on the second floor. The best thing about this place was the large outdoor covered lanai. This area was designed like a living room with chairs and a couch. There was a fire table for heat on the cool evenings. The whole area was covered, so we did not have to worry about rain. It was one more delightful stay of many on this winter trip.

I have always enjoyed searching for unique places to stay while traveling. These three places and those on Kauai and Oahu have kept my streak alive. All of these places fit my description to a tee. I am glad I took the time to investigate the uniqueness of residences for this trip. They helped make this trip just a little bit more memorable.

AnnE Poining out more beautiful spots.

I spent the last three days with a friend who lives in Kona. Yes, she lives in a condo, but it is also a home, and I was welcomed with open arms into her life. For the last few days of my stay in Kona, I had a tour guide, so I got to see the island from a resident’s point of view. We explored unique spots on the Big Island, did some hiking, and explored small, unique shops. On my last full day, I saw some of AnnE’s favorite beaches and snorkeled at Two Step. The thrill of the moment was observing an octopus for several minutes as it moved across the ocean floor. I feel blessed.

On February 28th, I boarded Hawaiian Airlines and began the process of returning to the mainland. It was tough to say goodbye. There was so much that I saw in my time there. I met terrific people, swam, got knocked around by the waves, ate delicious food, hiked, and took photos to my heart’s content. The birding was terrific, and the sea life was amazing. I have fallen in love with green sea turtles. And the list could go on.

I am not done telling you about my two months on the Islands. As I sort through the myriad of photos, there will be more to come.

Today, I am thankful. I am thankful for the opportunities that present themselves. I am grateful for all the kind people I met in Hawaii and continue to meet each day of my life. And…ooh all that nature.

Today, I am thankful.

Finding Joy in Small Successes

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There are moments in my life when I take great pride in my accomplishments and moments when I find joy in this continuing journey. I like feeling proud and accomplished for a job well done. It is good to stretch my knowledge and experience and know I can do more and be more. Feeling accomplished leads to feeling joyful. I attempt to look for those moments, large or small, that offer me the feeling of joy.

I have had a slow leak in the rear tire of my road bike. To deal with it, I pumped it up at the beginning of a ride and hoped it would still be OK after fifteen miles. I have been doing this for a while, and it has worked. Two days ago, I was out riding the Bay, and the tire was too soft after ten miles. Finally, I had to address this situation.

My Bike Feeling Picturesque

Before Jim died, I would have gone to him, and he would fix anything with my bike or car. If I had a flat while cycling, all it took was one phone call, and Jim would arrive to rescue me. Now, I have to think about calling Lyft or fixing that tire on the fly. That sounds easy, but changing a tire, especially a rear one, requires time, patience, and muscle.

Yesterday, I decided to change the tube on that tire. I did not have all the necessary tools; where did that bike tool set go? With the help of one tire tool and a few kitchen tools (the mother of invention), I successfully changed the inner tube and was up for a 15-mile ride around the bay.

Pride, oh yes, I feel proud. Whenever I tackle something independently and succeed, I feel proud of myself. I also know that the correct tools will be present next time, making it easier for me to accomplish this task. This is good pride. This is joy.

Joy has been on my mind often lately. I have been considering what gives me joy every day. What are the little things that make me smile each day? Yesterday, successfully changing that tire was a moment of joy at a well-done task. Pride and Joy.

Yesterday, I was at Starbucks, and one of the baristas came by to give me a free sample of Christmas coffee and bread. It made me smile and feel special. Joy at work.

What has brought me joy as I traveled over the past spring and summer? Friends, oh yes, Friends. My life would be so lonely without the love and support of new and long-time friends. I met people on Vancouver Island this summer who have invited me back to visit and live with them. How cool is that? I have people who have embraced me and made me feel treasured and valued. They have invited me into their homes and driveways, making me feel unique and loved. That is definitely Joy.

Unlimited joy, large and small, has come in the form of a little brown bird, Birdie Boy. When I think of my time in the Northwest, I immediately think of Whidbey Island, Jim and Sandy, Robyn and Tom. They think I am wonderful, and the feeling is mutual.

Mostly, I think of Birdie Boy.

How can a little brown song sparrow infuse me with such joy? How can Birdie Boy still remember me two years later? How can he express such joy at seeing me again? He leads his own life, yet I show up, and his and my world stop. We met on the deck in the spring of this year. He sat atop my computer screen and chitted at me non-stop. We had a lot to catch up on. My heart expands with great and small joy when I think of all my encounters with him. Who knew this little brown bird would be so crucial in my healing from the loss of Jim twelve years ago

I love my camera. I love being out in the wild, taking photos of birds, animals, and just about anything. Nature always cheers me up. My photos can bring me such joy. I love looking through my pictures and picking out my favorite of the day.

Socks…New socks! A few days ago I bought 3 pair of new socks. I love putting them on. I love their colors. Their softness is delightful. New soft cushy socks equals joy.

I must note those moments of accomplishment and joy in my life. When things look a little dark or sad, I find that if I can recall one moment of pleasure in the day I am in or from the past, my mood lightens, and things don’t look as bad. Finding joy, no matter how small, reminds me of life’s magic. It helps me take another step forward and often reminds me that I am not alone.

What are your small or significant moments of joy?

What have you accomplished that has made you feel joyful and proud? Please share in the comments. I would enjoy seeing them in print.

Today, I am Thankful. I am grateful for my friends. I am thankful for the little and big moments of success in a job well done. I am thankful for any wee moments of joy in my life.

Today, I am Thankful.

A Journey of Unforeseen Changes and New Beginnings in 2024

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In the Spring of this year, 2024, I announced I was going to Alaska. I was ready to go. I was traveling with two fellow Roadtrekers, Gregg and Bruce. I was finally going to achieve a dream I had since I bought EmmyLou (my RV) in 2013. Alaska Bound.

I was ready to go. First, I planned to visit friends in Oregon and Washington, and then drive east to meet up with my travel companions in Banff National Park.

The trick is not in the planning but in seeing it through and making it happen. Unfortunately for me, I had some medical issues to deal with, and it did not make sense to follow through at this time. Yes I was disappointed.

My plans changed, and they continue to change as spring has moved into summer. I don’t mind creating my travels on the fly, yet I have not been comfortable truly not knowing what is next.

And I have been waiting. Are the medical issues under control. Do I have to visit one more Kaiser? I currently have guest memberships in all the West Coast Kaiser facilities. What? How did that happen? Oh, life can change, just like that.

I am doing well and have plans, knowing they can change. After visiting with my Oregon and Washington friends, I have been on Vancouver Island, BC, since early July. I decided I needed to make a plan so I didn’t spend my whole summer waiting.

I am attending a 5-day workshop on Cortes Island on the Salish Sea. Hollyhock is a retreat and learning center on the island. I have known about it for a long time and have always wanted to attend a workshop there. It is good to look forward to something.

I will explore Cortes Island by land and sea while taking good care of myself, eating well, and attending yoga classes. Someone pointed out that I decided on a workshop looking outwards instead of inwards. I believe there is some profound truth in that statement.

I have spent the last four days in and around Victoria on the island’s southernmost tip. I visited Bouchart Gardens, saw a Maori performing group, attended Pride weekend, biked the paths, and even got my kayak on the water. It was a very diversified four days.

One of the best parts of my time was staying with the same Boondockers Welcome Hosts I stayed with when I explored this island in 2018. Ann and Ian are a delightful couple. They live in a little bit of paradise north of the city. They welcomed me with arms wide open. Our friendship deepened. It was delightful to spend time with them. We found we had a lot in common. Absolutely delightful.

Yesterday, I moved north to Qualicum Beach on the eastern shore of the Island. I have friends I am going to visit here as well. Cathy and David I met through Boondockers Welcome in 2018. Tonight, however, I am camped on the coast of the Salish Sea and tomorrow I will explore this area while doing my laundry. One can travel all they want but there are still chores to be done.

My Sunset View for the Next Three Nights.

Where to next? I have plans. They could change so you will have to stay tuned along with me to see where I head after my time at Hollyhock. Plans are out there but it appears that waiting is still part of my summer and I won’t reveal them until I know I am moving forward.

Stay tuned. When I know I will let you know. It is just that kind of summer.

Today I am thankful for my health. Today I am thankful I am up and traveling and exploring, inward and outward. Today I am thankful for these beautiful places I am seeing. Today I am thankful for friends who greet me with arms wide open.

Today I am Thankful

Reunion with Birdy Boy: A Heartwarming Encounter on Whidbey Island

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For those of you who have followed my blog, Journeys of Thankfulness, four years ago, you may remember my interaction with a small brown bird, a Song Sparrow, Birdy Boy.

Birdy Boy and I met in the spring of 2021 while I was house-sitting for friends on Whidbey Island in Washington State. I heard an unknown bird song in the yard, so I investigated. Thanks to the Coronell App, Merlin, I identified the sound as belonging to a song sparrow.

When this young bird heard the sound, he flew onto the deck, sat on a stake, and began to sing. From then on, he would appear and sing away each day I was there. Eventually, he would land on my feet, knees, arms, shoulders, and finally, my head. There was seldom a day that I did not see him at least once. We became friends.

Finally, I left the Northwest. I introduced Birdy Boy to the homeowners, and although not as frequently, he would come and visit with Jim and Sandy. Fast-forward to June of the following year, 2022. I returned to the Northwest and returned to my favorite house-sitting gig. Upon my arrival, Birdy Boy was waiting for me. Our relationship changed that summer as he had a family to raise, yet we remained friends.

It has been two years since I visited Whidbey Island. I returned to the house four days ago to see my friends Jim and Sandy. I was looking forward to this visit.

I did not expect to see Birdy Boy on this visit. It has been two years since our last meeting, and he is a wild bird. I knew that the owners had seen him from time to time. Upon my arrival, the three of us sat on the deck. Guess who was there? Birdy Boy! He flew in and greeted Sandy and Jim, sitting on their feet.

It wasn’t until I was alone on the deck that he came to me, sitting on my feet, knees, hands, shoulder, and arms. He is gradually trying out the head. He sings, chips, and tinks, telling me his stories of the past two years.

I notice more song sparrows in the yard now and wonder if these might be his offspring. There is so much I don’t know about the birdy world.

I do know that Birdy Boy is my friend. As I sit on the deck and type this post, Birdy Boy is perched on the computer screen. Once in a while, he sings a tune and settles in again. He is the most delightful of birds. I am honored that he chose me and my friends to be comfortable enough to become part of our world. I also am glad that he remains a wild and free song sparrow.

When I leave today, I will feel a tug on my heart to stay. I have had a wonderful visit with Sandy and Jim. I love being back on Whidbey Island. I have had a wonderful visit with Birdy Boy. When I leave my friends, I always feel a tug on my heart to stay and bask in the warmth of my friendships, human or otherwise.

And…I remain convinced that I will never look at a little brown bird without remembering with love, Birdy Boy. Each little brown bird will remain individual and unique.

Today, I am thankful for friendships, human and otherwise. Today, I am grateful for Sandy and Jim. Today and always, I am thankful for Birdy Boy, the little song sparrow who continues to bless my life.

Today, I am Thankful.

Exploring Washington State: Nature, Friends, Growth and Adventure

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I have been traveling in Washington state since the end of May. It is still chilly here. The sun is now out more than it rains and the daylight hours are extensive. Sunset is close to 10 pm.

Friends

I have been in the country, on the lower end of the Olympic Peninsula, and in Seattle. Wild things draw me to the wild places. Friends draw me to the city. Once I am in the city, I discover there are delightfully wild places to keep this nature-loving lady happy. I am happy to visit with good friends, and I am happy to launch my kayak or take a bike ride and discover the wildness within the city boundaries.

This year, I have decided to visit places I have never been before. I took a ferry to the lovely island of Guemes. This is a residential island except for vacation rentals, artists’ studios, the Guemes Island General Store, and the Ferry.

I camped in a field. My neighbor was a beautiful paint horse, a few deer, and, of course, birds. I walked, biked, and visited this little island. I found a community labyrinth among the pines, attended the Strawberry Ice Cream Social, and stopped at the General Store.

Hanging on the wall of the general store was a poster, “How to Build Community.” I stopped and read it.

Loneliness is something I contend with at times, living this lifestyle. I love visiting with my friends and chatting with new people, yet much of my life is spent alone.

Reading this poster challenged me to pick one topic and attempt to include it in my day, every day.

I particularly like the statement “look up.” Like many of us, I look down at my phone often, more often than I should, more often than I think is healthy. Today, as I was returning from a hike, I saw a lovely young woman walking on the beach. I looked up and said hello. We spoke for a few moments and shared the treasures we had found. And just like that, my day became richer for this brief encounter.

One positive experience makes me willing to try something else on this list. Which one are you willing to try?

Today I am thankful for my sense of adventure. Today I am thankful for posters that catch my eye and just like that, help me to grow. Today I am thankful.

The Power of True Friendship

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As people, we all want to know that we are cared about by someone, family, friends, co-workers, and even strangers. It is what keeps me going when things are not going well. It is good to know someone cares about me and has my back.

This has become even more important since Jim (my husband) died over 11 years ago; when my life was thrown into total upheaval and turmoil, it was good to know that my friends, family, and strangers cared about me. It wasn’t that they asked how I was doing. That is such a loaded question. They included me in dinners and activities, usually one-on-one. We played games on the back deck. We went to dinner and the movies. We took walks on the beach or in the hills. We would take my RV to the bay and have dinner.

After moving into my RV, EmmyLou, I met many lovely and wonderful people. I have friends, not just acquaintances, all over this big North American Continent. We meet up and visit in the mountains, deserts, and the west coast. We catch up and strengthen our friendship bond. Some of us have been on overseas adventures together.

Lately, my friends have been reminding me how well they know me. It feels good to know that they think of me in so many tiny ways. Sandy and Pat remembered that I don’t like ham or lima beans; Mary knows the same thing. Other friends remember I cannot eat cheese, so they create meals that keep me feeling included and part of our community of friends. They encourage me to be more.

Melissa drove me around Seattle and showed me where her sister lives in a progressive care community. She finished it by saying it was only about a mile from her home. I am not ready to change my lifestyle, yet it reminds me that someone cares about me and would want me to live close to them and be a part of their lives.

Yes, we all slip up from time to time. We say the wrong thing and forget to show how we value others. Sometimes I forget to say thank you. More often, I remember. Friendships are not perfect; they are evolving and growing.

A part of my heart delights in these remembrances of inclusion. It tells me in the smallest of ways that I am cared about and supported. My friends know me. We laugh about our idiosyncrasies and joke kind-heartedly about each other. It is part of the joy of friendship. My friends have my back, and I have theirs.

Today, I am thankful for every friend and person I know. I am grateful for how they enrich my life. I am thankful for their support, no matter the distance and time.

Today I am Thankful.

The Best Laid Plans….

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You know how you make a plan that seems set, and then bam… something happens, and everything changes? Here I am, not even out of California, and things have changed. Sigh.

Santa Barbara

My friend Tina and I had a wonderful five days exploring Santa Barbara and Carpenteria. It was casual and relaxing, just what I needed, and I hope she enjoyed it, too.

Tina headed south on the bus/train on April 1, and I headed north. Something was not right with me. I had been feeling off for about five days, just a little, and it was easy to ignore or put it aside.

Lavender Fields at Sunset

I gave up after spending a lovely night at Hambly Lavender Farm in the Central California Coastal area. I decided to see a doctor to find out what was happening physically.

I called a Roadtrek friend in Salinas, CA. You might remember my adventures with Woody the Cat. I have house-sat for Mandy, Woody, and Rocky, the dog, a few times over the past few years. I wanted someone to love me a little and listen to me. I did not want to be alone.

I am in Salinas through the weekend, at least. I am now on antibiotics for an infection, and I get to rest, relax, and enjoy everyone’s company. I also have a soft big bed in which to sleep.

I have had problems with infections this winter, and I thought they had resolved, but they have not yet. Hopefully, this will work, and I can continue north. If not, I will decide what I am doing and when, on the fly. Plans might be changing for the summer. Stay tuned.

Sleeping in the Lavender Fields

I have often said that my RV, EmmyLou, saved my life after Jim’s death. My first trip, less than a year after he died, was a lifesaver. Everyone was waiting to greet me with open arms. I was loved, pampered, and more.

Traveling, seeing amazing and unique places, and meeting interesting and delightful people have been an experience. Meeting people and becoming friends with them is definitely the part of this experience that saved me when I needed it most.

These people are not just Roadtrek friends; I have become friends with diverse people. I feel so honored to call them my friends. We travel together. I visit them in their homes, house-sit for them, we meet in the desert in the winter, along the Oregon Coast in the summer, kayak together, go to Mexico, and more. My life has become richer and fuller due to these friendships. I have been reading quotes recently about the need for people to find their tribe. My RV’ing buddies are definitely part of my tribe, and I am so honored to have each and everyone in my life. I treasure these Heartfelt friendships.

This is the latest update. Travel is temporarily on hold. I am resting and enjoying an extended visit with Mandy. It is good to catch up. I get to take Rocky for walks. It gets me out and keeps me active on these rainy days. Woody snuggles in the evening. What more could I ask for? Well, I could ask to be well. I am working on that.

Meanwhile, I am thankful for so much today. I am thankful for the Nurse Practitioner who was kind and helpful this morning. I am thankful for the good medical care in this country. I am thankful for my Tribe—you know who you are. On a cold, rainy, and hail-kind-of day, I am thankful for Mandy, who has taken me in, loved me, and given me a big, comfy bed to sleep in.

Today, I am Thankful for Just About Everything.

Grief Revisited

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As some of you may know, I chose to extend my stay in San Diego this winter to help a friend through the initial stages of grief after the loss of her husband and love in early December.

From childhood to adulthood, we are taught about life. We go to school to learn how to succeed and become fully functioning adults in what is sometimes a crazy yet wonderful world. I was taught by parents, peers, teachers, the church, animals, and more. And succeed, I did.

This world does not teach us about fear, loss, and change. It doesn’t teach us about grief and its impact on the individual. When it appears in our lives, we must learn on the fly, struggling to stay upright and functioning while dealing with emotional blow after blow.

It doesn’t necessarily have to be death. It can appear in many guises: divorce, loss of a job, or a move to another area of the country away from family, friends, and support. Try the diagnosis of cancer. I have been there twice. It can be something catastrophic like 9/11 or a tornado, hurricane, or any other natural disaster. No one event, small or large, defines grief.

Losing a partner is grief like no other. Everything I expected for the rest of my life came to a halt. Where was Jim? He was supposed to be next to me until we got old. What was I supposed to do with my life now? How could I recreate myself again while I was dealing with such profound loss? And….where was Jim, someone who made me feel unique, worthy, beautiful, and so much more?

If we survive long enough, we all will meet up with grief and loss and the emotional storm it creates in each one of us.

Everyone handles grief differently, every single person. Grief is a personal journey. Some will tackle it by planning and proceeding like nothing has happened. Others need time to cry, feel sad, and separate from the rest of the world. Others will retreat inside, feeling safe in the memories and loss. And many of us are somewhere in the above mix.

Grief has been the most potent teacher I have ever had. It has woken me up and shut me down. How can that happen at the same time? I don’t know. It has allowed me to be in the moment, not see the future or the past. Being present in the moment is something I tried to achieve in my every day life, yet I never truly discovered it until the last days of Jim’s life and his death. All of it made me feel more alive than I have ever felt. How could that be when I was watching my Jim move through the last moments of his life? How could that be when I was going through some of the worst times of my life? I honestly don’t know.

How does one go about supporting others through grief? It is hard to tackle when we know little about the heart’s workings. We see our friends or family members struggling, which is sometimes hard to understand. Why doesn’t she want to go out with her friends? Why is she still crying? Why is she not able to get on with life? It has been three months, a year, or more. Why isn’t she back to “normal.” Why, why, why? There is no timeline, and there is no “normal.”

I struggle to figure out what normal is now. I am eleven years out from the loss of Jim, and mostly, I am doing fine, yet every once in a while, something triggers my grief, and it might as well have happened yesterday. Go figure.

I have read a lot about grief. I have listened to podcasts about grief. I can suggest this podcast, All There Is, by Anderson Cooper. I have written about grief. I am still learning about grief. This will continue until the day I decide to step on over.

Being here for my friend has been a good teacher for me. I believe all any of us can do is support each other in this wild world. How can we support someone grieving, especially in the first year?

  • Be patient and be kind.
  • Don’t expect the person grieving to reach out to you to thank you for cards or plan to get together. Grief is so overwhelming that it is hard to plan.
  • Know that the person in grief may tire easily. There is so much to do physically in those first months. Lawyers, banks, insurance, and all that business stuff. Each task, no matter how small, can be overwhelming. I found I had little to no emotional reserves. One or two tasks would wear me out, and I would return home to watch mindless television, nap, or stare at the wall.
  • Call and let the person dealing with grief talk. Who cares if you hear the same stories more than once. Your ears are helping the other person to heal and not feel alone.
  • Everyone is on board for the first few months and tries their best to stay in touch, and then it peters off. Four months, six months, or a year out, a person dealing with loss can feel overwhelmingly alone. So stay in touch. I put send a card or call a person reminders on my calendar. It reminds me to think of others. And I love to send cards. It also gives me moments to think of my friends and ensure I continue reaching out. After all, all we have is each other.
  • Even if they say no, invite them to events and things you would usually invite them to. Knowing that the real world is waiting for them to rejoin it is a good reminder in the midst of grieving.. Don’t be offended or take it personally if they say no.
  • Sometimes, one-on-one time is better than a group, no matter how small. I still prefer small groups to large crowds. I have trained myself to enter larger groups now that I have been alone for so long.
  • Don’t expect the person to “talk about loss.” Sometimes, a person needs to go out for coffee or a walk on the beach and talk about the rest of the world. I enjoyed my friend Therese coming over with a Scrabble game and food and enjoying an afternoon on the back deck.
  • Know when enough is enough and take them home so they can nap.
  • Don’t be offended if your invitation is turned down. Know that that moment was not the right one. Internally, they appreciate your effort. And try again and again.
    • Continue to ask them what you can do for them and follow through. Always follow through.

This list could be longer, but I think you get the idea. The more you love someone in distress, the more you are inviting them to remember to come back out into the world when they are ready. Most importantly, it reminds them they are loved, worthy, and not alone.

Today, I am thankful. I am thankful for the opportunity my friend has given me to learn, grow, and become more human. Today, I am thankful she doesn’t have to be alone in these first months. Today, I am thankful for growing a friendship that I hope will continue for a long time to come. Today, I am thankful that grief has been a teacher of mine, even if I don’t want it to be present in my life.

Today, I am thankful.