Category Archives: Feeling Grateful

Saying Farewell to My Kymco Scooter, Sigh

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In 2006, Jim (my husband) and I bought a 150 cc Kymco Motor Scooter. Construction occurred at the college where he worked, and employees were asked to park off campus. If one had a motorcycle or scooter, they could continue to park at the college. And so we invested in this delightful little gray motorscooter.

K2 Kitty Resting

We took the motorcycle safety course, updated our licenses, and just like that, we had a new vehicle in the family. It was fun to ride. Even the cats enjoyed it, as long as it was parked.

Traveling in San Diego, a big city on the Southwest border of the United States, became an adventure. We never took it on the freeway, worried about cars, trucks, and the drivers. It was mostly used locally in Santee, where we lived. Every once in a while, I would take it on longer trips into areas of the city for dental or doctor appointments. I would have to allow double the time to get to my destination as I planned how to get from point A to point B without getting on the freeway. Taking the backroads gave me the opportunity to explore new areas of this big city.

Jim on our new Scooter

After Jim’s death, I kept the scooter. I really liked riding it. When traveling, it would reside in my storage unit, hooked up to a trickle charger, and wait for my return. It gave me another way to navigate the city. I could safely leave my rig at the campground and head out on the scooter. It was definitely easier to park.

Last year I had an accident on it. I hurt my leg, which healed in no time. I became cautious about the scooter and a little hesitant to ride it. I began to think of selling it. Last year, on my return to San Diego, I thought about selling it but was not ready.

Even after all these years, I still have an emotional attachment to things I shared with Jim. And so it is with the scooter.

I decided to try again this year, and I succeeded. I advertised it on OfferUp, and surprisingly, there was a lot of interest. I met Alonso, who was willing to work with me to buy the scooter. A week ago, he came to my storage unit, looked at the scooter, and took it for a ride.

I knew instantly this was the person to become the new owner of this sweet gray scooter. We talked. He wanted to do the whole transfer process legitimately. Finally, we closed the deal. This past Saturday, Alonso and I met at the DMV office at AAA of Southern California. It was a wait of about two hours. With everything complete, it was time to bid farewell to the scooter.

Alonso and His New Scooter

Almost everything that was part of “our” life has been rehomed. Each item has a story to tell about the item, about Jim and me. Each time I meet someone who has bought an item, it becomes a new story. And so it is with Alonso and the scooter.

Alonso was excited to have a Kymco scooter. He used to own one and was excited to find another one. I was excited because he appeared genuine in his interest.

When Alonso departed, he had full motorcycle gear on. That also made me happy. It is a tough world out there on the streets of San Diego when you are on a motorcycle or scooter. He texted me when he arrived home. Yay.

Although a bit wistful, my heart feels joy, knowing that this scooter’s life will go on with a good and true new owner.

Today, I am thankful for all the years Jim and I had this scooter in our lives. Today I am thankful for Alonso who is the proud new owner of a much loved scooter.

Today, I am thankful.

Holding My Breath Time of the Year

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“There is nothing more essential to our health and well-being than breathing: take air in, let it out, repeat 25,000 times a day. “

Breathe

To inhale and exhale air: breathe deeply now; to be alive; to whisper: Don’t breathe a word of this to your mother.

To be alive; live: A nicer person has never breathed.

To pause to rest or regain breath: Give me a moment to breathe.

Breathe Easily/Easy/Freely

To be relaxed or relieved, especially after a period of tension.


Every fall, I arrive back in San Diego to visit my friends, enjoy a warm early winter, and get all my medical appointments and dental work done for the year. It is a mix of joy, seeing friends I haven’t seen since last year and getting all my appointments lined up.

This is a Hold My Breath Time of Year.

I have had cancer twice. Twelve years ago, I had breast cancer, a rare (not always a welcome word) form of cancer. After a lumpectomy and treatment with radiation, I was finished treatment. That was followed by a five-year treatment plan, taking a pill every day. Suppression is key. Although I was never told I was cancer-free, I have had “no evidence of disease” now for eleven years.

In 2019, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I had surgery to remove my thyroid and then received treatment with radioactive iodine. Thyroxine is taking over the function of the thyroid in a dose to suppress any thyroid tissue growth.

And then there is the dentist. I don’t have the best teeth and gums in the world. It is somewhat hereditary. If I ever go to the dentist and get good news, I become suspicious that something was overlooked. Sigh.

Every year, when the appointments begin, I metaphorically “hold my breath.” I wait for the tests and the results to come pouring in.

Two weeks ago, I had my thyroid labs done and had a visit with the endocrinologist. Everything looks good. I let out my breath a little.

Today, my annual mammogram was done. A little more breath was released. Now I wait. Each day without a phone call means that my mammogram is normal. Each day, I exhale a bit more and inhale more deeply. The final exhale will arrive when I read the results of the mammogram and am told I am good for another year.

Then there is the dentist. Oh my, the dentist. I am not free and clear here. Surgery is looming this winter. Sigh. After two deep cleanings, I need to wait for a month and a half to see how this treatment worked. I don’t hold my breath for the dentist. I am used to bad news from this quarter. I also know that the treatments are not life-threatening. Bad diagnoses are normal, and when I am given good news, I don’t know that I trust the results. Once the news, bad or good, is given, a little more release of breath occurs.

Finally, I return to breathing normally, whatever that means. I can release and let go for another year. My anxiety settles, and I can resume breathing in and out, fully and deeply.

Breath is to yoga what water is to a fish: essential for movement and life force. Consider this Sanskrit proverb: “For breath is life, and if you breathe well, you will live long on earth.”

Taking five minutes out of my day to practice yogic breathing helps to decrease my stress and anxiety while waiting for appointments and test results. As each year passes, it becomes easier for me to remember to breathe and relax most of the time. The further I get from the C word, the easier it is to find calm in chaos.

Today, I am thankful for being in a country with good medicine and good people working in the medical field. Their warm greetings help allay my free-floating anxiety.

Today, I am thankful for all the years of yogic practice that have given me the simple and valuable tool of breath.

Today, I am thankful for Breathing.

Returning & Writing From the Heart

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I have been attempting to be creative with my blog without success. When I first started this page I promised myself to write from the heart. When I get stuck trying to write I recognize that I have gotten off track. And here I am once again having to remind myself to go back to what I promised myself at the very beginning of this blog. Be honest and listen to my heart.

I am in San Diego. After an amazing trip across the country and into the Maritimes of Eastern Canada, I have returned to the West Coast. It is time to take a deep breath and dive into being in a large city, and getting all my medical and dental appointments in order.

This is a hold-my-breath time of the year. I hold my breath until my thyroid labs come back. They are good. I hold my breath until my mammogram results come back. I am still waiting. I hold my breath until all my dental appointments are complete. One is complete and it is good. I still have another one to go.

Why do I hold my breath? I don’t want any more untoward diagnoses. I want to be healthy and go on about my usually adventurous life. Determining my winter plans depends on the results of these tests and treatments. Do I have to stay in the city? Can I go to the desert or Mexico? How much time do I really need to be in the heart of the city?

It is not that I dislike the city. It is just a bit overwhelming when the largest city I have been in over the past eight months was St Johns, NL. People drive faster here. People move faster. I have gotten used to the kindness of drivers in Labrador and Newfoundland. I like the slower pace, and the joy of enjoying each moment.

I want to enjoy my time here and access what is available in this pretty city. I have access to nature the whole time I am here. I can bike and kayak and walk around the two bays. It is right at my door. I don’t even have to take my rig anywhere. That is pretty sweet.

When I first arrived I admit to feeling a bit overwhelmed. One day I would linger at the campground or go over to the bay. The next day I would leave to run errands and remind myself of a city that I called home for thirty years.

Star of India

The first weekend I was here I made my way to the San Diego Bay waterfront. I stayed until sunset to watch the Star of India, The Californian, The Bill of Rights, San Salvador, and the visiting Historic Voyaging Canoe Hōkūleʻa arrive back into the harbor. The Star of India is the Flagship of one of the best Maritime Museums I have ever been to, right here in San Diego. It was the first time in five years that Star unfurled her sails and went to sea. It was fun to gather with others who were there to watch all these ships return from a glorious day on the water.

The heart of the Park.

A few days ago I joined a dear friend for lunch and a walk in Balboa Park. The park is another major attraction in this city. When I could still dance I was usually there at least once a week. All the locals have access to the park. It is not unusual on any given night to walk into buildings hear music and watch all types of dancing being enjoyed by the local San Diegans. Folk Dance, Ballet, Modern, Tap, and Jazz may be in the same building. It is fun to watch people enjoy themselves. During the day it is fun to wander the park and explore its many walkways.

Balboa Park is also home to the world-famous San Diego Zoo. I have not been there yet but I am waiting for another good friend, Cynthia to set a date to meander the zoo.

Even in the middle of the eighth largest city in the USA, I can still find many things to do outdoors. Bird watching? Check. Hiking? Check. Biking? Check. Kayaking? Check. Watching amazing Sunsets? Check.

Sunset on Mission Bay

How else do I plan to enjoy my time here? I haven’t mentioned friends yet. Slowly I am connecting with my long-time friends and some new ones as well. I want to enjoy at least one theater performance and one dance performance while I have access to them. However, I saw a great musical performance in the middle of Newfoundland at a Visitor’s Center in a wildlife refuge in the middle of nowhere. You just never know.

I will return to my seven-month sojourn. I am still editing photos and creating a map and a slide show. Stay Tuned.

Caving in Illinois

Today I am thankful for the wild country and the city. I am thankful for being able to bring the outdoors with me into the heart of a large city. I am thankful for all the big city has to offer. I am thankful for friends to share my urban adventures.

Today I am Thankful.

The River-A Cell Phones Nemesis

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In 2015 I stepped into the smartphone world. Since I already had other Apple products, it seemed like a natural progression to continue with another product. I purchased an iPhone 6 and began my education in Smartphone technology.

I love adventure. I like to explore parts of my world that are sometimes hard to get to. I love the Southwest. I really like Zion National Park. I am so fortunate to have good friends that live outside the park. There is a section of the park called the Subway. From the top down one needs ropes and knowledge that there is rappeling into cold river water, more than once.

The Subway from the Bottom Up

One can also hike the Subway from the bottom up. This trail also presents its own set of challenges. There really is no trail, it is a set of social trails that progresses down a steep slope to the river. Then you follow the river for three miles to arrive at the beginning of the subway. It is not an easy hike. It is a great visual hike.

In 2017 I hiked the Subway from the bottom up. I just arrived at the Subway part of the hike, when I fell off a log into the river along with my day pack that held my iPhone 6. Oh no, what was I to do. The phone was wet and I was a long way from help. I dried the phone off the best I could and continued with my hike. Nine hours later I returned to my friends exhausted and happy. I took my phone apart, yep you could do that, and dried it out. The next day it worked although it had developed a dark side. The right upper side of the phone was black, it worked and so I kept it for a few more years until the dark side began to cover more of the screen. I decided to upgrade to an iPhone 8.

I was happily using my new phone with no issues until…..I met another River. 2021-I was kayaking on the Provo River near Utah Lake in the state of Utah. It is a very silty river and a beautiful place to kayak. I stopped to fix something on my kayak and before I could stop it my phone in its waterproof container disappeared into the river. That river is definitely deeper than it looked. I tried for over an hour to rescue my iPhone 8 without success. Each time I tried to reach it with my kayak paddle the silt would stir up and I would lose sight of it. Other kayakers tried their hand at rescuing it, without success. I had to admit defeat and off I went to the Verizon Store to ask for help. I also called a good friend, Melissa, to mourn my loss. It is good to have friends.

First Photo from my iPhone 12

My iPhone 12 stayed with me until two weeks ago when I met another river up close and personal. On my current trip to the east coast of the United States, I spent three weeks with friends in Florida. We camped and biked and kayaked on the rivers and springs of northern Florida. The last river was the Juniper River. It was a quick, shallow river through a beautiful area. There were alligators, one giant one, and one rapid.

As you may know, I am a photographer. After I am safely on the water I often take my cell phone out of its waterproof case so I can take photos. After successfully managing the rapid, I got caught in an eddy. As I tried to push off the kayak tipped and there went cell phone number three. I got wet, it got wet and the kayak had its first experience of flipping. I worried about my cell phone. My friend Missy was concerned about my camera that was safely inside a dry bag. I kept thinking about that giant alligator up the river. Needless to say, I got out of that river in record time.

Initially, the phone worked fine and I thought all was good. The next morning the phone would not wake up. Oh sigh. Once again the river won. I am now an owner of an iPhone 14.

First Photo on the iPhone 14

When one does not lead a dull life these things happen. When one leads any kind of life these things happen. I feel personally responsible for my phone so I have mourned the passing of each one. I have to talk myself out of deciding I am a bad phone owner and recognize that these things happen not just to me but to many others as well. I am sure we all have phone stories to tell.

In three weeks I am flying to the Amazon in Brazil for two weeks. Oh no, another river! A mighty river. Hopefully, I will be able to keep hold of my new phone so the river does not take it away. No matter what me and my phone will venture south to enjoy an adventure on the Amazon.

Today I am grateful for coming clean and admitting to my cell phone debacle. I have always wanted to be truthful in these blog posts. I want to show my humanity. Today I am grateful for truth and for revealing my humanness.

Today I am grateful.

Adventures Heading South

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Sunset in San Diego

Every year in November I return to San Diego to get my annual medical and dental appointments done. I come south to visit friends and escape winter. I usually don’t travel directly to the city. I meander my way from wherever I have been.

I find it hard to be in large cities. Since I bought my Roadtrek and went full-time RV’ing, I have embraced rural and small-town living. I like the slower pace. I like the quick access to the outdoors. I would rather walk, kayak, or cycle than take too much time to get to my starting point. I like the sense of community that small towns and the rural countryside offers. People look out for each other. We help each other out. I don’t have to be alone unless I choose that option.

I have to prepare myself for the entrance into the city. This year after I left The North Rim of the Grand Canyon, White Pocket and southern Utah I headed south to Phoenix. If I want to practice being in a larger metropolitan area this city is a good one to approach. Phoenix is the fifth largest metropolitan area in the United States. I have two good friends that live in towns on either side of Phoenix.

Superstition Mts. from my Campsite

Apache Junction and Mary are on the east side of Phoenix. The Superstition Mountains and the Lower Salt River are within twenty minutes of Mary’s doorstep. I camped at the Lost Dutchman State Park. This park sits at the foot of Flat Iron Peak. It is a popular hike for the locals.

At Mary’s suggestion, one morning I launched my Oru Kayak on the Lower Salt River and paddled downriver. Since I wasn’t sure how far I wanted to go, Mary and Roxie, her dog, would meet me at each pullout or launching site to see how I was doing. Happily, I made it the full ten miles. It was a beautiful and scenic ride down the river. The next time I am taking Mary with me.

I paddled by wild horses feasting on the eelgrass in the river. The Salt River wild horses roam the lower Salt River in the Tonto National Forest in Arizona. According to historical records, the horses have been living on the Salt River reservation before the National Forest was created in the early 1900s. The wild horses are watched over by the Salt River Wild Horse Management Group. They are protected and number approximately five hundred.

After three days of catching up with Mary and her animal menagerie, I drove to Goodyear to visit Yvonne. Goodyear is on the west side of Phoenix. Yvonne lives in a 55 and up community. This stay was more community-minded as Yvonne is very involved with the community where she lives. While I was there we went to a block party, a beer-tasting event, and more. The best part of visiting Yvonne is sitting in her hot tub every morning talking and planning the day. It is a good way to start the day.

After Phoenix, I decided I need to go rural for a few days before I arrived in San Diego. I spent two nights on the lower Colorado River, kayaking on Squaw Lake and the mighty river. It is quiet out in the desert right now. The Snowbirds are just starting to arrive. There were a handful of campers at the campsite. There were at least three Roadtreks there. After a day of kayaking, it was nice to sit outside with my neighbors and watch the sunset over the lake.

Currently, I am in San Diego. I have already been to a few appointments and visited with friends. It is nice to be back on familiar terrain. I am able to see what has changed in the last nine months. I know where to find my favorite Coffeehouses. The one thing I like about San Diego is camping on Mission Bay. Even though I am in a large city, I still have easy access to biking trails and the boat launch is only a short distance from my campsite. Well, that is convenient.

My winter plans are taking shape. I always know to expect the unexpected. I remember to breathe my way through my appointments and wait to find out the results of tests. There is a part of me that feels I have to wait to make plans until all the medical and dental appointments are complete and the results are in. Sometimes I get thrown a curve. I wait.

Today I am thankful for so many wonderful friends. Today I am thankful for my soft adventures. Today I am thankful for my health. I am truly thankful for a good first dental appointment. Today I am thankful for rain-it is raining in San Diego. (not a frequent occurence)

Today I am thankful.

Another Year

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Fall represents a time of coming in. The harvests are in and hopefully, people are celebrating a bounty. The daylight hours shorten. It is a time of coming in, physically inside, inside the heart, inside the mind.

When October arrives I begin to brace myself for the journey through Jim’s birthday, October tenth. Jim (my husband) died in October 2012. The day before his birthday was his last hospital admission. Then my birthday arrives, October sixteenth. October seventeenth in the early evening hours, my husband of twenty-one years died. On November seventeenth we took his ashes to sea on a glorious San Diego morning.

Each year I wonder what this period of time will look like. Will I want to be with others? Will I want to be alone? Will I celebrate my birthday? It took me two years after his death to celebrate my sixtieth birthday. Will I be sad or grateful for this time in my life?

This year I found myself wanting to be alone and settle with my heart. It was a quiet day on Whidbey Island, where I was house sitting. I decided I really did not want to take phone calls. I was in a good and quiet place and I wanted to savor that time and the contentment I felt.

I still have a small amount of Jim’s ashes, ready to be given to the Rocky Mountains, when I get there. Three weeks before my house sitting gig was finished on Whidbey Island, I took two teaspoons of the ashes to Callahan Firehouse Glass in the town of Langley and had a memorial pendant made. I did not want a pendant for my neck, I wanted something larger so he could ride on the mirror in my rig. I gave them my order and told the artist to be creative.

Just before I left Langley I picked up the pendant. The woman who creates this artwork was at the store to give me the pendant. She told me that she does ceremonies around each pendant she creates. She spoke with Jim while blowing the glass. And remembered the stories I had told to the woman who had taken my order.

The pendant is beautiful. The blues in it match his eyes(light blue) and his Modern Morgan Kilt(darker blue). The white that sparkles through are his ashes. Now Jim gets to see my world. When the sun hits it just right there is a diamond flare of light that hits the bottom or top of the glass. I think it is Jim winking at me.

This feels like another step in the continuation of moving forward and embracing my life. This year there was a settling in, a feeling of comfort within myself that has not been there since he left.

And, speaking of Jim…Today is Giving Tuesday. When Jim died, with the help of Grossmont College where he worked most of his adult life, I created a scholarship in his name, the Jim Fenningham Memorial Scholarship. These scholarships help students afford to attend college and create careers for themselves. I have met a few of the students and each semester the college sends me a letter that the student who was awarded the scholarship writes. When I read these essays it gives me hope for the future no matter what the age of the student

If you would like to donate to Jim’s Scholarship today or any time please do so. Here is the link to the Change Makers site. Change Makers are students that achieve if supported. If you donate today the scholarship will receive double the amount of your donation. I already did my yearly donation earlier in the day. In the memo section type in Jim Fenningham Memorial Scholarship so that the donation will be directed to the appropriate area. It is a good time to donate. Remember that tax season is right around the corner.

I am feeling grateful for another year. I am glad that I allow myself to adventure into my feelings, good or bad. Each year I see my own growth and am thankful. I am thankful for the time I had with Jim. I am thankful that I am still here and growing. Today is a good day.

Going Solo, Well Not Really

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An Idaho Summer

Just before I arrived in Idaho this summer I had a text conversation with Linda, who has opened her and her husband’s second home to me. She was concerned about me coming to Idaho. Covid-19 was on  upsurge in the state and she was concerned. Linda’s statement to me was she wasn’t sure I would have allies up here. I told her as a single or solo person I can’t rely on having any allies.

Guess who was wrong? Me. A week after I arrived in Idaho I got sick. I had a sore throat, it was really sore. After spending a weekend self-treating I decided a visit to the clinic associated with St Lukes Hospital was in hand. I was apprehensive. I worried that I had Covid-19. I was worried that I could have infected others. I was worried that things could get worse. I was disappointed in myself that I had exposed myself to this ugly virus. I was feeling alone.

I had a car appointment. I wore a mask and never got out of my car. The NP who saw me was gowned, gloved, and masked. My whole visit was conducted without moving from the driver’s seat. My heart rate was a little high and I received the lecture about drinking enough water at elevation. My throat was red and sore.

I was tested for strep which was negative and then for Covid-19. I was told I should self isolate until the results came back. Three days later the results were in and I was negative for the coronavirus. Yes!!! I am happy to report I am back in full working order and what was a scary moment in time is now in the past.

My friends came to the rescue. I notified Linda that this was happening. She immediately texted me and told me to hang tight. Over the next few days until the results came in we texted back and forth. Her support was a comfort to me and made me realize I am not alone. My sister, Ginny, was in touch and anxiously waiting for the results with me. Friends in Oregon, Mary, and Wanda, awaited the news and supported me via social media. Hmmm, I was not alone. I have allies.

Kayaking the North Fork of the Payette River

This event has made me realize I am never alone, not really. I have friends and allies all over the country and world who continue to love and support me and encourage me when I feel the most vulnerable and worn down. I have friends who support and celebrate with me when life is on an upswing. I have friends who make me realize I am not alone. I may be solo and adventuring out on my own but I carry all these people with me, in my everyday life. They are only a phone call away.

This summer I am up in the mountains. I am safe. I am biking, kayaking, hiking and taking plenty of photos. I am social distancing and wearing a mask. I am taking care of myself as best I can. And I am not doing it alone. I have allies.

Today I am thankful for my immediate family and my family of friends who love and support me, no matter what.

Changing My State of Mind-Feeling Grateful

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This morning I woke up feeling a bit sorry for myself. I miss Elsie, I miss Jim, I miss having a permanent home (sometimes-Oh wait isn’t my RV a permanent home?), I miss, I miss, I miss. Isn’t that a pleasant way to wake up? Not!

Once I climbed out of bed I decided I was going to look around me and find things I am grateful for. It is way past time to walk away from the “oh woe is me” thinking. After doing this, the sorries are gone and I am back on track, ready to take on another day.

What did I see that made me grateful and happy, if not, content?

I live in a pretty amazing small space. When I am cold I can turn on the heat. I am warm and dry and comfortable. I have a very comfortable bed, one I have been creating for as long as I have been fulltiming, to make it just this comfortable. It is hard to get out of comfort in the morning. This is a complete home, minus the cat, that fills my needs just as much as if I had a permanent spot on the map. I am so grateful for this little home on wheels.

Recently friends of mine, Helen & David, told me that the latest research shows that coffee may be good for a person. When I left their home in Nebraska this past fall I left with a filter, coffee filters, coffee, and a scoop. About once a week I indulge myself in a rather weak yet good cup of joe. Every time I pull out the filters and coffee I immediately think of my friends. It reminds me of how loved I am by them and so many others. Funny how just getting out the makings for a routine cup of coffee can remind me of such good friends and make me grateful.

Zentangles

I look at the front of the cabinets and there are small Zentangles that were drawn by a very long-time friend of mine. It reminds me of how the two of us have gone through so many changes in our friendship of close to thirty years and we still endure. I am glad I have Nancy to go to when I need an in-depth and hopefully honest conversation. We have helped each other over the years. Again I am reminded of friends near and far who love and support me, even when I am not at my best

Last night I had another potential Elsie sighting. I am so grateful to the people on the Santee Nextdoor App. More than likely this will not be Elsie, the description is wrong, yet I am so grateful for all these unknown people out there who have been supporting me through this hard process of trying to locate my lost kitty. They have been amazing and I will remain grateful for this community for the rest of my life. You might want to check out Nextdoor and become active in a different way, in your community.

I take for granted that I have clothes on my back and when they get dirty I have the money to go to the local laundromat to wash them. There are people who struggle to have one pair of shoes. As I look toward my sleeping area I see two pairs of shoes there. Today I am grateful I can have my pick of shoes and clothes and food and well just about everything else that makes my life a bit easier.

Have you ever noticed how unique and incredible the people around you can be? When I get up in the morning I usually check my emails, and then social media. It is not unusual to read a little of people’s lives on Facebook in the morning. I know that most of the time we present the better side of ourselves to the world, but, what amazing people I know. One couple is very involved with the San Diego Maritime Museum. They are always doing the coolest things with the ships that are a part of the museum. Their interest in the museum has even led James to a part-time job working for Scripps Institute of Oceanography, helping to captain their research vessel. How cool is that? Pretty darn cool, I think.

Others travel and learn. I have had friends who have hiked the Camino de Santiago. The Camino de Santiago (the Way of St. James) is a large network of ancient pilgrim routes stretching across Europe and coming together at the tomb of St. James in Santiago de Compostela in north-west Spain. I follow them with interest and a bit of desire and take pride in knowing them and sharing, even vicariously, in their achievement.

Ginny

My family is becoming more and more important as I have grown older, not old. I love the moments when I talk with my sister, Ginny, on the phone. We don’t often talk of anything important, though sometimes we do, it is the talking and sharing that is important. I follow my other sister and nieces through Photo Sharing and Facebook. I can share their joys and sorrows, if not directly through all these forms of media that keep us connected across the miles. My one niece is expecting a new baby in March. Yes, I am excited, although an absentee Aunt.

Everyone continues to teach me about love, acceptance, being human and more. I have friends who stand by me through thick and thin. Others, thank you Cynthia, teach me new and old forgotten skills such as crocheting. It is not just the skill that is important, it is the gathering and conversation and sharing that is. Each friendship expands my world and teaches me value.

And lastly, there is Elsie the wandering kitty. I had fourteen years of her company. Her toys are still out and her blanket is still on the front seat. She may come back and she may not. I have been slowly working my way towards acceptance of the latter part of that statement. I am grateful for every moment I had with that little darling kitty. She taught me a lot and was quite the reluctant social butterfly. Because of her, I have met so many people in the Roadtrek and RV world. People have become my friends and I am grateful she was my introduction to some of them. Not everyone came to my rig to meet me, but because of her presence, I have met kind and wonderful people.

Now I am feeling stronger and better. Being grateful is always a good thing. Some days, like today, I need to start out small and look about me, be thankful and get myself back on track.

The wind has died down and it is time to get on that bike and ride.

I wish all of you a very Happy New Year. May it be filled with adventure and gratitude. See you next year.

 

 

 

Learning to be Alone

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It has been over two weeks since Miss Elsie the Cat took a walk. I try to remain hopeful. It is hard to do.

Since before Jim died over seven years ago, Elsie was a part of our life. She arrived as a wee kitty that could fit into the palm of one hand. She snuck her way into our hearts. She liked me and adored Jim. After Jim died, Elsie waited for five months before she decided that I was up to be part of the primary team.

Elsie was a remaining connection to Jim and my life together. The first week after she disappeared, I felt like I dove deep into grief again, similar to after Jim initially died. Grief for the loss of Miss Elsie. Grief for the loss of Jim. Grief for the loss of our life together. This kind of grief is not a good place to stay. I have been using my resources, friends and more to get me back out of that spot. It is OK to visit. It is not OK to stay long.

I am learning how to be alone. When Jim died, Elsie the cat was still with me and I could rely on her for good purry company. I love her companionship. I love how she would talk to me and look at me with those adoring eyes. Now that she is on an adventure, wherever that may-be, I need to learn to be alone. After having some type of companionship for close to thirty years, it is not an easy lesson to learn. I thought it would be easy, yet I find it difficult. I have been talking to her and Jim in absentia a lot lately.

How do I learn to be comfortable being alone? That is a loaded question and the answers are not clear as they seem to change by the minute, hour and day. It is hard to figure out the alone part when I dive into moments of sadness. I come back out and things look a little brighter and then, poof, there is another one that pops up. Sigh.

I am not looking forward to Thanksgiving or Christmas. They are holidays of celebration, joy, and fun. Being single and alone is not always fun. I decided this past week to stretch myself and ask for help. Well, actually it is asking to be included. Today I decided to ask my San Diego friends to think about including me in their holiday fun. I sent out an email to a few close friends asking them to consider including me, if not for the event, maybe for a walk or a few hours of their time. Now I want to extend that to the broader San Diego Community. I promise not to be maudlin or sad. If anything I think I will be joyous, just to be around others and enjoying the companionship and fun.

I know I could volunteer, yet this year it feels like I want to be included with those I love or those who love me or both. All you local San Diegans, if I did not email you and you want to respond to my plea of inclusion, it would be welcomed with open arms and an open heart.

I am grateful for my friends and family today. I am grateful for all those people out there in the cyberworld who are helping me look for a lost kitty. I am thankful for my time with Miss Elsie the Cat.

I remain optimistically hopeful.

 

 

Surgery Complete-Recovery Mode in Full Swing

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The New Kaiser Hospital

Surgery is done. I am in recovery mode at the moment and feeling very thankful and grateful to my friends who are helping me and Miss Elsie the Cat.

Here are a few things I have learned. Because I had a similar surgery done last April, no two surgeries are alike. Removing half a thyroid is different than removing the other half. When one has half a thyroid left there are certain things that one doesn’t have to be as concerned about.

A few logistics are needed here. I won’t detail it too much as I prefer none of you to get funny or pass out.  There are these little glands, four of them that sit on or next to the thyroid, known as the parathyroids. They control calcium in our bodies. Most of us know that calcium is important to our bone growth. Did you know that calcium is important to muscles as well? Those little parathyroids sometimes like to go into shock when they are manipulated or handled. It can cause a dip, sometimes a big dip in the calcium and our heart may not work so well if that happens.

Why is this important? I ended up spending the night in the hospital post-surgery so that my calcium level could be monitored, just in case. Everything went well and I was discharged the following morning. I was surprised to find out I would be staying. Cynthia, my major support person was surprised as well.

An example of the rooms in the new hospital.

In view of the larger picture, this was just a small blip. If I had to stay in a hospital for the night I could not have been in a better place. The Kaiser hospital in San Diego is brand new. On the floor where I stayed, every room was private. Cool. When they wheeled me in I discovered a beautiful view of Mission Trails Regional Park and Miramar- the Marine base. There was the hugest TV I have ever seen hanging on the wall in front of the bed. I could watch TV, I could watch movies, I could surf the internet, I could watch videos about my health. I could even order my meals, all on that screen.

Remember that I live in about a 200 square foot space so this room and all the amenities were amazing. Drawn behind the TV screen was a picture of the Santa Rosa Mountains in the Anza Borrego State Park. I love the desert, so it was nice to see a view I know well and love.

Beyond all the amenities was the staff. The nurses, aides, and student nurses were amazing and kind and generous with their time. They let me sleep through the night. Yes!!!! Everyone cared for me well and lovingly. I was in good hands with people who appeared to love their job and cared about me.

Now I am back at Cynthia’s and Ward’s, recovering, being fed and loved. Today I am achy and sore, tomorrow I am sure I will be better. It is hard to be patient and allow myself the downtime to recover. Usually, the body wins out and off I go to take a nap.

Miss Elsie, meanwhile is hanging out with Nancy a long and good time friend, who Elise has always liked. I am sure she is getting loved and cared for. I hope Nancy is enjoying her company as well. Elsie can be Miss Personality when she chooses.

So, there is an update. I am still alive and working on thriving again. I will know the biopsy results in about ten working days. My main job currently is to rest and recover and enjoy the attention.

Thank you, all of you for your support and caring and loving thoughts as I worried my way into and out of surgery. Today I am thankful for every single one of you, known and unknown who encourage me and support me through my life.

Yes, I am still breathing.