Tag Archives: friendship

Remembering Jim: Love, Loss, and Lifelong Adventures

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“I talk about him because I’m proud.
I talk about him, because he deserves to be remembered.
I talk about him, because even though he’s not physically with me, he’s never far from my mind.
I talk about him because he’s part of me, a part that I could never ignore or disown.
I talk about him because I love him still, and I always will. Forever. Nothing will ever change that.”
I Talk About Him/Scribbles & Crumbs

On October 9, 2012, Jim, my husband entered the hospital for the last time. Neither of us knew that he would not leave and come home. Neither of us thought that the end of his life was around the corner. Neither of us knew.

Thirteen years ago on October seventeenth my husband of 21 years died. He entered the hospital the day before his birthday. Almost two weeks later, he died the day after my birthday. Yes October is a emotionally mixed month for me.

Oh, and wait a minute. October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I know that some people who have had breast cancer are dedicated to this month. I thank them for that. I, though from the beginning of having breast cancer in 2010 have wanted nothing to do with this month. I don’t want pink anything. I want to move forward without the celebration and thinking of myself as a survivor. I want to live.

Welcome to October
Always an action packed emotional month.

It seems strange to think it has been thirteen years since Jim’s death. Sometimes it seems like it has been that long. Other days, it feels like it was yesterday. Sigh.

I spent most of my younger adult life thinking that I was going to be single my whole adult life. I made it to 38 and then Jim showed up and my life changed forever.

Each year I take time to remember Jim in writing, in thought and in love.

Jim & me dancing Contra Dance

Many relationships were made and dismantled on the dance floor of the New England Contra Dance community. If you have never tried this form of folk dance I suggest you try it. It is so much fun and it is certainly a way to meet people and make friends. And, oh the music! One night, this tall blue-eyed man showed up. That ended the idea of being single for the rest of my life.

Scottish Country Dance Ball

Jim followed me to other dance communities. He became a fine Scottish Country Dancer. We ballroom danced and chose to try several other forms of dance in communities around San Diego. It was fun. He did a mean waltz and polka. It was so much fun to have a dance partner.

The connection was strong and within a year we were a couple. I moved from San Diego in the fall of that year. I became a traveling nurse with Albuquerque as my destination. He didn’t want a long distance relationship. I said “How do you know if you don’t try it?”

Four months passed. Jim and I made several trips between Albuquerque, NM and San Diego, CA. I returned to the west coast and Jim. We moved in together and became a life couple. Was he my soul mate? I don’t know. I do know that even if it wasn’t perfect it was pretty darn close. From the moment we started to date we were close.

Everything was shared. Each month I would hike into the mountains to contemplate whether this was still a relationship I wanted. He would roll his eyes and waved me off. I would come back for another month. When I asked him if he had any doubts. He looked me in the eyes and said no. Eventually the monthly journeys move to every six months and then every year. I continued to hike and contemplate this wonderful relationship once a year until his death.

I have always been an explorer and adventure traveler. He joined me.

We took the train to Oregon. We climbed old growth Douglas Firs. and camped in the top of the trees. Did you know that there are no mosquitoes 25 feet above the ground? Since we were camped over 100 feet off the ground we were never bothered by those pesky little creatures.

Tree Climbing & Tree Sleeping

One year we kayaked the Nā Pali  Coast off the coast of Kauai. The only way to see this coast is by helicopter or boat. On one of the short kayaks, we sailed through the air on the backside of a wave. Other travelers kept saying, “this doesn’t look good.” It wasn’t but oh the fun. We survived. When we finally kayaked the 15 miles down the Nā Pali coast, we went into caves. We greeted sea turtles swimming by. We got to see firsthand this amazing and remote coast.

Another Hawaii trip found us inner tubing through the sugar cane fields and kayaking the rivers on Kauai. This and the Big Island were our favorites places to visit in the 50th state.

On Tour of the Galapagos Islands

Other adventures included Ecuador and the Galapagos Islands. We Winter Camped and snowshoe hiked in Yellowstone National Park. We camped and explored Canyon de Chelly in Arizona by horseback. Jim had never been on a horse in his life. When a friend invited us to join her for a long weekend in Alaska. We enjoyed a long weekend of cross country skiing, yoga, and contra dancing. Always dancing. We explored our country, the outback and the cities.

Due to Jim’s love of astronomy we finally saw the total solar eclipse over Angkor Wat in Cambodia. During the summer months, the California desert becomes too hot. He would load all his astronomy equipment in the car and we headed to the desert. We camped in the remote areas of Anza Borrego State Park. There, we would stare at the heavens and talk into the early hours of the morning. The key to summer visits is to arrive after 5 pm. Be ready to leave by nine in the morning. Even in the summer the evenings are cool and pleasant. And…there is no one else out there.

Then there was the Grand Canyon, one of the seven natural wonders of the world. Jim and I hiked it a couple of times. The real life changer happened when we decided to take a river raft adventure. It lasted 15 days with friends from Lee’s Ferry to Diamond Creek.

Looking out at the Mighty Colorado

At first Jim wasn’t sure he wanted to go. It was too long. What would he do if he got bored? I made one phone call to a long time friend, Sharon, who had rafted the canyon several times. After his conversation with her, he hung up and we made reservations. After that trip we always talked about “Before Grand Canyon” and “After Grand Canyon”.

This is a description of some of our travels. There were so many more adventures than listed here. We were always looking for the next new adventure. It was such a great experience to have someone to share the unique and normal with.

Now I carry on alone but not really. I carry remembrance of him and our life with me. I move forward toward the next adventure. And I carry the joy of those 21 years with me as I grow and change and remember. Some people have said that I should let him go and move on. I am not sure what letting him go means. How can I do that? Those 21 years changed my life. They made me grow into the person I am today. I carry my growth with me always.

I continue to adventure by myself. My friend in our soft adventures is gone. I wonder sometimes how different my life would have been if he was still here today. Yes, I have no doubt I would still be with him. I would still be taking the hike into the mountains every year. I would watch as he waved me off. And then another year would unfold.

Today I am thankful for Jim, for our positive and wonderful relationship. I am thankful to move forward and be so much more than before I met him. Today I am thankful for Jim and all those years of adventure and wonder.

Hmmm…Where to next?

Unique Stays on the Big Island: Memorable Experiences

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My computer is back up and running. Yes!

When you last heard from me, I arrived on the Big Island with my friend and fellow bird-watcher, Zee. Being on the Big Island was a great way to end two short months visiting the 50th state.

First I want to tell you about the places we stayed. When I planned this trip, I knew I did not want to stay in Condos on the beach. It just is not my style. So, I searched for three interesting and unique places to stay on the Big Island.

Our first stop was Hilo. Thanks to VRBO, we ended up in the Rain Forest Apartment, a one-bedroom apartment with a futon in the living room. The owners are artists, one specializing in art in the garden, which was rich, lush, and green. At night, tiny lights sparkled like ferries in the trees and bushes.

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The other artist painted the apartments with the beautiful, lush colors of the tropics. Sea turtles were painted on the ceiling, floor, and walls. The hot water heater was covered with a decorative cloth, and a sun was painted on the ceiling. Her paintings hung on the walls. It was a welcome place of refuge after a day of touring.

We then moved to Captain Cook, on the island’s southwest side. Here, we found our way to a Balinese-style home. It was so interesting, amazing, and private, and I believe it was my favorite place I stayed on the whole trip. It was open to the outdoors continuously with screens on the windows. The master bedroom was behind an open-style kitchen and dining room.

The bathroom was across the walkway, and a shower was next to it. My room was up a flight of steps, with a Balinese bed built up high. I could see the treetops and the ocean. I have always liked being on the second floor and hidden from the world.

Up another flight of steps was yet another room for contemplation and writing. Other areas of the property contained a screened-in bathtub and daybed.

Everything was surrounded by nature. Geckos wandered freely through the lush gardens. One morning, the owner, Linda, gave us access to her home to take photos of the Java Sparrows at her feeder. They are the prettiest little birds.

Linda is also an artist and a delightful human being. Before we left, she had made us one-of-a-kind key chains and had let us each choose a stone heart to carry with us. OB, her kitty, greeted us each time she visited our home. He knew where the treats were. I would definitely return here again and again.

Finally, we stayed in a tiny home on a Coffee Farm near Kona, thanks to Glamping Hub. While Zee remained in the Master Bedroom on the first floor, I climbed up and down the ladder to the bedroom on the second floor. The best thing about this place was the large outdoor covered lanai. This area was designed like a living room with chairs and a couch. There was a fire table for heat on the cool evenings. The whole area was covered, so we did not have to worry about rain. It was one more delightful stay of many on this winter trip.

I have always enjoyed searching for unique places to stay while traveling. These three places and those on Kauai and Oahu have kept my streak alive. All of these places fit my description to a tee. I am glad I took the time to investigate the uniqueness of residences for this trip. They helped make this trip just a little bit more memorable.

AnnE Poining out more beautiful spots.

I spent the last three days with a friend who lives in Kona. Yes, she lives in a condo, but it is also a home, and I was welcomed with open arms into her life. For the last few days of my stay in Kona, I had a tour guide, so I got to see the island from a resident’s point of view. We explored unique spots on the Big Island, did some hiking, and explored small, unique shops. On my last full day, I saw some of AnnE’s favorite beaches and snorkeled at Two Step. The thrill of the moment was observing an octopus for several minutes as it moved across the ocean floor. I feel blessed.

On February 28th, I boarded Hawaiian Airlines and began the process of returning to the mainland. It was tough to say goodbye. There was so much that I saw in my time there. I met terrific people, swam, got knocked around by the waves, ate delicious food, hiked, and took photos to my heart’s content. The birding was terrific, and the sea life was amazing. I have fallen in love with green sea turtles. And the list could go on.

I am not done telling you about my two months on the Islands. As I sort through the myriad of photos, there will be more to come.

Today, I am thankful. I am thankful for the opportunities that present themselves. I am grateful for all the kind people I met in Hawaii and continue to meet each day of my life. And…ooh all that nature.

Today, I am thankful.

Kauai and Oahu: A Traveler’s Paradise

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It is incredible how quickly a month can go by. I left Oahu for Kauai on February 1. Where did the time go?

I have seen big waves and surfers. Beach walking was a favorite activity for me. I frequently walked to the beach and then the half mile to Banzai Pipeline. It is interesting to think that it is smooth and glassy where the swells are now during the summer months. What? How can that be?

I really enjoyed my month on Oahu. I had a lovely apartment to stay in. I liked sitting on the porch and feeling the warm Hawaiian trade winds blow through. The rains went from soft, gentle female rains to raging, windy, male downpours. I saw the results of the flooding of the falls of the Waimea River that tore through the sandy beach, creating small, perfect swells that the surfers enjoyed.

And then there were the perfect sunny, blue-sky days with the soft Hawaiian trade winds keeping the temperatures cool. It was as close to perfect as was possible.

I have snorkeled, hiked, and even taken a boat tour to swim with dolphins. And oh, has that camera been busy.

The waves were twenty to twenty-five feet high the first weekend I was on Oahu. Only the bravest of surfers will tackle these waves. By the time the surfer reaches the foot of the wave face, they may be going upwards of 35 mph. Whoa! It is hard to imagine going that fast on a small board. How do you keep your balance? How do you breathe? How does it feel to have that body of water racing behind you? What happens when the wave wins? I will never know. Yet I will seek those waves out because they fascinate me.

Backdoor Shootout Surf Competition

I arrived as the Backdoor Shootout Surf competition was going on. I left the North Shore as the Lexus Pipe-Pro championships were beginning. I enjoyed the spectator part of this sport. I had no idea many people like me enjoyed watching the surfers and cheering them on.

Spending a month in one place has allowed me to relax my pace and not feel like I have to do everything all at once. If it was a rainy day, I could stay home. If I got tired, I could nap. Well, heck, I can do that any time, but I don’t when I am out traveling in Emmylou. I am a girl on the go.

Walking the Beach to the Point, Oahu.

My friend Tina joined me at the end of my time on Oahu. After a month on my own, it was good to have company. Since I had spent a month there, I got to show her some of my favorite spots and explore other places she knew of. I still believe that adventuring on my own is fun. Adventuring with someone else is even better.

Kauai the Magic Isle

Tina continued on to Kauai with me. After five days she left yesterday, and my friend Mary arrives late today. I still have a friend to adventure with and explore. In the meantime, I am snorkeling, enjoying sunsets, and relaxing on the beaches of Kauai. This is a magical isle.

Sometimes the choices I make are OK. Sometimes the choices I make are listed under “The Best Things I Ever Did”. Traveling for a winter to Hawaii is in the later catagory. And I am not even done yet. I still have the Big Island to explore.

Adventure On.

Finding Joy in Small Successes

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There are moments in my life when I take great pride in my accomplishments and moments when I find joy in this continuing journey. I like feeling proud and accomplished for a job well done. It is good to stretch my knowledge and experience and know I can do more and be more. Feeling accomplished leads to feeling joyful. I attempt to look for those moments, large or small, that offer me the feeling of joy.

I have had a slow leak in the rear tire of my road bike. To deal with it, I pumped it up at the beginning of a ride and hoped it would still be OK after fifteen miles. I have been doing this for a while, and it has worked. Two days ago, I was out riding the Bay, and the tire was too soft after ten miles. Finally, I had to address this situation.

My Bike Feeling Picturesque

Before Jim died, I would have gone to him, and he would fix anything with my bike or car. If I had a flat while cycling, all it took was one phone call, and Jim would arrive to rescue me. Now, I have to think about calling Lyft or fixing that tire on the fly. That sounds easy, but changing a tire, especially a rear one, requires time, patience, and muscle.

Yesterday, I decided to change the tube on that tire. I did not have all the necessary tools; where did that bike tool set go? With the help of one tire tool and a few kitchen tools (the mother of invention), I successfully changed the inner tube and was up for a 15-mile ride around the bay.

Pride, oh yes, I feel proud. Whenever I tackle something independently and succeed, I feel proud of myself. I also know that the correct tools will be present next time, making it easier for me to accomplish this task. This is good pride. This is joy.

Joy has been on my mind often lately. I have been considering what gives me joy every day. What are the little things that make me smile each day? Yesterday, successfully changing that tire was a moment of joy at a well-done task. Pride and Joy.

Yesterday, I was at Starbucks, and one of the baristas came by to give me a free sample of Christmas coffee and bread. It made me smile and feel special. Joy at work.

What has brought me joy as I traveled over the past spring and summer? Friends, oh yes, Friends. My life would be so lonely without the love and support of new and long-time friends. I met people on Vancouver Island this summer who have invited me back to visit and live with them. How cool is that? I have people who have embraced me and made me feel treasured and valued. They have invited me into their homes and driveways, making me feel unique and loved. That is definitely Joy.

Unlimited joy, large and small, has come in the form of a little brown bird, Birdie Boy. When I think of my time in the Northwest, I immediately think of Whidbey Island, Jim and Sandy, Robyn and Tom. They think I am wonderful, and the feeling is mutual.

Mostly, I think of Birdie Boy.

How can a little brown song sparrow infuse me with such joy? How can Birdie Boy still remember me two years later? How can he express such joy at seeing me again? He leads his own life, yet I show up, and his and my world stop. We met on the deck in the spring of this year. He sat atop my computer screen and chitted at me non-stop. We had a lot to catch up on. My heart expands with great and small joy when I think of all my encounters with him. Who knew this little brown bird would be so crucial in my healing from the loss of Jim twelve years ago

I love my camera. I love being out in the wild, taking photos of birds, animals, and just about anything. Nature always cheers me up. My photos can bring me such joy. I love looking through my pictures and picking out my favorite of the day.

Socks…New socks! A few days ago I bought 3 pair of new socks. I love putting them on. I love their colors. Their softness is delightful. New soft cushy socks equals joy.

I must note those moments of accomplishment and joy in my life. When things look a little dark or sad, I find that if I can recall one moment of pleasure in the day I am in or from the past, my mood lightens, and things don’t look as bad. Finding joy, no matter how small, reminds me of life’s magic. It helps me take another step forward and often reminds me that I am not alone.

What are your small or significant moments of joy?

What have you accomplished that has made you feel joyful and proud? Please share in the comments. I would enjoy seeing them in print.

Today, I am Thankful. I am grateful for my friends. I am thankful for the little and big moments of success in a job well done. I am thankful for any wee moments of joy in my life.

Today, I am Thankful.

Reunion with Birdy Boy: A Heartwarming Encounter on Whidbey Island

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For those of you who have followed my blog, Journeys of Thankfulness, four years ago, you may remember my interaction with a small brown bird, a Song Sparrow, Birdy Boy.

Birdy Boy and I met in the spring of 2021 while I was house-sitting for friends on Whidbey Island in Washington State. I heard an unknown bird song in the yard, so I investigated. Thanks to the Coronell App, Merlin, I identified the sound as belonging to a song sparrow.

When this young bird heard the sound, he flew onto the deck, sat on a stake, and began to sing. From then on, he would appear and sing away each day I was there. Eventually, he would land on my feet, knees, arms, shoulders, and finally, my head. There was seldom a day that I did not see him at least once. We became friends.

Finally, I left the Northwest. I introduced Birdy Boy to the homeowners, and although not as frequently, he would come and visit with Jim and Sandy. Fast-forward to June of the following year, 2022. I returned to the Northwest and returned to my favorite house-sitting gig. Upon my arrival, Birdy Boy was waiting for me. Our relationship changed that summer as he had a family to raise, yet we remained friends.

It has been two years since I visited Whidbey Island. I returned to the house four days ago to see my friends Jim and Sandy. I was looking forward to this visit.

I did not expect to see Birdy Boy on this visit. It has been two years since our last meeting, and he is a wild bird. I knew that the owners had seen him from time to time. Upon my arrival, the three of us sat on the deck. Guess who was there? Birdy Boy! He flew in and greeted Sandy and Jim, sitting on their feet.

It wasn’t until I was alone on the deck that he came to me, sitting on my feet, knees, hands, shoulder, and arms. He is gradually trying out the head. He sings, chips, and tinks, telling me his stories of the past two years.

I notice more song sparrows in the yard now and wonder if these might be his offspring. There is so much I don’t know about the birdy world.

I do know that Birdy Boy is my friend. As I sit on the deck and type this post, Birdy Boy is perched on the computer screen. Once in a while, he sings a tune and settles in again. He is the most delightful of birds. I am honored that he chose me and my friends to be comfortable enough to become part of our world. I also am glad that he remains a wild and free song sparrow.

When I leave today, I will feel a tug on my heart to stay. I have had a wonderful visit with Sandy and Jim. I love being back on Whidbey Island. I have had a wonderful visit with Birdy Boy. When I leave my friends, I always feel a tug on my heart to stay and bask in the warmth of my friendships, human or otherwise.

And…I remain convinced that I will never look at a little brown bird without remembering with love, Birdy Boy. Each little brown bird will remain individual and unique.

Today, I am thankful for friendships, human and otherwise. Today, I am grateful for Sandy and Jim. Today and always, I am thankful for Birdy Boy, the little song sparrow who continues to bless my life.

Today, I am Thankful.

Cross-Border Kindness: My RV Journey Discovery

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Kindness” is a type of behavior marked by acts of generosity, consideration, rendering assistance, or concern for others, without expecting praise or reward in return.”

Spending time with friends is essential to me. Friends can be people I know or meet along my journey with EmmyLou (my RV) and people already in my life.

Recently, I spent time with a friend, and we talked about the kindness of people. She stated that people in Canada were kinder than in the United States. I believe that kindness crosses borders without thought of the country.

I believe that people are inherently kind. When I have needed help, invariably, someone has come to my aid. I have had help from strangers, fellow RV’ers, and from friends. I have never felt alone and helpless because someone has always offered me help, a place to stay, a shower, company, sometimes a voice at the other end of the phone, and so much more.

I know there is always an example that can show how people are kind or unkind, helpful or unhelpful. Yet, I believe most people worldwide are inherently kind and want to help and befriend others in their time of need.

Early on this RV journey, just as I went full time, I made a stupid mistake and drove when I was tired. I drove over a boulder in a Box Store Parking lot, and when I backed off, I pulled my front fender off. I do not handle this kind of situation well. Thanks to my good Roadside Assistance plan, they could send a mechanic to help. While this person was arriving, a couple in a BIG RV came over, and with everyone’s assistance, the bumper was secured to the rig. The next step was to get it fixed. Enter a stranger with a Roadtrek (the RV brand). When she found out where I needed to go to get the front end fixed (her hometown), she offered me a place to stay for the week and picked me up from the dealership. Mary and I have become strong and good friends since then. 

Not all my experiences have been that dramatic, but time and again, I have encountered the kindness of strangers and friends. We might not share similar beliefs or ways of life, but we all share the willingness to help, offer compassion, and be kind.

Kindness does not come without some preparation in one’s life. As I was researching for this post, I found the information below, and it made me pause and think about how I can learn to be kind and encourage others to be kind.

“How to Be Kind: 6 Ways to Be Kind”

Written by MasterClass

“Focusing on kindness can help make you a better person, encouraging you to be more generous and patient with the people around you. Here are a few tips for how to be kind in your life.

Give others the benefit of the doubt. Judging people and situations prematurely without having all the facts is easy. Remember that other people can go through difficult times just like you. If someone mistreats you or ignores you, there may be a hard battle in their life that’s making it more difficult to be kind, whether it’s a mental health challenge or a bad day. Be kind by giving them the benefit of the doubt rather than jumping to conclusions and getting upset.” Oooh, this is an essential thing for me to remember.

“Identify your biases. Sometimes, you may have unconscious obstacles to your empathy that prevent you from practicing unbiased, true kindness. Think about the small decisions you make and whether you may have prejudices. Consider taking an unconscious bias course to learn how to overcome these biases so you can be kind to everyone—regardless of gender, race, sexual orientation, ability, or other characteristics. 

Practice gratitude. Kindness can stem from the feeling that you have enough of what you need—tangible items (like food or income) or intangible things (like respect or love). To help yourself become a kinder person, regularly practice gratitude to remind yourself of all the good stuff you have.” And this leads to Self-Compassion.

 “Start with self-compassion. Being kind to everyone in your life includes being kind to yourself. Remember to prioritize your physical and emotional well-being and employ the same kindness techniques on yourself for friends, family members, loved ones, and others. Your self-care tactics may include complimenting yourself to boost your self-esteem, treating yourself to an activity you enjoy, or encouraging yourself to take time each day to relax and unwind. 

Think about how others want to feel. The “golden rule”—you should treat others the way you want others to treat you—is a great place to start when performing kind acts. However, a valuable variation can help increase the effectiveness: think about what others ask for and treat them the way they want. Everyone has different preferences and love languages, and sometimes, what they wish to differ from what you would like in the same situation. To spread kindness, make a conscious decision to meet their needs. For example, if you know your partner prefers acts of service over gifts, try to perform a small service (like offering to clean up) rather than giving presents, even if you prefer to receive gifts.

Try random acts of kindness. Random acts of kindness are the good deeds you do without prompting or expecting something in return. These can be simple acts that help people in small ways. For example, you may let a stranger ahead of you in the grocery store checkout, pay for someone’s cup of coffee, bake brownies for a struggling friend, reach out to someone who seems lonely, or send a kind note to your coworker’s inbox. Small acts of kindness are a simple way to remind others they deserve love, and they can encourage others to do the same for the people around them, generating a far-reaching positive impact.”

Whenever I experience kindness from people, I want to put myself out more for others. Maybe that is the benefit of empathy and compassion. We experience it, which encourages us to reach out to others and learn more about compassionate understanding.

Today, I am thankful for all those moments of kindness and support from others. Today, I am grateful for this cross-border experience. Today, I am thankful to allow contemplation on such a rich, deep topic.

Today I am thankful.

Grief Revisited

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As some of you may know, I chose to extend my stay in San Diego this winter to help a friend through the initial stages of grief after the loss of her husband and love in early December.

From childhood to adulthood, we are taught about life. We go to school to learn how to succeed and become fully functioning adults in what is sometimes a crazy yet wonderful world. I was taught by parents, peers, teachers, the church, animals, and more. And succeed, I did.

This world does not teach us about fear, loss, and change. It doesn’t teach us about grief and its impact on the individual. When it appears in our lives, we must learn on the fly, struggling to stay upright and functioning while dealing with emotional blow after blow.

It doesn’t necessarily have to be death. It can appear in many guises: divorce, loss of a job, or a move to another area of the country away from family, friends, and support. Try the diagnosis of cancer. I have been there twice. It can be something catastrophic like 9/11 or a tornado, hurricane, or any other natural disaster. No one event, small or large, defines grief.

Losing a partner is grief like no other. Everything I expected for the rest of my life came to a halt. Where was Jim? He was supposed to be next to me until we got old. What was I supposed to do with my life now? How could I recreate myself again while I was dealing with such profound loss? And….where was Jim, someone who made me feel unique, worthy, beautiful, and so much more?

If we survive long enough, we all will meet up with grief and loss and the emotional storm it creates in each one of us.

Everyone handles grief differently, every single person. Grief is a personal journey. Some will tackle it by planning and proceeding like nothing has happened. Others need time to cry, feel sad, and separate from the rest of the world. Others will retreat inside, feeling safe in the memories and loss. And many of us are somewhere in the above mix.

Grief has been the most potent teacher I have ever had. It has woken me up and shut me down. How can that happen at the same time? I don’t know. It has allowed me to be in the moment, not see the future or the past. Being present in the moment is something I tried to achieve in my every day life, yet I never truly discovered it until the last days of Jim’s life and his death. All of it made me feel more alive than I have ever felt. How could that be when I was watching my Jim move through the last moments of his life? How could that be when I was going through some of the worst times of my life? I honestly don’t know.

How does one go about supporting others through grief? It is hard to tackle when we know little about the heart’s workings. We see our friends or family members struggling, which is sometimes hard to understand. Why doesn’t she want to go out with her friends? Why is she still crying? Why is she not able to get on with life? It has been three months, a year, or more. Why isn’t she back to “normal.” Why, why, why? There is no timeline, and there is no “normal.”

I struggle to figure out what normal is now. I am eleven years out from the loss of Jim, and mostly, I am doing fine, yet every once in a while, something triggers my grief, and it might as well have happened yesterday. Go figure.

I have read a lot about grief. I have listened to podcasts about grief. I can suggest this podcast, All There Is, by Anderson Cooper. I have written about grief. I am still learning about grief. This will continue until the day I decide to step on over.

Being here for my friend has been a good teacher for me. I believe all any of us can do is support each other in this wild world. How can we support someone grieving, especially in the first year?

  • Be patient and be kind.
  • Don’t expect the person grieving to reach out to you to thank you for cards or plan to get together. Grief is so overwhelming that it is hard to plan.
  • Know that the person in grief may tire easily. There is so much to do physically in those first months. Lawyers, banks, insurance, and all that business stuff. Each task, no matter how small, can be overwhelming. I found I had little to no emotional reserves. One or two tasks would wear me out, and I would return home to watch mindless television, nap, or stare at the wall.
  • Call and let the person dealing with grief talk. Who cares if you hear the same stories more than once. Your ears are helping the other person to heal and not feel alone.
  • Everyone is on board for the first few months and tries their best to stay in touch, and then it peters off. Four months, six months, or a year out, a person dealing with loss can feel overwhelmingly alone. So stay in touch. I put send a card or call a person reminders on my calendar. It reminds me to think of others. And I love to send cards. It also gives me moments to think of my friends and ensure I continue reaching out. After all, all we have is each other.
  • Even if they say no, invite them to events and things you would usually invite them to. Knowing that the real world is waiting for them to rejoin it is a good reminder in the midst of grieving.. Don’t be offended or take it personally if they say no.
  • Sometimes, one-on-one time is better than a group, no matter how small. I still prefer small groups to large crowds. I have trained myself to enter larger groups now that I have been alone for so long.
  • Don’t expect the person to “talk about loss.” Sometimes, a person needs to go out for coffee or a walk on the beach and talk about the rest of the world. I enjoyed my friend Therese coming over with a Scrabble game and food and enjoying an afternoon on the back deck.
  • Know when enough is enough and take them home so they can nap.
  • Don’t be offended if your invitation is turned down. Know that that moment was not the right one. Internally, they appreciate your effort. And try again and again.
    • Continue to ask them what you can do for them and follow through. Always follow through.

This list could be longer, but I think you get the idea. The more you love someone in distress, the more you are inviting them to remember to come back out into the world when they are ready. Most importantly, it reminds them they are loved, worthy, and not alone.

Today, I am thankful. I am thankful for the opportunity my friend has given me to learn, grow, and become more human. Today, I am thankful she doesn’t have to be alone in these first months. Today, I am thankful for growing a friendship that I hope will continue for a long time to come. Today, I am thankful that grief has been a teacher of mine, even if I don’t want it to be present in my life.

Today, I am thankful.

Farewell Mexico-Hello United States

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Ah, my adventure into a small section of Mexico is coming to a close. Tomorrow a small group of us will caravan to the United States Border and just like that this trip to Mexico will come to a close and become a memory.

It has been a fine two and a half weeks. I have seen a lot and relaxed even more. I visited two areas of Mexico, San Carlos Guyamas and Alamos.

One, San Carlos, is on the beach and the other is in the Sierra Madre Mountain Range. The beach was a place to have fun, kayaking, walking, and biking, birding, and more importantly, visiting with the people I traveled with.

The other town, Alamos took me more into the interior and I got a taste of life in traditional Mexico. The town is old and what I would expect to see in Mexico. There is a lot of art and culture in this place. One night we went to the former actor, Rip Torn’s home for a benefit dinner. The house was fascinating and the food, all vegetarian, was amazing. It was an eight-course meal.

The restaurants in Alamos were delicious and enticing. I was able to experience a more classic Mexican cuisine. In ways, it was similar to what I have tasted in the United States yet there were dishes that I experienced here that I have not experienced in my country.

The eight others I traveled with were a delightful mix of couples and solo travelers. We meshed well. Bobbi was our leader in the arts. We painted rocks, shells, and seed pods. Many became great works of art. There was singing, yoga, and more. As a group, we meshed well. I am leaving richer for meeting and knowing these people.

I have learned that when I need time alone, I take it. Having traveled solo for most of the past ten years, there were moments when I was done being social. My rig and my bike gave me a way to leave for a while so I could return and be social again. This group supported all the members of its community. I like a loosely formed group. I like that others can support each of our independence.

What is next? I am not sure. It is a bit chilly north of the border currently. I am going to try to find a place where I don’t have to winterize my vehicle. Winterizing has to be done when it gets below Thirty degrees Fahrenheit. It is not hard to do but it is time-consuming and I guess I am inherently lazy.

Until tomorrow, I am planning to enjoy my last day “south of the border”. I have already been kayaking-I got up early so I could take advantage of the tide and the wind or the lack thereof. I have been birding. Now it is time to get myself ready to cross the border.

Until I return to Mexico again, Via con Dios.

A Week in Mexico

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San Carlos, Mexico

Thursday I will have been in Mexico for a week. Yes, I finally took a deep breath and crossed the southern border of the United States.

The hardest part was crossing the border. I have been across the border before but I have EmmyLou with me this time. I have my home with me. I have to make sure I can take care of her.

It was good to be with others who have done this before. Out of the nine of us, four have been doing this for years. I am thankful for Mary, Mike, Sky, and Bobbi. With their guidance, we made it through the process of entering a different country. I don’t mind a little hand-holding and guidance. First, we crossed over. About twenty-one miles south of the border we stopped to get our Visitor’s Visa and Temporary Import Permit for EmmyLou. It was a process, not quick. Once again I remembered to breathe and be patient. And when it was done I was in Mexico.

We have been staying on the beach along a bay near San Carlos on the Sea of Cortez. This is mainland Mexico. It has been a week of relaxation and fun and community. There is a lagoon nearby so I have had some great kayaking and birding adventures. I am very thankful for my kayaking experience. I was able to go off alone and feel comfortable on the water. Yes, I did have all my safety gear with me. When one travels alone one needs to be prepared.

In the afternoons we have been having fun with art. I have been painting rocks and shells. It is fun to allow my artistic side to come forward. It has been many years since this side of me has come out to play. It is fun to paint with little expectation of the outcome. This is called folk art.

Brown Footed Boobie

The sunrises have been amazing and the sunsets breathtaking. It is not unusual to see pods of dolphins swim by, close to shore. The birding has been good. There is this island approximately two miles off the shoreline, Isla de Pastel (Cake Island). On a glassy, quiet day on the water, I kayaked to the island to see the birds. It was not disappointing. There were cormorants, pelicans, all types of gulls, and the Brown-Footed Boobie.

The island was interesting as well. There was one cave I could kayak into. The water was spectacularly clear. It was quiet in the cave as sunlight dappled the walls. There were smaller rock outcroppings to explore. I ended up circling the island twice. There was so much to see.

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Isla de Pastel
Caves on the West Side
Kayaking into a Cave

The people I am traveling with are delightful. Currently, there are nine of us. There are three couples and three are solo. We get along well. This is a very fluid group. People come together to visit and talk. Then some will go off to do something they are interested in. There is little pressure to join in if solo time is what one needs, yet the door remains open if one wants to join in on an adventure or sit on the beach and chat.

Slowing down and relaxing have been good for me. I needed this quiet and peaceful time in my life. I have not been to town. The wilderness and sea have called to me more than exploring town. Tomorrow that will change. Saying farewell to the coast is hard. We are heading to Alamos. I have read about Alamos and have heard much about it from Mary Z. It will be another type of experience. For a while, I will need to say goodbye to the Pacific and the coastline and head inland to experience another side of Mexico.

You are most welcome to come along on this journey with me as I delve deeper into Mexico.

Today I am thankful for a relaxing and peaceful time in my life. Today I am thankful for this beautiful Mexican land and sea. Today I am thankful for those who surround me now. I am thankful for new experiences that open me up and give me the opportunity to continue to grow and explore.

Adventures Heading South

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Sunset in San Diego

Every year in November I return to San Diego to get my annual medical and dental appointments done. I come south to visit friends and escape winter. I usually don’t travel directly to the city. I meander my way from wherever I have been.

I find it hard to be in large cities. Since I bought my Roadtrek and went full-time RV’ing, I have embraced rural and small-town living. I like the slower pace. I like the quick access to the outdoors. I would rather walk, kayak, or cycle than take too much time to get to my starting point. I like the sense of community that small towns and the rural countryside offers. People look out for each other. We help each other out. I don’t have to be alone unless I choose that option.

I have to prepare myself for the entrance into the city. This year after I left The North Rim of the Grand Canyon, White Pocket and southern Utah I headed south to Phoenix. If I want to practice being in a larger metropolitan area this city is a good one to approach. Phoenix is the fifth largest metropolitan area in the United States. I have two good friends that live in towns on either side of Phoenix.

Superstition Mts. from my Campsite

Apache Junction and Mary are on the east side of Phoenix. The Superstition Mountains and the Lower Salt River are within twenty minutes of Mary’s doorstep. I camped at the Lost Dutchman State Park. This park sits at the foot of Flat Iron Peak. It is a popular hike for the locals.

At Mary’s suggestion, one morning I launched my Oru Kayak on the Lower Salt River and paddled downriver. Since I wasn’t sure how far I wanted to go, Mary and Roxie, her dog, would meet me at each pullout or launching site to see how I was doing. Happily, I made it the full ten miles. It was a beautiful and scenic ride down the river. The next time I am taking Mary with me.

I paddled by wild horses feasting on the eelgrass in the river. The Salt River wild horses roam the lower Salt River in the Tonto National Forest in Arizona. According to historical records, the horses have been living on the Salt River reservation before the National Forest was created in the early 1900s. The wild horses are watched over by the Salt River Wild Horse Management Group. They are protected and number approximately five hundred.

After three days of catching up with Mary and her animal menagerie, I drove to Goodyear to visit Yvonne. Goodyear is on the west side of Phoenix. Yvonne lives in a 55 and up community. This stay was more community-minded as Yvonne is very involved with the community where she lives. While I was there we went to a block party, a beer-tasting event, and more. The best part of visiting Yvonne is sitting in her hot tub every morning talking and planning the day. It is a good way to start the day.

After Phoenix, I decided I need to go rural for a few days before I arrived in San Diego. I spent two nights on the lower Colorado River, kayaking on Squaw Lake and the mighty river. It is quiet out in the desert right now. The Snowbirds are just starting to arrive. There were a handful of campers at the campsite. There were at least three Roadtreks there. After a day of kayaking, it was nice to sit outside with my neighbors and watch the sunset over the lake.

Currently, I am in San Diego. I have already been to a few appointments and visited with friends. It is nice to be back on familiar terrain. I am able to see what has changed in the last nine months. I know where to find my favorite Coffeehouses. The one thing I like about San Diego is camping on Mission Bay. Even though I am in a large city, I still have easy access to biking trails and the boat launch is only a short distance from my campsite. Well, that is convenient.

My winter plans are taking shape. I always know to expect the unexpected. I remember to breathe my way through my appointments and wait to find out the results of tests. There is a part of me that feels I have to wait to make plans until all the medical and dental appointments are complete and the results are in. Sometimes I get thrown a curve. I wait.

Today I am thankful for so many wonderful friends. Today I am thankful for my soft adventures. Today I am thankful for my health. I am truly thankful for a good first dental appointment. Today I am thankful for rain-it is raining in San Diego. (not a frequent occurence)

Today I am thankful.