Morning on the Lake

I was not planning to post again this soon. Today I found out that friends of mine have lost their 19 year old son in a car accident. It immediately struck a deep chord within me. I do and do not know their feelings. This moment in their lives will be full of so many feelings. This I do know. I also know that no parent should have to lose their child. There is something not right in this and yet it happens. If you can think a little bit of Tim and Sandy today and in the weeks ahead. They may not know you but energetically all those loving thoughts will hold them up and support them. This I do know.

Jim & Janet, English Country Dancing

I want to tell you about my husband Jim. A major part of the reason I am on this journey is due to his and my struggles over the past years and I want you to know him, just a little. I met Jim dancing. We are folk dancers and when I first saw him on the dance floor I noticed his marvelous blue eyes right away. I also noticed he stood tall and straight and boy could he balance & swing. After dances on Friday nights a group of us would go to the City Deli for coffee and goodies. Jim always sat next to me and although we had conversations none of them were ever finished.

Fast forward a year. I was getting ready to join the Traveling Nurse Corp and was packing up my apartment to move. It had been hot and I had been walking the beach most evenings. One night with the help of his former girlfriend, Leslie, I phoned him and invited him to walk the beach with me. Within a half hour he was at my door and we went walking. I remember him riding the roller coaster even though he was afraid of them.

I moved out to Albuquerque as a traveling nurse. Within two weeks this man was at my door. We started a long distance relationship. It was so much fun to have someone to explore with. It was so much fun to discover who I was becoming through another person’s eyes. At the end of 3 months Jim wanted me to move back to San Diego and in with him. I did not feel ready. I went up to the mountains and meditated and thought. One day, I know it sounds totally weird, I heard a voice tell me that Jim and this relationship would be one of the most challenging and yet rewarding experiences of my life. I came off the mountain and called him and told him I was coming home at the end of the month.

February 4, 1991 I moved into some of the best moments of my life. Jim and I had a very unique and special relationship. We were connected in a way that I never thought would happen to me or anyone else. We fit so easily together. We both loved to travel and challenge ourselves. Even though we both knew there was a specialness to the relationship it was through others that it was acknowledged. Deana, our realtor and friend has said more than once she has never seen two people talk and communicate with such honesty and openness. I think we often did this because we were so concerned about hurting each other. There are many levels to a relationship and I really thrived with Jim. It is not saying we did not have moments when we argued but they were few a far between and neither of us would let that moment go without sorting it out.

Here are some of my remembered qualities of this wonderfully eclectic man.

• Jim was a very eclectic and intelligent man. He was an avid reader and was able to process and retain knowledge and then use it to help others.
  

  The Reader

• As a counselor and a Dean of Counseling he often had to make difficult and not always favorable decisions. Even though people who worked for him might get mad at the decisions he made, they never did not like him.
• He was so well respected at Grossmont College where he worked for 24 years.
• He was a good friend and valued his friendships above all else.
• Jim loved to read and had a natural curiosity about life and all that was in it.
• He loved to go to the movies with his buddies and watch the thin in plot, big in special effects movies.
• He was kind and caring with all people and animals.
• He loved a good or bad joke. I have to admit I never fully understood his humor. It didn’t matter and I laughed anyway.
• He was very athletic. He ran with ease. One of his friends, Henry, said that Jim never trained for the races they ran and yet Henry never once outran him in a race. The last race they did Henry thought he would finally finish before Jim. A mile or so before the finish here came Jim loping by him to the finish. Henry trained, Jim rarely did.
• Jim loved to bike, kayak, hike and any other physical exercise.
  

  Hiking in San Diego County

• He encouraged me in so many ways, with my art work, with my dancing, and was behind me all the way when I chose to leave nursing and find a new profession.
• I liked that he would be able to put on his “counseling hat” when I needed advice.
• Like I said in an earlier post, when approached with an issue he would take the time to think about it, consider the options, pick the one he felt was most right, act on it and complete whatever the project was.
• He was an introvert. He loved people but needed time away.
• Because he knew he was an introvert he chose to go into the theater and challenge himself to meet people and become more. He was part of a Mime Theater Group in San Francisco and also acted with other companies in the LA area. He had often mentioned that he might like to do this again in retirement. Sigh
• He was afraid of heights. To challenge this, when he turned 50, he went to Circus School in the “Haight” and went out on the Flying Trapeze. I laid on the ground and took photos. Not only did he go out on the trapeze, 25 feet up, he was caught by a professional and swung to another trapeze. He liked it so much he went to a trapeze school nearer home and did this twice more.
• his mother once told him he was arrogant. We laughed about this but there were times he was.
• there were moments of stubbornness.
• He loved to make things. We built two doll houses and  2-16 foot kayaks.
• He worked with stain glass.
• He brewed Beer and as far as he was concerned, there was nothing better than a good dark stout.
• Jim was fascinated by magic. He never wanted to know how it was done. He liked the mystery of it all.
• He loved anything to do with space. Twice Jim attended Space Camp for adults in Alabama.
• He was in awe of the sky.  I learned so much about the stars from him. We would go to the desert and camp and see some pretty amazing things in the sky.
• We climbed an old growth Douglas Fir and slept 25o feet off the ground.
• He was a dancer. He practiced ballet, tap and jazz for many years. After I met him we bacame very involved in the Scottish Country Dance group. He looked so fine in a kilt. LOL
  

  Scottish Ball Catalina Island

• Jim loved cars. He had a 2000 BMW Z3 that he more than loved. Not only did he take very fine care of it he also read and knew about this car. He loved to detail it. My car was also the recipient of his detailing love.
• He liked to watch The Simpsons and Star Trek.
• He built jet and helicopter models. Nine of these models are on display at the Annex to the San Diego Air & Space Museum.
• If he did not know something he would research it and learn as much as he could about it.
• He did yoga until the day he died. The last week of his life when he was in the hospital I helped him do yoga every night before he went to sleep.
• I always thought he was comfortable in his soul. For me he was spirit.
• He was a cat lover.
• Jim loved people and he brought the best out in everyone.
• I personally know that this man walked this world with grace. There were very few who did not like him and respect him.    I loved him.

WHAT ARE YOUR MEMORIES OF JIM?

Ready to Fly with Baja AirVentures

Kayaking on the Hudson River

Newly Shaved Head

I very carefully backed out of the car port Saturday morning, picked up my blocks and headed out. I am now on the road north. Last night I camped somewhere in Virginia. I am not totally sure of where I was and that was just fine with me.

Janet, Brittany, Tripp

Before I left NC I had an extra special treat. I met up with my niece, Brittany and her husband, Tripp. We met at a Presbyterian Meeting town or camp called Montreat. Britt used to attend before she went to college and then began to work there. I have heard of this area for years and it was so lovely. We did a hike, with stairs (I hate stairs) to a lookout sits of the surrounding area. Yes Zoe, I got a vista. What was most delightful was that I got to spend time with these 2 wonderful young people. It was a very good morning.

Vanderbilt Estate, NC

Virginia Countryside

After wandering around the town of Black Mountain I started the drive north and east. Last night I camped in the wilderness and I loved the quiet. I appreciate the moments in between visits. It allows me to regroup and get ready for the next act of gratitude. It is not always easy to be so up front with my feelings. Yet I love the fact they are so close to the surface. The regrouping time is important and I am thankful for that as well.

Nancy

Nancy, another San Diegan, has been my friend since I moved to San Diego. We have had wonderful times together and some rough ones as well. Our friendship has endured through it all. Friendships do not always need to be easy but the good ones endure and ours has. We have known each other for 28+ years.  That is a long time. She has been my hiking buddy, a good travel companion and a confidant. Jim was an introvert and he did not always feel comfortable around all people. He always felt comfortable around Nancy and I appreciate knowing that. Even though her life is often busy she has always found time for me, a phone call, a quick visit and sometimes just e-mail. Even better, is that Elsie, the cat has always liked her. She often runs and hides from guests but not Nancy. Elsie thinks she is better than OK and so do I. So thank you Nancy for being there and being so supportive to both Jim and myself. I look forward to more adventurous times with you. (I know you are reading this blog).

Right now I am in Charlottesville, VA, home to our third president Thomas Jefferson. he was certainly quite the man. I have been to Monticello numerous times and have been always so impressed about what an intellectually eclectic man he was. This is beautiful country, rolling hills and farms.

I am on my way to the small town of North Beach, MD to visit a friend I have known since high school, Joy. It is going to be nice to be back along the salt water coast.

This  morning I am thankful for the couple who took time out of celebrating their anniversary to helped me put my cute little RT on blocks last night so I could have an even and balanced night in my RT.

Janet & Jim on a very chilly morning in Yellowstone National Park.

There was once a woman (me) who decided to change up her life. Due to circumstances beyond her control, change came whether she was ready or not.

She went out and bought herself a small, very cute Roadtrek Agile SS RV, packed it up and took off to see the country. She wanted to meet up with friends near and far and and get lots of hugs. She really wanted to thank all these people for their support and kindness they had given to her over the past challenging three years.

Waiting for Janet, Gloss Mts, Ok

She traveled to Arizona and Colorado renewing friendships and seeing the sights. This woman found that she really liked living in her cool little RV. She traveled and camped through Oklahoma, Arkansas and Mississippi learning more and more each day about camping and sleeping and making her RV work. She took time to explore and learn new things, remembering to get out and stretch frequently. It was fun to see all these places she had never seen before. She was happy most of the time.

Snuggled In

After visiting family in Florida and a good friend in the “Peach State” of  Georgia she arrived in Hendersonville, North Carolina. Very good friends awaited her arrival and were so excited when she finally knocked on their door.  But…what to do with that cute little RV?  First they tried Kay’s house but the carport was too short.  Oh no, what were they to do?  They drove the cute little RV over to Zoe’s and they drove it very carefully, with a little shouting and encouragement into the carport. It went in easily.  Wait a minute it was not level. Out came the blocks. They were placed under the tires on the right side. With a very slow drive forward and Zoe’s good directions the RT was balanced and even, with an inch of room to spare.  One inch.

Now the neighbors saw this and were amazed.  How did they ever get this cute little RV in there, they wondered.  And the cute Roadtrek became the talk of the neighborhood.

A Closer Look

Janet & the Atlantic

On Monday I made it to the east coast and the Atlantic Ocean. The last day was a long drive. It was good to see sister and her husband’s new home.

There are several journeys that I am undertaking all combined into one RV experience. My sister, Ruth and I have not really been close or known each other in years and we have not always gotten along well. I was hesitant regarding this visit to her and she (as I found out) was tentative about it as well. We really have had little communication with each other for several years. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer our silence was broken and we started to e-mail each other occasionally. With Jim’s diagnosis we picked up communications a bit more. I know she loved and supported both of us over the past 3 plus years through thoughts and prayers. What is this journey about with Ruth, you may wonder?

There were different parts to this visit and each one was good. I spent 3 nights with them. Ruth and I  really spoke to each other for the first time in may years. And yes, Virginia (my oldest sister) we did get along beautifully. I had the opportunity to thank her for her support and caring. I feel like this was a first step into a reconnection at a new level of understanding. This will need to be a slow and steady process forward. One baby step at a time. It was a very good visit.

Joe & Janet

The other part of this visit that I enjoyed was getting to know Ruth’s husband, Joe, of 30+ years. In all the years they have been married I have had rare opportunities to speak with him. We spent a greater part of a day together and I really enjoyed his company. Joe took me on a tour of the Culinary Arts program he started at Northern Florida State College. We walked on the beach and we talked. I hope he knows how much this time meant to me. Through him I know a little more about my sister.

Ruth  and I explored Fernadina Beach and Amelia Island. We found this rather unique house shaped like a boat and they had created a religious sanctuary in the yard. There was even a small chapel. We wandered through downtown on Amelia Island and went shopping. Even I, not the most excited shopper came away with a few new clothes. They certainly were better for dealing with the continuing heat and humidity.

The Sanctuary

Shark!!!

My HP laptop crashed so I am down to my I-pad and will probably go shopping for a new laptop, somewhere on this journey. Thank you, Adrian and Brian for you input on this subject. This was a laptop that was a year old and it was Jim’s. I still find it hard when I see or feel a little bit of him slip away. I remind myself they are only objects, yet they represent Jim, too. I find myself amazed that grief is still around. I guess I just expected to get over it but am finding it is an on going process. I am still working my way through this. I continue to feel vulnerable and loved and strong,  all at the same time. Sigh.

I am in Warner Robbins, GA at the moment. Today I am thankful for my family and all my friends. I am thankful, also for another chance with Ruth. Today I am just thankful.

Billy the dog – Ruth, Janet, Joe

Arkansas Capitol

I did it. Yep, I finally made it to the other side of the country. I arrived at my sister’s in Fernadina Beach, FL, on Monday evening. I am glad I am traveling with my I-pad and and a laptop. My laptop crashed and is now at the computer doctors. My I-pad is my best friend at the moment.

I spent a lovely evening in a state campground in Arkansas. It was hot and humid and covered with trees. Due to a misreading of the map I took a 5 mile hike instead. this trail is part of the Arkansas River hike and bike trail system.  It included an overlook of the Arkansas river.

Heifer International

Sunday morning I visited Little Rock. it was a lovely morning along the Arkansas river. Why is it that every state proudly declares that their capitol was designed to look like the US capitol?  I am not being critical but every state I have been to makes this same statement. Did you know that Little Rock is the home of Heifer International? This organization raises money for poor people around the world. You can buy a heifer for a family for Christmas. The building is totally green and architecturally beautiful. this was in the William F Clinton Presidential Library Complex.

In the afternoon I drove through southern AK and then into Mississippi. Here is what I know of this area. It is flat! There are miles of corn, okra and cotton. There are not too many people and there a lot of bugs, everywhere. Every day I clean the front end of my RT, get rid of all the bug juice just to start all over again the next day.

A list of things that remind me I am no longer in southern CA

• Really hot. Really humid.
• Armadillo road kill.
• Prisoners working along the roadside in striped prison clothes.
• Have I mentioned the heat?
• Where did all these trees come from? And, why is it so green?
• Vegetable stands that advertise okra.
• I get out of my RT and my glasses steam up.
• And have I mentioned the heat?

Another San Diego Friend:  Phyllis and I have been friends for many years. We worked together as nurses at  Children’s Hospital in San Diego. I am not sure how our friendship developed, it has been so long. What Ido know is that since my diagnosis of breast cancer and on into the present, Phyllis has unconditionally been there for me. The day I was diagnosed with breast cancer, Phyllis was there. When Jim was admitted to the hospital, she came to sit in the ER with us at mid-night. All I have ever had to do is call her and she is there. We walk together each week. She is a good confidant for me. I am very thankful to have such a friend in my life.

Janet &the Presidential Library in the Background

Comanche Grasslands

After a tire check in Guymon, OK, I departed across the Oklahoma pan-handle and ended last night near Oklahoma City. I have spent the last two days riding in the wind.  The country in eastern CO and western OK is flat with views that go on forever. As I drove through the National Comanche Grasslands I saw many abandoned adobe homes in many states of disintegration.  There is actually a driving tour you can do of these homesteads. These adobes represented the original homesteads of the people who were part of the Great Land Grab. I have read diaries of women who lived here. The loneliness was profound and the wind often drove them insane. I can imagine that after seeing these homes. It was beautiful country but the wind never stopped and neighbors were far a few between.  This open expanse made me think about the word vulnerable. I would describe my heart and emotions as vulnerable over the past year. I find I wear my heart on my sleeve. I feel what I feel when I feel it. I can laugh, cry, feel saddness and more any time I want to and it is OK. What I have found is that in this time of vulnerability many people have come forward to love me and help me. If I was protecting my heart this might not happen. I have had strangers on this trip help me with my RV and everything else. I have met wonderful strangers who have given of themselves because I have allowed them in, if only for a moment. This has been a good reminder to me to keep my heart open. I never know what might happen. I expect only good.

Gloss or “Glass” Mountain view

Yesterday afternoon I drove into the most beautiful red butte country. I stopped and did a hike up to the top of Gloss Mt. The Gloss Mountains have a high Selenite content that mimics a shiny glass exterior.The hike was a little over a mile and once I got to the mesa it was a beautiful casual hike to the end.  The Views continue to stretch forever. I met a lizard along the way but no other wildlife. Definitely a good stop for this road weary warrior.

Jim, Peru

I have a favorite photo of Jim on my dashboard. I look at that photo often as I drive. Yesterday I kept looking at how healthy he looked when I took this photo a year ago in May, while we were traveling in Peru. It is hard to figure out what happened that he died less than 6 months later. I don’t feel sad or angry or anything except amazed that this could happen to such a healthy man. I still wonder where he went. I ask myself, how did this happen? There are no answers. He was a such a part of my life for 21 years and then one day he was gone. I have memories and photos but I will never here his voice again or feel his touch and that I miss. Now I wander hoping to figure out what is next.Last night I took my first shower in my RT. I went to the bathroom at the campgrounds saw a scorpion on the floor and decided it was time to try out my shower. It worked well and there were no scorpions  in my shower.  They are some ugly looking creatures And that one made me nervous.

Lastly, for those of you who would like to know, my friend, Sharon is out of the hospital and doing well. Still feeling very thankful for her.

When I was in my early 30’s I was having a bit of a hard time with life. I ended up living in a small wood cabin in a trailer park near Pagosa Springs Colorado. My bed was a single bed that the manager of the park loaned me. I had no heat in this cabin. The bathrooms were a walk away. I had a pool table in the middle of the cabin. I had a job waiting tables at the Chimney Rock Restaurant. I waited tables, tended bar, pumped gas, took care of the small store and checked in people at the campground. The first morning that I lived there I had gone to the showers and when I returned there was a hot plate and 2 pots of flowers on my step. Later in the day I met Judy & Fred and their 2 girls. They quickly adopted me and I became part of their family. They loved me and supported me and never once asked what was wrong. Judy taught me about horses and I was soon riding in the high mountains with her and her daughters. They kept me busy and loved me. We have been friends ever since.  I have spent the last 2 nights with them in Alamosa, CO. They are still loving me and supporting me. I am thankful for their ongoing friendship every day.

View from Fred & Judy’s

This morning I left Judy’s & Fred’s home in Alamosa. I have spent the last 2 nights with them. The Alamosa Valley is amazing in it’s diversity. Yesterday we traveled to Great Sand Dunes National Monument and Preserve. These dunes are amazing and the area around it is too. We climbed on the dunes that are formed by wind and water. They range up to 700 feet high and their backdrop is the Sangre de Cristo Mountains.  I learned a new term while we were there, “The Surge”. Because the streams carry so much sand in the water ripples of sand form under the water and then break. The water then surges down stream. It was really cool.

About 10 minutes later we drove to over 8,000 feet and hiked into Zapata Falls. The most fun part about these falls, to see them we had to hike in very cold water into a slot canyon. I love being able to shake my normal life off, if even for a few minutes and do something a bit out of the norm. Even though my feet were chilly, I loved every minute of it. What makes this valley so diverse is that it is the highest desert in the U.S., yet it has wetlands, dunes and Mountains that rise to over 14,000 feet. And…it has my wonderful friends, Fred and Judy living there.

Sand Dunes

This morning I departed and drove through the Trail of Legends and right now am taking a break in Trinidad, CO before I head to Oklahoma. I am making my way east. Sweet.

I have become part of clubs or groups that have either worked out for me or not. I have also joined groups that I did not want to join, such as the breast cancer survivors, or the widowed. I have now become part of another group. I am now part of the small RV, Roadtrek group. I love it when I see another RT on highway. Lights flash, we wave frantically and then go on our way. It is fun. The people on the Roadtrek facebook page have been terrific in answering my questions and following along on this journey. I like this group. I continue to feel loved and supported by so many people. Some I know and some I don’t and they all still fall into that category of friends.

Janet in the Dunes

Janet, Judy, Fred

Zapata Falls