Making a Difference

Posted on July 17, 2016 by JanetA

After my garage sale was over, I posted a few remaining items, for free, on Craigslist. The first response I got was from Barbara. She was interested in a set of shop lights I had advertised. In her e-mail she said that she was looking for as many items as she could find. In the fall the VFW in Lakeside, CA is having a rummage sale and Barbara is in charge. The VFW hall is in need of handicapped bathroom facility and the money from the rummage sale is going to this cause.

I immediately e-mailed her back and told her she might have struck the “Mother Load”. I told her I had many things left over from the garage sale and They were her’s for the taking. Later that day we met in the driveway of my home. When I opened the garage door, her eyes lit up. Barbara told me that they had been having trouble getting people to donate and she couldn’t thank me enough for the donation. Three loads later they were done.

I received an e-mail from her shortly after. In this e-mail she told me that when others noticed the generosity of my donation, they started to donate as well. Now they have so many items for this rummage sale, they have rented a storage locker.

I have been thinking often about this small event in my life. Have you ever heard the comment “one person can make a difference”? Whenever I think about the garage sale and Barbara’s comment I remember the above phrase. In that moment maybe, just maybe, my donation did make a difference. It made people sit up and notice that someone had donated a lot of “stuff” to this upcoming rummage sale and maybe it was their turn.

When I mentioned Barbara and this upcoming event to Phyllis, a good friend, she has also decided to donate items to this event. Once again by sharing with others, making a difference spreads. If Phyllis shares this with others, then once again her actions can make a difference to the VFW in Lakeside.

I am glad to think I could have made an impact, no matter how small, for a good event. I hope that I can remember this rummage sale and remember that I can make a difference again, in another time and place. It only takes one person. It is good to reach out and donate, time, money, gifts, items and knowledge. It makes me feel good and I certainly felt a bit lighter after everything was gone.

Barbara and her son came back for one more load of items since that first visit to my house. I feel like we got to know each other and we shared a moment of our lives to a good cause.

I hope the rummage sale is a grand success. If I was in town I would certainly attend it. I told Barbara she should have a plaque with her name on it, in one of the handicap stalls. She has decided she wants a chandelier.😀

As I begin to prepare to travel north, I will try and pay a bit more attention to other opportunities that will make a difference in my life and a difference in others lives. I may never realize the impact on others, yet I can certainly realize the impact on myself and my life. I hope, that carrying this knowledge will help me walk a bit more gently among others, and that I will be a bit kinder toward myself and continue to reach out to others when the opportunity arises.

Feeling Displaced

Posted on July 15, 2016 by JanetA

Ready to Go

I thought, after I sold the house that life would slow down, maybe just a little. I have been busy. I needed to replace latches on my cabinets in my Roadtrek. That required two trips to Home Depot and a new tool. I then hung a new screen door. Another day and another trip to Home Depot. I am nesting.

I know I have brought too many things but gradually everything is finding a home. I just need to remember where I put it.

It has been an interesting week. The first few days were fine. I was relaxing, catching up on some reading and settling in. By the third day I began to feel emotionally lost and sad. I recognized that what I am feeling is a sense of displacement. I am just over the hill from my former home, yet it seems so far away and it is no longer mine. I have lived in San Diego county for close to thirty years and even though I am still here, I am not sure I live here now. Where the heck did these feelings come from?

WAITING

I am waiting. Waiting for Yvonne to come home, well I was waiting to sell my car but now that is not going through, waiting for direction, waiting to get started (although I have already started), and just plain waiting. On any given day so many emotions run through me.

I miss Jim. I really don’t miss the house. I miss the symbolism of it. Just like everything else I have experienced in the past 5 years, I have to wait for this time to play out. While I am waiting for the end result I still have to tackle the emotions daily. I try not to be hard on myself. I don’t have much patience for this behavior in myself.

If I think this is a bit hard, now, I can’t imagine what my original plan of selling the house 3 months after Jim died would have been like. In some ways it may have been easier, I was running on a lot of adrenaline at the time. Selling the house may have been easy but the repercussions, I believe would have been more overwhelming.

Today I know that it was time for me to move out of the house. It was time to kick start things and move myself forward. Change is hard, though. Everything takes time. I have not been very good about reaching out to my friends and family in the past several days. I have been kind of wallowing. And all those stubborn traits come into play. “I am an adult, I can handle this.” “My friends must be tired of me whining.” “It has been over three years, Janet. Deal with it.” “Why would my friends want me around if I am moping?” Argh!!!! I keep forgetting that it is OK to ask for help. It is OK to let others know that I cry (still not real comfortable with this one). It is OK not to be perfect. I don’t believe my friends have ever turned away from me. I have been very fortunate.

Just to make sure you know I am not just sitting and wallowing here are some things I have been doing to keep myself busy and having some fun.

Walking and exploring a new, very lovely neighborhood.
Exploring Harry Griffin Regional Park, about 4 blocks from the house.
Riding my bike, same neighborhood, same park.
Last night I heard a lovely concert at a concert venue, Folky Monkey. All music by Paul Simon.
Tomorrow I help, Nancy hang the kayaks and I am taking my scooter for one last ride.
Watching Le Tour de France, I am a very faithful watcher for a number of years now.
Going to the library. Reading.
Coffeehouses.
Spending time in the wonderful back yard at Yvonne’s House.
Visiting with Gloria, a boarder at Yvonne’s.
Meals with friends.

So I am mucking through change, in all it’s grand and glorious forms. I still have no regrets about selling the house and moving out. It was time and since I can’t quite figure out what is next, well, I think it is time for me and Miss Elsie to go and find out.

I have about a week left here before everything is wrapped up. I am going to try to reach out to my friends a little more while I am here and it would be just fine if my friends reach out to me.

I have fun and unique plans ahead of me. I promise to share more about them as they develop. For now I take it one day at a time and remind myself to go and have a little fun every day, even when I don’t feel like it.

House Sold-Feeling Thankful and Exhausted

Posted on July 9, 2016 by JanetA

Friday, my house closed. I no longer own a “sticks & bricks” home. Now it is Elsie, me and the Roadtrek. It has been a very hectic and emotionally fraught month. And…it is done. The new owners were already there when I dropped my friend, Phyllis at her car.

The closing on Friday went smoothly, but Thursday night, whoa. As I stood, to get ready for bed, I just sat back down and sobbed. It is not something I do often and it is a bit over whelming when it happens. I felt like I was releasing the whole spring, from the moment I injured my ankle and forward. Although I have not been too focused on the fact that this was Jim’s and my home for 21 years, this certainly is signifying a closing of this chapter in my life.

I have been on a very busy and hectic path, first getting the house ready for sale and then working like crazy this past month after it sold, culminating in today, and the closing of the house. And it is done.

Where am I heading? I am not sure. I will be in San Diego until the third week of the month. I am giving myself time to recover and I am waiting to sell my car. I will be heading towards the northwest and from there, well, it will unfold a bit at a time. In other words, I am not sure. I am taking my time to nest into my new tiny home. Elsie the cat is doing the same.

I have amazing and wonderful friends. I know I may have expressed this in past posts but at this moment in time, I want to share with you some of my friendships.

Janet & Phyllis on moving day

Phyllis, has been amazing. This woman has been helping me with the house and the sale since last February. If she wasn’t there on her own, all I had to do was ask, and she was on her way. When I felt a bit directionless, she came over and helped me organize and move ahead. The day I broke my ankle she met me in the driveway and drove me to the hospital, staying with me until they sent me home. With the help of Dee, another good friend we dismantled the house, so work could be done on it, and then the three of us put it back together again.

The best part of my friendship with Phyllis is that we can get really angry at each other and then become friends again. This type of interaction is often seen in families. I have two sisters and I remember moments with them, similar to the one described above. Phyllis is one more sister, not by blood but by kind. I am glad to have such a selfless person as a friend.

The beautiful pine

I am currently residing at Yvonne’s house. We work together, as tour guides in San Diego, and she is a friend. While she is off traveling she offered me a corner of her driveway, full hook-up included, for me to camp in my RV. The best part is the use of her home and the most amazing back yard. It has a huge pine tree which is where I am sitting as I write this. Even better is that Elsie is here with me, enjoying her much needed outdoor time. Even though it is warm, the wind is blowing gently and I am loving every minute of it. Somewhere in the distance mariachi music is playing. This is the perfect place for me to have some recovery time.

When I first broke my ankle, Yvonne came to the house, with food and good company. She used to work for Jim at Grossmont College. Now she and I are friends. I appreciate her generosity and support.

Barbara, well what can I say? She was my realtor and is still my friend. I appreciate her high tolerance level for anxious moments in her clients lives. She was there every single step of the way, starting in February when the work on the house started. Barbara has continued to be there for me in person, by text, phone and e-mail. She made me feel respected and honored. I appreciate that she gave me the illusion of control. Without her, I would have been lost. I feel like our friendship has deepened through the whole experience of selling my house. We made quite a team. Thank you Barbara.

Me & My Kayak

Nancy is storing my kayaks, and motor scooter. We have been friends for as long as I have lived here. When I asked for her help with these items she never flinched, just said yes and there they went. Sometime before I leave, we will create a pulley system in her garage and hang the kayaks. It will be fun, as many adventures with her are. Even though her life is busy we always seem to find time to spend together and I know I have her full support for the adventure ahead of me.

I could continue, yet hopefully you get the idea. It is important to have good and valued friends. I feel fortunate that there are several in my life, close by and at a distance. As I prepare to travel I will be visiting and spending time with some of my more far-away-friends. Having friends scattered to the 4 winds makes my adventure a bit less daunting. Friends make life more manageable when things are tough and more fun when life is running smoothly. Every day I am thankful for my friends. I am especially thankful for those who have so strongly supported me over the past month and the past three and half years since Jim’s death.

Packing & Memories

Posted on June 28, 2016 by JanetA

I am busy. I am really busy. I am really, really, really busy. My house closes in less than two weeks and I am cleaning and packing and throwing away. Every day I get out of bed and before I even move toward the kitchen I stop and organize one thing in my bedroom. After hot tea and a quick bite to eat, I start packing in earnest.

It has been interesting to discover items long forgotten among the stash.

Yesterday I found a stack of letters Jim wrote to me when we first became an “item”. I was living in Albuquerque at the time and he was in San Diego. His letters were so revealing of the deep passion he had for life and for me. Whoa, I have never felt so cared for by someone in my life. No wonder I felt so special and loved around him. As we were together longer the passion became quieter, yet was still there in our every day interactions. It also was noted in the fact that he listened to me and if I mentioned something I was interested in or wanted, sure enough, at some point it would appear. I went horseback riding. I received new ski racks for my car. I flew in a glider plane. I wore diamond earrings. He was responsible for getting me involved in watercolor art, buying me my first 10 lessons and all the supplies to get started. Interested in Photography?, a new camera appeared. Pretty early on in our relationship I realized I had to be careful about voicing what I wished for, I knew it would eventually show up. He was a good man, a good match for me and a delightful human being.

How Jim Felt About Me

As I pack up the house, I miss him very much. I am not shutting the door but I am closing a chapter in my life. I feel it needs to be done so I can venture outward to more new experiences.

I taught English Country Dancing (ECD) for 7 years in San Diego. This dancing is what you see in all the Jane Austen films (Pride & Prejudice, Emma….). I love this dancing. I loved to teach and call. After seven years I gave it up for many personal reasons. The most prevalent reason; I did not feel I was a good fit for this growing community. Personalities flared, not always in a positive way, and I decided to quit. I had hopes for a while I would start my own dance community. I missed the dancing and I missed the calling/teaching. As you may be able to tell, there were a lot of issues around this that I have had to take years to resolved. Yesterday I took all my English dance CD’s, books, teaching notes and more and gave them to the San Diego ECD Community Library.

Then

ECD Now

I met up with Ellen, the woman who was instrumental in creating the resurgence of this dance in San Diego, for lunch. After our 2 hour catch up lunch, we met at her car and I moved the 3 boxes of ECD paraphernalia, 3 ball gowns and 2 slips into Ellen’s car. We spoke for a few minutes and then we were both on our way home.

So Light, I am walking on air.

Sometimes simple acts can be very symbolic. When I moved the last box into her car, I felt light. I felt like I could walk on a cloud. With one simple act I released years of dis-settlement. At one point Ellen asked me if I really wanted to give this personal and loved collection up. I simply said yes and I knew in my soul I meant it. Giving away, selling, throwing away is a release. With release comes growth. And it becomes a positive event.

This morning I woke up continuing to feel much lighter and content with this whole interaction. I am so glad I did this. Look how far I have come. And I still have so far to go. Maybe one day I will return to ECD as a dancer. I am still not in that place with the local community. As I travel though I will be paying attention to all the dance communities in the area where I am. I love to dance and I don’t plan to stop. I need another way to approach it and traveling is giving me that opportunity.

I always thought that as I matured, I would have to confront less and less personal growth issues. They still keep popping up. As a good friend of mine, Sharon, once said to me “Janet, dear when you are 80 you will still be growing and changing”. Not a bad life sentence.

Off to the next drawer and more revelations.

Posted on June 15, 2016 by JanetA

Sold, Sold, Sold! Oh my God, my house is sold!!!! It went on the market late last Monday afternoon. Late Tuesday my house was sold for the asking price. I am stunned and every other emotion as well.

I had no idea this would happen so fast. I am walking around in a bit of a daze. There are moments I find I am happy and excited. Then there are moments where I am scared and wondering “what have I done?”. And then there is the daze. So many emotions and they show up at the oddest of times. I am not sure which one will be there until it presents itself.

I feel a bit overwhelmed with all the prep work that needs to be done. The paper work is huge. Today I received all the paperwork from the escrow company. There are times I wonder, where is Jim? It would be so much easier with him. I will forge ahead alone, though. It is hard to be single and do something so big. I feel so tiny.

I find I am doing the same thing I did, right after Jim died. I make a list of all that has to be done and then I pick two or three items to do a day and then I stop. I try to remember to leave the house and go do something fun. I find fun can be huge or as simple as an afternoon at Santee Lakes, taking photos and laying on the grass. It is good to remember to breath and relax.

An Afternoon at the Lakes

Just after the first of the year I began to work on the inside and outside of my house. It is not that I haven’t been busy, yet in the next month, I feel overwhelmed with the thought, of the amount of work that needs to be done. What do I keep? What do I sell? What do I give away? When is the garage sale?

Where do I go from here? In the middle of this past week, the check engine light in my RV went on. Now I am also in the middle of getting new nox sensors and dealing with Mercedes Benz and Holland Motor Homes. Sometime I get tired of being strong and holding on. But strong and holding on, I do.

On My First Hike

This past weekend I had a last minute opportunity to go camping up in the mountains east of San Diego with a good friend, Pat. It was a good weekend. I did my first hike since my broken ankle, 1 mile. I am still practicing. Pat and I share an unfortunate common experience, the loss of our husbands, way too soon. I am glad she was there because on Saturday afternoon I hit an emotional wall. It has been a long time since I have cried and it felt so good to have a moment of release. I am glad I have friends who create a safe environment for me to feel vulnerable and loved.

When I look at my house, I realize with this sale and moving into my RV, I am closing a chapter of my life. This is one chapter I had always hoped I would not have to close. It has made my vulnerability and emotions ride close to the surface. I will miss the house for a while until new adventures unfold. I know I will always carry Jim close to my heart. Just because the house is gone does not mean he will be forgotten. There is no way I could ever forget the valuable time we shared together. The house is only a symbol and when I can sweep all the emotions aside, I feel good about the sale. I feel good I am moving forward, even if I am not sure where I am going.

Now I am heading for the attic. Marking one more off my list. Yep I am adventuring into the unknown. And what an adventure it is going to be. I hope you continue to come along for the ride.

Change-Big Change is Coming

Posted on June 8, 2016 by JanetA

This past Monday, my realtor and I went “live”. My home is up for sale. I have been working on the house since February getting it ready for this moment. My broken ankle slowed the process down for a few months. Now that I am walking and doing better each day, it is time.

Today, Tuesday, two interested parties came to view the house. When I received the first call, I was nervous and excited and a bit anxious and scared all at the same time. There are so many mixed feelings with this move.

Ever since I was diagnosed with breast cancer I feel as if my life has been tossed up in the air, like a deck of cards. While I was picking up the cards from this incident, Jim was diagnosed with cancer. Up went the cards again. Eight months later he was diagnosed with a metastasis from the original cancer, up the cards went once again. With his death all those cards have been taking their time coming down. I have been slowly picking them up, one at a time. Picking up each one has certainly been taking time. No set schedule here.

I thought I would sell our home 3 months after Jim died. I now understand that was way to soon. Grief needs time and I needed somewhere comfortable and secure and safe to manage the initial stages of grief and loss. There was nowhere better than the home where Jim’s and my relationship flourished.

Janet driving in the alley in Chicago(3)

Me & the Trek

I have been trying to figure out what is next in my life since Jim’s death. I have been waiting for a grand moment of awareness. It has not arrived. I am going looking for it. Miss Elsie the Cat and I are going to make my sweet little Roadtrek into our home for the next year. It may be longer than a year or it may be shorter but I have decided to go traveling. I love to travel. I enjoy learning and meeting new people and exploring this grand country I live in. And to create some expansiveness, I am including Canada in my travels, as well.

Link to Listing

I don’t plan to set out until the house sells, unless it is on the market for a while. If that happens then I will be heading out before it sells. Maybe I will figure out where I want to live. If not it will be one grand adventure. I look forward to seeing friends, friends who I have known forever and newer ones as well.

The nervousness and anxiety comes from the unknown. It is a little overwhelming to put my trust out there in the universe that all will be OK. I have moved several times in my adult life. Each time has been just a wee bit harder than the last one. I am not sure why that happens, but I do think it has to do with age. Maybe as I have gotten more mature I have found myself more settled with each move. I do have friends in so many places and I hope to meet up with as many as I can. It is time to catch up.

I am getting ready to roll. What should I take? What should I leave? Where am I going? Is this crazy?

Then there is the house. It takes a bit of effort to dismantle a house. I have been in the process of doing this for the past few weeks. I still have a ways to go, yet even this is manageable as long as I don’t get too stressed.

Miss Elsie

And then there are the memories. Sigh. Even this is OK. It can even be therapeutic. And the bottom line here, is I need move ahead with my life. I want to create adventure and exciting, happy challenges. I am ready. Miss Elsie, well who knows but she is coming along for the ride.

Getting ready, change is in there air.

Working Through Temporary Disability

Posted on May 15, 2016 by JanetA

Friday was a “red letter day” for me. My right leg is now free. I am out of the cast, out of the boot and learning to be mobile again. Whew, this has certainly been a journey in waiting and patience. Although it is not over yet, I feel I am more than on my way.

It is hard to be disabled in any way. I certainly have much more respect for those that are handicapped full time and contend with obstacles on a daily basis. I have discovered many little things that I had to contend with daily. Here are some of the discoveries I made on this path over the past couple of months.

I wish I could put a big X across this photo.

Those yellow raised squares at the street corners are awful. Maybe they help the visually impaired, and I am sure they do. They were an obstacle for me. It is hard to get over them with a knee scooter or a wheelchair. Not fun.
Signs in restaurants and other places of business, that say they have handicapped accessible bathrooms, have the heaviest darn doors that lead into the restroom. Some of them were almost impossible to open and manipulate my scooter or crutches at the same time. On a good note there was often someone close by to hold the door open for me so I could scoot on into the bathroom. People are kind.
Sinks in the restrooms were a good height when standing up but not always so when in a wheelchair. The sinks were often not near the dryers or towels.
Trying to get out of Starbuck with the scooter, and a drink was next to impossible without help. That was the one place that I actually had to ask someone to help with the door. The people there were so occupied with their computers they did not even see what was going on.
Handicapped spaces are not always near the front door of venues. And…what happens when they are all taken?
Some of my friends were hesitant to park in the handicap spaces until I reminded them that this was not about them, it was about what would make it easier for me.
Elevator Doors, were either good or too quick to close. I am sure there is a mechanism on them that would help the door be a little slower to close.
Even a small step can look giant when on crutches or a scooter.
Home Depot and Lowes have electric scooters you can use in the store. This was so easy and convenient.
Bed Bath and Beyond also had a wheelchair I could use. I got to the point that if I knew where I was going, I would check on line or call ahead and ask if they had a chair or scooter I could use.
The electric scooter was a God send at Zoofari (the Wild Animal Park). I also did not have to wait in line to see the butterfly exhibit. They move the handicapped to the front or near the front of the line. It was a nice perk, although I paid for it with the renting of the wheelchair.
If I had wanted I could have rented a beach wheelchair and gone to the ocean. I did not, yet it was nice to know it was available.
One of the harder parts of having a broken right ankle was my inability to drive. I discovered Lyft (similar to Uber). It did not matter if I was going a few miles or a distance, all I had to do was make an appointment on my cell phone app. The drivers were never more than 10 minutes away. I met drivers from all over the world. I loved sitting up front and asking them about their lives. Lyft was a life saver for me. I did not have to get bored and rammy at home.
I have good neighbors. Kelly would bring her 2 year old boys over and I would have a chance to visit and play. My neighbors on the other side offered to help when they could. I am blessed.
I really appreciated all the people who took notice and were willing to offer me help. Just bringing my tea to my seat at the local coffee house meant so much.
And here is the biggest one for me to remember, IF YOU NEED HELP, ASK!!!!!!

I know that from now on I will try to gently remind myself to not be too quick to judge why a person is parking in a handicap space. Not all disabilities can be seen. Yes, I will take the time to hold doors open or close doors if someone needs help and maybe even if they don’t. I would like to believe that this is one more reminder to myself to be kind. Sometimes it is about all one can do. Be Kind.

I am slowly beginning to walk. I will be calling physical therapy on Monday to set up appointments. I am ready to progress and move on in my adventure called life. My bike is anxiously awaiting for me to climb on board. And, yes, I am ready to do some hiking. My sweet little Roadtrek is calling to me as well. As I have been learning over the past 3 years, I am taking it slow. Baby steps, one at a time. Patience, patience, patience.

Posted on May 8, 2016 by JanetA

Everything is OK!!!! I decided to make sure you all know this before I go further into this post.

Two weeks ago I had an appointment with my dental hygienist. I always tell her she better not find anything, when she does a thorough inspection of my mouth. This time, however, she found something on the back of my throat that was enough of a concern that she had the dentist come in and look at it.

I immediately felt a wave of disbelief and fear run through me. Jim died of complications from salivary gland cancer. Even though I would like to believe that would not affect me, well it does. The dentist suggested I watch it. Immediately I called my primary physician. After a visit with this doctor I had to make an appointment with the ENT (ears, nose and throat) doctor.

My appointment was for May 10th. Oh great, I began to have sleepless nights worrying about what this might be. With the help of my psychiatrist, (yes I am on an antidepressant), my appointment was moved up to this past Wednesday.

The ENT Dr told me that he was almost 100% sure that it was tonsil stones but he could not give me a total thumbs up. I had them biopsy it, painful but doable. Yesterday, Saturday, he called to tell me that the biopsy was all clear. It was a regrowth of tonsil tissue. YAY!!!!!!!!! I am so relieved.

ENT chair

It is interesting to see my reactions to this whole and thankfully short episode in my life. I think I am doing much better with coping and dealing with the grief that surrounds Jim’s death. When I walked into the ENT office and saw the chair in the middle of the room it immediately reminded me of the many times Jim, my husband, sat in that chair. I burst into tears, looked at my friend Phyllis, and said “I don’t want to do this”. I did not expect this reaction from myself. I was surprised at my reaction and relieved that I had a good friend with me to give me a hug when I most needed it.

I hope that the crying effect of Jim’s death will lessen over time. I am always caught by surprise when it happens. Don’t get me wrong, I do not spend my days sobbing in my house, yet in the moments such as this one, when it happens, well it just catches me without warning and I am surprised. I know is part of grief but I really hope it continues to lessen over time.

People are kind. The nurse, patiently waited while I had my few second episode. Then she went on to brief me on the upcoming visit with the doctor. I appreciate that kind act of waiting, because that is what it is. I have experienced this many times since my diagnosis with breast cancer, to Jim’s cancer and then death. That few moments of waiting while I pull myself together is a blessing and a kindness and I appreciate it. Waiting feels like a kind hug or pat on the back and is filled with respect.

Waiting

My last post also addressed the issue of waiting. It is a waiting of another sort. Waiting for my leg to heal, waiting to put the house on the market, waiting until I can figure out my life without Jim and waiting some more. I think this kind of waiting is also a kindness that I can give myself. It too can be a waiting filled with caring. Caring for myself, caring for my situation and being patient until I am fully back up to speed with life. Once I am fully recovered, which gets closer each day, I hope I will continue to carry this lesson in waiting forward with me.

Today I am thankful. Thankful for my health. Thankful for others that continue to love and support me. Thankful for good friends. Thankful for those professionals who support and help me along this path in my life’s journey. And…because it is Mother’s Day, thankful for all the mothers out there in the world who help their children to wait with grace and be thankful.

Today I am so very thankful for my state of health.

Waiting

Posted on April 29, 2016 by JanetA

I have been asked by a few friends when I am going to post on my blog. Oops, I realize it has been a while since I have posted. I think I have been waiting. Waiting to get out of my cast (remember the fateful fall in the desert), waiting for the next step, waiting to finish the house. Well it certainly looks like I have been waiting.

The work on my house is finished. I have a newly painted interior of my house. My sidewalk and yard drainage is complete and I have a new driveway. Everything that was taken down is back up and the house looks fresh and pretty. Next step is to get my friend and realtor, Barbara, out here to help stage it. Then when I can walk, it goes on the market. Finally. I will continue to wait to see when this all happens.

Yesterday my cast finally came off. Yes!!!! I am in a boot, definitely not as pretty as my casts have been. I am able to practice partial weight bearing for a week and then progress. It was good to see my leg. It has gotten thin. Where did all that Scottish Dance muscle go? I have been promised it will come back. The first thing I did when I got home was to get a bucket of water and soak that right foot. I have missed it, so I am planning to treat it real nice. It felt good, first time it has had a bath since I was in the desert.

What does one do while one is waiting.

Read
Discover Lyft. I can go to the local coffeehouses when I get bored at home.
Watch good movies.
Read
Muck around on the internet.
Take photos. I really like this one.
Breath and Meditate and do chair yoga.
Read
Rely on the goodness of friends to get me out of the house once in a while.
Watch the finches at the feeder-take pics.
Read
Contemplate life and other profound questions.
Enjoy spring in my yard.
Read

Spring in the Yard, Finch

Spring in the Yard

Spring in the Yard

Well, you can get a good idea. It is a good thing I like to read. It has helped to have such good friends close by. Phyllis, Dee and I worked well as a team getting the blinds, mirror and shades back up. Phyllis has been so instrumental in helping me move forward with house preparation. I would not be this far along without her. Thank you Phyllis.

Having only one leg and being unable to drive, has made me revisit the fact that it is OK to rely on other people. I don’t have to do everything myself. There are other ways to approach a project and all of them are good. I tend to want to be extremely self sufficient. It is hard for me to be patient and let others complete a project in their own way and on their own time. I have been learning to sit back and graciously accept help. It helps me to remember to breath and remind myself that I really cannot get up on that ladder right now. My main job is to heal.

I am grateful for all the help others have offered. Whatever the activity, it may seem small to the person offering, to me it is huge and I am warmed to the core of my being by the simple acts of kindness of others.

Excuse but, now I have to get back to waiting. 😏

Social Media and Surprise Encounters

Posted on March 31, 2016 by JanetA

Pat & Janet celebrating Easter

Social media, in this instance, Facebook, is either liked or disliked by my friends. Some won’t have anything to do with it and others embrace it. It is a way to communicate and share little bits of our daily lives. I belong to several Facebook groups that are of interest in my life. I enjoy reading the quotes, seeing what everyone is up to and in one of the groups, learning about my RV.

About six months ago I friended Pat on Facebook. We used to work together. Years ago I facilitated a meditation group in my home. Pat and her husband Gene were some of the founding members of this group. Our small group quickly became friends. Besides the meditation group that met weekly, we had fun together. I remember four of us celebrating my birthday in the desert. I admired and respected Pat and Gene. They were unique and different and very much their own person and they liked me.

Janet, Gene, Pat, Kevin in the desert-many years ago celebrating my birthday in the desert

Once I quit working as an RN, we lost track of each other. Occasionally I would meet Pat while out shopping. We would stop catch up and then be on our way. Early last week I saw her name on my Facebook page. I decided to send her a message. Oh what a delight she answered. I was excited, she was excited.

This past Friday Pat came to my home (remember I am still no weight bearing on my right leg) and we spent approximately six hours catching up. We had more to share than I could wish. Gene, her partner for over forty years died in 2013. The two of us cried and laughed and shared as only someone who has lost their love could do.

I was not planning to do anything for Easter. That changed in a flash and a chance message on Facebook. I spent a wonderful afternoon and early evening with Pat, her daughter, Mahrya, a friend of hers, Joan and the kids. Here I went from doing nothing to spending an enjoyable afternoon in the backyard of Mahrya’s home, sharing with these wonderful women. Mahrya and Joan’s children rounded out the group. And, you know, it was one of the best Easter’s I can remember. We read our Tarot, and learned about the importance of our numbers and finished it off with a lovely Easter dinner.

Me celebrating Easter with my purple hair wig, it belongs to Gracie, Mahrya’s daughter

I am so grateful that Facebook helped Pat and I reconnect. My heart is so full of joy. Our bond is new and it is strong. I am glad we are re-establishing our friendship. I think camping is in our future and some traveling as well. Mostly, though, I have someone who I can share grief with. I am finding that many little parts of grief are common to others who have experienced this.

Do we care about eating? No.
Is it hard to cook for one? Yes.
Do I want to cook? No.
I am not single, I am not married, I am often just me.
Yes we both dislike the word widow.
Pat a photographer and musician, and I, a watercolor artist no longer feel an urge to practice our medium.
What is next?
We both feel we are wading through the unknown and learning as we go.
Crying is normal. Crying at unusual times is normal.
Enjoying life is normal. Not enjoying life is normal.
It is hard to go back to the gym. (of course I can’t right now) The gym was something that Pat and I did with our partners.
Pat has a hard time going into the grocery store, Gene did the shopping.

The list could go on, yet I believe you get the gist. I am feeling that I am now at a place where I want to share my grief. I don’t want to share it with anyone. I want to share it with someone who has been there. Enter Pat. Oh thank you.

I do believe I am given lessons as well as gifts in my life. Lessons can be hard. Gifts are often amazing. Pat is truly a gift for me. I am glad I am on Facebook. I am glad I reconnected with Pat. I am excited about renewing our friendship. I am thankful for someone to share grief with on an intimate level. I am thankful for Pat.

Journeys of Thankfulness

Embracing Life, Traveling in my RV, Feeling Grateful

Making a Difference

Feeling Displaced

House Sold-Feeling Thankful and Exhausted

Packing & Memories

Change-Big Change is Coming

Working Through Temporary Disability

Waiting

Social Media and Surprise Encounters

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