Category Archives: being thankful.

Reunion with Birdy Boy: A Heartwarming Encounter on Whidbey Island

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For those of you who have followed my blog, Journeys of Thankfulness, four years ago, you may remember my interaction with a small brown bird, a Song Sparrow, Birdy Boy.

Birdy Boy and I met in the spring of 2021 while I was house-sitting for friends on Whidbey Island in Washington State. I heard an unknown bird song in the yard, so I investigated. Thanks to the Coronell App, Merlin, I identified the sound as belonging to a song sparrow.

When this young bird heard the sound, he flew onto the deck, sat on a stake, and began to sing. From then on, he would appear and sing away each day I was there. Eventually, he would land on my feet, knees, arms, shoulders, and finally, my head. There was seldom a day that I did not see him at least once. We became friends.

Finally, I left the Northwest. I introduced Birdy Boy to the homeowners, and although not as frequently, he would come and visit with Jim and Sandy. Fast-forward to June of the following year, 2022. I returned to the Northwest and returned to my favorite house-sitting gig. Upon my arrival, Birdy Boy was waiting for me. Our relationship changed that summer as he had a family to raise, yet we remained friends.

It has been two years since I visited Whidbey Island. I returned to the house four days ago to see my friends Jim and Sandy. I was looking forward to this visit.

I did not expect to see Birdy Boy on this visit. It has been two years since our last meeting, and he is a wild bird. I knew that the owners had seen him from time to time. Upon my arrival, the three of us sat on the deck. Guess who was there? Birdy Boy! He flew in and greeted Sandy and Jim, sitting on their feet.

It wasn’t until I was alone on the deck that he came to me, sitting on my feet, knees, hands, shoulder, and arms. He is gradually trying out the head. He sings, chips, and tinks, telling me his stories of the past two years.

I notice more song sparrows in the yard now and wonder if these might be his offspring. There is so much I don’t know about the birdy world.

I do know that Birdy Boy is my friend. As I sit on the deck and type this post, Birdy Boy is perched on the computer screen. Once in a while, he sings a tune and settles in again. He is the most delightful of birds. I am honored that he chose me and my friends to be comfortable enough to become part of our world. I also am glad that he remains a wild and free song sparrow.

When I leave today, I will feel a tug on my heart to stay. I have had a wonderful visit with Sandy and Jim. I love being back on Whidbey Island. I have had a wonderful visit with Birdy Boy. When I leave my friends, I always feel a tug on my heart to stay and bask in the warmth of my friendships, human or otherwise.

And…I remain convinced that I will never look at a little brown bird without remembering with love, Birdy Boy. Each little brown bird will remain individual and unique.

Today, I am thankful for friendships, human and otherwise. Today, I am grateful for Sandy and Jim. Today and always, I am thankful for Birdy Boy, the little song sparrow who continues to bless my life.

Today, I am Thankful.

Cross-Border Kindness: My RV Journey Discovery

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Kindness” is a type of behavior marked by acts of generosity, consideration, rendering assistance, or concern for others, without expecting praise or reward in return.”

Spending time with friends is essential to me. Friends can be people I know or meet along my journey with EmmyLou (my RV) and people already in my life.

Recently, I spent time with a friend, and we talked about the kindness of people. She stated that people in Canada were kinder than in the United States. I believe that kindness crosses borders without thought of the country.

I believe that people are inherently kind. When I have needed help, invariably, someone has come to my aid. I have had help from strangers, fellow RV’ers, and from friends. I have never felt alone and helpless because someone has always offered me help, a place to stay, a shower, company, sometimes a voice at the other end of the phone, and so much more.

I know there is always an example that can show how people are kind or unkind, helpful or unhelpful. Yet, I believe most people worldwide are inherently kind and want to help and befriend others in their time of need.

Early on this RV journey, just as I went full time, I made a stupid mistake and drove when I was tired. I drove over a boulder in a Box Store Parking lot, and when I backed off, I pulled my front fender off. I do not handle this kind of situation well. Thanks to my good Roadside Assistance plan, they could send a mechanic to help. While this person was arriving, a couple in a BIG RV came over, and with everyone’s assistance, the bumper was secured to the rig. The next step was to get it fixed. Enter a stranger with a Roadtrek (the RV brand). When she found out where I needed to go to get the front end fixed (her hometown), she offered me a place to stay for the week and picked me up from the dealership. Mary and I have become strong and good friends since then. 

Not all my experiences have been that dramatic, but time and again, I have encountered the kindness of strangers and friends. We might not share similar beliefs or ways of life, but we all share the willingness to help, offer compassion, and be kind.

Kindness does not come without some preparation in one’s life. As I was researching for this post, I found the information below, and it made me pause and think about how I can learn to be kind and encourage others to be kind.

“How to Be Kind: 6 Ways to Be Kind”

Written by MasterClass

“Focusing on kindness can help make you a better person, encouraging you to be more generous and patient with the people around you. Here are a few tips for how to be kind in your life.

Give others the benefit of the doubt. Judging people and situations prematurely without having all the facts is easy. Remember that other people can go through difficult times just like you. If someone mistreats you or ignores you, there may be a hard battle in their life that’s making it more difficult to be kind, whether it’s a mental health challenge or a bad day. Be kind by giving them the benefit of the doubt rather than jumping to conclusions and getting upset.” Oooh, this is an essential thing for me to remember.

“Identify your biases. Sometimes, you may have unconscious obstacles to your empathy that prevent you from practicing unbiased, true kindness. Think about the small decisions you make and whether you may have prejudices. Consider taking an unconscious bias course to learn how to overcome these biases so you can be kind to everyone—regardless of gender, race, sexual orientation, ability, or other characteristics. 

Practice gratitude. Kindness can stem from the feeling that you have enough of what you need—tangible items (like food or income) or intangible things (like respect or love). To help yourself become a kinder person, regularly practice gratitude to remind yourself of all the good stuff you have.” And this leads to Self-Compassion.

 “Start with self-compassion. Being kind to everyone in your life includes being kind to yourself. Remember to prioritize your physical and emotional well-being and employ the same kindness techniques on yourself for friends, family members, loved ones, and others. Your self-care tactics may include complimenting yourself to boost your self-esteem, treating yourself to an activity you enjoy, or encouraging yourself to take time each day to relax and unwind. 

Think about how others want to feel. The “golden rule”—you should treat others the way you want others to treat you—is a great place to start when performing kind acts. However, a valuable variation can help increase the effectiveness: think about what others ask for and treat them the way they want. Everyone has different preferences and love languages, and sometimes, what they wish to differ from what you would like in the same situation. To spread kindness, make a conscious decision to meet their needs. For example, if you know your partner prefers acts of service over gifts, try to perform a small service (like offering to clean up) rather than giving presents, even if you prefer to receive gifts.

Try random acts of kindness. Random acts of kindness are the good deeds you do without prompting or expecting something in return. These can be simple acts that help people in small ways. For example, you may let a stranger ahead of you in the grocery store checkout, pay for someone’s cup of coffee, bake brownies for a struggling friend, reach out to someone who seems lonely, or send a kind note to your coworker’s inbox. Small acts of kindness are a simple way to remind others they deserve love, and they can encourage others to do the same for the people around them, generating a far-reaching positive impact.”

Whenever I experience kindness from people, I want to put myself out more for others. Maybe that is the benefit of empathy and compassion. We experience it, which encourages us to reach out to others and learn more about compassionate understanding.

Today, I am thankful for all those moments of kindness and support from others. Today, I am grateful for this cross-border experience. Today, I am thankful to allow contemplation on such a rich, deep topic.

Today I am thankful.

Exploring Washington State: Nature, Friends, Growth and Adventure

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I have been traveling in Washington state since the end of May. It is still chilly here. The sun is now out more than it rains and the daylight hours are extensive. Sunset is close to 10 pm.

Friends

I have been in the country, on the lower end of the Olympic Peninsula, and in Seattle. Wild things draw me to the wild places. Friends draw me to the city. Once I am in the city, I discover there are delightfully wild places to keep this nature-loving lady happy. I am happy to visit with good friends, and I am happy to launch my kayak or take a bike ride and discover the wildness within the city boundaries.

This year, I have decided to visit places I have never been before. I took a ferry to the lovely island of Guemes. This is a residential island except for vacation rentals, artists’ studios, the Guemes Island General Store, and the Ferry.

I camped in a field. My neighbor was a beautiful paint horse, a few deer, and, of course, birds. I walked, biked, and visited this little island. I found a community labyrinth among the pines, attended the Strawberry Ice Cream Social, and stopped at the General Store.

Hanging on the wall of the general store was a poster, “How to Build Community.” I stopped and read it.

Loneliness is something I contend with at times, living this lifestyle. I love visiting with my friends and chatting with new people, yet much of my life is spent alone.

Reading this poster challenged me to pick one topic and attempt to include it in my day, every day.

I particularly like the statement “look up.” Like many of us, I look down at my phone often, more often than I should, more often than I think is healthy. Today, as I was returning from a hike, I saw a lovely young woman walking on the beach. I looked up and said hello. We spoke for a few moments and shared the treasures we had found. And just like that, my day became richer for this brief encounter.

One positive experience makes me willing to try something else on this list. Which one are you willing to try?

Today I am thankful for my sense of adventure. Today I am thankful for posters that catch my eye and just like that, help me to grow. Today I am thankful.

The Power of True Friendship

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As people, we all want to know that we are cared about by someone, family, friends, co-workers, and even strangers. It is what keeps me going when things are not going well. It is good to know someone cares about me and has my back.

This has become even more important since Jim (my husband) died over 11 years ago; when my life was thrown into total upheaval and turmoil, it was good to know that my friends, family, and strangers cared about me. It wasn’t that they asked how I was doing. That is such a loaded question. They included me in dinners and activities, usually one-on-one. We played games on the back deck. We went to dinner and the movies. We took walks on the beach or in the hills. We would take my RV to the bay and have dinner.

After moving into my RV, EmmyLou, I met many lovely and wonderful people. I have friends, not just acquaintances, all over this big North American Continent. We meet up and visit in the mountains, deserts, and the west coast. We catch up and strengthen our friendship bond. Some of us have been on overseas adventures together.

Lately, my friends have been reminding me how well they know me. It feels good to know that they think of me in so many tiny ways. Sandy and Pat remembered that I don’t like ham or lima beans; Mary knows the same thing. Other friends remember I cannot eat cheese, so they create meals that keep me feeling included and part of our community of friends. They encourage me to be more.

Melissa drove me around Seattle and showed me where her sister lives in a progressive care community. She finished it by saying it was only about a mile from her home. I am not ready to change my lifestyle, yet it reminds me that someone cares about me and would want me to live close to them and be a part of their lives.

Yes, we all slip up from time to time. We say the wrong thing and forget to show how we value others. Sometimes I forget to say thank you. More often, I remember. Friendships are not perfect; they are evolving and growing.

A part of my heart delights in these remembrances of inclusion. It tells me in the smallest of ways that I am cared about and supported. My friends know me. We laugh about our idiosyncrasies and joke kind-heartedly about each other. It is part of the joy of friendship. My friends have my back, and I have theirs.

Today, I am thankful for every friend and person I know. I am grateful for how they enrich my life. I am thankful for their support, no matter the distance and time.

Today I am Thankful.

Alaska Out – Pacific Northwest & Canada In

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LIFE IS WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU WHILE YOU’RE BUSY MAKING OTHER PLANS

You may remember I had plans to travel to Alaska this summer. I started to plan and tell my friends, family, and those who follow my blog that I was heading out on another journey. Alaska, here I come.

Things have changed. I have had some minor health issues this past late winter. It has made me ponder the wisdom of adventuring off into the backcountry, where access to health care may be a bit more limited.

After much pondering, I decided that I needed to make a decision. Decisions can always be changed, yet if I am going to plan my spring and summer, a decision needs to be made.

Those who know me know that I am not the best decision-maker. I hate to commit. I mean, what if something better came along? I want to somewhat firm up my spring and summer, so I am developing an alternative plan.

What am I going to do instead? I decided to explore the Northwestern part of the United States and venture into British Columbia. It is an change for me, and I am now adjusting to changing plans. It is not as easy as it sounds. Even if I have a vague plan, I am more comfortable with it than with no plan at all.

My friends are chiming in. I am so thankful for them. Some want to visit from further away. My friend, Leslie, from Alaska, may join me at a British Columbia retreat center workshop in July. I have been invited to fly to Anchorage to join her adventures. A good friend from Chicago may be coming to meet up with me in June. And then there are the local Northwest friends who will join up with me from time to time. It is so good to feel wanted and loved. I really do enjoy traveling with others. It feels good to discuss the day’s adventures with someone.

I have been in Oregon and now Washington for the past few weeks. I needed to get some work done on EmmyLou. That took me to Edmonds, WA. I love being back near Puget Sound after a two-year absence.

Currently, I am returning to Oregon. My Medford friend and I are planning some birding and hiking adventures. It is time to explore more of Oregon. With Mary as my guide, I will have a readily available resource for all things Oregon.

As the weather warms up I will be back in Washington and British Columbia for the summer. It is time to research on the fly and get my exploration cap on.

Please join me if you will. I definitely will be attempting to find the extraordinary in my every day travels. And of course there will be the photos.

Today I am thankful. Thankful for friends who love and support me. Thankful for this big wide open country that offers a chance to explore. Thankful for my health.

Today I am Thankful.

The Best Laid Plans….

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You know how you make a plan that seems set, and then bam… something happens, and everything changes? Here I am, not even out of California, and things have changed. Sigh.

Santa Barbara

My friend Tina and I had a wonderful five days exploring Santa Barbara and Carpenteria. It was casual and relaxing, just what I needed, and I hope she enjoyed it, too.

Tina headed south on the bus/train on April 1, and I headed north. Something was not right with me. I had been feeling off for about five days, just a little, and it was easy to ignore or put it aside.

Lavender Fields at Sunset

I gave up after spending a lovely night at Hambly Lavender Farm in the Central California Coastal area. I decided to see a doctor to find out what was happening physically.

I called a Roadtrek friend in Salinas, CA. You might remember my adventures with Woody the Cat. I have house-sat for Mandy, Woody, and Rocky, the dog, a few times over the past few years. I wanted someone to love me a little and listen to me. I did not want to be alone.

I am in Salinas through the weekend, at least. I am now on antibiotics for an infection, and I get to rest, relax, and enjoy everyone’s company. I also have a soft big bed in which to sleep.

I have had problems with infections this winter, and I thought they had resolved, but they have not yet. Hopefully, this will work, and I can continue north. If not, I will decide what I am doing and when, on the fly. Plans might be changing for the summer. Stay tuned.

Sleeping in the Lavender Fields

I have often said that my RV, EmmyLou, saved my life after Jim’s death. My first trip, less than a year after he died, was a lifesaver. Everyone was waiting to greet me with open arms. I was loved, pampered, and more.

Traveling, seeing amazing and unique places, and meeting interesting and delightful people have been an experience. Meeting people and becoming friends with them is definitely the part of this experience that saved me when I needed it most.

These people are not just Roadtrek friends; I have become friends with diverse people. I feel so honored to call them my friends. We travel together. I visit them in their homes, house-sit for them, we meet in the desert in the winter, along the Oregon Coast in the summer, kayak together, go to Mexico, and more. My life has become richer and fuller due to these friendships. I have been reading quotes recently about the need for people to find their tribe. My RV’ing buddies are definitely part of my tribe, and I am so honored to have each and everyone in my life. I treasure these Heartfelt friendships.

This is the latest update. Travel is temporarily on hold. I am resting and enjoying an extended visit with Mandy. It is good to catch up. I get to take Rocky for walks. It gets me out and keeps me active on these rainy days. Woody snuggles in the evening. What more could I ask for? Well, I could ask to be well. I am working on that.

Meanwhile, I am thankful for so much today. I am thankful for the Nurse Practitioner who was kind and helpful this morning. I am thankful for the good medical care in this country. I am thankful for my Tribe—you know who you are. On a cold, rainy, and hail-kind-of day, I am thankful for Mandy, who has taken me in, loved me, and given me a big, comfy bed to sleep in.

Today, I am Thankful for Just About Everything.

GETTING READY…..

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I have spent the whole winter, five months, in San Diego. This is an unusual event for me. Usually, I arrive in the fall and head for the desert in January.

This year, I changed it and chose to stay in “the City,” so I could be close by to help a good friend, Tina. Her husband and partner of over forty years died in early December. I have decided that even if it is at times difficult for me, I want to help those I care about, through the initial phases of grief. Grief is such a personal journey, and it can be a very lonely one as well. I don’t want those I know to tackle it alone.

It has been an interesting experience for me. I have confronted some long-standing issues of my own grieving process in helping to support Tina. I also recognize how far I have come. It has been a healing and growing experience, and I am so glad I stayed to offer support. We have developed a strong and hopefully lasting friendship.

I left my home by the bay in early March. I am housesitting for a friend who is traveling in Mexico. I have this beautiful, large home to enjoy. I was here about five years ago; at the previous stay, they had chickens, but not now. It feels like a retreat, and I am blessed.

I am getting ready to travel, and at the end of this month, I drive north to Washington State to visit friends before meeting my traveling peeps for the summer. Where am I going? I am going to Alaska. This is a trip I have wanted to do since I bought EmmyLou, my tiny home on wheels. I know things can change. Hopefully, this is the year.

I will meet up with two others and their canine companions in Canada, and together, we will loosely caravan to the forty-ninth state. When venturing into the wild country, having a few others with whom to travel feels good. I hope we will become friends along the way.

The van is getting the Mercedes once over so that the engine and all things Mercedes are in shape and ready to go. The next step will be a five-day stop in Santa Barbara, California, so EmmyLou can visit the RV doctor and get her and my house in order.

My friend Tina will be traveling with me to Santa Barbara. This trip will be about people in small doses, followed by much-needed time alone.

Alcan Highway

I meet my Alaska-bound traveling companions at Banff National Park, Alberta, Canada. Then, the adventure begins. Traveling the TransLabrador Highway last year has given me the confidence to try Alaska. My rig was in good shape, and she sailed through the week in the backcountry. This year will be less stressful as I will have people to fall back on most of the time. As I said, this will be a loose caravan. Nobody is tied to the other people. My kind of trip.

Alaska means so many things to me. Adventure, Wildlife, Friends (in Anchorage and Juneau), and more. I am ready to get into exploring mode.

After five months of stability, I am ready to put my foot on the pedal and find new places to explore and meet new people. Please come along for the adventure. It will be fun; my camera will be working overtime to capture this adventure.

Come along for the ride. You are always welcome.

Today, I am thankful for my adventurous spirit.

The 2023 Roadtrip-Revisited

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In the winter of 2023, I decided to visit family and friends in my tiny home on wheels, EmmyLou. At the end of March, we packed it up, departed from near Santa Barbara, California, and began to meander east, stopping to visit friends, see places I had never seen before, and visit favorite places from past travels.

Adventure

An undertaking usually involves danger and unknown risks. The encountering of risk. An exciting or remarkable experience.

It began as a trip and became an adventure. I had plans, loose plans, but plans nonetheless. I was visiting my friends in Florida, my sisters and nieces, and other East Coast friends. I knew I was heading to the Canadian Maritimes, Nova Scotia, and Newfoundland before pointing the rig due west again.

When did it become an adventure? It became an adventure when the unexpected showed up, and my direction changed. It became an adventure when I left the rig for two weeks and departed to the Amazon with friends for an amazing journey on the rivers of Brazil.

The adventure continued when I changed plans to Nova Scotia when an opportunity presented itself. I went to the north shore of the Gulf of St Lawrence in the Province of Quebec to photograph North Atlantic Puffins in a workshop with Christopher Dodds, a professional wildlife photographer. I did not expect to explore the national parks in New Brunswick on my way north. It was a fantastic adventure finding myself in unknown lands.

Thanks to Christopher’s suggestion, I continued north and east on the TransLabrador Highway into remote lands for a week. Along the way, I saw so much and met nice people, locally and others like me, who were passing through. It was well worth the effort to decide to head into the unknown.

I spent a month on “The Rock” (Newfoundland), exploring all the byways and seeing many exciting things. The locals were always so kind and helpful. The traffic was never in a hurry, and people were courteous. One day, I got stuck in soft rock, and the first truck that came by stopped and helped me dig out of an unpleasant situation. I just never learned.

My favorite part of Newfoundland was all the free and amazing campsites everywhere I went. The beauty was profound. The birds were amazing, and I got to photograph round two of the Puffins in Elliston, NL.

My adventure continued, and I traveled again through the province of Quebec to the United States. I began to head west, meeting with family and more friends. I took time to explore caves in Ohio and Illinois before arriving to spend a week on The Great River Road on the Mississippi River.

As fall arrived, I knew bird migration was starting, and it was time to go in search of the Sandhill Cranes. First, I arrived at the Bosque del Apache in New Mexico. My most noted part of this three-day visit was the women I met, with whom I connected immediately. It is fun to meet independent, like-minded artists and photographers.

Following the Cranes, I moved southwest to the Whitewater Draw in southern Arizona. When I arrived, there were a few cranes, snow geese, and waterbirds. After camping for two nights, I drove north to Wilcox, AZ, and met the cranes. As I took photos of other waterbirds, I heard the familiar cry; the cranes started arriving. I left an hour later, as the abandoned lakes filled with the Sandhill Cranes. It was hard to leave. It is a fantastic experience to sit amid all this nature and become a part of it.

After visiting with friends in Tucson and kayaking with more friends on the Colorado River, I arrived back in southern California, where this all began. I have been editing a slideshow ever since. Today, I finally decided that I was done editing and ready to share some highlights of my wonderful adventure in North America.

The spring, summer, and fall came to an end. I finished where I started. I saw many amazing things, loved my family, and received theirs back. It was good to catch up. Along the way I met wonderful people who took me in or enjoyed nature with me. It was a great adventure.

Now, I invite you to join me in my adventure. If you click on the video link above, you will see an eighteen-minute video that only touches on the wonders I explored on the Great 2023 Road trip. Enjoy.

Grief Revisited

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As some of you may know, I chose to extend my stay in San Diego this winter to help a friend through the initial stages of grief after the loss of her husband and love in early December.

From childhood to adulthood, we are taught about life. We go to school to learn how to succeed and become fully functioning adults in what is sometimes a crazy yet wonderful world. I was taught by parents, peers, teachers, the church, animals, and more. And succeed, I did.

This world does not teach us about fear, loss, and change. It doesn’t teach us about grief and its impact on the individual. When it appears in our lives, we must learn on the fly, struggling to stay upright and functioning while dealing with emotional blow after blow.

It doesn’t necessarily have to be death. It can appear in many guises: divorce, loss of a job, or a move to another area of the country away from family, friends, and support. Try the diagnosis of cancer. I have been there twice. It can be something catastrophic like 9/11 or a tornado, hurricane, or any other natural disaster. No one event, small or large, defines grief.

Losing a partner is grief like no other. Everything I expected for the rest of my life came to a halt. Where was Jim? He was supposed to be next to me until we got old. What was I supposed to do with my life now? How could I recreate myself again while I was dealing with such profound loss? And….where was Jim, someone who made me feel unique, worthy, beautiful, and so much more?

If we survive long enough, we all will meet up with grief and loss and the emotional storm it creates in each one of us.

Everyone handles grief differently, every single person. Grief is a personal journey. Some will tackle it by planning and proceeding like nothing has happened. Others need time to cry, feel sad, and separate from the rest of the world. Others will retreat inside, feeling safe in the memories and loss. And many of us are somewhere in the above mix.

Grief has been the most potent teacher I have ever had. It has woken me up and shut me down. How can that happen at the same time? I don’t know. It has allowed me to be in the moment, not see the future or the past. Being present in the moment is something I tried to achieve in my every day life, yet I never truly discovered it until the last days of Jim’s life and his death. All of it made me feel more alive than I have ever felt. How could that be when I was watching my Jim move through the last moments of his life? How could that be when I was going through some of the worst times of my life? I honestly don’t know.

How does one go about supporting others through grief? It is hard to tackle when we know little about the heart’s workings. We see our friends or family members struggling, which is sometimes hard to understand. Why doesn’t she want to go out with her friends? Why is she still crying? Why is she not able to get on with life? It has been three months, a year, or more. Why isn’t she back to “normal.” Why, why, why? There is no timeline, and there is no “normal.”

I struggle to figure out what normal is now. I am eleven years out from the loss of Jim, and mostly, I am doing fine, yet every once in a while, something triggers my grief, and it might as well have happened yesterday. Go figure.

I have read a lot about grief. I have listened to podcasts about grief. I can suggest this podcast, All There Is, by Anderson Cooper. I have written about grief. I am still learning about grief. This will continue until the day I decide to step on over.

Being here for my friend has been a good teacher for me. I believe all any of us can do is support each other in this wild world. How can we support someone grieving, especially in the first year?

  • Be patient and be kind.
  • Don’t expect the person grieving to reach out to you to thank you for cards or plan to get together. Grief is so overwhelming that it is hard to plan.
  • Know that the person in grief may tire easily. There is so much to do physically in those first months. Lawyers, banks, insurance, and all that business stuff. Each task, no matter how small, can be overwhelming. I found I had little to no emotional reserves. One or two tasks would wear me out, and I would return home to watch mindless television, nap, or stare at the wall.
  • Call and let the person dealing with grief talk. Who cares if you hear the same stories more than once. Your ears are helping the other person to heal and not feel alone.
  • Everyone is on board for the first few months and tries their best to stay in touch, and then it peters off. Four months, six months, or a year out, a person dealing with loss can feel overwhelmingly alone. So stay in touch. I put send a card or call a person reminders on my calendar. It reminds me to think of others. And I love to send cards. It also gives me moments to think of my friends and ensure I continue reaching out. After all, all we have is each other.
  • Even if they say no, invite them to events and things you would usually invite them to. Knowing that the real world is waiting for them to rejoin it is a good reminder in the midst of grieving.. Don’t be offended or take it personally if they say no.
  • Sometimes, one-on-one time is better than a group, no matter how small. I still prefer small groups to large crowds. I have trained myself to enter larger groups now that I have been alone for so long.
  • Don’t expect the person to “talk about loss.” Sometimes, a person needs to go out for coffee or a walk on the beach and talk about the rest of the world. I enjoyed my friend Therese coming over with a Scrabble game and food and enjoying an afternoon on the back deck.
  • Know when enough is enough and take them home so they can nap.
  • Don’t be offended if your invitation is turned down. Know that that moment was not the right one. Internally, they appreciate your effort. And try again and again.
    • Continue to ask them what you can do for them and follow through. Always follow through.

This list could be longer, but I think you get the idea. The more you love someone in distress, the more you are inviting them to remember to come back out into the world when they are ready. Most importantly, it reminds them they are loved, worthy, and not alone.

Today, I am thankful. I am thankful for the opportunity my friend has given me to learn, grow, and become more human. Today, I am thankful she doesn’t have to be alone in these first months. Today, I am thankful for growing a friendship that I hope will continue for a long time to come. Today, I am thankful that grief has been a teacher of mine, even if I don’t want it to be present in my life.

Today, I am thankful.

Catching Up

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Happy New Year Friends!

Oooh, I know it has been too long since my last post when friends started to email or phone me to find out how I am doing. It makes me feel like I have not been faithful to updates and adventures.

I am still in San Diego. I am camped by Mission Bay and enjoying my mornings outside or inside my Roadtrek, EmmyLou. I also bike and kayak a little and visit friends. Each year, I arrive in November to have my medical and dental done, visit friends, and enjoy the days as it becomes colder and snowier in other parts of the United States.

First Update: So far, all my medical is looking good, and I am ready for another year. I am almost complete for another year. I am still waiting on the dental part of this picture. I have become very good at helping my dentist and others in his office enjoy their lifestyle. Come February, I will know if I have the all-clear with the dental part of this. Sigh.

Second Update: I have a favorite saying, first found on Ram Dass’s website; “We’re just walking each other home.” This year I have decided to remain in San Diego longer than usual. A friend of mine’s husband died in early December. She has very good friends and support within the local community. She has turned to me for support and companionship. I have something that many have not yet experienced: the loss of my heart, my husband Jim, who died over eleven years ago.

I consciously decided to stay around for a while to see her get back on her feet and face the world in this weird new role she has found herself in. Grief and loss is hard. Some days, it slaps one in the face, and others are softer and gentler.

But loss does not stop the world. I had so much to do that first year after Jim’s death. Lawyers, accountants, Social Security, Financial institutions, work, finding homes for his “stuff” and treasures, and more. I wish I had had someone to help me navigate all of this. My sister and a friend, Helen, arrived shortly after Jim’s death, which was very helpful. Once they left, I was on my own.

Diversion is helpful, and I think I am providing my friend with some helpful diversion and a shoulder to lean on. We talk, drink wine, and find things to do locally. Sometimes, crying is involved; other times, we laugh and talk. We share a love of books. Grief is not always about being sad. It encompasses the whole gambit of emotions. I am still learning to embrace all of them. 

This is what friendship is about. I also think that I am healing myself in this choice I have made.

Third Update: Christmas was quiet this year. I house-sat for my good friends, with whom I spent the first COVID year. They were out of town, and I had a real house. They have the best couch. It is one of my favorite pieces of furniture in the house. It sucks you right in and is so comfortable.

My good friend Pat and her family had me over for Christmas Day. It was a day of relaxation and the joy of being included. Sometimes I get tired of my own company, then it is good to have friends come to the rescue.

Pat, Tessa & Elepjhants

Fourth Update: A good friend from San Juan Island in Washington arrived a week ago in Long Beach, California. We decided to connect as it has been over a year since we have seen each other. For two wonderful days, we camped north of Laguna Beach in one of my favorite State Parks in southern California, Crystal Cove State Park. We walked the beach at an extremely low tide and talked. It was a good getaway, and catching up was so much fun. She owns a Roadtrek too.

Darn She Found Us Again!

Fifth Update: I am back at the park by the bay after caring for two kitties for a few days. I wish I could say that the kitties were fun and that they hung out with me, but I spent my two days lying on the floor, talking to them while they hid from me and giving them skritches when they would allow it. CATS!!!!!

People ask me what I am doing next. Honestly, I don’t know! Plans formulate slowly for me. I have a hard time planning most of my life. I am such a procrastinator. I know I will be heading for the desert soon, at least for a few days. Friends are arriving, and I must go visit. And the desert is so beautiful at this time of the year.

Until then, I am biking and kayaking, enjoying the bay and my friends. Today, I discovered that on Fridays, a group of people gather in the recreation hall and play music. Today there are at least fifteen. And…it is my kind of music. I could contradance to it. Sweet.

Today I am thankful for friendship and growth. Today I am thankful for Procrastination. Today I am Thankful.