Category Archives: the power of the River

Remembering Jim: Love, Loss, and Lifelong Adventures

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“I talk about him because I’m proud.
I talk about him, because he deserves to be remembered.
I talk about him, because even though he’s not physically with me, he’s never far from my mind.
I talk about him because he’s part of me, a part that I could never ignore or disown.
I talk about him because I love him still, and I always will. Forever. Nothing will ever change that.”
I Talk About Him/Scribbles & Crumbs

On October 9, 2012, Jim, my husband entered the hospital for the last time. Neither of us knew that he would not leave and come home. Neither of us thought that the end of his life was around the corner. Neither of us knew.

Thirteen years ago on October seventeenth my husband of 21 years died. He entered the hospital the day before his birthday. Almost two weeks later, he died the day after my birthday. Yes October is a emotionally mixed month for me.

Oh, and wait a minute. October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I know that some people who have had breast cancer are dedicated to this month. I thank them for that. I, though from the beginning of having breast cancer in 2010 have wanted nothing to do with this month. I don’t want pink anything. I want to move forward without the celebration and thinking of myself as a survivor. I want to live.

Welcome to October
Always an action packed emotional month.

It seems strange to think it has been thirteen years since Jim’s death. Sometimes it seems like it has been that long. Other days, it feels like it was yesterday. Sigh.

I spent most of my younger adult life thinking that I was going to be single my whole adult life. I made it to 38 and then Jim showed up and my life changed forever.

Each year I take time to remember Jim in writing, in thought and in love.

Jim & me dancing Contra Dance

Many relationships were made and dismantled on the dance floor of the New England Contra Dance community. If you have never tried this form of folk dance I suggest you try it. It is so much fun and it is certainly a way to meet people and make friends. And, oh the music! One night, this tall blue-eyed man showed up. That ended the idea of being single for the rest of my life.

Scottish Country Dance Ball

Jim followed me to other dance communities. He became a fine Scottish Country Dancer. We ballroom danced and chose to try several other forms of dance in communities around San Diego. It was fun. He did a mean waltz and polka. It was so much fun to have a dance partner.

The connection was strong and within a year we were a couple. I moved from San Diego in the fall of that year. I became a traveling nurse with Albuquerque as my destination. He didn’t want a long distance relationship. I said “How do you know if you don’t try it?”

Four months passed. Jim and I made several trips between Albuquerque, NM and San Diego, CA. I returned to the west coast and Jim. We moved in together and became a life couple. Was he my soul mate? I don’t know. I do know that even if it wasn’t perfect it was pretty darn close. From the moment we started to date we were close.

Everything was shared. Each month I would hike into the mountains to contemplate whether this was still a relationship I wanted. He would roll his eyes and waved me off. I would come back for another month. When I asked him if he had any doubts. He looked me in the eyes and said no. Eventually the monthly journeys move to every six months and then every year. I continued to hike and contemplate this wonderful relationship once a year until his death.

I have always been an explorer and adventure traveler. He joined me.

We took the train to Oregon. We climbed old growth Douglas Firs. and camped in the top of the trees. Did you know that there are no mosquitoes 25 feet above the ground? Since we were camped over 100 feet off the ground we were never bothered by those pesky little creatures.

Tree Climbing & Tree Sleeping

One year we kayaked the Nā Pali  Coast off the coast of Kauai. The only way to see this coast is by helicopter or boat. On one of the short kayaks, we sailed through the air on the backside of a wave. Other travelers kept saying, “this doesn’t look good.” It wasn’t but oh the fun. We survived. When we finally kayaked the 15 miles down the Nā Pali coast, we went into caves. We greeted sea turtles swimming by. We got to see firsthand this amazing and remote coast.

Another Hawaii trip found us inner tubing through the sugar cane fields and kayaking the rivers on Kauai. This and the Big Island were our favorites places to visit in the 50th state.

On Tour of the Galapagos Islands

Other adventures included Ecuador and the Galapagos Islands. We Winter Camped and snowshoe hiked in Yellowstone National Park. We camped and explored Canyon de Chelly in Arizona by horseback. Jim had never been on a horse in his life. When a friend invited us to join her for a long weekend in Alaska. We enjoyed a long weekend of cross country skiing, yoga, and contra dancing. Always dancing. We explored our country, the outback and the cities.

Due to Jim’s love of astronomy we finally saw the total solar eclipse over Angkor Wat in Cambodia. During the summer months, the California desert becomes too hot. He would load all his astronomy equipment in the car and we headed to the desert. We camped in the remote areas of Anza Borrego State Park. There, we would stare at the heavens and talk into the early hours of the morning. The key to summer visits is to arrive after 5 pm. Be ready to leave by nine in the morning. Even in the summer the evenings are cool and pleasant. And…there is no one else out there.

Then there was the Grand Canyon, one of the seven natural wonders of the world. Jim and I hiked it a couple of times. The real life changer happened when we decided to take a river raft adventure. It lasted 15 days with friends from Lee’s Ferry to Diamond Creek.

Looking out at the Mighty Colorado

At first Jim wasn’t sure he wanted to go. It was too long. What would he do if he got bored? I made one phone call to a long time friend, Sharon, who had rafted the canyon several times. After his conversation with her, he hung up and we made reservations. After that trip we always talked about “Before Grand Canyon” and “After Grand Canyon”.

This is a description of some of our travels. There were so many more adventures than listed here. We were always looking for the next new adventure. It was such a great experience to have someone to share the unique and normal with.

Now I carry on alone but not really. I carry remembrance of him and our life with me. I move forward toward the next adventure. And I carry the joy of those 21 years with me as I grow and change and remember. Some people have said that I should let him go and move on. I am not sure what letting him go means. How can I do that? Those 21 years changed my life. They made me grow into the person I am today. I carry my growth with me always.

I continue to adventure by myself. My friend in our soft adventures is gone. I wonder sometimes how different my life would have been if he was still here today. Yes, I have no doubt I would still be with him. I would still be taking the hike into the mountains every year. I would watch as he waved me off. And then another year would unfold.

Today I am thankful for Jim, for our positive and wonderful relationship. I am thankful to move forward and be so much more than before I met him. Today I am thankful for Jim and all those years of adventure and wonder.

Hmmm…Where to next?

An Amazon River Adventure is Ready to Begin

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After traveling to the east coast, visiting friends along the way, and having some exciting adventures I am at the precipice of a part of the spring and summer travel plan. In two days I will be flying to Fort Lauderdale, Florida to meet up with a small group of people to fly to the Amazon River in Brazil.

Wait a minute did I just say I am going to the Amazon, the River, Brazil? Yes, that is exactly what I said. I will be spending twelve days aboard the Dorinha. I will be traveling with Amazonia Expeditions on a privately arranged trip. Some of the passengers I know and some I will get to know shortly. In two days.

Two to three times each day we leave our home boat and explore different areas in skiffs or canoes. The flora and fauna are all new. Everything will be exciting and different and new. That is the fun of international travel.

Here are some interesting facts about this mighty river.

  • The Amazon River Once Flowed in the Opposite Direction Between 65 and 145 million years ago, the Amazon River flowed towards the Pacific Ocean, in the opposite direction it flows today. Where the Amazon River’s mouth sits today, there was once a highland that allowed for this westerly flow. The rise of the Andes Mountains in the west forced the Amazon River to reverse course.
  • It’s the Largest River in the World by Volume. The Amazon River has the largest volume of freshwater of any river in the world. The River releases around 200,000 liters of freshwater into the ocean every second. Together, this freshwater flow accounts for nearly 20% of all river water that enters the sea.
  • It is the Second Longest River on Earth. At about 4,000 miles long, the Amazon River is the second-longest river in the world. The Amazon’s impressive length is exceeded by the 4,132-mile-long Nile River.
  • It’s Home to the Amazon River Dolphin, also known as the pink river dolphin, and is one of just four species of “true” river dolphins.
  • It’s Named After a Greek Myth. According to Greek mythology, the “Amazons” were a group of nomadic female warriors that roamed around the Black Sea.
  • A Family Canoed to the Amazon River from Canada. In 1980, Don Starkell and his two sons, Dana and Jeff, left Winnipeg on a canoe towards the Amazon River. Jeff abandoned the trip when they reached Mexico, but Don and Dana ventured on. Nearly two years later, the father-son duo reached the Amazon. By the end of the trip, they had canoed over 12,000 miles.
  • It Has Over 100 Dams 
  • The Amazon River has no Bridges. All 10 million people who live on the banks of the Amazon River can only cross the freshwater flow by boat. The lack of bridges is due, in part, to the seasonal changes in the Amazon River bed. During the rainy season, the Amazon River can rise over 30 feet, tripling the width of the River in some places.
  • It Crosses Through Four Countries. The Amazon River passes through Brazil, Columbia, Peru, and Venezuela, with Brazil holding by far the largest portion of the River.  
  • It’s Where 40% of All Water in South America Ends Up. The Amazon River’s height rises substantially in the rainy season because around 40% of all of South America’s water ends up in the River.

This river will be my home for 12 days. I am excited and a bit anxious all at the same time. Excited most people can understand. Why anxious? I love to travel. It was my job for thirteen years. I was an International Tour Manager, taking people on tours to Mexico, the Panama Canal, and throughout the United States and Canada.

The unknown makes me a bit anxious. Have I packed the right things? Are my flights all status quo? What if I miss the boat? (that is almost guaranteed not to happen on this trip. What if I get sick? What will travel post Covid be like? What if other members of the group don’t like me? What if, What if, What if….????

I am thankful that I can find things to keep myself busy. It helps keep the anxiousness at bay. I breathe often, deep and slow and relaxing. I take the kayak out. I go on a bike ride. Tonight I went over to the dam and watched a female duck try to convince the last of the babies to come up over the dam. It didn’t work but it was entertaining to watch. Diversion helps get rid of being anxious.

Above the Dam
Below the Dam

Monday I check my list. I make sure that everything is ready to go – I am ready to go and my stuff is ready to travel with me.

And then…I take a deep breath and head off into the unknown.

The River-A Cell Phones Nemesis

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In 2015 I stepped into the smartphone world. Since I already had other Apple products, it seemed like a natural progression to continue with another product. I purchased an iPhone 6 and began my education in Smartphone technology.

I love adventure. I like to explore parts of my world that are sometimes hard to get to. I love the Southwest. I really like Zion National Park. I am so fortunate to have good friends that live outside the park. There is a section of the park called the Subway. From the top down one needs ropes and knowledge that there is rappeling into cold river water, more than once.

The Subway from the Bottom Up

One can also hike the Subway from the bottom up. This trail also presents its own set of challenges. There really is no trail, it is a set of social trails that progresses down a steep slope to the river. Then you follow the river for three miles to arrive at the beginning of the subway. It is not an easy hike. It is a great visual hike.

In 2017 I hiked the Subway from the bottom up. I just arrived at the Subway part of the hike, when I fell off a log into the river along with my day pack that held my iPhone 6. Oh no, what was I to do. The phone was wet and I was a long way from help. I dried the phone off the best I could and continued with my hike. Nine hours later I returned to my friends exhausted and happy. I took my phone apart, yep you could do that, and dried it out. The next day it worked although it had developed a dark side. The right upper side of the phone was black, it worked and so I kept it for a few more years until the dark side began to cover more of the screen. I decided to upgrade to an iPhone 8.

I was happily using my new phone with no issues until…..I met another River. 2021-I was kayaking on the Provo River near Utah Lake in the state of Utah. It is a very silty river and a beautiful place to kayak. I stopped to fix something on my kayak and before I could stop it my phone in its waterproof container disappeared into the river. That river is definitely deeper than it looked. I tried for over an hour to rescue my iPhone 8 without success. Each time I tried to reach it with my kayak paddle the silt would stir up and I would lose sight of it. Other kayakers tried their hand at rescuing it, without success. I had to admit defeat and off I went to the Verizon Store to ask for help. I also called a good friend, Melissa, to mourn my loss. It is good to have friends.

First Photo from my iPhone 12

My iPhone 12 stayed with me until two weeks ago when I met another river up close and personal. On my current trip to the east coast of the United States, I spent three weeks with friends in Florida. We camped and biked and kayaked on the rivers and springs of northern Florida. The last river was the Juniper River. It was a quick, shallow river through a beautiful area. There were alligators, one giant one, and one rapid.

As you may know, I am a photographer. After I am safely on the water I often take my cell phone out of its waterproof case so I can take photos. After successfully managing the rapid, I got caught in an eddy. As I tried to push off the kayak tipped and there went cell phone number three. I got wet, it got wet and the kayak had its first experience of flipping. I worried about my cell phone. My friend Missy was concerned about my camera that was safely inside a dry bag. I kept thinking about that giant alligator up the river. Needless to say, I got out of that river in record time.

Initially, the phone worked fine and I thought all was good. The next morning the phone would not wake up. Oh sigh. Once again the river won. I am now an owner of an iPhone 14.

First Photo on the iPhone 14

When one does not lead a dull life these things happen. When one leads any kind of life these things happen. I feel personally responsible for my phone so I have mourned the passing of each one. I have to talk myself out of deciding I am a bad phone owner and recognize that these things happen not just to me but to many others as well. I am sure we all have phone stories to tell.

In three weeks I am flying to the Amazon in Brazil for two weeks. Oh no, another river! A mighty river. Hopefully, I will be able to keep hold of my new phone so the river does not take it away. No matter what me and my phone will venture south to enjoy an adventure on the Amazon.

Today I am grateful for coming clean and admitting to my cell phone debacle. I have always wanted to be truthful in these blog posts. I want to show my humanity. Today I am grateful for truth and for revealing my humanness.

Today I am grateful.